[Persona 4] Pushed {Parts 3 & 4}
Title: Pushed
Fandom: Persona 4
Author: inksmears
Characters/Pairings: Kanji/Naoto
Genre: Humor/Romance
Rating: R for Naoto's inappropriate drunken behavior.
Prompt: Naoto ends up getting drunk at a party somehow. Kanji is forced to bring her home early. The problem is she turns out to be a very affectionate drunk. How does Kanji deal with her advances?
Author's Notes: N/A
PART III.
Naoto was a detective. Detectives solved mysteries. Generally, then, it made sense that detectives didn't like it when things remained a mystery. Naoto followed this rule quite well. She hated things that were left unsolved, especially considering her newest mystery was her own missing memories. Having such a wide gap of time missing from her recollection was unsettling and she had resolved in the hallway when she had been speaking to Kanji to get to the bottom of this. For while what Kanji told her was probably the truth Naoto still felt like something was missing. It gave her a sense of deep mortification as well, like remembering it was going to cause more problems than it was worth. But Naoto was nothing if not stubborn and she decided the first thing to do was investigate the crime scene.
But just as soon as her head stopped pounding. Laying sprawled out on her back across Knaji's futon, Naoto had tried very, very hard not to think about where she was. At the time she'd felt so sick that the idea of moving was just as painful than the actual attempt. She hadn't been able to sleep given the situation and so, after a long time, she had forced herself to her feet and drank about eight large glasses of water from the bathroom sink. Afterwards she had felt better and with some renewed energy she had gone downstairs. Kanji hadn't been there at the time so she had poked around the living room for some clues, but there was nothing. Nothing except for a weird sense of deja vu when she got dizzy and had to sit on the floor. That was as good a clue as any, though, and she kept it for later mulling over.
Although Naoto had departed from Kanji's house looking perfectly cured, her head was still pounding and her stomach still very much unhappy with her choices last night. Irritable that she wasn't feeling well, that it was her own fault and that she couldn't even remember what had happened between being with Rise and waking up in Kanji's room, Naoto was in a very sour mood. She trudged home sluggishly and once back inside her apartment she collapsed face first into her futon. She did not move again until her alarm went off for school the next morning. Although still not one hundred percent she felt significantly better than previously.
Naoto was half way to the school gates when something tackled her violently from behind, hooking onto her arm as it did.
"Good morning!" Rise chirped. "Isn't it nice out today? I think spring is almost here!"
Naoto shot Rise a glare that could peel paint. Rise paused and then slowly let her go, smiling sheepishly. "Oh... right."
Naoto straightened and marched forward. Rise followed right beside her like a shadow. "Oh, c'mon! Are you still sore about that?"
"You got me drunk," Naoto replied incredulously. "I was ill yesterday and had to impose on Kanji-kun for half the day--"
Rise's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Kanji? Aww, did he come over to take care of you?"
Naoto quickly reminded herself that she was speaking to Rise and that anything she said could and would be used against her. She huffed and remained silent.
"He did, right? Awwww! That is so cute!" Rise said gleefully. "He must've stayed there after he brought you home! ... Oh! But he shouldn't stay in a girl's apartment like that! He has no manners."
Naoto stopped walking abruptly. Rise took a few steps past her, stopped, and turned around with a quizzical look.
"Took me home?"
"Yeah. I called him to come get us. Senpai came too."
Naoto frowned. "I woke up in his room."
Rise stared and Naoto belated realized what she had just implied. Her face turned very red and she waved her hand quickly. "N-N-No, not like that! I... I-It wasn't like that! He didn't know where I lived s-so..."
As Naoto flailed Rise's surprised expression was slowly melting into one of sly knowing, a devious gleam in her eyes. Naoto knew this look quite well by now and it always, always ended badly for her. Blushing profusely Naoto started walking again, hurrying past her friend and quickly through the school gates. Her mind was reeling, however. So Kanji had definitely seen her behavior while she was drunk. She had thought that might be the case but now it was fact. This made it even more crucial for her to uncover what had happened. Mostly so she could properly apologize because she knew her behavior had probably been horrid. Reaching her shoe locker, Naoto began cleaning out the various love letters and reached in to retrieve her shoes. Rise popped up beside her.
