[Homestuck] Answer Me
Title: Answer Me
Fandom: Homestuck
Author: inksmears
Characters/Pairings: Dave, hints of Dave/Jade
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: He doesn't understand how she keeps smiling.
Author's Notes: Dave angst inspired from all the latest updates. I want to give him the biggest hug.
He didn't understand how she kept smiling. He couldn't fathom why she didn't frown more. In the few years he'd known Jade she hadn't ever been sad. It baffled him. She wore her heart on her sleeve yet Dave thought she was better at concealing emotions than he was. A part of him was angry at her for it. Another part of him desperately wanted to reach out and learn her secret. Still another piece of him just wanted to talk about it, to understand it and to make a connection with someone who might understand. He wanted to understand why he felt the way he did and how to make it go away. He wanted answers.
How did you do it, Jade?
-- turntechGodHead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
TG: how do you do something like that
GG: huh? :O
TG: like
TG: it seems impossible to just be
TG: fuck
TG: its just because youre always smiling
GG: um
GG: dave???
GG: what are you talking about?
GG: are you okay???? :(
TG: shit
TG: look nevermind
TG: this conversation never happened
GG: ????
-- turntechGodHead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
She started pestering him again almost immediately with concern but Dave was too embarrassed, ashamed and frustrated. He removed his iShades and dropped them at his feet where he sat. His back was facing the bloody body behind him. There was blood on his clothes and hands because he had this moment of idiocy and had tried to shake Bro's lifeless body awake. When he was much younger it had always worked in the past.
"Bro, wake up. I'm hungry."
"All right, I'm up."
It hadn't worked this time.
Of course it wouldn't work this time and Dave gripped a fistful of his hair in agitation. The blond strands gleamed red with blood and he hid his face in the crook of his arm. Legs drawn to his chest and elbow resting on his up bent knee, Dave had curled himself into a pathetic ball and tried not to feel.
Jade. How do you smile when you're all alone?
Before the game existed he found out Jade lived by herself on that great big island. It had been on accident and it had only been in passing, a brief moment in their otherwise lengthy conversations. Yet it was something Dave never forgot because being completely alone terrified him.
TG: i dont even think i want to know what your folks would think
TG: they must want to sell you into a child genius program and make some dough
TG: check it our daughter is 12 and can do fucking nuclear physics
TG: wheres our money
GG: hehehe well maybe they would do that if i had any!!
TG: oh
GG: i had my grandpa for awhile but now he just sort of stays in one place
GG: but it is okay!!
GG: it was a long time ago
TG: ok
TG: so its just harley and the devil beast chillin all alone on middle of fuck-who-knows-where-ville island
TG: thats cool i guess
GG: :D
He started thinking afterward what it would be like to live on a huge island by himself. He hadn't been able to take that thought very far. Bro was Bro but at least he was there. At least Dave wasn't literally alone. Now he was and it weighed on him so heavily he felt he might crumple into a heap, never to rise again. "It was a long time ago", she said. Was that the secret? Was that the answer he needed? "Time heals all wounds"? It was the biggest slap-in-the-face irony Dave had ever encountered and he hated it. It was the first time he discovered irony could be cruel. Irony was funny, right? It wasn't suppose to be cruel. It was only suppose to be funny.
If time healed all wounds why wasn't he fine with this? Bro was dead. There, look. He admitted it. He could look over his shoulder and confirm it if he really wanted to. He didn't want to. He was the Knight of Time. He was the motherfucking master of time. So what was the hold up? Time was always on his side, so what was taking it so long to make him feel better. Pick up the pace, he had shit to do. Let's go. Come on. Come on.
He grabbed his shades from the ground.
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tunrtechGodhead [TG] --
GG: dave wait!!
GG: dave???
GG: are you still there???
GG: come back and tell me whats wrong :(
GG: youre acting weird
GG: i am kind of worried
GG: daaaaaaave
GG: i am going to keep pestering you until you talk to me!!!
GG: i know you are still there
GG: so come on!!
GG: talk!!!!
TG: do you know that saying time heals all wounds
GG: dave!!!!
TG: i dont like that saying
TG: its stupid and isnt actually true
TG: who even comes up with that
TG: do they get paid to come up with deep meaningful bullshit that people quote at each other
TG: i want to punch that guy in the face
GG: okay dave i am serious
GG: what is happening
GG: wait...
GG: oh no is this about your bro? :(
TG: no
TG: im just making cheeky conversation about deep philosophical bullshit for the hell of it
TG: put on your thinking cap harley its time for philo 101
GG: :/
GG: listen dave i know this cant be easy for you
GG: you are trying to be mr. coolkid and pretend it isnt hard
GG: but this is one of those things that is pretty hard
GG: and it will make you want to cry
GG: and you should know that is okay
GG: crying doesnt make you less cool or anything
TG: yeah im weeping over here
TG: shit is like niagara falls
TG: crying like a little girl right now
TG: boo fucking hoo
GG: im serious dave!!!
