Super Junior {Hankyung/Heechul ; Run (7/13)}
Title: Run (7/13)
Fandom: Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: Hankyung/Heechul
Word count: 3,342
Rating: R (for violence and mature themes)
Summary: Hankyung and Heechul have been living together for four years now, and their relationship seems pretty much perfect. However, Hankyung has more skeletons in his closet than he has let on, and now his past is about to rear its ugly head in the worst way possible. The thing about lies is that they're remarkably difficult to ignore.
A/N: cracks are showing :| I suppose you can't really expect someone like Heechul to really be happy with the way things are :(
Run (7/13)
SIGNAL FIRE - Snow Patrol
Their room for the night was in a motel just on the outskirts of another town. It seemed so American that Heechul was practically beside himself with joy: it had two twin beds which Hankyung somehow managed to push together, a small kitchen area, anda bathroom in another attached room. "Do we have to leave?" Heechul asked, sitting in one of the chairs next to the small table by the window, folding down with happy casualness. "We could live here for a couple of days."
"We could," agreed Hankyung, "or we could move on tomorrow and go East and find another place like this where we'll be safer."
"Or we could do that," Heechul said, tapping his nails against the table. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, then almost instinctively, turned it on. Hankyung didn't notice. "Hey, Hankyung, how do you even know that they'll follow us?"
"I don't," Hankyung said, opening the cupboards in the kitchen area to see what he could find. "Not exactly. I'm just going off what happened in China. They followed me everywhere then."
"Yes, but, what if they were just trying to scare you." Heechul went back to tapping his fingernails against the table, a constant rat-tat-tat. "I mean, earlier, you were going to get them sent down. What if now they think that just scaring the living shit out of you is enough?"
Hankyung smiled. "It's a nice idea."
"You know, there's no need to be so patron--" Heechul broke off as his phone suddenly rang, the chorus of The Trax's latest song loud in the sudden still silence. He picked it up. "Withheld number," he whispered.
"I thought you said you wouldn't turn it on! Heechul, don't--"
"Hello?" Heechul's voice was confident and assured, even with Hankyung practically throwing himself across the room to make him hang up. "Can I help you?"
"Kim Heechul?" Heechul didn't answer, but that was because Hankyung had clamped his hand over his mouth and was trying to grab the phone away from him. "I think you should know my name, Kim Heechul. I am Yuan Yi, and I am going to watch you die."
Hankyung wrenched the phone from Heechul's hand, and in lieu of pressing the end call button, simply dropped it to the floor and crushed it beneath his shoe. "I told you to not turn it on," he said, voice so low it was deadly. "I fucking told you, Heechul, I said that they'd be able to track us using that thing, so why the fuck did you turn it on? Why the fuck did you answer, you complete idiot."
"Don't call me an idiot," Heechul said, aiming for his usual annoyed tone but getting something between fear and terror. "Don't you ever -- Hankyung. Hankyung, please, come here, I need to--" Hankyung took a step forward, and Heechul wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in his stomach. "He said he'd watch me die," he whispered.
"Now do you see?" Hankyung asked softly, stroking his hair, anger seeping from him. "This is real, Heechul."
"He's not allowed to kill me."
"Of course he's not. I won't let him, Heechul."
Hankyung, suddenly, felt like he was soothing a small child. He slowly pulled Heechul's arms from his waist and guided him to his feet, pulling him to the bed and sitting there with him. He put his back against the wall and pulled Heechul onto his lap. "I promise you," he said, Heechul still and silent in his arms. "I will not let him kill you."
They left the motel early the next morning. Neither of them were particularly comfortable staying in the room that the phone call had been conducted in for much longer. As much as Hankyung reassured Heechul that the call had been so short that no trace of them would have been able to occur, the reality was that he wasn't too sure, and he didn't want to take any chances. Luckily, Heechul was happy enough to be on his way too.
The country and western station was still blaring out as they went on their way. Hankyung had decided on a plan which would take them in the direction of Busan, then they would turn back and head to Mokpo, but this meant another day or so of what he was beginning to think of as the worst music in the world. His thoughts, however, were keeping him occupied. He couldn't stop thinking about last night, and the way Heechul had seemed tense even in his sleep.
