[KHR] An Adult Show
... I nearly killed myself laughing while writing this one! It had me in stitches. Do try imagining the adult Gokudera's appearance with that expression and body language... It's scary and hilarious... (Oh yeah, Uri is in this one too.)
Disclaimer: Don't own KHR! I own... my brain...? No, I don't quite own it either.. I think...
Warning: Well, I am writing about the characters as adults, aren't I?
Note: The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.
An Adult Show
Written: Saturday, May 31, 2008, 10:18:25 PM
Edited: Wednesday, July 08, 2008, 08:27:44 PM
Updated: Wednesday, September 03, 2008, 07:16:50 PM
STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 002
Time: 07:24:23 PM
Location: A Vongola Satellite Mansion, Japan
Note: Vongola Style Birthday Party- Entertainment Contest
Archive Summary: Vongola Tenth Boss' 24th Birthday Party Conducted in the Vongola Famiglia Tradition
Archive File Status: Downloading 78.27898709 percent complete...
BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 002
Gokudera's hair was still being grown long... but it still stuck up in unruly, upturned, curling spikes in odd places on his head.
One could almost be fooled into thinking that some evil supernatural force was making his hair float in all directions and his loose shirt and unbuttoned suit jacket flap unnaturally. (Actually it was just a light evening breeze blowing upwards, but he had to admit... the effect was eerie).
At the moment, Yamamoto couldn't help but compare two rather pointed spikes of hair on either side of Gokudera's head to horns.
No, not like Lambo's horns; oh, no... Lambo's horns are similar to that of a bull's.
In Yamamoto's perspective, Gokudera's two rather spiky locks of hair looked very much like the horns of a demon. The kind you'd find in one of those Renaissance paintings or gargoyle statues on top of one of those old European churches.
Yamamoto shivered unintentionally.
It also didn't help that Gokudera's facial expression at the moment looked quite diabolically evil as well... Yamamoto thought he could see the red color of Gokudera's Storm wave energy dominating the usually piercing light green eyes.
Oh, yeah...
And he was grinning quite maniacally too.
Yamamoto wondered if he should break out the holy water, a cross and garlic.
Heck, why not a full exorcism kit?
Was it just him or were Gokudera's contributions to events like these becoming more and more psychologically traumatizing and increasingly violent with every passing year?
Yamamoto wondered just what Tsuna thought of this.
Knowing him, he'd probably have Lambo, I- Pin and Fuuta back inside the mansion to protect whatever was left of their innocence (if there was still some left) from his Right- hand man.
"Take it off, Yamamoto." Gokudera ordered, displaying all of his teeth with his menacing grin.
Shiiiit... Fuck, those are some really white teeth for somebody who smokes almost an average of three to five cigarettes a day.
Or maybe Gokudera doesn't really smoke at all... He's never seen him take a drag out of the cancer stick... or a least he doesn't remember the last time he's seen Gokudera actually take a drag in front of him. Most of the time, Gokudera's just biting the cigarette or holding it in his mouth like it's a ready fuse lighter... Which it most likely is...) Yamamoto thought he heard him chuckling 'kufufufu' before he said it. Then he also wondered if he had been possessed by the Vongola's Guardian of Mist at some point before going up the stage. (Tsuna may have mentioned Mukuro had possessed Gokudera before but that was a long time ago. Besides, Yamamoto couldn't figure out what kind of a grudge Mukuro could possibly have against him.)
"Uh... I'd rather keep it on, thanks..." Yamamoto said, trying to keep his nervousness out of his voice.
Seriously, if Gokudera is going to keep looking like that, Yamamoto is going to wet his pants.
'How is this supposed to be entertainment?' Yamamoto wanted to ask. He had noticed that some members of the audience were looking rather nervously at what Gokudera was planning to do with him.
"Alright, it makes no difference." Gokudera grinned even wider (if that was still possible) and proceeded to push him into a cage... lined with dynamite.
