Fic: Thso Ghost and His Keeper [Michael/Adam, Gabriel, Raphael] Part III
Part II
PART III
It takes a while, but they fall into a sort of routine after that.
They make a plan. Many plans actually. Michael hovers around teaching Adam how to draw the sigils until he can do them in his sleep. They argue over where to to place the sigils, argue over plans for the event that the angels do break in. They discuss alternatives. They argue over the why. Michael still says he doesn't know, but Adam knows he's lying. He can feel it in his bones, but Michael doesn't budge.
Adam starts researching about their 'condition' as he takes to calling it. Michael scoffs and doesn't help, until Adam nags him into it.
Nanny still comes over, bringing dinner, and Michael makes himself scarce during these moments. Gives Adam these moments of normalcy after the fucking shit-storm he's brought back again into Adam's life by just existing. On some level, Adam is thankful for it. Thankful that he at least gets this one comfort.
~*~
“I like this music.” Michael says manifesting himself near Adam while Adam stirs the soup. It's definitely sarcastic, but Adam doesn't care. It's been a long day, longer than normal, and he's spent a lot of extra time in the library, and he thinks he's earned the right to listen to ABBA. Besides this is his house.
“Of course you do. It's ABBA.” Adam replies. “Only people with no fun in their soul hate ABBA.”
“You are a ridiculous human, Adam Milligan.”
Adam lets it slide, because he has more important things on his mind. “I found something in the library today. I know, I know, you hate it and most of the stuff there is balls,” Adam says looking at the expression on Michael's face, taking a moment to realise that yes this is his life, he's living with Michael and he can understand his expressions, before going on. “But, there's this book about soul switching between creatures of the night thing? Weird folklore, but it sounded like us. I checked it out just in case. It's in my bag.”
Michael nods and goes off to extract the book and read it, complete with odd condescending snorts, and grumbling about how much humans get wrong. It's become a routine for them. Adam will find something he thinks might help with their situation, Michael will go through it and give the final verdict. So far all have been negatives.
Then he goes very silent for a long time, which is generally unusual.
“So? Anything to do with us?” Adam asks hopefully, pouring himself a bowl of soup.
Apparently, the thing turns out to be a bust, because while it is true, it's the fancier description of a body switching spell, which, balls. He's back to ground zero.
~*~
One of Adam's favourite things to discuss with Michael, when he's not trying to figure out how to get rid of his Michael problem, is what Michael will do once their 'condition' is eventually cured. (The fact that he's actually talking to Michael has long stopped being a novelty, and holy fuck, when did that happen?) Michael's list is ever growing, and it always makes for something of a cheerful distraction after a very depressing day of finding jack squat.
“You say it like it's a sickness.” Michael says amused.
Adam unconsciously kicks at his form in a friendly manner, and sips his coffee. “It kind of is, if you go to think about it.”
“Travel. I blame your watching the Travel Network for that.”
It's all so mundane that it seems surreal and it makes Adam laugh. “Still not what I was expecting. You really want to do human things, huh?”
“Yes.” Michael says it with such feeling, that Adam can't help but be infected with it too.
“All right, where?”
“Venice.”
“Huh. Funny. I've always wanted to go there too.” Adam says. Michael smiles at him for that, like he's letting Adam in on a secret that he can't remember.
~*~
Days, weeks, and months go by. No more angels come around. Adam eventually stops asking Michael questions, resigning himself to the fact that the former archangel won't answer them. They still discuss plans, alternatives, Adam speculates on the 'whys' while Michael dismisses it.
He starts hoping that maybe Michael was right about it blowing over, that it has blown over. He doesn't need to say it, but Michael seems to be hoping for the same.
He gets used to co-habituating with the former archangel. Gets used to coming home with some lead on their condition before Michael debunks it. To Michael sitting on his sofa, watching a game or movie with him, and asking questions quietly. To him hovering around when Adam reads, until Adam gives up and starts reading aloud, just to stop the former archangel from reading over his shoulder. To discussing the fucking monthly budget with him, ranting to him about work, and bills. Talking about music and politics, and sports and everything under the sun. To Michael's ghostly heat at his back whenever he's cooking as Michael watches fascinated. To Michael sitting in front of him whenever he eats lunch.
To Michael hovering around everywhere, moving through rooms and walls so much like the house belongs to him too. To watching Michael's form walk through the hallways, trailing ghostly fingers along the walls and humming.
He gets used to it all so much, that sometimes when Michael fades out because he needs some time to himself, Adam misses him. He's started to see Michael as a friend.