"Heechul," he said calmly, "I think you should go back to Seoul."
Heechul didn't say anything.
"It's really not safe for you here, and I really think that you'll be in less danger if you head back to Seoul and stay away from me."
Heechul remained silent.
"Heechul, are you listening?"
"Stand by your man," Heechul sang along to the woman on the radio in English, then said in Korean, "God, I hate this song, it is so bloody patronizing, you know? Well, no, of course you wouldn't know, since your English skills suck."
"I'm Chinese," Hankyung said, his usual defence against Heechul's accusations against his English skills.
"And I'm Korean," retorted Heechul. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Were you listening?"
"Yes, of course I was fucking listening. I just thought it was all bullshit so I didn't answer."
"It's not bullshit, it's the truth."
"Okay, so, maybe it's safer. It would have been safer if I'd never met you, Hankyung, but do you want that? No, of course you don't. I don't want to leave you, so get that through your stupid, thick, Chinese brain. I am not leaving."
"I just worry about you," Hankyung said. "I'm prepared for this, they taught me how to defend myself before they flew me to Korea. You don't know how to defend yourself, and I worry about what will happen if I'm not around."
"Well, nothing, because you're never not going to be around."
"You can't be sure of that."
"Then teach me how to defend myself then!"
It was all very well and good him saying this, but when Hankyung pulled the gun out of his pocket that night in the hotel room they'd taken, Heechul practically flinched away from it. "Don't worry," Hankyung said, snapping open the top and emptying the bullets on the bed, so that there was no danger. "You're not going to shoot anything yet. I just want to get you used to holding it on your hand."
"I don't even want to touch it," Heechul said, stubbornly crossing his arms across his chest.
"Heechul," Hankyung said patiently, "be more like Chi-liang. I bet she wasn't scared to hold a gun."
"Okay," Heechul said, glaring at him. "First of all, don't compare me to my own fictional characters. Secondly, stop being so condescending and treating me like I'm five years old. Thirdly, fuck you."
"Here," Hankyung said, and held out the gun. After a moment's pause, Heechul took it from him gingerly and held it like it was liable to explode in his hands. Hankyung adjusted his hold, reflecting that it was kind of like learning how to ride a bike: you never forgot. "There, like that."
"Like this?" Heechul held the gun up and mimed firing it at the wall. "I don't know, Hankyung, it doesn't feel right."
"It doesn't look right, either," Hankyung said, taking it from him and sitting down on the bed to put the bullets back in. "But you should know how to use one, at the very least." He slid it back under the pillow that he would be using.
"You don't look right with it either," Heechul said, still standing where he had been when Hankyung had took the gun off him. "Neither of us look right."
"It'll be okay," Hankyung said, head bowed. "It'll be okay. We'll get to Mokpo eventually and then we can -- we'll rent somewhere. We'll live there. It'll be okay."
"No, it won't," Heechul said, coming forward and standing between Hankyung's legs. "It won't be okay, not while the guy is out there. But it will -- it'll be okay so long as we're together, right?"
"Right," Hankyung said, as Heechul put his fingers against his chin and raised his head up. "It'll be okay." Heechul bent down and kissed him, holding him still with both hands half against his jaw, half on his neck. Hankyung kissed back desperately, sliding his tongue between Heechul's lips and yanking him closer so that Heechul's body was practically flush against him. "We, I, we--"
"Bed," Heechul said, and Hankyung moved back so that Heechul could straddle his waist and unbutton his shirt and kiss his chest, and Hankyung held Heechul close to him and ignored the way Heechul repeated it's okay it's okay like it was his mantra.
"Wait, I get to drive?" This bit of information made Heechul far, far too happy, and Hankyung thought that reflected so badly on their current lifestyle that something so insignificant could cause him to practically bounce in his chair. Hankyung nodded, smothering a smile.
"I'll read the map. You'll have to follow everything I say."
"I can do that."