Every single fucking bar of it was fucking lined with fucking dynamite.Hell, Gokudera may as well have built the entire fucking cage out of dynamite...
"Hahiii..." Yamamoto heard Haru squeak from among the members of the audience. Even Tsuna looked a little worried.
The little guy, Reborn, however looked very interested... As were some members of the Varia who, for some unfathomable reason, had gate- crashed Tsuna's birthday party... And some of the Vongola Mafiosi whom he knew looked up to the Vongola Ring Guardians, especially the members of Gokudera's handpicked crew (called the "Hurricane 59"... Gokudera was still recruiting and scouting people...).
All of the aforementioned guests looked very interested in the outcome.
What could he say...?
The pressure was overwhelming.But is there really a point to all this?
What could Gokudera probably want this year? He's already got the job of being Tsuna's Right hand- man for nearly nine consecutive years. What else could he possibly wish for to try so hard getting first place in this crazy contest anyway? [1]
Yamamoto made himself a mental note to ask the little guy, Reborn, about the history of this so- called Vongola tradition of holding a contest for the best performance every year for the boss' birthday... as well as the Vongolian style birthday party itself... It just seemed too hazardous for it to have lasted so long.
Also... Somewhere... somehow... during the party planning stage, the two traditions had been merged...
"My assistant is now in the cage but before I can start... a word of caution first," Gokudera announced to his captive audience.
'What caution?' Yamamoto thought staring at the cage he had been locked in. 'This thing is even fucking covered with dynamite on the inside...'
"DO try this only at home." Some of the guests (the ones in the mafia) laughed, since the party's venue was one of the Vongola's mansions, and in a sense, 'home'.
'Where's the caution in that?!' Yamamoto wanted to protest. But then again, Gokudera's logic sometimes bordered on the crazy and outlandish side. 'You'd think after all this time; he'd at least get rid of that strange quirk of his...'
"Yamamoto, if you still really want to cover your eyes, I'll give you five seconds to take off your necktie so you can use it for a blindfold. It'll add to the dramatic effect." Gokudera whispered to him when he approached the cage, taking his favorite cigarette lighter out of his pocket.
"Why couldn't you just lend me your handkerchief?" Yamamoto asked, frowning at him.
"Don't you have one of your own?" Gokudera frowned back. He placed the lighter near the main fuse so that would light up all of the fuses of the many sticks of dynamite attached to the cage. Thankfully, he hadn't actually flicked it open to light it yet.
"I used it to wipe the five- year old Lambo's snot off his face earlier, remember?" Yamamoto answered quickly, referring to when their teenage Lambo was swapped with his crying five- year old version (care of the Ten- Year Bazooka, somewhere ten years in the past) during an earlier part of the party.
"I'd give it to you for this trick if I hadn't I burned it already. I was wiping the damn brat's snot with it off MYSELF earlier." Gokudera grimaced then flicked his lighter open so he could produce a flame from it. Yamamoto made a face at the thought of having to use a snot- covered handkerchief for a blindfold and was silently thankful that Gokudera had already burnt his.
"Are you sure there's really a trick behind this?" Yamamoto looked at the floor of the cage doubtfully, wondering why in the world had he agreed to this in the first place. It didn't look like it had a trap door for him to escape into once the dynamite and firecrackers were lit... How could he have forgotten that Gokudera was notorious (since middle school) for putting on "magic shows" without actually having any tricks or secrets behind them?
"I tried it on myself and it works fine." Gokudera whispered back, grinning widely and giving him the thumbs- up sign. "It's perfectly safe! Trust me!"
'What is he!? Harry- fucking- Houdini?' Yamamoto thought as he stared back incredulously. [2]
He suddenly decided being Gokudera's assistant for this trick was a suicide.
He wanted to yell at him that he was the only S.O.B. in the entire attendance of Tsuna's birthday party who'd be able to stand in the middle of several exploding sticks of dynamite and come out "miraculously" somewhat unscathed (Belphegor does not count because the sick- minded Royal Pain wants to see his blood).
