Super Junior {various pairings ; High Technology (20/20)}

[black_goose]

Title: High Technology (20/20)
Fandom: Super Junior (AU, !cyberpunk)
Pairing: Siwon/Sungmin, Hankyung/Heechul, Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, Kangin/Eeteuk, Kibum/Donghae, Yehsung/Ryeowook, Henry/Amber, Jonghyun/Key
Word count: 5,384
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The micro-chips let the government keep tabs on your every move; the video cameras let the government know when they need to start paying attention. Get rid of the chip in the back of your brain and you can slip under the radar, and do whatever the hell you like. It's not like they're the bad guys, but it's not like they're the good guys, either.
A/N: I wanted to have this finished by the new year but obviously that didn't happen. I found myself busy for like, two weeks straight, urgh. But yes, this chapter was...hard to write because I had conflicting ideas as to where to go with it. Also, as usual, there's an epilogue to come, which I'm seriously planning on having up next week but don't hold me to that orz.

High Technology (20/20)
In the end, it was Ryeowook who snapped, after coming into the operations room and finding Kyuhyun asleep with a soldering iron in his hand, still plugged in. After unplugging the thing to stop him from setting fire to the whole house, he shook him awake and, pointing to the door, demanded, "How long are you going to keep Zhou Mi locked in that room, Kyuhyun?"

"Mrgh," Kyuhyun said, wiping at his mouth.

"He's been in there a week, you can't keep him there forever. He's not even eating anymore, Kyuhyun!"

Kyuhyun groaned at him, one eye still closed, then rested his forehead against the table. Ryeowook sighed, slipping onto a seat next to him. "Kyuhyun," he said, voice kinder now. "You can't go on like this. You're both going to kill yourselves. Why can't you just talk to him and--"

"Because we already talked, Ryeowook," Kyuhyun said. He sounded too weary to even be angry. "In the van. That's what we did. That's all there is to it."

"Seriously? Because I don't think that is what happened. I think you were too angry to even listen, Kyuhyun. You're willing to throw away at least ten years of loving someone because of something that you've possibly misunderstood. That's not right."

Kyuhyun turned a half hearted glare on him. "I can't believe you're sticking up for him," he said. "He said that he gave them information. He confessed to me. Did you ask him if it was true?"

"...Yes."

"And what did he say?"

"He said that it was true."

"See?" Kyuhyun stood up, sighing, to plug the soldering iron back in. "Then what do you expect me to do when he admits that he betrayed m -- us."

"I also asked him why he did it. He said that he wanted to tell you why before anyone else. You have to just go see him, at least once!"

"Ryeowook, would you just leave it?" Kyuhyun snapped, picking back up on the work he'd been doing before he'd fallen asleep. "I've got stuff that I need to do."

Affronted, Ryeowook left the room. In the hallway, Kangin was struggling down the stairs with boxes full of clothes and other belongings. Eeteuk was holding the door to his bedroom open. Kangin almost dropped something and cursed in frustration. "Kangin," Eeteuk snapped, and Kangin gave him a glare that was ninety percent sheepish.

Confused as to what was happening, Ryeowook stopped, his anger draining away. "What's going on?" he asked, as Kangin puffed past Eeteuk into the room with his heavy box. Eeteuk watched him put it down somewhere before he turned to Ryeowook, his cheeks flushed a little red.

"Oh, Kangin's just moving rooms," he said. "Since, you know, there are three people in his room and there's only me in mine, I figured it might be easier if he moved in to my room."

"Oh," said Ryeowook, a grin spreading across his face.

"Ask him how many beds they're going to have," Eunhyuk asked gleefully, coming down the stairs with the odd swinging movement that he'd developed while his fractured calf was healing. Eeteuk spluttered at him.

"Don't make me come out there, kid," Kangin yelled from inside the bedroom. "I'll finish off what Heechul started."

"Kangin!" Eeteuk said, ducking into the room and scolding Kangin for his supposed lack of tact. Laughing, Eunhyuk swung himself down onto the ground floor and then slung an arm over Ryeowook's shoulders, semi holding himself up. Ryeowook almost buckled under the weight.