"You don't remember, do you?" She asked.
Naoto stiffened and did not reply. Rise grinned. "Aha! Knew it."
"And you do?" Naoto snapped. She was frustrated about her memory gap as it was.
"Of course! I wasn't nearly as drunk as you. Senpai held me up in his big, strong arms~"
Naoto mentally prepared herself for another of Rise's gushing rants on Souji. She started to zone out immediately.
"--and Kanji carried you on his back!"
Wait, what. Naoto, who had one school shoe on and one normal shoe on, stood up quickly and turned to look Rise in the eye.
"He what?"
Rise smiled innocently. "Well, you were too drunk to walk, of course~! What else was he gonna do but carry you?"
Naoto's face went red in horror. She desperately racked her brain but... no good, she still could recall nothing of what Rise was saying. Then it occurred to her that Rise could very well be lying or possibly exaggerating excessively. She enjoyed, Naoto had noted, making her uncomfortable. Kanji as well though she was less subtle about it.
"See you later!"
Naoto blinked from her thoughts as Rise bounced away. The bell rang and Naoto grabbed her bag and hurried after her, completely forgetting about her mismatched shoes as she realized the only way to confirm or deny this was to ask Kanji himself. The prospect was, strangely, more terrifying than she thought it should be.
----------------
"Naoto-kun..." Yukiko began, biting her lip. "You, er. You're aware your shoes are--"
"I know,," Naoto replied coldly. She had been told approximately twenty six times today by both classmates and teachers alike.
"J-Just checking!" Yukiko stammered and quickly went back to her lunch, munching a piece of tofu nervously.
Naoto grumbled and took her frustrations out on her own lunch, viciously stabbing a piece of chicken with her chopsticks that had the nerve to fall into the rice. Beside her Yukiko scooted closer to Chie.
"Jeez, Naoto-kun," Chie exclaimed, peering around the black-haired girl to watch the detective murder her food. "You're in an awful mood today."
"Oh, don't mind her," Rise said from the other side of Naoto, voice as cheery as ever. "So what were you saying, Yukiko-senpai?"
"Hm? Oh! Well, I was thinking that before Souji-kun leaves we should have one more celebration. We could even have it at the inn again. There are rooms open."
"Really?" Chie asked, surprised. "That seems strange but hey, I'm not complaining! It was so much fun last time."
Naoto tuned out the conversation at this point. She ate in silence, mind busy with a million thoughts. Once again she went over the events of the previous night. She'd gone to the busier part of Inaba to shop with Rise. Upon complaining she was being too stiff because she had refused to try on any clothes, Rise had taken her elsewhere. Naoto now knew that place had been a bar or some restaurant that served drinks. Somehow she had lost all her good judgement and drank. There, another mystery! What on earth had possessed her to drink in the first place? She knew better and yet... No, one mystery at time. What came next? She'd drank too much, gotten drunk... and then Kanji and Souji had brought them home? Only not exactly because Kanji hadn't known where she lived. So she had ended up at his house. Then... something had happened there. That's what she couldn't remember, she realized. An incident had occured between them entering his house and her waking up the next morning. Her instincts told her this and Naoto knew she had very good instincts. Usually. So what, then, had occurred? The evidence showed that she had been at his house, in his room, in his...
She shook her head furiously. Absolutely not. There was no way anything like... like that had happened. No way at all. There was no evidence to support that theory aside from her location and that proved nothing because she already knew why she was in his house. And he must've given her his room out of kindness of not wanting to make her sleep on the couch. He'd done the same the next morning. So there, perfect explanations for that. Yet with slow dawning realization Naoto recalled her state of dress when she had woken up. Kanji had seen her in an embarrassing enough state but when she had first woken up it had been much worse. She had been mostly naked, save for her underwear and chest bindings. Slightly panicked she had hastily pulled her pants and shirt on, fully planning on sprinting like a bat out of hell out the front door, when her hangover had hit her full force and she had been forced to run to the bathroom instead.
