(no subject)

[inkrevelations]

feeling as though my heart has seen something not meant to be seen.
a gross discovery
the flesh is seared with foreboding
a fine mix of blood and tears
salt to sting the wounds

paralyzing fear and unsure footing
any step may be my last
i cannot unsee
i cannot unfeel
i cannot go back

i remember the uncontrollable spiral that brought me here
it felt so good
like freedom
the false wind whipping past my hair as i imagined what was past me
what lay before me in the darkness

i supposed only perfection
beautiful sweet satisfaction
felt it at my fingertips

i forced my eyes open to see too soon
and tried in vain to force them shut again
wanting to go back to that feeling
the innocent unknowing
the hope and desire
the love, i could feel it!
just there beyond my grasp
like the moment
the peak
the pins and needles of yearning

i expected an orgasm of relief
warm arms and sweet clouds of exposed trust

but when i opened my eyes i was at the edge
about to step off a cliff and i looked down and saw!
nothing
unsure footing

should i jump?
i wish i had never opened my eyes
it may have been perfect
the beautiful sensation on falling without fear
trusting that what lay beyond me could only be divine

but now i do not know what lays at the bottom
will there be soft waves of supple cotton
arms to hold me tight
a warm comforting breeze

or will it be sharp and cold
ripping and shredding my soul
fragments of my heart spraying far beyond reach
beyond repair

my worst visions see blood
blurry with tears
an indisernable fog

i no longer hope for good
for the pangs of disappointment will surely bring hurt
even eloquent words cannot even fathom