"Make some food for me?" Eunhyuk asked cheerfully.

Ryeowook sighed. "I suppose I could make some ramen," he said, and while Eunhyuk made noises of triumphant happiness, he trailed into the kitchen.

Sungmin and Siwon were in there, apparently trying to teach the Chinese girl, Victoria, some basic Korean words. Right now they were onto "cup", which Ryeowook didn't see as particularly relevant but was possibly simply because there was a cup that they could demonstrate with. "Hey," said Sungmin, giving them a smile. "Did you talk to Kyuhyun?"

"Yes," said Ryeowook, opening a cupboard and pulling some packets of ramen out. "He basically told me to leave him alone. I understand that we can't just let him go, he knows possibly more than any of us about what Kyuhyun does, but it just seems so cruel to keep him locked up in that tiny room."

"Does it really matter how much he knows?" Siwon asked, leaning back on his chair. "It's not like the Institution is even going to give a shit. Half their police force has deserted, majority of the inner cabinet is dead; they've got bigger things to worry about."

"But what if they get back on their feet?" Sungmin asked. "What if this is just a minor blip and then Zhou Mi is out there, knowing everything that we do, and potentially angry at us?"

"I'm sorry," Eunhyuk said, "but I guess I don't really follow how this could just be a blip. This isn't some tiny group making idiots of themselves and trying to blow up the Institute building. This is the entire population turning. We're talking, what, six of the officials and their families killed in their own homes by rampaging mobs. There's an entire section of the city that's on fire. It's hardly a blip."

Sungmin cracked a smile. "It's nice to see things getting done without us needing to actually do anything to move it alone," he admitted.

"Well, there are a lot of angry people out there," said Siwon solemnly.

Ryeowook, putting a pan full of hot water on the stove, said, "Who wants some of this ramen?"

There was a chorus of voices saying yes, Victoria's slightly late after Siwon translated for her. Then Sungmin said, "Wait there," jumped up from his seat and headed out of the door that lead to the movie room. Everyone exchanged uneasy glances.

"He hasn't gone to get Zhou Mi, has he?" Eunhyuk asked.

"I hope not," said Siwon, sounding unsure.

But Sungmin came back with Henry, who had spent most of the past week in his room down that hallway, with the girl that he led into the room, one arm around her shoulders. She hadn't said a single word while in the company of anyone other than Henry, still couldn't meet anyone's eyes, and ate very little. It was rare that Henry would bring her out here. Conversation stopped for a short moment, then restarted, a little more forced, to cover up the awkwardness, as Henry pulled out the seat next to Victoria and gently directed her into it.

"I thought they might be hungry," Sungmin said, sounding rather pleased with himself. Siwon rolled his eyes and kissed him on the cheek. Sounding even more pleased with himself, Sungmin asked, "What was that for?" Siwon just shrugged.

Amber kept her head bowed, long hair falling in front of her face. Victoria kept sneaking glances at her, using her own hair as a cover. She'd had a brief explanation from Hankyung about why Amber was acting like this, but Siwon recognised the look in her eyes not as mere curiousity but as the fearful knowledge that she'd only escaped the same thing through sheer luck.

Henry slowly pushed Amber's hair from her shoulders and muttered in English, "Amber, don't you want to meet everyone?"

"It's okay, Henry," said Siwon. "She'll be ready when she's ready."

Victoria touched Amber's wrist where it was resting in her lap. Amber nearly jumped out of her skin, only her hair movement signifying that she was looking at the other girl. "Hi," Victoria said in Mandarin. "I'm Victoria. You have beautiful hair."

There was a short silence, in which Victoria glanced at Henry, presumably to translate for her, but he seemed to have been struck dumb. Siwon realised that none of them had actually thought to speak to the girl, choosing instead to direct any questions or conversation to Henry. After a moment, Amber lifted a hand, touched her hair, and murmured in Mandarin, "It's too long."