Hankyung snorted, then quickly said that he was just going to the toilet before Heechul could retort angrily, like was written all over his face. Heechul watched after him with narrowed eyes, then fell to fiddling with the salt and pepper shaker, staring out of the window at the people walking past, possibly on their way to work for the day. Heechul had never worked a day job like that before in his life, but suddenly he was jealous of them, of all the people with their structured lives still in tact. He almost wished he had an office he could retreat into.
He was interrupted by the waitress appearing by the side of the table. "Hi, are you ready to order?" she asked, cheerfully and chirpily. Heechul opened the menu and gave it a quick glance.
"Yeah, I'll have the waffles, and he'll have the -- pancakes, please."
"Great," chirped the waitress, which really kind of annoyed Heechul, and bounced away to offend the nerves of some other person. Heechul went back to fiddling with the salt shaker until Hankyung returned, his coffee finally now cool enough to drink. He gulped some of it down.
"I'm getting tired of diner coffee," he said. Heechul smirked and picked up his glass of water, as if he were advertising it. Hankyung scowled. "How are you even awake?"
"The light of the day flows through me and keeps me perky," Heechul said. "Also, I had some of the coffee in the hotel room because you were talking forever in the shower. I can't work out if it was worse or better than diner coffee."
"Nothing could be worse than this," Hankyung said firmly. "Nothing."
"How about walking in on Sungmin on his knees in front of that guy from your photoco--"
Hankyung went white. "We agreed to never bring that up again," he said. "You promised."
"It's always nice to see the expression on your face."
"God, I couldn't look either of them in the face for months afterwards."
"I'd told you that inviting Sungmin to one of your work parties was a bad idea. It's the suits, they give him sugar daddy fantasties."
"Your friends are the worst people in the world," Hankyung said. "Sungmin is a nyphomaniac, and the rest of them all hate me."
"I wonder how he's getting on in Japan," Heechul said musingly, as the waitress returned and put their food down in front of them. Hankyung began eating his pancakes without even really wondering about what they were. "I hope he doesn't end up getting thrown out of the country for indecency." He picked at his waffles. "I wish I could text him and let him know I'm fine."
Hankyung didn't say anything. He'd already had to promise to buy Heechul the newest mobile phone released when this was all over and they returned to Seoul, in repentence for crushing his other one -- though God only knew when that would be.
"So we're heading to Mokpo today, right?" Hankyung nodded. "I've never been there."
"It's not a holiday, Heechul."
"Why do you have to take all of the fun out of everything? Why can't I be excited about wanting to visit somewhere that I've never been before?"
"It's not as thought we'll get to do any sightseeing. We'll drive there, find a hotel room, then drive out in the morning."
"Even just driving through is enough," Heechul said sullenly, returning to playing with the salt shaker. Hankyung sighed, and reached across the table to hold his hand still.
"I know you don't mean to be flippant," he said. "I know that you -- I just don't think you understand the extent of how dangerous this all is. We can't be seen by anyone who could pose a threat, and a city like Mokpo -- there's bound to be people there who could pose a threat."
"I don't think you understand how much you're treating me like a naughty child," Heechul said. His eyes were like flint.
Hankyung placed his fork back on the table, suddenly not hungry any longer. "Heechul--"
"I'm perfectly aware that we're on the run from people after your ass. I'm just questioning why I can't be happy about even just driving through somewhere new. Excuse me for wanting to get a little bit of normality into the completely fucking ridiculous situation."
"Heechul, I don't--"
"Forget it," Heechul said, pulling out his wallet and throwing some money down on the table. "Just, forget it, okay? Let's go."
It was amazing how awkward country and western music could make things. There was complete silence in the car, apart from Hankyung's regular directions and the sound of American warbling. Heechul, however, had not been made for silence. It wasn't something written into his DNA. Every time Hankyung said something, Heechul would follow it up with a snide comment, which Hankyung fought to ignore, irritation spreading over him. Heechul wanted a reaction, and Hankyung wouldn't give him one in the hope that Heechul would get bored and let it go.