And so despite her denial earlier when she had implied that to Rise, Naoto realized it was quickly becoming a very real possibility because there was evidence pointing towards it and her painfully analytical brain could not let her deny that. Those who are drunk lose all inhibitions and good judgement. So of course it wasn't uncommon for someone drunk to have a one-night stand. How many times had she heard the lewd conversations of police officers bragging to each other about drunken encounters? Thus she could not ignore this possible reasoning. She could not no matter how badly she wanted to.
... No! It was ridiculous to consider this. It was not a possibility. Kanji wasn't anything like those men at the police station. He would've never--and drunk or not she would've never--
"Hello? Earth to Naoto-kun!"
Naoto jumped and noted Rise's hand waving in front of her face. Rise stood over her, hands on her hips and smirking. Chie and Yukiko were half way across the roof towards the door.
"Lunch is over now," Rise laughed. "Stop daydreaming about Kanji and get back to class."
"I-I was not--!" Naoto sputtered but Rise turned on her heel and bounded away.
Face slightly reddened Naoto packed up what remained of her lunch and followed them. Now she was faced with the very real possibility that she had had a one night stand with Kanji. This too could only be rectified by talking to him. Naoto thought about this for a few seconds before promptly deciding that she would much rather face a thousand Shadows instead. Regardless, she made a mental note that she had to speak to him no matter what.
Naoto was unable to properly concentrate on the rest of the day after lunch. It slowly made her more and more irritable as the day wore on. This was not something she needed to worry about, she told herself, and yet all day she did exactly that. She busied her mind with going over what she was going to say to Kanji, line by line and word by word. She must've gone over her planned inquiry twenty times by the time the day was done and yet she still had absolutely no confidence in her approach. But to be fair, trying to phrase the question 'So did we sleep together while I was drunk?' without actually saying that was not a particularly easy task. The small part of her that just wanted to drop the whole thing and forget it was steadily getting growing. She reasoned she could just go home and be done with this forever. There really wasn't a need to further analyze it. Not really. But Naoto knew herself better than that. She couldn't let this drop until she got the truth, especially because of the evidence that now pointed to... well.
So she steeled herself and made her way to the practice building where Kanji could often be found after school. It took some creative maneuvering because she was determined to avoid all the other members of the Investigation Team just in case Rise had decided to tell everyone what had happened. Thus, naturally, she spotted every single one of them wandering about and had to duck behind corners or into classrooms, earning her plenty of awkward looks from fellow students. Several awkward ninja rolls later Naoto made it to her destination. Sure enough Kanji was there, staring absently into one of the rooms like always. The home economics room, if she remembered right. Naoto was never certain why he didn't just go inside.
"Kanji-kun," She called and approached.
He nearly jumped out of his skin and she paused, frowning. He whirled around, staring at her with wide eyes.
"I apologize, I did not mean to startle you."
"N-N-No, it's fine!" Kanji stammered quickly, turning red. "Um... y-you didn't, I just... Er..."
He trailed off awkward and Naoto waited expectantly for him to finish. Instead he looked down at his feet and turned more red. It took Naoto a few moments to realize he wasn't going to continue, so she spoke again. Time for phase one of the inquiry. "Would you come to the roof with me?"
"H-Huh? Uh... sure."
Phase one: success. See, it wasn't hard at all! She really shouldn't be worrying about this. As they climbed the stairs to the roof in silence Naoto told herself that this would be simple. Totally nothing to worry about. She could absolutely be professional about this. After all, she was almost one hundred percent sure that nothing had occurred. But she had to ask to clear her doubts. That's all. They were friends. They'd been through a lot together. This was nothing compared to fighting a dozen Shadows or having him see all her inner secrets in the form of her own. This was completely and utterly easy when--
"Uh. Naoto?"
Naoto blinked. Apparently they had reached the roof and she hadn't noticed. Instead she had been staring blankly at the fence. She turned around to face him and lifted her head to meet his gaze. She always forgot how tall he was until she stood right next to him. All right, time for phase two. Yeah, she could totally do this!
"I want to inquiry further about the incident the other day."
Kanji blinked. "Huh?"
"Sunday. And Saturday night."
Kanji's eyes widened slightly. "O-Oh." He shifted awkwardly. "W-What about it?"
