This is for Long Forgotten Light at the End of the World Part 2 [Michael/Adam]
Part 1
*
Breakfast, surprisingly enough once he gets some more sleep, isn't the miserable affair he'd expected it to be. Adam doesn't end up constantly having to remind himself that he's a grown up and shouldn't be sulking like a teenager over Michael. Michael left. Sulking wouldn't bring him back, if he didn't want to stay. And Adam amazes himself at finally having internalised it enough to actually believe it.
He makes himself coffee, and eggs. He cleans the house. He gets his laundry done. He gets everything he'd need to cook both lunch and dinner, prepared. He cooks lunch, eats lunch. And he gets not one distress call about a patient. He even finally ends up picking up a book, and sitting down to read on some extra soft cushions, and get some of that relaxing he'd planned on doing before Michael showed up a few days ago. All in all, it's turning out to be a well spent day off.
And so Adam goes on with his life. The world keeps turning, and the snow keeps piling up outside the house, melting into ice every morning, and making it difficult for Adam to go to his dispensary. Michael's brief re-entry and hasty exit, becomes a few pages, that even if ripped off would not take away or change anything from the way it is now. And as much as Adam would've liked it if Michael had stayed, maybe it is better this way.
*
Raphael stops by once, unexpected, always unexpected - and really why don't the angels just leave his life all together? - still as graceful as she looked when Adam saw her the third time. The first time she was wearing a male vessel, and the second being the day when Michael brought her wounded into their house muttering Castiel, before they got her cleaned up and healed. She'd uttered a lot of curses back then, glaring at him as if she'd smite him where he stood for touching her. Even though he'd been trying to help. She still looks like she wants to smite him too, mouth a harsh line, eyes boring into him; and Adam closes his eyes, tenses, and readies himself for lightning to come out of the sky and strike him right where he sits, like it would in the cartoons.
After a few long moments, when he feels none of that happen, and it's long enough for him to realise that no, he's still alive and not
imagining it, he finally opens his eyes. Raphael is regarding him like how a sane person would regard overly peppy teens fawning over whatever they fawn over that attracts weird looks.
He's not sure if that train of thought even makes sense, it probably doesn't. but he's pretty sure he's allowed to think stupidly when Raphael's nearby, since well it's Raphael. She terrifies him more than Michael and Lucifer do. And he's spent nearly two centuries with those two in the Cage. Not to mention that time when... yeah so not going there.
But yeah Michael and Lucifer are all big powerful archangels, but Raphael is second to God in healing and and archangel. Adam's learnt early on in life that you do not mess with people in the medical profession thanks to his mom, and then had it reaffirmed while studying to become a doctor, himself. They know exactly how your body works, spend years studying it. It's safe to say that they by that alone, also know exactly how to fuck you over in ways you wouldn't know.
There's also the fact that Michael has pretty much compared how Adam was in the Cage being way similar to Raphael, and from what Adam remembers about how he got, well... he has a good reason for being terrified as fuck when it comes to this archangel.
Hence, it means Adam by default goes into survival mode, and unless complex thought processes are related to you living, you pretty much think worse than a ten year old. So really he's allowed to think stupid, and no Raphael shouldn't glare at him for doing so, which she probably is.
It's even more funny since he does think of this smite happy archangel as a good friend. His best friend even. (Yeah he needs therapy, but there are no therapists who'll be able to deal with how fucked up his life truly was.)
Seriously, he forgot how peaceful his life had gotten without the angels in it.
“Hi?” He tries when Raphael still glares and hasn't said a word yet, because he might as well do it. And really this is normally the part where otherwise Raphael would nod curtly and leave; or stop glaring and sit down, and demand tea, and then point out that how Adam should've got it already because the general human thing to do is offer a house guest something. (Raphael's a stickler for those kind of things. Angels do what they should be doing. Humans do what they should be doing - which honestly according to Raphael is probably listening to angels, getting smote by them for doing anything that annoys her like breathing, and dying so that she can get to the Rapture part already. Adam's still wondering how they're friends, even in the loosest sense of the word.)
At least that's what Raphael used to do. Honestly this is the first time he's seen her in months too. Once he and Michael went their separate ways it's safe to say he hasn't seen much of her either. She's busy with other affairs.
Her glare makes it look like she's expecting something, and for a brief moment Adam feels like throwing caution to the wind and just asking her 'What?' and being done with it. A thought which is quickly discarded because slow death by horrible pain. Do no want. Ever.
Then it strikes him as to why she might be here. “Michael's not here. Took off. I don't know where he's gone off too.” And he's
not sure why he's surprised by the lack of anything bitter, angry, or wistful in that. He's accepted it.
Raphael's giving him that look. The one that says 'You are a worthless speck of dust, and I cannot fathom why my brother chooses to be so enamoured with you lowly creature, or why he hasn't killed you yet. And I have yet to understand why I even bother with you, as well.' And Adam will not think how similar it looks to the one his mother used to give him when he'd done something incredibly stupid, and she was wondering why he wasn't making amends for it yesterday.
(He will also conveniently ignore the fact that other than the archangel in question, he's the sole speaker of the language
'Raphael'. There are just places you do not want your mind to go. For it's own good.)
“Hey, I asked him to stay.” And maybe it's because of that look, that Adam is actually elaborating, trying to defend himself to Raphael. “He's the one who ran off like a coward.”
Raphael's glare only gets sharper - and how is that even possible? - and Adam winces. Yeah, calling Michael of all angels a coward in front of Raphael is definitely not the hottest of ideas, he's had. But facts, are facts, are facts. Michael is a coward.