Heechul didn't. It went on, Hankyung having to clench his teeth against answering back. Heechul seemed to realise how on edge he was, and accompanied his comments with a smug smirk. Once they'd joined the road down to Mokpo, off the main motorway, Hankyung decided that they didn't need the map any longer and opened the glove compartment to put it away. A packet of cigarettes fell out and onto his lap. He saw Heechul look at them, then look, determined, out of the front windscreen again.
"Heechul?" Hankyung asked quietly. "What are these?"
"Cigarettes," Heechul said in a bored tone.
"I know they are, why the hell are they here? I thought you'd quit."
"I did."
Hankyung was confused; he'd never been able to smell smoke on Heechul before, he'd never come home to find Heechul smelling of it. "When did you--"
"I bought them at the garage," Heechul said. "Remember, when you made me stop talking to that guy, like you were my master or something. That place."
"Okay," Hankyung said. "Okay, Heechul, stop the damn car."
Heechul, it appeared, was only too happy to do that. He pulled off to the side a little and slammed the brakes on, making Hankyung jerk a little in his seat. As soon as they were stopped, Heechul flung open his door and got out, walking a little from the car on the grass field by the side of the road, and then stood, arms crossed, back to the car. Hankyung got out a little more slowly, hand clenched around the packet of cigarettes.
"I thought you said smoking was something you'd never do again," he said over the top of the car. Heechul didn't look back at him when he answered.
"I haven't opened them yet, dad, don't worry."
"Heechul."
"I haven't smoked them yet!" The tension that had been building up inside Heechul had finally snapped. He rounded on Hankyung, who had moved to stand on the same side of the car, and he looked as though he was going to hit him -- Hankyung knew he wouldn't, but he almost wished he would. Last time Heechul had been like this, he'd thrown a vase across the room; he was only physically violent to objects. Hankyung hadn't done anything to diffuse this because in a way, he felt like he deserved it. He kind of wished there was a vase that Heechul could throw -- he'd probably step in front of it. "I haven't smoked them, stop acting like you're my -- like you're my fucking keeper or something! If I want to smoke a cigarette, then I fucking can, okay?"
"I never said you couldn't."
"You implied it! Just like you're always implying that I'm not good enough, like I'm just dragging you back. What is with all that telling me to go back to Seoul? What the fuck, why won't you just come out and say that you don't want me around, I'd be happy to just fucking --"
"What the hell!" Hankyung interrupted, staring at him, aghast. "You seriously think that I don't want you with me? Okay, so maybe I think you'd be safer in Seoul. I'd be less terrified, constantly, that I'm going to make a mistake and get you killed, if you were in Seoul and away from me. I am fucking shit scared, Heechul."
"Well, you don't act it!"
"No, because I know how lost and confused you are! And I'm sorry for that, so guilty for making you like that and dumping you in the deep end, so I have to act as though I know what I'm doing, when in reality? In reality, I haven't got a freaking clue!"
"Then why don't you -- Hankyung." Heechul took his face in his hands and ran his thumbs across his cheeks; Hankyung suddenly realised how close he was to crying, and he took Heechul's wrists with his fingers and pulled them away from his face. "Hankyung, you do not need to do this on your own. That's the whole reason I am here. We're doing this together, so stop trying to make it work on your own. I'm not a child. I can help you."
"I know but -- why should you? I dragged you into this. I'm the whole reason you're--"
"Oh my god, shut up with the martyr act. God, Hankyung, despite what I've been saying, I kind of know that this isn't actually your fault. It's not as though you invited this guy to come after you. You stood up for what you believed in, and that makes you a good person -- and I know, I have always known, even when I was angry at you when you first told me the truth, even when I couldn't even stand the sight of your face, I knew: you are a good person, Hankyung, and I -- I'm proud of you."
Hankyung smiled. "Really?"
"Yes. Now stop acting like such a loser and get back in the damn car, because I want to get to Mokpo before sunset. Why did you make us even stop, I am so serious."
"Because you were angry at me."
"Get the hell back in the car."
Hankyung followed the order. He realised he still had the packet of cigarettes in his hand, and put them back in the glove compartment out of the way. "I bought them just so I knew that they were there," Heechul said quietly, turning the engine back on. "I needed to know that if I wanted, I could have one. I needed to have that control."