Naoto opened her mouth then promptly snapped it shut. Kanji gave her a quizzical look and she felt embarrassment starting to creep up on her. No, she had to keep going. This was important. "About that, um... What... happened?"
Naoto watched Kanji stiffen immediately, face more red than she ever recalled seeing before. "I-I told ya already!"
Naoto's brows furrowed in annoyance. This was not going according to the script she had planned in her head. "No, not... It was not a proper explanation. I... wish to know what happened, Kanji-kun."
"Er. I don't know what you..." Kanji fumbled and took a few shuffling steps backwards. He glanced over his shoulder towards the exit. Was he contemplating fleeing?
Naoto frowned at this. He was acting very odd about it. Another piece of the puzzle? ... More horrifying, it was more evidence of what she was hoping to disprove by this conversation. Phase two wasn't working. Actually, plan A was falling all together. Maybe it was best to just ask outright. It was easiest. Just ask 'Did we sleep together?' and be done with it, Shirogane, she told herself sternly. Naoto opened her mouth and instantly felt her cheeks grow warm. She couldn't do it.
"Look," She blurted out, talking so fast her brain couldn't catch up. "I simply wish to know everything that transpired between us during the incident. I can't remember anything and Rise-san is being quite dubious about the whole affair, so she is completely unreliable. I woke up in your home and yes, you explained it, but I woke up without clothes and no recollection of how I--"
Her brain finally caught up and mercifully silenced her. Her eyes widened slightly in horror. That was not quite how she had wanted to word it.
Kanji stared at her. "Uh... w-what?"
Naoto realized she couldn't back out of this now. She swallowed and forced herself to continue. "I-I woke up unclothed. B-But I am quite certain I was wearing clothes before, assuming that I was out with Rise and that my clothes were present in your house. But I was not wearing them when I--... Kanji-kun, your nose."
Kanji's hand flew up to his face and clamped over his nose. "Sh-Shit..." He muttered. "Uh... s-sorry. I should... g-go now."
Naoto opened her mouth to stop him but he bolted, fleeing across the roof and through the door faster than the eye could see. She'd never seen him move that fast before. Naoto sighed, flustered and frustrated. This was quite ridiculous! Why couldn't she have just asked? She could have easily gotten the truth out of him that way. Now she was back to square one.
Or perhaps not. Suddenly Naoto remembered the other mystery of that night: How had Rise convinced her to drink in the first place? She knew she knew better than to do something like that and she doubted Rise poured all those drinks down her throat. Confronting Kanji had been a failure. She could only hope confronting Rise yielded better results.
Rise had already returned home for the day so Naoto left school and headed straight for the tofu shop. Upon arriving she was greeted by Rise's grandmother whom had come to know Naoto quite well. Apparently, much to Naoto's despair, Rise spoke about her a lot. She could only imagine what things were said. She tipped her hat in greeting and asked for Rise. The old lady shuffled away and a few moments later Rise appeared in her white apron and scarf.
"Hi Naoto-kun," She greeted cheerfully. "What's up?"
"I wish to talk with you. Can we go somewhere more private?"
Rise frowned slightly but nodded. The two girls entered the shop and slipped into a back room that was quite out of the public eye. Leaning back against a counter, Rise gave Naoto an expectant look.
"Please tell me what happened when we went out."
Rise blinked. "You really don't remember a single thing?"
"I remember we went out but I..." Naoto hesitated and then sighed. "I cannot think of a reason why I willingly allowed you to get me drunk. You may have been the instigator but I know that I must have done the deed to myself. Assuming you did not force them down my throat." Which, considering it was Rise, might be a possibility. But Naoto was pretty sure, as she had already decided, that Rise hadn't done that.
"An 'instigator'? Rise repeated, making a face. "Jeez. You make me sound like a criminal. I didn't force you, I swear."
"Just tell me," Naoto sighed. The inability to remember was really starting to drive her up the wall. If Rise couldn't jog her memories she could at least give her mind a little ease about this particular mystery. Nothing was worse to Naoto than not knowing.
Yet as that thought entered her head she watched her friend bite her lip, looking a little worried and maybe, for the first time, guilty about the whole affair. Naoto dearly hoped she wasn't about to eat those words.