"H- Hey, Gokudera- I change my mind-"
"See you later, Yamamo- chan!" Gokudera smirked. Then he trigger fuse on fire with his lighter before he calmly walked away a distance of almost ten feet.
"GOKUDERA-!"
BOOOOM!!
The dynamites on the cage went off and completely covered it with smoke.
The fireworks attached to them also went off with the blast. These were sent rocketing into the evening sky, exploding into several sparkling shapes and colors.
The guests 'oohed' and 'aahed' at the fireworks display.
Meanwhile, on- stage, after the smoke cleared, Yamamoto was nowhere in sight.
Instead a large leopard- like creature was inside the cage in his place.
Gokudera was still standing away from the cage and no one had seen him do anything or move from his spot. Those who were in the mafia and knew about box weapons recognized the 'leopard' as the grown- up version of his activated animal box weapon, Uri.
How he managed to get Yamamoto out of the way, charge a box without anyone seeing and place the activated animal box weapon inside the cage without having to go near it were some of the things that several people in the audience just couldn't quite figure out.
Needless to say, Gokudera won the vote for the best and 'explosive' performance for it (and partly also because of Squalo... whose threatening and terrifying presence demanded everyone near him (Tsuna) to put in a high score for the "Kill the Sword- Brat" performance).
Later after the party entertainment portion of the night:
Gokudera- san... where is Yamamoto- san?" Haru went up to him near one of the many cocktail bars spread out in the garden.
"Yamamoto?" Hayato looked at her with mock innocence. "I don't know."
"You didn't bring him back."
"I only said I'd make him disappear. I didn't say anything about bringing him back." Hayato replied, failing to suppress a grin at his success in making Yamamoto 'disappear' (if only for a short while; he'd have to bring him back eventually anyway before his Boss noticed the Sword- idiot was missing from the party).
Then he noticed the expression on Haru's face suddenly darken. 'Uh- oh.'
Hayato covered his ears and leaned a little away from her.
"Hahiiieeek! You mean you BLEW him up!?" She shrieked, threatening to shatter the eardrums of those within a ten meter radius.
'There she blows!'
"Gokudera- san, bring him back!!" She demanded, drawing herself to full height (not that it made her any taller than him, even with high heels).
Did she really, seriously think that he had blown the Sword- idiot up?
'Why's she so worried about him anyway...?' Hayato then suddenly had a mischievous idea. 'Oh, this is so going to be worth it...'
"Haru, there's a reason why it's called a 'magic' show." Hayato tried to keep himself from laughing. After knowing her for nearly ten years, he'd moved on from getting pissed and arguing with her for every tiny little thing to using the opportunity to tease and annoy her. It was much more entertaining and less stressful for him anyway. "I didn't blow him up, alright?"
"Then where IS he?!" Haru demanded.
Hayato then decided to tease her instead of arguing. It should lessen the amount of property damage and it was much more amusing for him.
"Forgive the cliché, but 'a magician can't reveal his secrets'." [3]He said, taking the little umbrella stuck in her cocktail glass and pocketing it. "I'm not going to tell you where he is right now... even if you plan on searching my pockets for him." Hayato said smugly, turning his pants pockets inside out: they were empty and the cocktail umbrella was nowhere to be found.
"Or... could it be that..." He then gave her a teasing smirk. "...you miss him already...?" Hayato then all of a sudden made the umbrella reappear in Haru's hair.
She startled when she realized it had suddenly showed up there, without her seeing or knowing it.
He would have openly laughed at the look on Haru's face and the color in her cheeks... but then she suddenly slapped his forearm sharply.
"Ow!"
"Gokudera- san! You! You-!" Haru shrieked and threw the contents of her half- full cocktail glass at him. Hayato reacted immediately: he backed away while pulling the closest person beside him (Lambo) to act as a shield.
"...To... le... rate..." Lambo said as cocktail dripped from his face and down his front as he was held awkwardly in front of Hayato, still in shock.