Fandom: Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: Hankyung/Heechul
Word count: 3,342
Rating: R (for violence and mature themes)
Summary: Hankyung and Heechul have been living together for four years now, and their relationship seems pretty much perfect. However, Hankyung has more skeletons in his closet than he has let on, and now his past is about to rear its ugly head in the worst way possible. The thing about lies is that they're remarkably difficult to ignore.
A/N: cracks are showing :| I suppose you can't really expect someone like Heechul to really be happy with the way things are :(
Run (7/13)
SIGNAL FIRE - Snow Patrol
Their room for the night was in a motel just on the outskirts of another town. It seemed so American that Heechul was practically beside himself with joy: it had two twin beds which Hankyung somehow managed to push together, a small kitchen area, anda bathroom in another attached room. "Do we have to leave?" Heechul asked, sitting in one of the chairs next to the small table by the window, folding down with happy casualness. "We could live here for a couple of days."
"We could," agreed Hankyung, "or we could move on tomorrow and go East and find another place like this where we'll be safer."
"Or we could do that," Heechul said, tapping his nails against the table. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, then almost instinctively, turned it on. Hankyung didn't notice. "Hey, Hankyung, how do you even know that they'll follow us?"
"I don't," Hankyung said, opening the cupboards in the kitchen area to see what he could find. "Not exactly. I'm just going off what happened in China. They followed me everywhere then."
"Yes, but, what if they were just trying to scare you." Heechul went back to tapping his fingernails against the table, a constant rat-tat-tat. "I mean, earlier, you were going to get them sent down. What if now they think that just scaring the living shit out of you is enough?"
Hankyung smiled. "It's a nice idea."
"You know, there's no need to be so patron--" Heechul broke off as his phone suddenly rang, the chorus of The Trax's latest song loud in the sudden still silence. He picked it up. "Withheld number," he whispered.
"I thought you said you wouldn't turn it on! Heechul, don't--"
"Hello?" Heechul's voice was confident and assured, even with Hankyung practically throwing himself across the room to make him hang up. "Can I help you?"
"Kim Heechul?" Heechul didn't answer, but that was because Hankyung had clamped his hand over his mouth and was trying to grab the phone away from him. "I think you should know my name, Kim Heechul. I am Yuan Yi, and I am going to watch you die."
Hankyung wrenched the phone from Heechul's hand, and in lieu of pressing the end call button, simply dropped it to the floor and crushed it beneath his shoe. "I told you to not turn it on," he said, voice so low it was deadly. "I fucking told you, Heechul, I said that they'd be able to track us using that thing, so why the fuck did you turn it on? Why the fuck did you answer, you complete idiot."
"Don't call me an idiot," Heechul said, aiming for his usual annoyed tone but getting something between fear and terror. "Don't you ever -- Hankyung. Hankyung, please, come here, I need to--" Hankyung took a step forward, and Heechul wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in his stomach. "He said he'd watch me die," he whispered.
"Now do you see?" Hankyung asked softly, stroking his hair, anger seeping from him. "This is real, Heechul."
"He's not allowed to kill me."
"Of course he's not. I won't let him, Heechul."
Hankyung, suddenly, felt like he was soothing a small child. He slowly pulled Heechul's arms from his waist and guided him to his feet, pulling him to the bed and sitting there with him. He put his back against the wall and pulled Heechul onto his lap. "I promise you," he said, Heechul still and silent in his arms. "I will not let him kill you."
They left the motel early the next morning. Neither of them were particularly comfortable staying in the room that the phone call had been conducted in for much longer. As much as Hankyung reassured Heechul that the call had been so short that no trace of them would have been able to occur, the reality was that he wasn't too sure, and he didn't want to take any chances. Luckily, Heechul was happy enough to be on his way too.
The country and western station was still blaring out as they went on their way. Hankyung had decided on a plan which would take them in the direction of Busan, then they would turn back and head to Mokpo, but this meant another day or so of what he was beginning to think of as the worst music in the world. His thoughts, however, were keeping him occupied. He couldn't stop thinking about last night, and the way Heechul had seemed tense even in his sleep.