"Okay," Rise relented at last. "I'll tell you what happened."
------
Naoto was Rise's closest friend. Out of everyone on the Investigation Team she found herself spending the most time with Naoto. She could never say why, either, except that maybe she had had a crush on the detective when she thought Naoto was a boy. But that wasn't the case anymore, of course. They definitely were an odd pair what with Rise being so feminine and bubbly and Naoto so tomboyish and reserved. Yet despite that it worked somehow and Rise's new goal in life was to make Naoto have a little fun. That's exactly why she dragged the smaller girl out of her apartment by the arm and practically forced her to shop with her. Of course Naoto fought her every step of the way with protests and berating her in a way that rivaled her parents' lectures. Yet Rise saw past it and somehow came to the conclusion that something was seriously weighing on the detective's mind.
"Fess up, Naoto-kun," Rise said as they finally left the clothing store. "Why're you so uptight?"
"According to Yosuke-senpai I am always uptight," Naoto deadpanned.
"See, that!" Rise exclaimed, scrunching up her face in displeasure. "You're in a horrible mood! What's eating you?"
Naoto sighed and looked away, hiding her expression with the brim of her cap. Hands clasped behind her back, Rise leaned forward and tried to peer underneath it. The idol prided herself on being one of the few who could read Naoto like an open book. Although she knew it greatly frustrated her detective friend it made her feel like a genius.
"I apologize," Naoto replied quietly. "I have simply... had a lot on my mind as of late. It is nothing you need to worry about."
Rise rolled her eyes. "Naoto-kun, you're my friend. Of course I'm gonna worry if something is bothering you. Jeez!"
Naoto opened her mouth to reply, looking surprised. Then she frowned and shook her head, looking away again. "I do not think you would understand, Rise-san." She paused awkwardly and then hurriedly added, "But thank you regardless."
Rise sighed again. Difficult didn't even being to describe this girl. Enthusiastically Rise hooked her arm with Naoto's, causing her to stumble.
"Fine, enough of this! I'm gonna loosen you up and make you have fun!"
"L-Loosen me up?" Naoto sputtered, staggering to keep up with the idol's bouncing steps. "W-What are you talking about?"
"Leave it to me!" Rise giggled. "I know just the remedy for your worries!"
Ignoring the rest of Naoto's protests, Rise had half dragged Naoto to a bar she had quite a bit of connections in. After pulling a few strings she got both of them in and served without a problem. The whole thing was really quite illegal and Naoto constantly reminded her of this. Yet, Rise noted, she did nothing to actively stop it nor did she simply walk away. It was almost like she was protesting because she felt she had to and not because she actually wanted to. It worried Rise to some extent as this behavior was really off for her friend. But that didn't stop her in the least. The original plan had only been to get Naoto a little tipsy. Alas, things never went as planned. Ordering drinks for them both, Rise grinned wildly as she watched Naoto stare at the colorful liquid with great distress.
"Have you ever had alcohol before?" Rise asked her.
"N-No, of course not," Naoto muttered. "I am underage. We should not be here."
Rise sighed and leaned back in her seat. She gave Naoto a careful look. "Then go home."
Naoto jerked and looked up at her. Rise continued slowly, "I won't stop you, I promise. If it's really bothering you then you can leave. I understand."
Naoto opened her mouth again to reply, but nothing came out. Instead she hesitated and stared back at the drink, her face clouded. She made no move to get up. Although Rise had been baiting for this very reaction she was surprised to find out she was actually right. Frowning, the idol leaned on her elbows on the table and peered at her friend worriedly.
"Okay, seriously. What's going on? You're acting really weird you know."
"I... Would I be more desirable to... be with if I was... 'loose'?"
Rise blinked. "Huh?"
Naoto didn't respond. Instead she took the drink in hand and downed the whole thing in one gulp. Rise gaped and watched Naoto cough, making a face at the foul taste. It didn't stop her from demanding another.
"W-What the heck?" Rise protested. "Naoto-kun, what happened?"