It's nice having someone to live with again, even if they're a former archangel or ghost or whatever Michael is. The house doesn't feel empty. Doesn't feel lonely any more.
And Michael without his earlier angelic pride turns out to be excellent company. Actual likeable company. It's like Michael's almost human.
Life goes on.
He still has good days and neutral days and bad days. The bad days still outnumber the good ones. Except now there's an added Michael factor. On the good days, Michael takes to reading over his shoulder, or snarking with him when he watches TV, because apparently turning ghost gives you abilities for sarcasm. On the neutral days he's offering advice on how to work the budget, and stupid things like that. And when the neutral days slowly start hinging into the bad, or the bad days get worse, Michael is there. Ghostly, calm, light moving through him, but he's a firm warm presence, and he's comforting, and Adam doesn't think too much about that, just accepts it without looking a gift horse in the mouth.
That or he's twisted and fucked so bad in the head, that he's developing a sort of unhealthy co-dependency with Michael. It's probably the latter but it's better for Adam's brain to think of it as the former.
~*~
He doesn't even realise when it happens. He would've continued to be oblivious if Nanny hadn't mentioned it over wine.
She reaches out to hold his hand in her own wrinkled one, as she's leaving for the night. “I know you miss her, but this has to stop, Addie.”
“Stop? What has to stop?” Adam asks confusion enhanced by his tipsiness.
“The food. Cooking too much as if Kate's coming for lunch or dinner. Making too much coffee. The second mug, the laying out of extra dishes. Talking to yourself during the day in the house. I thought you were done grieving, but it's just gone worse. You know you can't keep doing it forever.”
“Huh?” he asks, even more confused now, having no idea what she's going on about, but Nanny gives him this sad, sad look that's scarily similar to the one Michael had given him when he'd said 'you don't remember, maybe it's better that way' (and yes that is still bothering him). She doesn't say anything after that, just cups his face in her hands, pulls his head down to kiss his forehead, and leaves.
He walks back into the living room and flops onto the couch confused, and bothered by Nanny's words. Michael materializes immediately in front of him, worried grey-blue eyes trained on him. In fact it's kind of funny how that expression is the one Adam's most familiar with. Michael always seems worried about him.
Then it hits. Adam swears, surprising Michael.
“Adam, Adam, what's wrong?”
“Nothing,” he squeaks, breaking out laughing at the absurdity of it all, because he has no way of explaining it. In fact there's no reason he should even be doing it. He's been laying out extra dishes for Michael, without even realizing he was doing it. It's stupid, so very stupid, because Michael isn't alive. He's a spectre haunting Adam, because as he puts it - Adam is his Cage. But still he's been doing it as if in anticipation for things to right itself and what? Michael to magically have a separate body and do all the things his ghostly self does with Adam. To want to stay here in this house with Adam, to do all those human things he talks about doing, even if he's more likely to leave and go back to Heaven, where he belongs.
(And wow that thought hurts. It hurts a lot.)
He's falling for the archangel. He should have seen it coming from the moment he realised that he'd stopped seeing Michael as a threat.
Michael looks at him even more worried, and that just makes Adam laugh harder at it, the irony of it all, everything, until tears are rolling down his cheeks.
He's so fucked up it should not even be funny, yet it is.
~*~
He tries to avoid Michael after that. Tries to gain some distance so that he can look at his life objectively again and kick sense into his head. This is Michael he's falling for. Michael who has screwed him over beyond belief, who's haunting him because he's bound to Adam's house. Who'd tortured him in the Cage, and as peacefully as they're living together now, it's only because of forced circumstances. Michael has no use for him otherwise.
Michael however, doesn't take kindly to Adam's sudden distance, if invading his personal space is any indication. Adam manages to get away every time, but Michael only gets more persistent.
“What's wrong? You've been acting strangely since Mrs McGee came over that day.” Michael's incorporeal form is fucking straddling him in his bed, and wow there is so much wrong with this.
“None of your business. Now get off.” Adam grouses. He knows he can move through Michael if he absolutely has too, but that's like moving through fire sometimes.
“Adam, you can tell me.”
“None of your damn business, Michael.”
“Adam.” Michael's right in his face then, radiating enough heat to make Adam feel like he's roasting.
“All right I'll tell you why I've been acting weird if you tell me exactly what I can't remember that makes you mope.” It's playing dirty and he knows it. Adam's figured out that there's some bad memory attached to it. But Adam doesn't want to deal with his growing feelings and attachment to the former archangel, and he just wants Michael to stop. Michael seems to get it, because he lets up, gives Adam his space, and doesn't ask after that.