Henry's mouth fell open. He seemed like he'd been struck speechless by the girl no longer being speechless, like it was a tit-for-tat kind of relationship. "You--" Her head swung in his direction before her hand reached out and took his. "You want a hair cut?" he asked weakly. She nodded.

"What's going on?" Sungmin asks, confused.

Siwon leaned in and murmured, "Offer to cut Amber's hair."

Sungmin gave him a confused glance but said, "Hey, Henry, do you want me to cut Amber's hair?"

"That would be brilliant, hyung," said Henry, without taking his eyes off Amber. He was so surprised by her speaking that he didn't even seem to notice that Sungmin had apparently understood the conversation. "I've got a picture of her old hair, if you want..."

"Well, why don't you ask what she wants?" Sungmin asked. He hunkered down next to Amber and touched her knee, giving her a friendly smile. She flinched so hard that she almost fell off her chair. He gave Henry a helpless look, then stood up. "Translate," he told Siwon, then stood behind Victoria. "Tell her that I'm just going to cut her hair." As Siwon did so, Sungmin picked up pieces of Victoria's hair and mimed cutting it, eventually taking the whole lot and twisting it into a bun on the top of her head. Victoria giggled.

Amber reached up and pushed her hair from her face. For the first time they were able to see her face without anything in the way. She was, Siwon was somewhat surprised to see, rather pretty. The thought was soured somewhat by the knowledge that the prettier the inmate, the worse their treatment in the detention center. There was a reason Heechul had suffered more cruelly at the hands of those who ran it when compared to Kangin.

"Amber?" Henry asked softly, holding her hand. "Would it be okay if Sungmin gave you a hair cut?" After a moment's pause, she nodded her head. Henry, in turn nodded his head at Sungmin, who smiled brightly.

"Great, we can do it in your bedroom! I'll just go get some stuff." He, Siwon was amused to note, practically skipped out of the room.

"She's in for it now," Siwon told Henry, grinning.

Hankyung closed his bedroom door behind him with a soft click, making sure to not disturb Heechul, who was curled up on the bed reading a book. It was tattered and dog eared and Hankyung was fairly certain that Heechul had read it before, but who was he to judge how Heechul took his mind off things?

He lay the cup of tea he had in his hands on his bedside table, then picked up one of Heechul's t-shirts and threw it over his chair. "Are you moving in or something?" he joked, sitting down on the bed.

Heechul looked at him over his book seriously. "Yes," he said, "I am."

Hankyung smiled at him, lying on his back, cushioning his head with his hands. "At least Victoria won't have to sleep in that box room, I guess," he said.

"I didn't say anyone else could have my room," Heechul said.

"That seems a little selfish."

Heechul chuckled, marking his place in his book and laying it down. "Oh Hankyung, you say that like you don't know me at all."

He lay down against Hankyung's side, burying his face in his neck, one arm slung over his waist. Hankyung stroked the back of his hair idly, careful not to make any sudden movements. Heechul kept slipping into these moods of absolute silence. Each time Hankyung thought that surely this, this was the time that he snapped and the storm was unleashed, but it had yet to come. Heechul seemed as well adjusted as he had been before what had happened.

That worried Hankyung.

"Everything okay down there?" Heechul asked. When Hankyung gave him a confused look, Heechul motioned to the door.

"Oh," Hankyung said. "They're as fine as can be, I suppose. Kangin's moved into Eeteuk's room. Sungmin was cutting Amber's hair. Kyuhyun hasn't slept in three days."

"She left her room?"

"Yeah. Siwon said that she'd spoken, too. She was complaining about her hair being too long." Hankyung gave Heechul's hair a playful tug. "Of course, she's not the only one with that problem."

"Well, if you think that I'm letting Sungmin near my hair, you've got another thing coming," Heechul said with a sniff. He reached up and touched his hair too. "Still, it is pretty long..."

"I could give it a try, if you want."

"No fear."

"You have no trust in me, do you?"