Naoto shook her head. "I would be more likable that way, would I not? All of you call me friend and accept me. Yet there is a constant insistence that I must change to fit in, even among all of you. Even Senpai says so. And I... I know that in some ways he is correct. There are things I must work on about myself. But am I not allowed to be myself at the same time?"
Rise stared. She was at a complete loss and briefly wondered what specifically had been said to make her think this way. Not just that, but to bother her so much. Naoto didn't strike her as someone who let things bother her that easily. She watched her take the second drink and belated realized this was probably a bad idea.
"W-Well I'm with you right now, aren't I?" Rise said at last. "I'm hanging out with you right now because you're you."
Naoto shook her head again and took another heavy sip. "No. Desirable. To... the opposite sex."
"You're worried... about how guys see you?" Rise asked slowly and Naoto gulped down more of her drink in response.
This was certainly new. Rise often bugged Naoto about her love life (or lack thereof) in a teasing manner and had always gotten the same "I am not interested in such entanglements" as her reply. After awhile she had ceased to bother her about it and this apparently had been a bad move because something big had happened to change Naoto's perspective. Rise couldn't even being to guess what that might be. More importantly, though, was that whoever was responsible with this was getting slapped in the face. It was so disheartening to see Naoto like this.
"Forget it," Naoto said irritably. "If that's what they want, then I will show them. And you will help me with that."
'You' apparently being her drink for she very pointedly looked at it when she spoke. I think, Rise decided. that this just really backfired on me.
------
"I tried to get you to leave but you said you wouldn't until we played some weird drinking game you made up. I thought maybe I could drink you under the table and then drag you out but, uh... I guess I got a little drunk too," Rise finished and her tone grew sheepish at the last part. "So we got ushered out and I called Kanji to come bring us home."
Naoto's eyes were wide when the story had finished and she started in silent mortification at Rise first and then at the floor. Hearing the tale had unlocked, slowly, what she had forgotten. And now she remembered. She remembered because that had been the day when... Naoto sat down hard on the chair behind. She'd gotten drunk because she thought she'd be more likable that way. More likable to guys. Since when had she cared about that? Since.... No. How childish. How stupid! Naoto immediately felt enraged, but only at herself. In that instant she absolutely hated herself.
"Naoto-kun," Rise started softly and Naoto glanced up at her. "What you said..."
"I forgot it," Naoto said, tone incredulously. "I forgot what happened even while I was still sober. How could I forget?"
"That's not important," Rise replied irritably. "It's... what you told me."
Naoto looked away again, embarrassed. "Please forget about it."
"Like I would!" Rise snapped. "Do you really believe that, Naoto-kun?"
"I don't know anymore."
Rise frowned and Naoto felt her watching her as she kept her gaze firmly at her feet. She decided now would be a good time to learn how to time travel so that she may shoot her past self dead. It wasn't that late, the library at school was probably still open. Tons of books there on time travel theories and--
"Naoto-kun, go talk to Kanji."
Naoto's gaze shot up. "What?"
Rise looked almost deadly serious, something rarely seen, and Naoto felt strangely intimidated. "Just trust me. I think you should tell him about this."
"Are you certifiable?" Naoto protested immediately. "I did not even mean to tell you. I most certainly am not going to..."
She trailed off and blinked. There was that deja vu again. But why? What did Kanji and how she had been feeling that night have anything to do with each other? Ignoring Rise's questioning looks, Naoto closed her eyes and concentrated. She wanted to remember regardless of what had actually happened between her and Kanji when he had brought her back to his house. It was better than not knowing. This is what she thought at first before, abruptly, she remembered. Her face turned a whole new level of red. She remembered. Vividly. She had been all over him. All over him on the bus. No, not just there either. His house too. She'd... oh hell.
There was no greater horror than this realization. It made her stomach twist into knots. She felt partly relieved realizing that her original theory, that they had actually slept together, was wrong. However it hadn't been entirely far from the truth either because apparently she had wanted to do just that. But it hadn't happened. Of course it wouldn't have, She realized, mentally kicking herself over and over and wishing she could do it physically. Kanji-kun would never do anything else to me besides take care of me in that state. And that was exactly what he had done. It made perfect sense and she wondered why she had even considered it. Even with suspicious evidence she should have immediately taken into account his personality, not the immediate surroundings. So why?