~*~
Adam is the one that ends up caving first. He's got so used to having someone other than Nanny around that avoiding Michael becomes tedious.
It's on a bad day, when he's too alien and feels like he's back in the Cage and catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and hates what he sees. He's screaming and scrambling back, and calling for Michael before he even knows it. Michael's at his side in an instant, talking, calming Adam until the panic recedes, and then orders Adam into his room.
Adam listens, and the next day they go back to how it was before Adam's epic realisation of 'hey I might have this fucked up thing for the ghost haunting me, who is co-incidentally the archangel who fucked me over thrice, and have I mentioned it's fucked up, like really?'
Michael seems happy, genuinely happy, doesn't ask why, and it just makes things worst, because now Adam feel like an utter ass. But things do settle down after that.
~*~
Actually now that Adam pays attention, Michael does seem genuinely happy to help Adam, to talk to Adam, to be in the same room as Adam a lot. He actively seeks out Adam. Seems even happier when Adam seeks him out. Tries his hardest to be a part of Adam's life, even in the most mundane things. Like figuring out what to take Nanny to cheer her up when she gets hospitalised, or plan this week's groceries. Leaves whenever Adam so much as glares at him with an odd expression on his face.
Adam had thought it was initially due to Michael being sorry, and trying to make amends in his own way, and yes it does seem to partly be that, there's something nagging at him.
You're my Cage, and now this is my Cage. That's what Michael had said. Adam had taken it differently back then, but he's started looking at it in a new light off late. Started re-examining that statement, and a lot of Michael's recent behaviour in context with Adam's own behaviour. Looks back now, and remembers Michael before the angels came in, when Adam was trying to get rid of him, and in reality Michael was simply trying to communicate. When Michael, in hindsight, seemed more like a wounded animal scared out if it's mind, which made so much sense because he was suddenly without his powers or even without a physical body, in his vessel's house. When what Adam did trying to get rid of him could count as torture. How Michael had seemed relieved once they came to a truce. How Michael started seeking him out, seemed to enjoy every interaction they had after that where Adam didn't try and banish him.
Adam starts re-examining everything, and he doesn't like what his mind is telling him.
Maybe it's just Adam projecting. Maybe it's him trying to make sense of his own twisted feelings for Michael. And he hopes it's just that. He hopes with all his fucking self. But, of late, taking in Michael's behaviour, he's starting to wonder if Michael has some weird Stockholm Syndrome thing going on for him.
An archangel. The Sword of Heaven. Michael. Having Stockholm Syndrome in regard to Adam. And Jesus Christ, that is fucked up. That is so fucked up. It's beyond a whole universe of fucked up, before coming back to meet that it doesn't even come around, just breaks a barrier and keeps going, and getting lost and further lost in the abyss of fucking wrong.
~*~
The thing is Adam can't even avoid Michael, because Michael goes sad and moody and quiet, in a way that makes it seem like Adam is hurting him. It's in those moments that the soft “you don't remember” sits in his head like a mantra and drives him crazy.
And the thing is Adam can't really stay close to Michael, because his own fucked up attraction just gets worse, (as in jacking off in the shower to the thought of him and Michael worse) and he really doesn't know what to fucking do any more.
So Adam does nothing. He clamps down on his feelings and pretends that there is no problem, and hopes that if he ignores it enough it'll just go away.
~*~
But the problem doesn't, because Adam is still the Universe's favourite butt-monkey.
He comes home from work one night sometime past midnight because he stopped by to visit Nanny in the hospital and managed to convince the nurses into letting him stay longer than usual before the new shift kicked him out, to Michael sitting on the sofa staring at his hands. It takes a moment to realise that there's no light going through him, that's he's solid and real.
“Michael, what?”
Michael looks up, staring at Adam in wonder. “I'm human,” he says as an answer.
“I can see. How?” Did things fix itself? Does Michael have his Grace back? Why isn't Michael possessing him? After all he's Michael's vessel, and Adam always thought that fixing their condition would entail Adam playing suit again, without consent because he's already housing Michael's Grace. Adam has so many questions running through his mind right now, and one look at Michael confirms that he's in the same boat.
“I don't know.” Michael says finally. “I just, I was suddenly like this. It's been a few hours now.” He looks scared and more importantly happy at the same time, smiling.
“No idea how?”
“None. It's better than the other state. I can feel things. I borrowed your clothes, I hope you don't mind.”