"I have plenty of faith in you," Heechul said, letting his head drop back to Hankyung's neck. "I wasn't sure, though, for a while, I didn't know if you'd come get me. Sometimes, strapped in that chair, I thought about..."

"About what?" Hankyung asked quietly.

"Sometimes I realise that you're the only thing I have to believe in, Hankyung. I mean, all of the others are the same, all we have is each other. It's not like any of us has religion to believe in, or a family, or anything like that. We only have each other. And I'd beaten up Eunhyuk and I knew that maybe no one would believe in me anymore. I thought that maybe you'd still...I started to lose hope, the more they made me do."

"I was trying to find you, Heechul. The others, too. No one gave up on you."

There was a long stretch of silence. He knew that Heechul wasn't asleep from his breathing pattern. Eventually he sat up and picked up his tea. "It's cold," he said, disappointed. "You distracted me."

"Hankyung," said Heechul in a low voice. Hankyung put his tea back, cup rattling a little against the table. He knew that voice. That was the voice before the storm. "How is Zhou Mi?"

"I don't know," Hankyung said. "No one is going to see him, apart from Ryeowook to bring him food or to let him out for the bathroom. We're leaving it to Kyuhyun to deal with." In a fit of emotion, he said desperately, "Heechul, you've got to get out of this room, it's not healthy--"

"I can't," Heechul shouted, flinging himself off the bed. He stood by the window, where the curtains were pulled tightly closed, and pointed at it. "I can't fucking take that. I was strapped to that chair for so long, not even in control of my body, that I thought it would never end, and now that it's over, I want to run and shout and scream! But how am I supposed to go out there when out there has never fucking done a thing for me?"

"There's nothing out there, Heechul. The Institution is gone, the Center is burnt to nothing -- why can't you--"

"It came from inside the group, Hankyung! Zhou Mi! It wasn't some faceless guy shrouded in smoke, it was someone that I thought was my friend! Now, you, you I can believe in, but how am I ever supposed to believe in them anymore?"

"So you blame Zhou Mi for what he did."

"Of fucking course I do, Hankyung. Because of him, I had to--"

He broke off. He was close to tears, Hankyung saw, and he gently pulled him in and sank to the floor with him. "I understand how you feel, Heechul," he said, "believe me, I know that I should be angry too, but I can understand him, as well."

"What do you even mean, you would never--"

"He thought they would kill Kyuhyun. Heechul, if it got you back, then I would have worked for them. If I thought there was no other way, then I'd have gone to them."

Heechul drew back. "You'd betray everyone just for me? That doesn't make me feel happy, Hankyung."

"Not betray. I wouldn't tell them anything, but I'd have made a deal, sure. Me in exchange for you."

"You're an idiot," Heechul said, sounding angry.

"There's a lot you don't realise, Heechul." Hankyung reached out and touched his cheek. "You said that I'm the only thing you have to believe in. That goes both ways. I've already lost my brother, and sometimes you're so much more than me. The things I did for him... I'd possibly do more for you."

"He said that you'd sacrified things for him," Heechul said. "He never said what, I never thought to ask." He saw the emotion that passed over Hankyung's face and frowned at him. "What? What did you do for him?"

"Heechul." Hankyung let his hand drop. He stood up, pacing a little in the room. After a minute, he turned to Heechul, face set in desperate anxiety. "I never told you this. I've never told anyone this. It didn't seem like such a big deal, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I thought you'd not want to know me."

"You're just scaring me now."

"We were desperate. We were living in this grotty hovel, just this room with ten other people. Zhi was starving, he kept getting ill, I was terrified that he'd catch the plague. We only had each other. I needed to get food or money from somewhere. Picking pockets wasn't a lucrative business when no one had anything in their pockets. So one night I went out, and I trawled the streets, and -- I found a man who was willing to give me money if I gave him a blow job."

Heechul's eyes were dark and unreadable. "You sold yourself."