"Heechul," he said calmly, "I think you should go back to Seoul."
Heechul didn't say anything.
"It's really not safe for you here, and I really think that you'll be in less danger if you head back to Seoul and stay away from me."
Heechul remained silent.
"Heechul, are you listening?"
"Stand by your man," Heechul sang along to the woman on the radio in English, then said in Korean, "God, I hate this song, it is so bloody patronizing, you know? Well, no, of course you wouldn't know, since your English skills suck."
"I'm Chinese," Hankyung said, his usual defence against Heechul's accusations against his English skills.
"And I'm Korean," retorted Heechul. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Were you listening?"
"Yes, of course I was fucking listening. I just thought it was all bullshit so I didn't answer."
"It's not bullshit, it's the truth."
"Okay, so, maybe it's safer. It would have been safer if I'd never met you, Hankyung, but do you want that? No, of course you don't. I don't want to leave you, so get that through your stupid, thick, Chinese brain. I am not leaving."
"I just worry about you," Hankyung said. "I'm prepared for this, they taught me how to defend myself before they flew me to Korea. You don't know how to defend yourself, and I worry about what will happen if I'm not around."
"Well, nothing, because you're never not going to be around."
"You can't be sure of that."
"Then teach me how to defend myself then!"
It was all very well and good him saying this, but when Hankyung pulled the gun out of his pocket that night in the hotel room they'd taken, Heechul practically flinched away from it. "Don't worry," Hankyung said, snapping open the top and emptying the bullets on the bed, so that there was no danger. "You're not going to shoot anything yet. I just want to get you used to holding it on your hand."
"I don't even want to touch it," Heechul said, stubbornly crossing his arms across his chest.
"Heechul," Hankyung said patiently, "be more like Chi-liang. I bet she wasn't scared to hold a gun."
"Okay," Heechul said, glaring at him. "First of all, don't compare me to my own fictional characters. Secondly, stop being so condescending and treating me like I'm five years old. Thirdly, fuck you."
"Here," Hankyung said, and held out the gun. After a moment's pause, Heechul took it from him gingerly and held it like it was liable to explode in his hands. Hankyung adjusted his hold, reflecting that it was kind of like learning how to ride a bike: you never forgot. "There, like that."
"Like this?" Heechul held the gun up and mimed firing it at the wall. "I don't know, Hankyung, it doesn't feel right."
"It doesn't look right, either," Hankyung said, taking it from him and sitting down on the bed to put the bullets back in. "But you should know how to use one, at the very least." He slid it back under the pillow that he would be using.
"You don't look right with it either," Heechul said, still standing where he had been when Hankyung had took the gun off him. "Neither of us look right."
"It'll be okay," Hankyung said, head bowed. "It'll be okay. We'll get to Mokpo eventually and then we can -- we'll rent somewhere. We'll live there. It'll be okay."
"No, it won't," Heechul said, coming forward and standing between Hankyung's legs. "It won't be okay, not while the guy is out there. But it will -- it'll be okay so long as we're together, right?"
"Right," Hankyung said, as Heechul put his fingers against his chin and raised his head up. "It'll be okay." Heechul bent down and kissed him, holding him still with both hands half against his jaw, half on his neck. Hankyung kissed back desperately, sliding his tongue between Heechul's lips and yanking him closer so that Heechul's body was practically flush against him. "We, I, we--"
"Bed," Heechul said, and Hankyung moved back so that Heechul could straddle his waist and unbutton his shirt and kiss his chest, and Hankyung held Heechul close to him and ignored the way Heechul repeated it's okay it's okay like it was his mantra.
"Wait, I get to drive?" This bit of information made Heechul far, far too happy, and Hankyung thought that reflected so badly on their current lifestyle that something so insignificant could cause him to practically bounce in his chair. Hankyung nodded, smothering a smile.
"I'll read the map. You'll have to follow everything I say."
"I can do that."