"Hahi! Lambo- chan!" Haru squeaked when she saw what she had done. "I'm so sorry!" Then she furiously turned on Hayato (who was currently being very impressed at how Lambo was trying to keep his cool).
"Watch and learn, Lambo; this is how you get women to dislike you. You were complaining that there were too many hanging around you, right?" Hayato said to the cocktail- covered teenager, purposely ignoring Haru.
Haru angrily marched up to stand level to him (which is rather difficult to do in high stiletto heels because they were standing on slightly damp grass).
"You think you're so good- looking but you're really rotten and a bad influence!" [4] She glared up angrily at him (because he was still taller than her despite the high heels she was wearing).
Hayato raised an eyebrow at her.
"Huh? When did I say that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her, honestly puzzled by her logic. In his opinion, anything Haru says is strange and weird, no matter how old she gets. "And what are you talking about exactly?"
Seriously... what did his "looks" have to do with anything anyway?
"Hahi!" Haru squeaked reddening once more in what he assumed was annoyance. She opened her mouth to try to argue with him again when Hayato suddenly looked at something, or someone, behind her.
"Excuse me, Gokudera- kun?" The Tenth Boss went up to them. "C- Could I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure Tenth!" Hayato dropped Lambo unceremoniously on the grass ("To... le... raaate..."). Then he gladly followed his Boss to one of the nearest punch tables, completely forgetting all about Haru.
Haru opened and closed her mouth wordlessly, staring after Tsuna and Gokudera's retreating backs.
She'd utterly forgotten to greet Tsuna 'Happy Birthday' because of the things Gokudera- san had said and done. He'd just teased her about him... He...
"UUUGGGHH!! That man!!" She fumed, stomping off to find Kyoko- chan and rant about Gokudera's antics for the nth time that week.
Meanwhile, beside the punch table:
"G- Gokudera- kun...?" Tsuna asked his friend and Right hand meekly.
"Yes? What is it, Tenth?" Gokudera- kun asked, wearing an impossibly wide grin on his face, still very pleased with the success of his magic trick.
Tsuna wondered how he would react to his words after he said them.
Probably not too well.
"Uhm... Could... Would you... I mean..." Tsuna stammered, trying to find more authoritative words to use.
Gokudera- kun continued to wear his grin as he waited for him to finish what he wanted to tell him.
"Next year... Don't do another magic show, Gokudera- kun." Tsuna then said, hoping that it sounded like a firm order.
As predicted, Gokudera- kun didn't seem to take it well. His wide grin was replaced by a rather disappointed frown. Tsuna thought he could see the cogs working in Gokudera- kun's head.
He sincerely hoped that he wouldn't take too much offense in his request...
"That's alright! I'll have something else prepared for your birthday present next year then, Tenth!" Gokudera- kun's mood suddenly seemed to bounce back a little too rapidly for Tsuna.
"Eh?" Tsuna blinked at his Right hand's quick recovery. "...You don't mind?"
"Of course not! You're getting too old for magic shows, aren't you Boss?" Gokudera- kun said, grinning as if he had just come up with most a brilliant idea in the world (which he most probably thought he did).
'Well... I am getting too old for 'parlor' tricks...' Tsuna thought. '...And most if not all of my guest are adults now.' Tsuna then wondered what his friend and Right- hand could possibly have in mind for next year.
"I also noticed that some of the men looked a little bored during the show." Gokudera- kun continued, looking as if he were deep in thought for a moment.
Tsuna blinked at this. He hadn't noticed; he was too busy being worried that Squalo would cause a riot when he was cheering... correction... demanding for Gokudera- kun to get on with making Yamamoto 'disappear'.
He immediately returned his attention to Gokudera- kun, who was grinning widely again.
"But don't worry! I thought of something else for next year that they would like...! And I probably wouldn't need any dynamite for it!" He looked positively pleased with whatever 'great idea' he had just come up with.