"I couldn't see any other way. At first I only did it when there was literally no other way of getting food. Then I started doing it more until I had saved up enough money to buy us a ticket to Korea. I thought it would be a new life for us, no more struggle, no more stigma. But neither of us could speak the language, we had no way of making a living or buying anything. What else is there for a Chinese immigrant in this city? They took Zhi when some guy was fucking me in an alleyway. Do you even realise how guilty I've felt ever since then?"

Heechul shifted. "I don't understand why you're telling me this."

"Because people do stupid things when they're desperate, Heechul, when they think that someone they love is in danger. Zhou Mi's been living with this for more years that I've had to live with knowing that because I was whoring myself out, my brother ended up dead. Zhou Mi was a scared fifteen year old. I know what it's like to make stupid decisions that you end up regretting for the rest of your life. We can't always just wring someone out and hang them out to dry."

Heechul got up shakily. "Could you leave?" he asked. "I just, I can't--"

"I'll be downstairs," Hankyung said. He picked up his cup. "Let me know if you need anything."

Donghae bounded into the kitchen and yanked open the fridge, sticking his head inside and then coming out with a bottle of water. "It's like hell out there," he said, flopping down in a chair. "I wandered down to the motorway, it's full of the people who can afford cars trying to get out while they still can. It's crazy."

"If they leave, that just leaves the likes of us," Siwon said, "or worse. This city is going to be a wreck before too long."

"You don't think we should be evacuating too, do you?" Ryeowook asked, looking unsure.

"Of course not," said Eunhyuk. "If we do that, they'll only be left with the worse."

"You say that like we're going to do anything other than just sit in this house with our heads down until it all passes over," Siwon said, amused.

"Yes," said Eunhyuk, "and if we leave, the worse will loot our house. I like my stuff, Siwon, I don't want to have to go pick it back up off the black market."

The door to the kitchen from the hallway swung open and Hankyung stepped through, a cup of tea in his hands. He tipped it down the sink and rinsed it, setting it on the side for washing later. He sat at the table and started pushing one of the knives around blindly. "How's Heechul-hyung?" Siwon asked.

"Okay," Hankyung shrugged. He hadn't told anyone about Heechul's refusal to leave the bedroom but everyone had noticed that they hadn't seen him since they'd arrived back. No matter how many times Hankyung said that Heechul was okay, they all knew that he wasn't.

"Want anything to eat?" Ryeowook asked, sweeping Eunhyuk's empty ramen bowl from his nose and taking it to the sink.

"No," Hankyung said, shaking his head. "I'm okay."

He was distracted, that much was obvious, which made Siwon doubt even more that Heechul was okay. He trusted Hankyung enough to know when he neede to get Yehsung in to look at him, but Yehsung wasn't a specialist psychiatrist and while he knew the basics, if things got really bad, what was he supposed to do?

The other door leading into the kitchen opened, Sungmin gently pushing Amber through. The haircut had changed her utterly, transformed her into someone just as pretty, but her looks were boyish, especially now that her hair was cut so short. Siwon looked between Donghae and Amber and said, "Uh. Donghae, is there something you want to tell us?"

"I, uh," Donghae said, looking white. "I'm fairly certain she's not my daughter, if that's any comfort."

Eunhyuk, whose mouth had been hanging open, said, "But you never knew your parents?"

"Her parents moved from Taiwan, guys," Henry said, just behind Amber. He was grinning a little. He put his hands on her shoulders and directed her to a chair. She kept ducking her head as if to hide behind her hair but it was no longer there. "She doesn't have any siblings who got left behind in Korea. Don't worry about that."

"Oh," said Donghae, sounding just a little disappointed. Siwon patted him on the shoulder. It had always been a sore spot for Donghae, that he had never known who his parents were. That brief flash of hope must have hurt when it was snuffed out.

"She looks good though," Sungmin said, pouring himself a glass of water. "I understand why Henry has such a huge crush on her."

"Hyung!" Henry snapped. His tone made Amber jump; he gave her a one armed hug in apology.

"Please, Henry, you couldn't take your eyes off her," Sungmin said dismissively. "You told me to be careful with the scissors ten times, I wasn't going to cut her ear off."