Adam lets out a bark of laughter at that, trying to ignore the feeling of possessiveness and want that makes it's way down his spine at the thought of Michael wearing his clothes. He claps his hand on Michael's back, a little surprised at the sound, the feeling of cloth and warm skin under his hand. Even though he knew it was going to be there, part of him was still expecting his hand to go through Michael. He marvels at the fever warmth radiating from Michael, unconsciously rubbing circles with his thumb where his hand is, before he catches himself, and pulls his hand away. Puts down the slight frown he gets as him projecting, or Michael's own issues. “No, no problem. Hey come on, we should celebrate your sudden non-ghostliness.”
“Adam that doesn't even make sense.”
“Of course it does. I'm giving you an excuse to get drunk.”
Michael smiles at that, murmurs something about eating first, which Adam can do, Adam can totally do. Eating is probably better than drinking now that he thinks about it. Getting drunk might cause problems.
It's odd being able to actually feel Michael hovering over him as he cooks. It's nice, and Adam stamps down on the thought, because he's been trying to deny whatever their issues are for ages now. Michael becoming real, tangible should not change it, because now it means Michael is free to leave right? Michael is free, and he needs to know that, that Adam won't hold him back.
Though, Adam keeps wondering aloud how it happened before Michael shuts him up with a “You always tell me not to question a good thing.”
Michael helps him set up the table, eats slowly and then digs in and it's just amazing to watch. “This is good. I've been waiting for so long to actually eat your cooking,” he says through a mouthful, smiling crookedly when Adam laughs. He insists on helping Adam clean up, pressing a little closer into Adam's space. Adam would say something, should say something considering what this might be, but he knows what it's like to be starved for contact. He's been starved for contact since Nanny was hospitalised. So he allows it. Besides, Adam's already used to it, and despite the fucked up reasons behind it, he wants to take what little he can get. Michael keeps to Adam's side the rest of the night, talking animatedly more than he's ever heard Michael speak before, while Adam still worries about the sudden change. Worries about what it may mean for them now.
It's a put out sigh, and warmth invading Adam's space that makes Adam look up, and really look up, and Michael is leaning in. “Michael, what?”
Michael just leans in further, close enough that they're breathing in the same air. His gaze is hooded and his eyes are trained on Adam's lips. And then with a simple 'I want this', Michael is kissing him, warm, chaste and soft.
It's Adam who deepens it without even thinking, pulls Michael closer, fists his hand in the short hairs at the base of his skull. Michael groans clearly not used to kissing at all, and then practically melts against Adam with a relieved sigh, and wow. Wow.
Adam should push him away, do something more, because this is wrong on so many levels. None of this is stemming from anything healthy, and Adam should be the bigger person and put a stop to it. Should have realised that allowing Michael to hang around closer than normal could be taken like a come-on in this way. Instead, he's pulling Michael even closer, making Michael whine for air, chasing Michael's lips when he does pull away. But it's like Michael has broken the dam or opened up the floodgates of all the fucked up feelings Adam has for him, which he's been trying to stifle, keep locked up and hidden from Michael. It's like Adam's body has suddenly remembered on the good parts of physical intimacy he'd seemed to have forgotten about other than his own hand, until just now. And Michael is warm, is tangible, is real and in his arms. And now, given that inch, Adam not even going to stop after a few thousand miles, even if he knows he should.
There's also the fact that something about this seems too achingly familiar, like they've done this before, and that should make Adam think. It should make him stop, because once again Michael's soft “you don't remember” flashes through his mind. but it just makes Adam want to cling onto this even more. So he manoeuvres them on the couch until Michael in on top of him, slides his hands under his clothes to touch Michael's fever warm skin, and grinds up into Michael causing him to moan brokenly into Adam's mouth. And it's good. It's fucking good, because Michael copies his actions, reacts so fucking beautifully, that Adam really doesn't want to stop.
He doesn't know when he falls asleep, between the pawing and groping, and kissing, but he wakes up on the couch to a snarling Michael.
“Michael? Michael, what?” he slurs, looking at Michael in shock. And then he remembers the previous night, and goes, “Fuck, shit, sorry Michael, I shouldn't have- we shouldn't-”
Michael looks at him, amidst shaking and rippling in the brightening morning glow, and it takes Adam a moment to realise that Michael is translucent, he's back to his normal spectral state.
“Michael, what? How? I thought?” Adam tries to form some words, but Michael looks broken, and shocked, and then just up and vanishes.
-x-x-x-
Part IV