“If my brother,” she starts voice far too neutral and calm to be naturally possible, and Adam thinks that this is the point where he
should get out the angel banishing sigils, because he's not sure if all the wards Michael put up in this place will work at curbing
Raphael. Michael sure, but again Raphael is in a whole different league, altogether. “Wasn't so needlessly endeared by you, I would
have turned you to ash right now.” And with that she's gone, thankfully.
At least now Adam can breathe normally again, without having to worry about dying horrifically. And maybe he should celebrate too.
Every time he meets Raphael and comes out alive is worth celebrating.
Of course the celebration turns into cursing her out, once he finds his collection of Stephen King, and his scotch missing. She stole it. She actually stole it.
No really, why does he know the archangels?
*
It's safe to say, he's not expecting Michael to pop up again. Even after the whole strange visit from Raphael. He's made his peace with it - rather quickly; so much so that he surprised himself about it; but then again he has lived without Michael here for seven years now, maybe he's just used to it. But apparently, because Michael, and the universe at large still insist on throwing Adam curve balls, Michael pops into his life again and his kitchen. Right as Adam is busy taking the hot soup off the stove while trying to control a sneeze. He's been coming down with a cold off late, and probably caught it from one of the kids he checked.
Seeing the archangel so suddenly nearly makes Adam jump, and he ends up spilling the soup everywhere. Just thankfully, not on himself. He doesn't like the idea of second degree burns coupled with his sniffling.
He's also wondering if maybe it's possible that his heart could maybe get used to this. It better if Michael insists on giving him near heart attacks like that. Honestly he's not built for shit like this any more. His youth has been hectic enough that sometimes his heart feels like it's fifty instead of what his physical age is.
“Don't,” he pants while trying to get his breath back, and his racing heart to calm down, “do that.” Really does Michael want to kill
him? Raphael, Adam can understand. She hates him. They have this thing going on. But Michael?
The archangel has lived with him before. He knows never to suddenly do something like this when Adam is near the gas, or handling hot liquids, or has knives in his hand. Especially when Adam has a knife in hand. Basically he doesn't like being startled while doing something in the kitchen. Hasn't the archangel learned through experience, to know not to do this?
Michael, being the ever infuriating asshole that he is, smirks at that. He fucking smirks. And for that alone, Adam takes back every wish he had for Michael and him to work things out this time. The archangel can rot for all he cares.
Okay so maybe not every wish. Maybe like four fifths of it.
Still.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Adam glares at him, the effect somewhat ruined by his need to sneeze. Not only does he have a cold, and a near heart attack, but now he doesn't have any soup. And he's going to have to clean that up in this state. And now Michael is here, probably back to bring Adam some more emotional turmoil. Joy. Adam isn't in the mood for that. Colds make him extra bitchy as it is.
Really, it's like Michael was created only to antagonise him.
Michael quickly sobers up at that, eyes downcast. And it is so not fair that he looks like a kicked puppy. How can you even look like a kicked puppy with greying hair? Seriously.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.” He makes to reach out for Adam before pulling his hand back halfway and shoving it into his pocket, and shifting about on his legs awkwardly. Adam simply raises an eyebrow at that, but wisely keeps his mouth shut. He wants to know exactly why Michael has come back again.
And all right maybe it's also because he likes seeing Michael squirm. Which is what the archangel is doing right now. He is a little sadistic. So what? Normally he'd clamp down on that, but he has a cold, and Michael nearly gave him a heart attack and made him spill his soup. As far as Adam knows he's allowed to be a jackass right about now.
“I...” Michael starts again, and Adam leans against the stove waiting for what comes next. It doesn't. Michael seems to be taking his time, fidgeting about while he tries to find the words. That's exactly when a particularly nasty sneezing fit decides to assail Adam.
“You should be in bed.” Michael's at his side in an instant, hands light on Adam's hips, as he begins to try and guide Adam out of the kitchen, ignoring Adam's raised eyebrows. Now, the archangel seems like he's in more familiar territory, with this, compared to the nervous ball of energy he was just a second ago. How does he even do that? And Adam is genuinely surprised how easily he finds himself listening, and letting Michael guide him out of the kitchen, despite the fact that barely a few minutes ago he was all ready to enjoy Michael's suffering.
“The soup.” Adam grumbles, turning around, but the floor is sparkling clean, and Michael pushes at his shoulders, until he's out on the kitchen and in the living room, and then into his bed room. And then until he's on the bed. And if that isn't enough, the heater's cranked up higher, pillows are being propped and fluffed so that he can lean against them, blankets are being wrapped around Adam that weren't there a moment ago, and there's soup on the night stand by his side.
To be honest, he's a little overwhelmed, by all of this. It's been a while since something like this happened; since he fell ill and Michael took care of him - he'd always hated the quick angel healing thing Michael did - and it's so achingly easy to sink back into. That scares him a little. A lot. Universe filling level of fear actually.
“I don't need to be mother-henned, you know. I'm not a kid, and I can take care of myself.” Adam feels himself pouting before he can control it. He's expecting Michael to tut, and start scolding him like he normally would; but Michael pulls away immediately looking as if Adam slapped him.
Which really he needs to stop doing, otherwise Adam might just slap him. On principle.
“I... Of course you don't. I'm sorry. I didn't realise... no that sounds wrong. I...” Watching Michael fumble over words like this is painfully embarrassing. (Which is just plain weird because just a bit ago Adam found it amusing. Seriously fuck colds.) He looks torn. As if he still wants to keep touching Adam, judging by the way his fingers keep twitching, and he doesn't at the same time.
Adam is too grumpy thanks to his stuffy nose to even bother, but this seems like it's only going to get worse. So, raking his fingers through his hair he sends Michael a sharp look. “Michael, what are you doing back here?”