"I just...she looks more like she used to," Henry said. He swept her hair back and gave her a smile. For once, at someone's touch, she didn't flinch. "Even the--" He broke off, swallowing. "Even the bruises are fading."

"On the outside, maybe," Ryeowook said. "I don't think they'll ever fade on the inside." He set a plate of cold meat and bread in front of Amber, motioning for her to eat it. She did so tentatively, and then Victoria -- who had been so quiet that most of them had clean forgot she was even there -- stole some bread from her plate and started chatting in Chinese. Amber kept sneaking looks at her, smiling softly.

"Aw, Henry," Sungmin said, patting his head. Henry pushed him off.

"It's okay," he said. "I'm used to it. I'm just glad she's okay."

"So noble," said Heechul's drawling voice from the doorway. He was leaning against the door frame in his worst pair of jeans and one of Hankyung's hooded sweaters. He smirked at their surprised expressions. "Hi."

"Heechul, what are--" Hankyung stood up, staring at him. "Did you--"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not here to see you," Heechul said, waving a hand through the air. "Come on, Hankyung. We've all got a past. You being a prostitute doesn't mean anything right now." Hankyung sank back into his chair as Sungmin muffled a laugh against the back of his hand and Siwon stared at him with wide eyes. "No, I'm here to see Zhou Mi."

"You're what?" blurted out Eunhyuk. "You're kidding, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." And as if to further emphasise that he wasn't, Heechul strode across the kitchen and through the other door. There was a stunned silence.

"Did anyone see a gun on him?" Sungmin asked, panicked. When no one could answer him, he jumped up and said, "Shit, I'll go make sure he doesn't kill Zhou Mi."

Heechul was leaning against the wall between the doors of Donghae and Henry's room and the movie room. He gave Sungmin an amused look, pushing himself off. "I thought someone would come make sure I hadn't cracked."

"It's a legitimate concern," Sungmin said. "I mean, you haven't been out of your room for a week and then when you do, you run off to confront Zhou Mi. We're going to be a little suspicious."

"Well, I'm just here to talk to him," Heechul said. "I don't even have a weapon. You can pat me down, if you want." He smirked. "I figure you'd like that."

"I'm not a pervert like you, hyung."

"Hasn't Siwon ever told you about the special hell reserved for liars?"

Choosing to ignore that barb, which Heechul always knew hit a nerve, Sungmin instead said, "You want me to come in with you?"

"What is Zhou Mi going to do? Cry at me?"

"I'm more worried about Zhou Mi, even if you don't have a weapon," Sungmin said, grinning. Heechul flipped him off and turned and pulled the door to the movie room open. There was a silence, and just before the door shut again, Sungmin heard Zhou Mi gasp.

Kyuhyun had thought that if he just distracted himself, maybe he'd be able to work around the headache that he'd been fighting against for the past six hours, but it was proving to be a fruitless attempt. Even his short sleep earlier hadn't helped, and now, after swallowing three pills dry, he finally lay down his work and closed his eyes.

It wasn't long after that Sungmin interrupted his semi-dose by softly saying his name. Kyuhyun's eyes flew open; Sungmin was standing at the other end of the table looking worried. "If you're here to make me talk to Zhou Mi," Kyuhyun said, straightening up, "then don't bother, Ryeowook already chewed me out."

"No, it's not really that, it's just...Heechul is talking to him."

"Talking to Ryeowook?" Kyuhyun frowned.

"No, he's talking to Zhou Mi."

Kyuhyun shook his head, like he was trying to clear water out of his ears. "I'm sorry, say that again? I thought you said that Heechul was talking to Zhou Mi."

"I did, Kyuhyun."

"By talking, do you mean attacking?" Kyuhyun half-rose out of his seat before he could stop himself. He forced himself to sit back down, telling himself that he did not fucking care.

"No, I mean he's just talking to him. Which, I might add, is far more than you've done. Zhou Mi is partly the reason Heechul ended up back in that place and even he is taking steps to forgive him."