Tsuna wondered if he should be able to sigh in relief now: since Gokudera- kun was acting receptive to the idea of changing his entertainment performance for his birthday next year, he assumed that Gokudera- kun wasn't taking only his personal request into consideration; he had his subordinates' best interests and his available resources in mind as well... Tsuna then decided that this was a 'good' thing: Gokudera- kun was more of capable making better plans when he had other factors to consider. Planning things on the spot was almost his forte and it kept him amused and out of harm's way (almost) or bringing harm to anyone's way (again, almost).
"I'll ask Turf- head if he can give me the number to that stripper club. You know: the one that performed for Kurokawa's husband's bachelor party...! I'm sure the men would enjoy that more than a magic show! Also, it'll be cheaper than ordering two hundred crates of fireworks and dynamite for next year!" Gokudera- kun then declared aloud. Apparently he seemed pleased with himself for coming up with an idea that could strengthen the large number of male Vongola subordinates' loyalty to the Tsuna and lessen financial costs for explosives. [5]
Tsuna tried to process what his friend and Right hand had just said: 'What did he say?!'
"Please message me with the beta version of the CCC Program later what kinds of outfits you would like to request, Boss. I need a test message to check if the beta program works perfectly so we can put it to use this year!" Gokudera- kun added just as he took his leave to search for Ryohei (who was most likely at the buffet table at the other end of the garden). [6]
Tsuna's mouth dropped open shock at the sheer audacity of Gokudera- kun's plan for his next year's birthday present and contribution to party entertainment.
He hadn't even comprehended the last thing he said.
He had only heard the words 'stripper', 'outfits' and 'request' and immediately panicked.
Hayato hadn't noticed his Boss' current reaction and already begun to undertake his search for Sasagawa's brother, the 'Turf- head/ Boxing- freak' among the other party guests.
Once he got a hold of that phone number, he planned go up back to the mansion and make a phone call to make the reservations for next year.
He'll even make the down payment out of his own paycheck.
It's his birthday gift for the Tenth next year after all!
Tsuna eventually recovered and began to chase after Gokudera- kun, trying to stop him from making good his promise for his birthday party next year:
"Ack! Gokudera- kun! NO! Don't! That's even worse!! I take back what I said! You can do another magic show next year!"
But, predictably, Tsuna's pleas and protests fell on deaf ears.
"Gokudera- kun, please! Come back here! What would Kyoko- chan think?! Gokudera- kun!?" He called after him, following the messy head of gray hair in the crowd of guests.
"Did I hear right? Signor Gokudera is going to order strippers for the Vongola Tenth's birthday party next year?" A Cavallone Mafioso (who was standing nearby when Tsuna 'ordered' Gokudera to change his contributions) asked the Vongola Mafioso he was chatting with. "...Damn... I wish Signor Romario would do that for the Boss' birthday next year too."
His Vongola companion laughed.
"I am so lucky I decided to work for Vongola!" He then grinned at his Cavallone counterpart smugly. "Damn, I love this job! Cheers to the Boss and to Chief!"[7]
Meanwhile, in the dark enclosed space under the stage:
"Uh... Gokudera? Are you done yet?" Yamamoto knocked on the trap door under the stage. "May I come out now?"
No response.
Yamamoto could hear the party music and the chattering of the guests outside. He then scratched his head, wondering how long it would be before Gokudera would have him 'reappear' onstage.
Then Yamamoto frowned and returned to knocking on the trap door: "Hey, Gokudera, this isn't funny anymore!"
No one answered.
"Gokudera?" He tried again. "Hello? ... Anyone...?"
TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 002 COMPLETE
A/N: Gokudera, you damn bastard! Bring Yama- chan back! LOLROFLMAO[1] You Wish: Wait... I seem to have forgotten about Gokudera's prize for winning the traditional Vongola Birthday Party contest... Oh, well... I'll tackle that somewhere else... For now I think he's pretty pleased with himself that he made Yamamoto 'disappear' (even for only a little while). Haru will probably demand him to bring Yamamoto back again once she gets a hold of him again. Aww... Missing Yamamo- chan already? XD
[2] Gokudera Is An Escape Artist!: No, that was a joke... but he sure made like one in "T.R.R.o.R.". How did he get out of the safe house before it was attacked? Uhh... -sweatdrop- I don't know... I haven't thought that part out yet... --
[3] A Magician Never Reveals His Secrets: Yes, I seriously believe Gokudera is a magician. How else can he keep immense amounts of dynamite on his body without having his clothes look bulky? It's unfathomable! Like magic! (Gokudera once did dynamite maintenance in Tsuna's room. He was carrying more than a thousand sticks of dynamite with him and he when took all of them out, Yamamoto thought it was a magic trick). Besides, he always seems to be doing magic shows for Vongola party entertainment. Who's to say he still does them ten years later?
[4] 'You Think You're So Good- Looking...?': I heard an argument like this on a show on local TV (it was much more hilarious in the original language but what the heck...? English is, unfortunately, the universal language and one of the only two I am most fluent in). The guy didn't even say anything about himself being good- looking and the girl, it turned out had a crush on him (but she didn't know it yet). Hmm... Is this a potential Yamamoto-Haru-Gokudera love triangle here? I'm not that good with writing romance- geared stories yet. I'm still working on the drama/adventure/humor track for now.
[5] Strippers?!: No, Gokudera's NOT being perverted (that's Shamal's job). He's misinterpreted Tsuna's request to stop his dangerous magic shows as an order to contribute something 'more age- appropriate'... He's also thinking of strengthening the lower ranking subordinates' loyalty to the Tenth at the same time. Two birds with one stone! It's just how one- track minded he is when it comes to Tsuna and the Family.
As Tsuna's Right hand, he's probably read the psychological profiles of all the subordinates working for Tsuna... Let's see his logic: Most of the Tsuna's underlings, I mean, subordinates are men; adult men who like women; the Tenth is too old for magic shows and is an adult; as far as he knows, the Tenth is a straight man. The Tenth's subordinates are adults and mostly men.
So therefore, have an 'adult show' as his birthday present next year! It's age- appropriate!
Wow... It's simple but ridiculous logic... Very trademark Gokudera logic, unfortunately. Uhh... What about the female guests and minors in attendance though, Goku? ...Obviously, he hasn't thought about it. This is what happens when you rush plans: you tend to overlook some 'little' details. Tsk, tsk, tsk... And here I was thinking that he'd matured after nearly eight years...
[6] CCC Program Beta: For the benefit of those who haven't read "The Right Rewrite of Right" (the main story that these one- shots spin off from), CCC stands for "Clam Clan Chat", an instant messaging chat program jointly conceptualized and created by Gokudera, Giannini and Tsuna. It is exclusively for Vongola Family members as well as a few select allies (Ex: Dino, Lanchia) and works on Giannini's especially made cell phones and computers.
The CCC Program being used in the main "T.R.R.o.R." story is the "alpha" version, the test/ pilot version. Gokudera's asking Tsuna to try out the updated version of CCC in this one- shot.
[7] Chief 59: A nickname for Gokudera by some of Tsuna's subordinates. Gokudera is putting together a crew of Mafiosi who serve the Vongola Tenth so the subordinates under him sometimes call him 'Chief 59' or simply 'Chief'. The crew of Vongola Mafiosi will serve as an elite all- around unit (personally trained by Gokudera and at some point, Reborn) and the highest ranked and best skilled will be called the core group of the "Hurricane 59" once it is fully formed. However, in this one- shot and in the "T.R.R.o.R." main story, the "Hurricane 59" is still in its beginning stages... Although they are already comprised of the elite- skilled of Vongola outside of the Ring Guardians and the Varia... Gokudera, during this one- shot and in the current time line of "T.R.R.o.R.", is still scouting, recruiting and training members.