Michael sits down gingerly on the edge of the bed. There's a certain rigidity and tension to his posture, as if he's waiting for war, rather than talking to Adam. And Adam just thinks about that for a second, as to how absurd it sounds in his head. Michael - the archangel Michael - looking like he's preparing for war instead of trying to talk to his old sick lover. “I came to apologise. I shouldn't
have left the way I did. Not without saying something to you first.”
Oh. So that's what this is about.
“Yeah well you did. Look, if you don't want to stay I won't stop you. I shouldn't have made you agree to stay in the first place.”
“It's not that Adam.”
“Then what is it Michael? Enlighten the poor foolish human, here.” Because really, he's tired of Michael's many excuses. The archangel just needs to decide if he's in or out. Not hover and dangle the proverbial carrot from a string in front of Adam, every time Adam gives up. It's torture.
“I... I still do not trust myself to not hurt you when I'm around you. Adam, I've hurt you. More than once. And there's a huge chance I'll do it again.” Michael smiles sadly at that.
“I thought I said it earlier. My problem here isn't the hurting thing. Though yeah that's a huge problem, in itself. Seriously, best plan would be to stop doing those kinds of things. But getting back to it, it's the fact that you try and find a quick fix or run away after a
problem instead of working to fix it, that's my problem. And I'm not some fragile doll that'll shatter completely. I can pick myself up
after something shitty has happened.”
“I don't know how to fix it. And you're not understanding what I'm trying to say. This isn't some human thing. We were created to adore and serve. I was created to adore and serve only One being, who had power to keep me in line. When I chose you, I....” Michael trails off as if his voice is caught, like he's trying to find words, and Adam can't even look at him now. He hadn't expected Michael to bring this up. He knows the significance of Michael's choice. Whether God abandoned His kids or not, His kids, especially His most loyal son turning away from Him, wasn't done. Adam remembers Michael when he thought God had forsaken him. How he'd begged and gone insane in the cage. Now, for him to choose to turn away, that should've been heartbreaking.
He's about to apologise, when Michael starts speaking again. “What I've done, what I could do in the future should I lose myself again, it'll affect your soul. I've put enough of a strain on that as it is, Adam. Souls aren't infallible. They can die or be destroyed too. If I mess up this time, and I know I will... I still haven't completely healed from the Cage, there might not be a way to fix it. You might
just disappear. No heaven, no hell, no afterlife. And I'd rather stay away from you forever, than lose you to oblivion. It's selfish of me,
yes, but.... what else can I do?
“I know you, even if I were to give you control, like I've tried too before, you wouldn't take it. You believe in equality, and that's one of the things I love about you. But I've spent lifetimes and aeons existing until you, existing to serve my Father and control Heaven, being unchanging. I cast Lucifer away because I loved Father more than him. I bowed to humans when I didn't want too, out of love
for Him. I don't want that existence any more, but I can't exactly throw it away. That's not easy. And you're human Adam. A strong determined human with a soul that even at it's lowest, shines more brightly than Lucifer ever did, who's taken His place, but still human. And by the time I can learn to truly be equal to you, it would be far too long or too late. Especially with all those added deterrents. I don't want to take that risk. I destroy everything I love, and I don't want to do that to you. Being away from you isn't easy, but an existence until everything truly ends, without you... that's worse. I'd rather stay away and know you're happy, that you're alive, shining than just not there thanks to what I did.” Michael's eyes are pained and far away. And fuck if Adam knows how to reply to that.
So naturally, he ends up asking Michael the first thing that comes to his head. Which of course is: “Why is your hair greying?” And then he promptly wants to kick himself for it. Michael has just poured his heart out here to him. Even if his brain to mouth filter has technically vanished because he's digesting whatever Michael said, while sick, it's still no excuse for asking him something like that. That's something he'd have expected his teenage self to do. With that Adam single handedly trivialised everything Michael just said.
Where's mom when you need her to smack you upside the head?
Michael looks taken aback, and then a small almost wistful smile makes it's way onto his face. “You once said we should grow old together. It would've been odd if this form remained unchanging while yours aged. And there wasn't any reason for me to keep time to a standstill for this form.”
Adam cannot help the utterly goofy smile that forms on his face at hearing that. Michael decided to age, because of something Adam had once said. It had been post sex afterglow pillow talk. Not that Adam hadn't meant it or looked forward to it, but at that time he'd barely mentioned it. For Michael to remember, to act upon that, even though he didn't have too, didn't need too. Sure letting time flow for the vessel he created for himself won't matter, because Michael will exist till the end of time; but to even have that illusion of ageing, for Adam. Adam can't push him away now. Not after that. Sure it seems like a trivial reason, but someone help him, for all that Michael actually said about not being able to be equals, he tries more than anything. And this just shows it.
“Stay.”
Michael stares at him. “Adam.... I.... You know.... No I can't.”
“Do you want to stay?
Michael's shoulder droop, and he looks distressed. Adam is briefly amazed at how he can still look rigid like that. That should not be possible. Even Raphael can't do that. And Raphael can do a bunch of things. “I want too. Father help me, I want too. There's nothing more I want than to be by your side again. All these years I've wanted that. But we both know why I shouldn't be.”
“You want to be here. Then stay here.”
“Adam, didn't you listen to what I said?”
“Grow old with me, Michael. Who knows how much time I have left any way. It might be fifty more years, it might be five. I still want to spend them with you. I trust you. And this time I actually mean it.”
Michael drags his hand over his face, and sighs. “You aren't going to let this go, are you?” It's obvious he means to sound stern, but he can't quite hide that faint note of amusement in his voice.
Adam, for all his age, matureness, and illness, dons the most shit eating grin he can and says, “Nope.”