Hankyung snorted, then quickly said that he was just going to the toilet before Heechul could retort angrily, like was written all over his face. Heechul watched after him with narrowed eyes, then fell to fiddling with the salt and pepper shaker, staring out of the window at the people walking past, possibly on their way to work for the day. Heechul had never worked a day job like that before in his life, but suddenly he was jealous of them, of all the people with their structured lives still in tact. He almost wished he had an office he could retreat into.
He was interrupted by the waitress appearing by the side of the table. "Hi, are you ready to order?" she asked, cheerfully and chirpily. Heechul opened the menu and gave it a quick glance.
"Yeah, I'll have the waffles, and he'll have the -- pancakes, please."
"Great," chirped the waitress, which really kind of annoyed Heechul, and bounced away to offend the nerves of some other person. Heechul went back to fiddling with the salt shaker until Hankyung returned, his coffee finally now cool enough to drink. He gulped some of it down.
"I'm getting tired of diner coffee," he said. Heechul smirked and picked up his glass of water, as if he were advertising it. Hankyung scowled. "How are you even awake?"
"The light of the day flows through me and keeps me perky," Heechul said. "Also, I had some of the coffee in the hotel room because you were talking forever in the shower. I can't work out if it was worse or better than diner coffee."
"Nothing could be worse than this," Hankyung said firmly. "Nothing."
"How about walking in on Sungmin on his knees in front of that guy from your photoco--"
Hankyung went white. "We agreed to never bring that up again," he said. "You promised."
"It's always nice to see the expression on your face."
"God, I couldn't look either of them in the face for months afterwards."
"I'd told you that inviting Sungmin to one of your work parties was a bad idea. It's the suits, they give him sugar daddy fantasties."
"Your friends are the worst people in the world," Hankyung said. "Sungmin is a nyphomaniac, and the rest of them all hate me."
"I wonder how he's getting on in Japan," Heechul said musingly, as the waitress returned and put their food down in front of them. Hankyung began eating his pancakes without even really wondering about what they were. "I hope he doesn't end up getting thrown out of the country for indecency." He picked at his waffles. "I wish I could text him and let him know I'm fine."
Hankyung didn't say anything. He'd already had to promise to buy Heechul the newest mobile phone released when this was all over and they returned to Seoul, in repentence for crushing his other one -- though God only knew when that would be.
"So we're heading to Mokpo today, right?" Hankyung nodded. "I've never been there."
"It's not a holiday, Heechul."
"Why do you have to take all of the fun out of everything? Why can't I be excited about wanting to visit somewhere that I've never been before?"
"It's not as thought we'll get to do any sightseeing. We'll drive there, find a hotel room, then drive out in the morning."
"Even just driving through is enough," Heechul said sullenly, returning to playing with the salt shaker. Hankyung sighed, and reached across the table to hold his hand still.
"I know you don't mean to be flippant," he said. "I know that you -- I just don't think you understand the extent of how dangerous this all is. We can't be seen by anyone who could pose a threat, and a city like Mokpo -- there's bound to be people there who could pose a threat."
"I don't think you understand how much you're treating me like a naughty child," Heechul said. His eyes were like flint.
Hankyung placed his fork back on the table, suddenly not hungry any longer. "Heechul--"
"I'm perfectly aware that we're on the run from people after your ass. I'm just questioning why I can't be happy about even just driving through somewhere new. Excuse me for wanting to get a little bit of normality into the completely fucking ridiculous situation."
"Heechul, I don't--"
"Forget it," Heechul said, pulling out his wallet and throwing some money down on the table. "Just, forget it, okay? Let's go."
It was amazing how awkward country and western music could make things. There was complete silence in the car, apart from Hankyung's regular directions and the sound of American warbling. Heechul, however, had not been made for silence. It wasn't something written into his DNA. Every time Hankyung said something, Heechul would follow it up with a snide comment, which Hankyung fought to ignore, irritation spreading over him. Heechul wanted a reaction, and Hankyung wouldn't give him one in the hope that Heechul would get bored and let it go.