TG: so am i
GG: ugh
He doesn't know what he's trying to say. He's talking in circles and grasping desperately for something, anything. Let there be a way out of this. There has to be a way out. Come on, Jade. Where is that fucking miracle remedy here? Is it crying? Is that what she means? Fuck that. Come on. Give me the answer.
TG: its just
TG: youre always smiling
GG: you keep saying that but i have no idea what it means!!!
TG: its like it doesnt bother you
TG: you just derp along like the weirdly enduring derp that you are
TG: look at me i dont give a shit, everything is fucking sunshine and rainbows, etc.
TG: what gives
GG: dave WHAT are you talking about?????
GG: WHAT doesnt bother me????
Being alone.
TG: nothing
TG: i think im broken
TG: like i hit my head and the brain-mouth filter needs to be replaced
I don't have the answers and it scares me. Tell me the answer.
TG: but its cool
It isn't.
TG: ill just settle on down here and take a nap
TG: lulled to sleep by the gentle soothing smell of oil and the sound of salamanders making whatever noise a salamander makes
TG: i think its 'bubbles'
TG: so peace i guess
GG: dave wait
TG: what
GG: im here okay?
GG: when you are ready to ask me what youre trying to ask me
GG: i will be here :)
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tunrtechGodhead [TG] --
Dave removed the shades and laughed, a bitter and choked sound. He stared at the back of the glowing glasses and at his bloody fingers griping them so tightly they might break at any moment.
If you knew then why didn't you tell me the answer, Jade?
Dave drew his legs up again and folded his arms over his knees. He hid his face in them and the sunglasses hung loosely in his grasp.
Someone just tell me the fucking answer to the question I don't even know I'm trying to ask.
Left in the dark, gloomy glow of the Land of Wind and Shade, Dave couldn't even smell the oil. He could only smell blood.
"Hey, Bro?"
"Sup."
"You always know the answer to everything."
"Damn straight."
"Will I?"
"Nah. You're just a dumb kid, Dave. But if you ever don't know the answer just ask me. I'll tell you. It'll be sweet."
"Oh. Well, okay."
Dave snapped his sunglasses in two and wept.
Fandom: Homestuck
Author: inksmears
Characters/Pairings: Dave, hints of Dave/Jade
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: He doesn't understand how she keeps smiling.
Author's Notes: Dave angst inspired from all the latest updates. I want to give him the biggest hug.
He didn't understand how she kept smiling. He couldn't fathom why she didn't frown more. In the few years he'd known Jade she hadn't ever been sad. It baffled him. She wore her heart on her sleeve yet Dave thought she was better at concealing emotions than he was. A part of him was angry at her for it. Another part of him desperately wanted to reach out and learn her secret. Still another piece of him just wanted to talk about it, to understand it and to make a connection with someone who might understand. He wanted to understand why he felt the way he did and how to make it go away. He wanted answers.
How did you do it, Jade?
-- turntechGodHead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
TG: how do you do something like that
GG: huh? :O
TG: like
TG: it seems impossible to just be
TG: fuck
TG: its just because youre always smiling
GG: um
GG: dave???
GG: what are you talking about?
GG: are you okay???? :(
TG: shit
TG: look nevermind
TG: this conversation never happened
GG: ????
-- turntechGodHead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
She started pestering him again almost immediately with concern but Dave was too embarrassed, ashamed and frustrated. He removed his iShades and dropped them at his feet where he sat. His back was facing the bloody body behind him. There was blood on his clothes and hands because he had this moment of idiocy and had tried to shake Bro's lifeless body awake. When he was much younger it had always worked in the past.
"Bro, wake up. I'm hungry."
"All right, I'm up."
It hadn't worked this time.
Of course it wouldn't work this time and Dave gripped a fistful of his hair in agitation. The blond strands gleamed red with blood and he hid his face in the crook of his arm. Legs drawn to his chest and elbow resting on his up bent knee, Dave had curled himself into a pathetic ball and tried not to feel.
Jade. How do you smile when you're all alone?
Before the game existed he found out Jade lived by herself on that great big island. It had been on accident and it had only been in passing, a brief moment in their otherwise lengthy conversations. Yet it was something Dave never forgot because being completely alone terrified him.
TG: i dont even think i want to know what your folks would think
TG: they must want to sell you into a child genius program and make some dough
TG: check it our daughter is 12 and can do fucking nuclear physics
TG: wheres our money
GG: hehehe well maybe they would do that if i had any!!