“You bring out the worst in me.”
“Okay hey, seriously why are we blaming me now?” Because really where did that come from?
Michael huffs, finally relaxing, and he takes Adam's hand, running his thumb over Adam's knuckles. “I meant that as a compliment. I'd never known how flawed I was until I met you. Thank you. I do not understand why you still have so much faith in me, but thank you for it.”
Adam looks down at their hands, before entwining them together. It feels so good to do this again. Seven years has been too long. They'll probably not be able to go back to what they used to be, but that's all right. After all everything grows, and changes. It needs too. He looks back up at Michael. “No problem.”
What he means by that is 'I love you.' Michael smiling now, at that, and Adam knows he understood. Quiet joy is written all over his face and most evident in those pronounced crows feet at his eyes. Age is a good look on Michael. Almost like a physical manifestation of how far Michael has come.
Adam doesn't remember eating, or falling asleep, but he wakes up to the sun on his face, and able to breathe normally. Michael's not next to him in the bed, or in the room. And there's no sounds coming from any where in the house either; but there is a note on his night stand, neat and folded into perfect fours, wedged under a glass of water. The note reads “I know you hate it but your cold only seemed to be getting worse. You wouldn't be able to go to the dispensary either. So I took a few liberties. You can yell at me for it later. Breakfast is in the kitchen. The toaster and microwave are still working in the pristine condition they were working at yesterday. Don't worry I didn't destroy anything. The kitchen is safe. Take care of yourself. I'll be back by evening. - Michael.”
Adam smiles, rereading the note a few times, before getting out of bed to get ready for his day. It looks like it's going to be a good one.
*
Adam's dozing when Michael comes back. He announces his presence by materialising in front of where Adam is comfortably curled up on the sofa supposedly re-reading “Nineteen Eighty Four” for the umpteenth time now. Michael takes one look at Adam, in between shaking the snow out of his hair, and raises an amused eyebrow.
“Frankly, the frequency at which you keep reading that book, alarms me.”
“Hello to you too. Yes, I forgive you for coming home later than you told me to expect you. Yes, you will be allowed to sleep on the bed, instead of being delegated to the couch as punishment. And yes I will still have sex with you tonight, because I am a nice person, and I love you. So shut it. You're not allowed to criticise what I read. It's my favourite book.”
“That doesn't make it any better.”
“Even Raphael likes it. Why do you give me grief about it?”
“The fact thatRaphael likes it is even more disturbing. That alone should indicate why I worry.”
“Michael, shove it.”
“You can actually quote whole passages from a book, that's based on a society where everyone is under the watch of a few powerful members, and freedom is curbed, Adam. Your email password is Ingsoc. I have a right to worry.” Michael deadpans. Michael's expression of mock worry is priceless, and he can't even keep it up for long himself. The corners of his lips quirk upwards constantly before he catches himself to school his expression again. Adam chucks one of the cushions at him while stifling his laughter.
Michael catches it, throwing it onto the couch, along with his coat, before coming over to where Adam is, and settling in next to Adam's legs. His expression has turned into something fond, as he regards Adam, his fingers lightly trailing over Adam's knee. Adam can feel the warmth of Michael's fingers bleed through his jeans. It's achingly familiar to how they were around each other when they hovered on the edge of starting something romantic all those years ago. When they both didn't know how exactly to do something about it. When Michael would look for reasons for invade Adam's personal space, and Adam would look for excuses to keep him there. Before they just fell into a relationship.
It's been like that for these past few months now, ever since Michael came back a second time and stayed. Adam hadn't really expected it to be like this. He'd thought they'd simply fall back into their old habits, pick up from where they left off. But not this. It's almost as if Michael is courting him again, right from the beginning. And he honestly likes it. It's nice. Peaceful. It's them.
“There's hot chocolate for you on the counter. You're gonna have to warm it, though. It's been sitting there for a while. I don't think it's hot any more.” Adam says it after a while, breaking their gaze, and sitting. But not before he catches Michael's happy grin. The
archangel looks like a child who's been told Christmas is coming early. It's always amusing how much Michael enjoys the beverage. Adam could bribe him into doing so many things for just a cup of hot cocoa. He has bribed Michael into doing stuff for him by offering hot cocoa before.
“You constantly do not have to remind me of the various reasons I love you, but it is greatly appreciated.” And Adam laughs as Michael leans in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I am glad I listened to Raphael's advice to come back here, and talk to you. I would've never had you make me stay otherwise.”
And wait. Wait. What? Adam just stares at Michael. “Raphael, Raphael, told you to come back?” Because wow. Seriously wow. Raphael told Michael to come back. Holy shit. And yeah.
Wow.
“She did. Though, I doubt she'd be pleased, if she found out that I told you about it.” Michael smiles, a little crookedly as if he's
letting Adam in on a secret, which he pretty much is. And no seriously, this is unbelievable and hard to process and kind of hilarious in it's own way.
“I should get her something. Should I get her something? What could I get her? Wards. Exotic items. Exact co-ordinates to Dean and
Sam's locations - no wait that would just be me being mean to her. Maybe fine quality alcohol, like a nice bottle of Guinness. Yeah
Guinness sounds good. She likes Guinness right?”
“She does like Guinness.”
“I'm rambling, aren't I?”
“Yes you are.” Michael chuckles, pressing another kiss to his lips before getting off the sofa in search of his hot chocolate.
“Marshmallows are in the third cupboard. And by the time you get your ass back here, you better have the locations for where I can get the best Guinness. Or you're sleeping on the couch. I mean it Michael!” Adam calls out after the archangel laughing. Raphael was the one who forced Michael to come back here a second time. He takes back every bad thought about the archangel.