Heechul didn't. It went on, Hankyung having to clench his teeth against answering back. Heechul seemed to realise how on edge he was, and accompanied his comments with a smug smirk. Once they'd joined the road down to Mokpo, off the main motorway, Hankyung decided that they didn't need the map any longer and opened the glove compartment to put it away. A packet of cigarettes fell out and onto his lap. He saw Heechul look at them, then look, determined, out of the front windscreen again.
"Heechul?" Hankyung asked quietly. "What are these?"
"Cigarettes," Heechul said in a bored tone.
"I know they are, why the hell are they here? I thought you'd quit."
"I did."
Hankyung was confused; he'd never been able to smell smoke on Heechul before, he'd never come home to find Heechul smelling of it. "When did you--"
"I bought them at the garage," Heechul said. "Remember, when you made me stop talking to that guy, like you were my master or something. That place."
"Okay," Hankyung said. "Okay, Heechul, stop the damn car."
Heechul, it appeared, was only too happy to do that. He pulled off to the side a little and slammed the brakes on, making Hankyung jerk a little in his seat. As soon as they were stopped, Heechul flung open his door and got out, walking a little from the car on the grass field by the side of the road, and then stood, arms crossed, back to the car. Hankyung got out a little more slowly, hand clenched around the packet of cigarettes.
"I thought you said smoking was something you'd never do again," he said over the top of the car. Heechul didn't look back at him when he answered.
"I haven't opened them yet, dad, don't worry."
"Heechul."
"I haven't smoked them yet!" The tension that had been building up inside Heechul had finally snapped. He rounded on Hankyung, who had moved to stand on the same side of the car, and he looked as though he was going to hit him -- Hankyung knew he wouldn't, but he almost wished he would. Last time Heechul had been like this, he'd thrown a vase across the room; he was only physically violent to objects. Hankyung hadn't done anything to diffuse this because in a way, he felt like he deserved it. He kind of wished there was a vase that Heechul could throw -- he'd probably step in front of it. "I haven't smoked them, stop acting like you're my -- like you're my fucking keeper or something! If I want to smoke a cigarette, then I fucking can, okay?"
"I never said you couldn't."
"You implied it! Just like you're always implying that I'm not good enough, like I'm just dragging you back. What is with all that telling me to go back to Seoul? What the fuck, why won't you just come out and say that you don't want me around, I'd be happy to just fucking --"
"What the hell!" Hankyung interrupted, staring at him, aghast. "You seriously think that I don't want you with me? Okay, so maybe I think you'd be safer in Seoul. I'd be less terrified, constantly, that I'm going to make a mistake and get you killed, if you were in Seoul and away from me. I am fucking shit scared, Heechul."
"Well, you don't act it!"
"No, because I know how lost and confused you are! And I'm sorry for that, so guilty for making you like that and dumping you in the deep end, so I have to act as though I know what I'm doing, when in reality? In reality, I haven't got a freaking clue!"
"Then why don't you -- Hankyung." Heechul took his face in his hands and ran his thumbs across his cheeks; Hankyung suddenly realised how close he was to crying, and he took Heechul's wrists with his fingers and pulled them away from his face. "Hankyung, you do not need to do this on your own. That's the whole reason I am here. We're doing this together, so stop trying to make it work on your own. I'm not a child. I can help you."
"I know but -- why should you? I dragged you into this. I'm the whole reason you're--"
"Oh my god, shut up with the martyr act. God, Hankyung, despite what I've been saying, I kind of know that this isn't actually your fault. It's not as though you invited this guy to come after you. You stood up for what you believed in, and that makes you a good person -- and I know, I have always known, even when I was angry at you when you first told me the truth, even when I couldn't even stand the sight of your face, I knew: you are a good person, Hankyung, and I -- I'm proud of you."
Hankyung smiled. "Really?"
"Yes. Now stop acting like such a loser and get back in the damn car, because I want to get to Mokpo before sunset. Why did you make us even stop, I am so serious."
"Because you were angry at me."
"Get the hell back in the car."
Hankyung followed the order. He realised he still had the packet of cigarettes in his hand, and put them back in the glove compartment out of the way. "I bought them just so I knew that they were there," Heechul said quietly, turning the engine back on. "I needed to know that if I wanted, I could have one. I needed to have that control."