"Sungmin, don't--"

"You can't just keep burying your head in the sand about this, Kyuhyun. You need to decide what to do with Zhou Mi and we can't do that because he is your problem."

"He is not my problem."

"Oh, don't give me that, he has always been your problem."

Ignoring that loaded statement, Kyuhyun scrubbed his hand over his face and said, "Sungmin, if I say that you can bring that kid here, will you drop it?"

Sungmin jerked in surprise and knocked against the table. "I ...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. You're forgetting that I had those cameras, Sungmin. I know all about...Kaechan, wasn't it? Just, bring her here. Look after her. I'm sure that between us all, one of us is sure to know what to do with a kid. Bring her here and leave me the hell alone."

"Kyuhyun," Sungmin said, slamming his hands down on the table. "Fuck you. Go talk to Zhou Mi, you fucking coward."

When the door was unlocked and opened, Zhou Mi was asleep. The creak of the hinges managed to wake him up, but how long that would last, Kyuhyun didn't know. He ficked the light on. Zhou Mi's eyes fluttered shut and then snapped open.

"Kui Xian," he said, voice quiet, disbelieving.

"I..." Kyuhyun, in lieu of finding the right words, stepped inside and closed the door. He stood opposite where Zhou Mi was sitting upright on the sofa.

"Why are you here?" Zhou Mi asked, looking as lost as Kyuhyun felt.

"The others kept telling me I had to talk to you." Kyuhyun shrugged. "I figured I needed to listen to your excuses. That doesn't look comfortable," he added, motioning to the sofa, far too short for Zhou Mi's frame.

"I'll live," Zhou Mi said. "Are you--" He broke off as Kyuhyun reached into his back pocket and pulled out his gun. "Oh."

"No, I'm not here to kill you," Kyuhyun said. He lay his gun out on the television. "I'm just getting all the weapons out in the open. Now our only weapons are our emotions, I guess."

"I wouldn't blame you, if you did kill me," Zhou Mi said.

"You can't say things like that," Kyuhyun said, almost choking. He'd thought he could do this, just get the story and then get out, but it was harder than he'd thought it would be. Zhou Mi wasn't allowed to be quiet and accepting, he was supposed to cry and beg, and then it would have been so much easier for Kyuhyun to just dismiss him.

"Maybe I would have done, if I was in your position."

"Zhou Mi, you've never killed so much as a fly."

"I've done worse," Zhou Mi said. "I've hurt people, people I loved. I've hurt you beyond repair."

"We seem to be stuck in this cycle," Kyuhyun said, "where we both blame ourselves for the things we do. But I, I was just an idiot kid who thought he was the smartest person on the fucking planet. I suppose your excuse is something noble; you were just doing it for me, I guess."

"No, my reasons were entirely selfish." Zhou Mi watched him seriously. The shadows under his eyes were haunting. "I didn't want to have to deal with the pain of losing you. I was fifteen years old, Kyuhyun. I was in love. You were my everything. I thought my world would end without you in it." He smiled weakly. "I think it still would."

"You -- but I hurt you, Zhou Mi. I fucked you up! And I can't even work out how to make it better--"

"Kui Xian, how many times do we have to go through this? You made a mistake, and I forgave you. I forgave you the second you apologized. Do you remember? You were crying. I'd never, ever seen you cry before. I was so scared, Kui Xian, of what they could do to us. I wanted to keep you safe."

Zhou Mi was crying, but he didn't take his eyes off Kyuhyun. Slowly, Kyuhyun reached out and picked up the gun, releasing the safety catch. Zhou Mi covered his eyes with a hand, as if the thought of seeing his death was far worse than actually dying. "I'm so sorry, Kui Xian," he sobbed. "I've spent eleven years waiting for this, I am so sorry."

Kyuhyun replaced the catch and lay it on the arm of the sofa. Then he sat, and wrapped his arms around Zhou Mi's shoulders, and pulled him against his chest. "It's okay," he said. "It's going to be okay."