[Fanfiction] And Yet I Scream, Chapter 06: Epilogue
Title: And Yet I Scream
Part: 6 (Epilogue)
Warnings: angst
Rating: R
Pairings: --
Disclaimer: Moonchild does not belong to, nor do its characters or anything else related to the movie. I make no profit out of this story, it is written merely for fun and entertainment of other fans. Yadda yadda.
Notes: This is it. This is the end, the last part of And Yet I Scream. Thank you everyone for reading, for the encouragement. I can't wait to see what you make of the conclusion. Special thanks go to plain_ornament , without whom this would not have been possible.
Summary: And so I allow everything to fade away.
AYIS Chapter 00: Prologue
AYIS Chapter 01: Please
AYIS Chapter 02: Dreams
AYIS Chapter 03: Pieces
AYIS Chapter 04: Breath
AYIS Chapter 05: Fading
And Yet I Scream
Chapter 06: Epilogue
~*~
I am floating.
I have faded.
Words have no meaning for me anymore. If I was still was aware of anything I would probably conclude that it is not an entirely unpleasant sensation not to know the importance and weight of concepts like life and death and regret. Time as well is nothing I can perceive; a second I exist could just as well be an eternity. I have no shape, and neither has the world around me. I am everywhere. I am nowhere.
And yet I am. Or am I?
There is not a conscious thought within me. I am simply there. Where I have come from, what I was once supposed to be does not matter. I do not question my existence, for I do not remember anything beyond it. To me, there is just colourless darkness, thick and syrupy. No sense of a body, just floating. No life, just existence. No identity, just... me, I guess. Maybe I have once had a name, but it has faded away like so much else. Maybe I have once been someone, maybe I have always been just kind of there, existing but not living. Who knows? Who cares?
I don't. If I have ever been something more than this at one point, I have lost all connections to that being. I neither mourn the potential loss, nor do I reminiscent. There is no consequence to those contemplations. Here in the darkness there is just me, the fragment of a presence, alone, pierced on the remnants of what might once have been a mind, a soul, a person.
I am.
And yet I am not.
I will stay here, for I don't know a world beyond the darkness, and even if I did, I would not care about it. Why would I? It would be a world of the living, of those broken less than me. Thoughts have long stopped dripping from the confinements of my mind, for there is no mind left to form them. I am shattered enough to not even feel the pain I should be in, for there are more things broken and damaged about me than just my mind.
I have forgotten how to feel. I have not become one with the nothingness around me, but cracked and broke into so many tiny pieces that there is not enough left for things to connect the way they are supposed to.
Lost. Found.
Despite all that, however, every once in a while something sneaks up to me and disrupts the peaceful existence I have adapted to. I can't grasp what it's supposed to be, but somehow I know that I've been waiting for this and that it comes too late. Without a sense of positions it's hard to tell if that strangeness comes closer or fades away as everything else has eventually done.
And yet…
There is… something.
Maybe. ..
Something disrupts everything I am, will be, ever was. At one uncertain point in time, everything changes. A peculiar… warmth, blooming where the cheek of a living being would be and then spreading from there. Tendrils of it curl through me, dig into me, take a hold of me. The sensation grows more acute, more defined, and the word pain momentarily has meaning again before it disappears from the ruin of my mind and leaves behind only that overwhelming, burning sensation.
The world lurches and the veil of darkness is ripped away for just a second or two. Blinding brightness replaces it. Everything rushes back at once, and for a moment I am whole and I am... I am... Kei... I... can see, I can hear, and by the gods I can feel.
At the edge of my vision there are faces, dirty from digging and scared, horrified by what they found, pale and green with shock and repulsion. One of them retches, another one gags and someone chokes. That someone is me.
There is blue the shade of the sky on a warm summer afternoon, and just a hint of gold, sun-kissed or maybe rays of sunshine, soft and filthy and familiar; and light, a light in the dark, a light so bright it hurts my eyes. The scorching sensation, the pain is still there and I scream, yet there is no sound. Then everything fades once more within the blink of an eye. The need to scream dies out, the burning fades to warmth which becomes cold and then nothing, the light dims and darkness descends once more.
The final curtain.
I am scorched from existence, plunged into the kind of darkness that is too deep to ever be released from.