Part 3/Epilogue
*
Breakfast, surprisingly enough once he gets some more sleep, isn't the miserable affair he'd expected it to be. Adam doesn't end up constantly having to remind himself that he's a grown up and shouldn't be sulking like a teenager over Michael. Michael left. Sulking wouldn't bring him back, if he didn't want to stay. And Adam amazes himself at finally having internalised it enough to actually believe it.
He makes himself coffee, and eggs. He cleans the house. He gets his laundry done. He gets everything he'd need to cook both lunch and dinner, prepared. He cooks lunch, eats lunch. And he gets not one distress call about a patient. He even finally ends up picking up a book, and sitting down to read on some extra soft cushions, and get some of that relaxing he'd planned on doing before Michael showed up a few days ago. All in all, it's turning out to be a well spent day off.
And so Adam goes on with his life. The world keeps turning, and the snow keeps piling up outside the house, melting into ice every morning, and making it difficult for Adam to go to his dispensary. Michael's brief re-entry and hasty exit, becomes a few pages, that even if ripped off would not take away or change anything from the way it is now. And as much as Adam would've liked it if Michael had stayed, maybe it is better this way.
*
Raphael stops by once, unexpected, always unexpected - and really why don't the angels just leave his life all together? - still as graceful as she looked when Adam saw her the third time. The first time she was wearing a male vessel, and the second being the day when Michael brought her wounded into their house muttering Castiel, before they got her cleaned up and healed. She'd uttered a lot of curses back then, glaring at him as if she'd smite him where he stood for touching her. Even though he'd been trying to help. She still looks like she wants to smite him too, mouth a harsh line, eyes boring into him; and Adam closes his eyes, tenses, and readies himself for lightning to come out of the sky and strike him right where he sits, like it would in the cartoons.
After a few long moments, when he feels none of that happen, and it's long enough for him to realise that no, he's still alive and not
imagining it, he finally opens his eyes. Raphael is regarding him like how a sane person would regard overly peppy teens fawning over whatever they fawn over that attracts weird looks.
He's not sure if that train of thought even makes sense, it probably doesn't. but he's pretty sure he's allowed to think stupidly when Raphael's nearby, since well it's Raphael. She terrifies him more than Michael and Lucifer do. And he's spent nearly two centuries with those two in the Cage. Not to mention that time when... yeah so not going there.
But yeah Michael and Lucifer are all big powerful archangels, but Raphael is second to God in healing and and archangel. Adam's learnt early on in life that you do not mess with people in the medical profession thanks to his mom, and then had it reaffirmed while studying to become a doctor, himself. They know exactly how your body works, spend years studying it. It's safe to say that they by that alone, also know exactly how to fuck you over in ways you wouldn't know.
There's also the fact that Michael has pretty much compared how Adam was in the Cage being way similar to Raphael, and from what Adam remembers about how he got, well... he has a good reason for being terrified as fuck when it comes to this archangel.
Hence, it means Adam by default goes into survival mode, and unless complex thought processes are related to you living, you pretty much think worse than a ten year old. So really he's allowed to think stupid, and no Raphael shouldn't glare at him for doing so, which she probably is.
It's even more funny since he does think of this smite happy archangel as a good friend. His best friend even. (Yeah he needs therapy, but there are no therapists who'll be able to deal with how fucked up his life truly was.)
Seriously, he forgot how peaceful his life had gotten without the angels in it.
“Hi?” He tries when Raphael still glares and hasn't said a word yet, because he might as well do it. And really this is normally the part where otherwise Raphael would nod curtly and leave; or stop glaring and sit down, and demand tea, and then point out that how Adam should've got it already because the general human thing to do is offer a house guest something. (Raphael's a stickler for those kind of things. Angels do what they should be doing. Humans do what they should be doing - which honestly according to Raphael is probably listening to angels, getting smote by them for doing anything that annoys her like breathing, and dying so that she can get to the Rapture part already. Adam's still wondering how they're friends, even in the loosest sense of the word.)
At least that's what Raphael used to do. Honestly this is the first time he's seen her in months too. Once he and Michael went their separate ways it's safe to say he hasn't seen much of her either. She's busy with other affairs.
Her glare makes it look like she's expecting something, and for a brief moment Adam feels like throwing caution to the wind and just asking her 'What?' and being done with it. A thought which is quickly discarded because slow death by horrible pain. Do no want. Ever.
Then it strikes him as to why she might be here. “Michael's not here. Took off. I don't know where he's gone off too.” And he's
not sure why he's surprised by the lack of anything bitter, angry, or wistful in that. He's accepted it.
Raphael's giving him that look. The one that says 'You are a worthless speck of dust, and I cannot fathom why my brother chooses to be so enamoured with you lowly creature, or why he hasn't killed you yet. And I have yet to understand why I even bother with you, as well.' And Adam will not think how similar it looks to the one his mother used to give him when he'd done something incredibly stupid, and she was wondering why he wasn't making amends for it yesterday.
(He will also conveniently ignore the fact that other than the archangel in question, he's the sole speaker of the language
'Raphael'. There are just places you do not want your mind to go. For it's own good.)
“Hey, I asked him to stay.” And maybe it's because of that look, that Adam is actually elaborating, trying to defend himself to Raphael. “He's the one who ran off like a coward.”
Raphael's glare only gets sharper - and how is that even possible? - and Adam winces. Yeah, calling Michael of all angels a coward in front of Raphael is definitely not the hottest of ideas, he's had. But facts, are facts, are facts. Michael is a coward.
