Child
How much crazier can it get for a fresh two new weeks back in SF.
I want to be a child again where people were real, their smiles sweet and their laughter warm. Their had no conceited intent, and money did not make or break ties. As children, we were masters in treasuring the smallest things in the world, and death was never in our vocabulary.
Where has the child in everyone gone?
Apparently for people of the year of Ox, it may be a technology-disaster year. It seems like my computer, although free from the grasp of Vista (after 4 times of servicing in a span of 1 and a half weeks?!), is still suffering from some brain damage. But it doesn't stop there. Like my bank. But whatever. Stuff happens. And i'm direly unmotivated, at just the lovely start of the Spring semester. Other things ensues. But i..guess. Things will take on a different direction soon, i must stay in light.
I am no celebrity..but i realize, whether or not one is, people are bound to be SO FAKKING STUPID. Or selfish. Or too damn bored-- hell give me your time!
Just yesterday, i heard a friend passed away back home. So, he wasn't all that close to me..but he was close enough to send a chill down my spine, and goosebumps racing on my skin. I have never been that close to experiencing a passing of a friend (or relative) like this.. i could not get myself to open the mail after reading the title in the inbox. So..it came, the tears. But what the heck....i found myself breaking to tears the past few nights involuntarily anyway. And it was the kind that did not allow words to escape my lips, the kind that makes the tissue roll dance as i tear pieces from it over and over again.
So i guess the crying part of a child suddenly grew so strong in me. I feel ridiculously weak, but thankfully, he has been helping to ward me off the edge.. how shameful it is, that i, after coming this far, after the years eat away in my life, after all i have been fighting for, that i still am this weak.
There is much i need to learn about in dealing with people and staying myself instead of assimilating, adapting to others for their sake. I do not need to care for everyone that threads into my life, i don't need to care if they are pissed when i know that beyond doubt, i have done nothing wrong. Doesn't matter if i did care or was concerned or tried to help at all, i just need to keep my ground that I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG so SUIT YOURSELF you emocrack. Stop affecting my temperament, this stupidity is just too much.
Can't i just enjoy the dew on the tips of leaves in the morning, breath and escape amidst the fresh greens of grass and get lost in the clear blue of the clouds? Do such things have to cost so much?
I guess on a happy note, i did get to change one of my classes at the very last minute.. way to go my record of dropping 3? classes in a term. Looking forward to the class.
I want to be a child again where people were real, their smiles sweet and their laughter warm. Their had no conceited intent, and money did not make or break ties. As children, we were masters in treasuring the smallest things in the world, and death was never in our vocabulary.
Where has the child in everyone gone?
Apparently for people of the year of Ox, it may be a technology-disaster year. It seems like my computer, although free from the grasp of Vista (after 4 times of servicing in a span of 1 and a half weeks?!), is still suffering from some brain damage. But it doesn't stop there. Like my bank. But whatever. Stuff happens. And i'm direly unmotivated, at just the lovely start of the Spring semester. Other things ensues. But i..guess. Things will take on a different direction soon, i must stay in light.
I am no celebrity..but i realize, whether or not one is, people are bound to be SO FAKKING STUPID. Or selfish. Or too damn bored-- hell give me your time!
Just yesterday, i heard a friend passed away back home. So, he wasn't all that close to me..but he was close enough to send a chill down my spine, and goosebumps racing on my skin. I have never been that close to experiencing a passing of a friend (or relative) like this.. i could not get myself to open the mail after reading the title in the inbox. So..it came, the tears. But what the heck....i found myself breaking to tears the past few nights involuntarily anyway. And it was the kind that did not allow words to escape my lips, the kind that makes the tissue roll dance as i tear pieces from it over and over again.
So i guess the crying part of a child suddenly grew so strong in me. I feel ridiculously weak, but thankfully, he has been helping to ward me off the edge.. how shameful it is, that i, after coming this far, after the years eat away in my life, after all i have been fighting for, that i still am this weak.
There is much i need to learn about in dealing with people and staying myself instead of assimilating, adapting to others for their sake. I do not need to care for everyone that threads into my life, i don't need to care if they are pissed when i know that beyond doubt, i have done nothing wrong. Doesn't matter if i did care or was concerned or tried to help at all, i just need to keep my ground that I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG so SUIT YOURSELF you emocrack. Stop affecting my temperament, this stupidity is just too much.
Can't i just enjoy the dew on the tips of leaves in the morning, breath and escape amidst the fresh greens of grass and get lost in the clear blue of the clouds? Do such things have to cost so much?
I guess on a happy note, i did get to change one of my classes at the very last minute.. way to go my record of dropping 3? classes in a term. Looking forward to the class.