I die.
And yet…
~*~
The End
Part: 6 (Epilogue)
Warnings: angst
Rating: R
Pairings: --
Disclaimer: Moonchild does not belong to, nor do its characters or anything else related to the movie. I make no profit out of this story, it is written merely for fun and entertainment of other fans. Yadda yadda.
Notes: This is it. This is the end, the last part of And Yet I Scream. Thank you everyone for reading, for the encouragement. I can't wait to see what you make of the conclusion. Special thanks go to plain_ornament , without whom this would not have been possible.
Summary: And so I allow everything to fade away.
AYIS Chapter 00: Prologue
AYIS Chapter 01: Please
AYIS Chapter 02: Dreams
AYIS Chapter 03: Pieces
AYIS Chapter 04: Breath
AYIS Chapter 05: Fading
And Yet I Scream
Chapter 06: Epilogue
~*~
I am floating.
I have faded.
Words have no meaning for me anymore. If I was still was aware of anything I would probably conclude that it is not an entirely unpleasant sensation not to know the importance and weight of concepts like life and death and regret. Time as well is nothing I can perceive; a second I exist could just as well be an eternity. I have no shape, and neither has the world around me. I am everywhere. I am nowhere.
And yet I am. Or am I?
There is not a conscious thought within me. I am simply there. Where I have come from, what I was once supposed to be does not matter. I do not question my existence, for I do not remember anything beyond it. To me, there is just colourless darkness, thick and syrupy. No sense of a body, just floating. No life, just existence. No identity, just... me, I guess. Maybe I have once had a name, but it has faded away like so much else. Maybe I have once been someone, maybe I have always been just kind of there, existing but not living. Who knows? Who cares?
I don't. If I have ever been something more than this at one point, I have lost all connections to that being. I neither mourn the potential loss, nor do I reminiscent. There is no consequence to those contemplations. Here in the darkness there is just me, the fragment of a presence, alone, pierced on the remnants of what might once have been a mind, a soul, a person.
I am.
And yet I am not.
I will stay here, for I don't know a world beyond the darkness, and even if I did, I would not care about it. Why would I? It would be a world of the living, of those broken less than me. Thoughts have long stopped dripping from the confinements of my mind, for there is no mind left to form them. I am shattered enough to not even feel the pain I should be in, for there are more things broken and damaged about me than just my mind.
I have forgotten how to feel. I have not become one with the nothingness around me, but cracked and broke into so many tiny pieces that there is not enough left for things to connect the way they are supposed to.
Lost. Found.
Despite all that, however, every once in a while something sneaks up to me and disrupts the peaceful existence I have adapted to. I can't grasp what it's supposed to be, but somehow I know that I've been waiting for this and that it comes too late. Without a sense of positions it's hard to tell if that strangeness comes closer or fades away as everything else has eventually done.
And yet…
There is… something.
Maybe. ..
Something disrupts everything I am, will be, ever was. At one uncertain point in time, everything changes. A peculiar… warmth, blooming where the cheek of a living being would be and then spreading from there. Tendrils of it curl through me, dig into me, take a hold of me. The sensation grows more acute, more defined, and the word pain momentarily has meaning again before it disappears from the ruin of my mind and leaves behind only that overwhelming, burning sensation.
The world lurches and the veil of darkness is ripped away for just a second or two. Blinding brightness replaces it. Everything rushes back at once, and for a moment I am whole and I am... I am... Kei... I... can see, I can hear, and by the gods I can feel.
At the edge of my vision there are faces, dirty from digging and scared, horrified by what they found, pale and green with shock and repulsion. One of them retches, another one gags and someone chokes. That someone is me.
There is blue the shade of the sky on a warm summer afternoon, and just a hint of gold, sun-kissed or maybe rays of sunshine, soft and filthy and familiar; and light, a light in the dark, a light so bright it hurts my eyes. The scorching sensation, the pain is still there and I scream, yet there is no sound. Then everything fades once more within the blink of an eye. The need to scream dies out, the burning fades to warmth which becomes cold and then nothing, the light dims and darkness descends once more.
The final curtain.
I am scorched from existence, plunged into the kind of darkness that is too deep to ever be released from.
I die.
And yet…
~*~
The End