“If my brother,” she starts voice far too neutral and calm to be naturally possible, and Adam thinks that this is the point where he
should get out the angel banishing sigils, because he's not sure if all the wards Michael put up in this place will work at curbing
Raphael. Michael sure, but again Raphael is in a whole different league, altogether. “Wasn't so needlessly endeared by you, I would
have turned you to ash right now.” And with that she's gone, thankfully.
At least now Adam can breathe normally again, without having to worry about dying horrifically. And maybe he should celebrate too.
Every time he meets Raphael and comes out alive is worth celebrating.
Of course the celebration turns into cursing her out, once he finds his collection of Stephen King, and his scotch missing. She stole it. She actually stole it.
No really, why does he know the archangels?
*
It's safe to say, he's not expecting Michael to pop up again. Even after the whole strange visit from Raphael. He's made his peace with it - rather quickly; so much so that he surprised himself about it; but then again he has lived without Michael here for seven years now, maybe he's just used to it. But apparently, because Michael, and the universe at large still insist on throwing Adam curve balls, Michael pops into his life again and his kitchen. Right as Adam is busy taking the hot soup off the stove while trying to control a sneeze. He's been coming down with a cold off late, and probably caught it from one of the kids he checked.
Seeing the archangel so suddenly nearly makes Adam jump, and he ends up spilling the soup everywhere. Just thankfully, not on himself. He doesn't like the idea of second degree burns coupled with his sniffling.
He's also wondering if maybe it's possible that his heart could maybe get used to this. It better if Michael insists on giving him near heart attacks like that. Honestly he's not built for shit like this any more. His youth has been hectic enough that sometimes his heart feels like it's fifty instead of what his physical age is.
“Don't,” he pants while trying to get his breath back, and his racing heart to calm down, “do that.” Really does Michael want to kill
him? Raphael, Adam can understand. She hates him. They have this thing going on. But Michael?
The archangel has lived with him before. He knows never to suddenly do something like this when Adam is near the gas, or handling hot liquids, or has knives in his hand. Especially when Adam has a knife in hand. Basically he doesn't like being startled while doing something in the kitchen. Hasn't the archangel learned through experience, to know not to do this?
Michael, being the ever infuriating asshole that he is, smirks at that. He fucking smirks. And for that alone, Adam takes back every wish he had for Michael and him to work things out this time. The archangel can rot for all he cares.
Okay so maybe not every wish. Maybe like four fifths of it.
Still.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Adam glares at him, the effect somewhat ruined by his need to sneeze. Not only does he have a cold, and a near heart attack, but now he doesn't have any soup. And he's going to have to clean that up in this state. And now Michael is here, probably back to bring Adam some more emotional turmoil. Joy. Adam isn't in the mood for that. Colds make him extra bitchy as it is.
Really, it's like Michael was created only to antagonise him.
Michael quickly sobers up at that, eyes downcast. And it is so not fair that he looks like a kicked puppy. How can you even look like a kicked puppy with greying hair? Seriously.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.” He makes to reach out for Adam before pulling his hand back halfway and shoving it into his pocket, and shifting about on his legs awkwardly. Adam simply raises an eyebrow at that, but wisely keeps his mouth shut. He wants to know exactly why Michael has come back again.
And all right maybe it's also because he likes seeing Michael squirm. Which is what the archangel is doing right now. He is a little sadistic. So what? Normally he'd clamp down on that, but he has a cold, and Michael nearly gave him a heart attack and made him spill his soup. As far as Adam knows he's allowed to be a jackass right about now.
“I...” Michael starts again, and Adam leans against the stove waiting for what comes next. It doesn't. Michael seems to be taking his time, fidgeting about while he tries to find the words. That's exactly when a particularly nasty sneezing fit decides to assail Adam.
“You should be in bed.” Michael's at his side in an instant, hands light on Adam's hips, as he begins to try and guide Adam out of the kitchen, ignoring Adam's raised eyebrows. Now, the archangel seems like he's in more familiar territory, with this, compared to the nervous ball of energy he was just a second ago. How does he even do that? And Adam is genuinely surprised how easily he finds himself listening, and letting Michael guide him out of the kitchen, despite the fact that barely a few minutes ago he was all ready to enjoy Michael's suffering.
“The soup.” Adam grumbles, turning around, but the floor is sparkling clean, and Michael pushes at his shoulders, until he's out on the kitchen and in the living room, and then into his bed room. And then until he's on the bed. And if that isn't enough, the heater's cranked up higher, pillows are being propped and fluffed so that he can lean against them, blankets are being wrapped around Adam that weren't there a moment ago, and there's soup on the night stand by his side.
To be honest, he's a little overwhelmed, by all of this. It's been a while since something like this happened; since he fell ill and Michael took care of him - he'd always hated the quick angel healing thing Michael did - and it's so achingly easy to sink back into. That scares him a little. A lot. Universe filling level of fear actually.
“I don't need to be mother-henned, you know. I'm not a kid, and I can take care of myself.” Adam feels himself pouting before he can control it. He's expecting Michael to tut, and start scolding him like he normally would; but Michael pulls away immediately looking as if Adam slapped him.
Which really he needs to stop doing, otherwise Adam might just slap him. On principle.
“I... Of course you don't. I'm sorry. I didn't realise... no that sounds wrong. I...” Watching Michael fumble over words like this is painfully embarrassing. (Which is just plain weird because just a bit ago Adam found it amusing. Seriously fuck colds.) He looks torn. As if he still wants to keep touching Adam, judging by the way his fingers keep twitching, and he doesn't at the same time.
Adam is too grumpy thanks to his stuffy nose to even bother, but this seems like it's only going to get worse. So, raking his fingers through his hair he sends Michael a sharp look. “Michael, what are you doing back here?”