TG: oh
GG: i had my grandpa for awhile but now he just sort of stays in one place
GG: but it is okay!!
GG: it was a long time ago
TG: ok
TG: so its just harley and the devil beast chillin all alone on middle of fuck-who-knows-where-ville island
TG: thats cool i guess
GG: :D
He started thinking afterward what it would be like to live on a huge island by himself. He hadn't been able to take that thought very far. Bro was Bro but at least he was there. At least Dave wasn't literally alone. Now he was and it weighed on him so heavily he felt he might crumple into a heap, never to rise again. "It was a long time ago", she said. Was that the secret? Was that the answer he needed? "Time heals all wounds"? It was the biggest slap-in-the-face irony Dave had ever encountered and he hated it. It was the first time he discovered irony could be cruel. Irony was funny, right? It wasn't suppose to be cruel. It was only suppose to be funny.
If time healed all wounds why wasn't he fine with this? Bro was dead. There, look. He admitted it. He could look over his shoulder and confirm it if he really wanted to. He didn't want to. He was the Knight of Time. He was the motherfucking master of time. So what was the hold up? Time was always on his side, so what was taking it so long to make him feel better. Pick up the pace, he had shit to do. Let's go. Come on. Come on.
He grabbed his shades from the ground.
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tunrtechGodhead [TG] --
GG: dave wait!!
GG: dave???
GG: are you still there???
GG: come back and tell me whats wrong :(
GG: youre acting weird
GG: i am kind of worried
GG: daaaaaaave
GG: i am going to keep pestering you until you talk to me!!!
GG: i know you are still there
GG: so come on!!
GG: talk!!!!
TG: do you know that saying time heals all wounds
GG: dave!!!!
TG: i dont like that saying
TG: its stupid and isnt actually true
TG: who even comes up with that
TG: do they get paid to come up with deep meaningful bullshit that people quote at each other
TG: i want to punch that guy in the face
GG: okay dave i am serious
GG: what is happening
GG: wait...
GG: oh no is this about your bro? :(
TG: no
TG: im just making cheeky conversation about deep philosophical bullshit for the hell of it
TG: put on your thinking cap harley its time for philo 101
GG: :/
GG: listen dave i know this cant be easy for you
GG: you are trying to be mr. coolkid and pretend it isnt hard
GG: but this is one of those things that is pretty hard
GG: and it will make you want to cry
GG: and you should know that is okay
GG: crying doesnt make you less cool or anything
TG: yeah im weeping over here
TG: shit is like niagara falls
TG: crying like a little girl right now
TG: boo fucking hoo
GG: im serious dave!!!
TG: so am i
GG: ugh
He doesn't know what he's trying to say. He's talking in circles and grasping desperately for something, anything. Let there be a way out of this. There has to be a way out. Come on, Jade. Where is that fucking miracle remedy here? Is it crying? Is that what she means? Fuck that. Come on. Give me the answer.
TG: its just
TG: youre always smiling
GG: you keep saying that but i have no idea what it means!!!
TG: its like it doesnt bother you
TG: you just derp along like the weirdly enduring derp that you are
TG: look at me i dont give a shit, everything is fucking sunshine and rainbows, etc.
TG: what gives
GG: dave WHAT are you talking about?????
GG: WHAT doesnt bother me????
Being alone.
TG: nothing
TG: i think im broken
TG: like i hit my head and the brain-mouth filter needs to be replaced
I don't have the answers and it scares me. Tell me the answer.
TG: but its cool
It isn't.
TG: ill just settle on down here and take a nap
TG: lulled to sleep by the gentle soothing smell of oil and the sound of salamanders making whatever noise a salamander makes
TG: i think its 'bubbles'
TG: so peace i guess
GG: dave wait
TG: what
GG: im here okay?
GG: when you are ready to ask me what youre trying to ask me
GG: i will be here :)
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tunrtechGodhead [TG] --
Dave removed the shades and laughed, a bitter and choked sound. He stared at the back of the glowing glasses and at his bloody fingers griping them so tightly they might break at any moment.
If you knew then why didn't you tell me the answer, Jade?
Dave drew his legs up again and folded his arms over his knees. He hid his face in them and the sunglasses hung loosely in his grasp.
Someone just tell me the fucking answer to the question I don't even know I'm trying to ask.
Left in the dark, gloomy glow of the Land of Wind and Shade, Dave couldn't even smell the oil. He could only smell blood.
"Hey, Bro?"
"Sup."
"You always know the answer to everything."
"Damn straight."
"Will I?"
"Nah. You're just a dumb kid, Dave. But if you ever don't know the answer just ask me. I'll tell you. It'll be sweet."
"Oh. Well, okay."
Dave snapped his sunglasses in two and wept.