Michael sits down gingerly on the edge of the bed. There's a certain rigidity and tension to his posture, as if he's waiting for war, rather than talking to Adam. And Adam just thinks about that for a second, as to how absurd it sounds in his head. Michael - the archangel Michael - looking like he's preparing for war instead of trying to talk to his old sick lover. “I came to apologise. I shouldn't
have left the way I did. Not without saying something to you first.”
Oh. So that's what this is about.
“Yeah well you did. Look, if you don't want to stay I won't stop you. I shouldn't have made you agree to stay in the first place.”
“It's not that Adam.”
“Then what is it Michael? Enlighten the poor foolish human, here.” Because really, he's tired of Michael's many excuses. The archangel just needs to decide if he's in or out. Not hover and dangle the proverbial carrot from a string in front of Adam, every time Adam gives up. It's torture.
“I... I still do not trust myself to not hurt you when I'm around you. Adam, I've hurt you. More than once. And there's a huge chance I'll do it again.” Michael smiles sadly at that.
“I thought I said it earlier. My problem here isn't the hurting thing. Though yeah that's a huge problem, in itself. Seriously, best plan would be to stop doing those kinds of things. But getting back to it, it's the fact that you try and find a quick fix or run away after a
problem instead of working to fix it, that's my problem. And I'm not some fragile doll that'll shatter completely. I can pick myself up
after something shitty has happened.”
“I don't know how to fix it. And you're not understanding what I'm trying to say. This isn't some human thing. We were created to adore and serve. I was created to adore and serve only One being, who had power to keep me in line. When I chose you, I....” Michael trails off as if his voice is caught, like he's trying to find words, and Adam can't even look at him now. He hadn't expected Michael to bring this up. He knows the significance of Michael's choice. Whether God abandoned His kids or not, His kids, especially His most loyal son turning away from Him, wasn't done. Adam remembers Michael when he thought God had forsaken him. How he'd begged and gone insane in the cage. Now, for him to choose to turn away, that should've been heartbreaking.
He's about to apologise, when Michael starts speaking again. “What I've done, what I could do in the future should I lose myself again, it'll affect your soul. I've put enough of a strain on that as it is, Adam. Souls aren't infallible. They can die or be destroyed too. If I mess up this time, and I know I will... I still haven't completely healed from the Cage, there might not be a way to fix it. You might
just disappear. No heaven, no hell, no afterlife. And I'd rather stay away from you forever, than lose you to oblivion. It's selfish of me,
yes, but.... what else can I do?
“I know you, even if I were to give you control, like I've tried too before, you wouldn't take it. You believe in equality, and that's one of the things I love about you. But I've spent lifetimes and aeons existing until you, existing to serve my Father and control Heaven, being unchanging. I cast Lucifer away because I loved Father more than him. I bowed to humans when I didn't want too, out of love
for Him. I don't want that existence any more, but I can't exactly throw it away. That's not easy. And you're human Adam. A strong determined human with a soul that even at it's lowest, shines more brightly than Lucifer ever did, who's taken His place, but still human. And by the time I can learn to truly be equal to you, it would be far too long or too late. Especially with all those added deterrents. I don't want to take that risk. I destroy everything I love, and I don't want to do that to you. Being away from you isn't easy, but an existence until everything truly ends, without you... that's worse. I'd rather stay away and know you're happy, that you're alive, shining than just not there thanks to what I did.” Michael's eyes are pained and far away. And fuck if Adam knows how to reply to that.
So naturally, he ends up asking Michael the first thing that comes to his head. Which of course is: “Why is your hair greying?” And then he promptly wants to kick himself for it. Michael has just poured his heart out here to him. Even if his brain to mouth filter has technically vanished because he's digesting whatever Michael said, while sick, it's still no excuse for asking him something like that. That's something he'd have expected his teenage self to do. With that Adam single handedly trivialised everything Michael just said.
Where's mom when you need her to smack you upside the head?
Michael looks taken aback, and then a small almost wistful smile makes it's way onto his face. “You once said we should grow old together. It would've been odd if this form remained unchanging while yours aged. And there wasn't any reason for me to keep time to a standstill for this form.”
Adam cannot help the utterly goofy smile that forms on his face at hearing that. Michael decided to age, because of something Adam had once said. It had been post sex afterglow pillow talk. Not that Adam hadn't meant it or looked forward to it, but at that time he'd barely mentioned it. For Michael to remember, to act upon that, even though he didn't have too, didn't need too. Sure letting time flow for the vessel he created for himself won't matter, because Michael will exist till the end of time; but to even have that illusion of ageing, for Adam. Adam can't push him away now. Not after that. Sure it seems like a trivial reason, but someone help him, for all that Michael actually said about not being able to be equals, he tries more than anything. And this just shows it.
“Stay.”
Michael stares at him. “Adam.... I.... You know.... No I can't.”
“Do you want to stay?
Michael's shoulder droop, and he looks distressed. Adam is briefly amazed at how he can still look rigid like that. That should not be possible. Even Raphael can't do that. And Raphael can do a bunch of things. “I want too. Father help me, I want too. There's nothing more I want than to be by your side again. All these years I've wanted that. But we both know why I shouldn't be.”
“You want to be here. Then stay here.”
“Adam, didn't you listen to what I said?”
“Grow old with me, Michael. Who knows how much time I have left any way. It might be fifty more years, it might be five. I still want to spend them with you. I trust you. And this time I actually mean it.”
Michael drags his hand over his face, and sighs. “You aren't going to let this go, are you?” It's obvious he means to sound stern, but he can't quite hide that faint note of amusement in his voice.
Adam, for all his age, matureness, and illness, dons the most shit eating grin he can and says, “Nope.”
“You bring out the worst in me.”
“Okay hey, seriously why are we blaming me now?” Because really where did that come from?
Michael huffs, finally relaxing, and he takes Adam's hand, running his thumb over Adam's knuckles. “I meant that as a compliment. I'd never known how flawed I was until I met you. Thank you. I do not understand why you still have so much faith in me, but thank you for it.”
Adam looks down at their hands, before entwining them together. It feels so good to do this again. Seven years has been too long. They'll probably not be able to go back to what they used to be, but that's all right. After all everything grows, and changes. It needs too. He looks back up at Michael. “No problem.”
What he means by that is 'I love you.' Michael smiling now, at that, and Adam knows he understood. Quiet joy is written all over his face and most evident in those pronounced crows feet at his eyes. Age is a good look on Michael. Almost like a physical manifestation of how far Michael has come.
Adam doesn't remember eating, or falling asleep, but he wakes up to the sun on his face, and able to breathe normally. Michael's not next to him in the bed, or in the room. And there's no sounds coming from any where in the house either; but there is a note on his night stand, neat and folded into perfect fours, wedged under a glass of water. The note reads “I know you hate it but your cold only seemed to be getting worse. You wouldn't be able to go to the dispensary either. So I took a few liberties. You can yell at me for it later. Breakfast is in the kitchen. The toaster and microwave are still working in the pristine condition they were working at yesterday. Don't worry I didn't destroy anything. The kitchen is safe. Take care of yourself. I'll be back by evening. - Michael.”
Adam smiles, rereading the note a few times, before getting out of bed to get ready for his day. It looks like it's going to be a good one.
*
Adam's dozing when Michael comes back. He announces his presence by materialising in front of where Adam is comfortably curled up on the sofa supposedly re-reading “Nineteen Eighty Four” for the umpteenth time now. Michael takes one look at Adam, in between shaking the snow out of his hair, and raises an amused eyebrow.
“Frankly, the frequency at which you keep reading that book, alarms me.”
“Hello to you too. Yes, I forgive you for coming home later than you told me to expect you. Yes, you will be allowed to sleep on the bed, instead of being delegated to the couch as punishment. And yes I will still have sex with you tonight, because I am a nice person, and I love you. So shut it. You're not allowed to criticise what I read. It's my favourite book.”
“That doesn't make it any better.”
“Even Raphael likes it. Why do you give me grief about it?”
“The fact thatRaphael likes it is even more disturbing. That alone should indicate why I worry.”
“Michael, shove it.”
“You can actually quote whole passages from a book, that's based on a society where everyone is under the watch of a few powerful members, and freedom is curbed, Adam. Your email password is Ingsoc. I have a right to worry.” Michael deadpans. Michael's expression of mock worry is priceless, and he can't even keep it up for long himself. The corners of his lips quirk upwards constantly before he catches himself to school his expression again. Adam chucks one of the cushions at him while stifling his laughter.
Michael catches it, throwing it onto the couch, along with his coat, before coming over to where Adam is, and settling in next to Adam's legs. His expression has turned into something fond, as he regards Adam, his fingers lightly trailing over Adam's knee. Adam can feel the warmth of Michael's fingers bleed through his jeans. It's achingly familiar to how they were around each other when they hovered on the edge of starting something romantic all those years ago. When they both didn't know how exactly to do something about it. When Michael would look for reasons for invade Adam's personal space, and Adam would look for excuses to keep him there. Before they just fell into a relationship.
It's been like that for these past few months now, ever since Michael came back a second time and stayed. Adam hadn't really expected it to be like this. He'd thought they'd simply fall back into their old habits, pick up from where they left off. But not this. It's almost as if Michael is courting him again, right from the beginning. And he honestly likes it. It's nice. Peaceful. It's them.
“There's hot chocolate for you on the counter. You're gonna have to warm it, though. It's been sitting there for a while. I don't think it's hot any more.” Adam says it after a while, breaking their gaze, and sitting. But not before he catches Michael's happy grin. The
archangel looks like a child who's been told Christmas is coming early. It's always amusing how much Michael enjoys the beverage. Adam could bribe him into doing so many things for just a cup of hot cocoa. He has bribed Michael into doing stuff for him by offering hot cocoa before.
“You constantly do not have to remind me of the various reasons I love you, but it is greatly appreciated.” And Adam laughs as Michael leans in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I am glad I listened to Raphael's advice to come back here, and talk to you. I would've never had you make me stay otherwise.”
And wait. Wait. What? Adam just stares at Michael. “Raphael, Raphael, told you to come back?” Because wow. Seriously wow. Raphael told Michael to come back. Holy shit. And yeah.
Wow.
“She did. Though, I doubt she'd be pleased, if she found out that I told you about it.” Michael smiles, a little crookedly as if he's
letting Adam in on a secret, which he pretty much is. And no seriously, this is unbelievable and hard to process and kind of hilarious in it's own way.
“I should get her something. Should I get her something? What could I get her? Wards. Exotic items. Exact co-ordinates to Dean and
Sam's locations - no wait that would just be me being mean to her. Maybe fine quality alcohol, like a nice bottle of Guinness. Yeah
Guinness sounds good. She likes Guinness right?”
“She does like Guinness.”
“I'm rambling, aren't I?”
“Yes you are.” Michael chuckles, pressing another kiss to his lips before getting off the sofa in search of his hot chocolate.
“Marshmallows are in the third cupboard. And by the time you get your ass back here, you better have the locations for where I can get the best Guinness. Or you're sleeping on the couch. I mean it Michael!” Adam calls out after the archangel laughing. Raphael was the one who forced Michael to come back here a second time. He takes back every bad thought about the archangel.
Part 3/Epilogue