Because maybe a part of you had been hoping for it.
Naoto turned on her heel and promptly bolted from the tofu store, absolutely mortified and painfully confused.
PART IV.
Kanji lay on the couch, arms bent behind his head, and stared at the ceiling without really seeing it. At some point after the sun had gone down it had begun to rain and so now he listened to the steady pounding on the roof. It was increasingly becoming more vicious. It was funny. How many times had the coming rain sent him into panic? Even now, after the murder case had been solved and the fog successfully lifted from both worlds, Kanji still felt uneasy whenever it rained or grew foggy. It was a nagging instinct he wasn't sure he'd be able to get rid of anytime soon. It would forever be a constant 'what if' that lingered in the forefront of his mind when he heard the falling rain. Normally he hated himself for bringing up these thoughts but right now he eagerly accepted them. Thinking about anything else aside from what had happened today was...
Dammit. Now he was thinking about what happened today.
Kanji had first tried sitting on the floor beside his futon. Then he had tried laying on it and, alternatively, sitting on it. But he couldn't do it. Each time he turned a dark red and had to scramble off it. He felt like a moron but could he really be blamed? After Naoto had told him she had slept on his futon half naked there was no way he could ever sleep on it ever again. Not without that lovely mental image to keep him company and, most definitely, keep him from sleeping properly. Alas, he was thus condemned to a life forever sleeping on the couch in the family room. Punishment, he supposed, for years of being a delinquent.
He winced as he shifted. The couch was a horrible place to sleep. It was old and it made him stiff all over. His back was especially in pain right now. Kanji sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. Things were so weird. Ever since two nights ago he felt like things had fallen out of sorts. Not that things between him and Naoto had ever been normal but this was a whole new level. Naoto had been acting weird and he knew with her sharp perception she'd noticed he'd been acting weird too. They were both being weird and it was all Rise's fault. Always Rise's fault. Come to think of it, maybe it was Rise who was his punishment. She must've been sent here by something truly wicked to make his life miserable. That was the only explanation.
Someone knocked on the door. Kanji dropped his hand and blinked. Did Ma forget her key? He wondered as he sat up. His mother had left not that long ago to visit a friend, however, so there was no way she'd be back already. Rolling off the couch, Kanji approached the door and pulled it open. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he saw Naoto standing there. She was so soaked he was sure she could feel it all the way to her bones.
"N-Naoto?!" Kanji exclaimed, gaping. "W-What the hell?"
"May I come in?"
Kanji wondered if she seriously expected him to refuse. He stepped aside immediately. "A-Are you nuts?! Get in here, it's cold!"
It was indeed rather chilly. Winter was slowly melting into spring but the temperatures were still altering between pleasant and cold. Now that the sun was gone and it was raining, it was most definitely cold. Naoto shuffled in and Kanji quickly closed the door behind her. She stood awkwardly in the foyer, dripping water in a steadily growing puddle around her feet and staring at the ground. Even her hat was soaked, flat and hanging heavily with excess water. Kanji hesitated, not entirely sure what he was suppose to do.
"...I apologize."
Kanji started. "H-Huh?"
"I wanted to apologize. That's why I..." She trailed off, looking at him for a moment and then looking away again.
Kanji stared helplessly. Apologize for what?
"... Nevermind. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I will be going."
Kanji's arm shot out and blocked the doorway. "Bathroom!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Uh..." Kanji scrambled to find the words and spoke quickly, "Y-You can use the bathroom. Uh... t-to dry off. You can't go walkin' back out there. You'll get sick or something."
"Ah... That won't be necessary. I--"
Kanji blocked the door with his body this time instead of only his arm. He peered down at her with all the seriousness he could muster. "I ain't moving."
Naoto looked flustered, glaring up at him with all the seriousness she could muster which, Kanji always noted, was pretty damn serious. But Kanji was stubborn and glared right back. They stood there for what felt like hours, glaring. Then Naoto released a small sigh and turned her back to him. She slipped off her drenched shoes and stepped up onto the wooden floor, murmuring an apology as she trailed water all over the place. Belated Kanji realized he should've offered her a towel before hand but it was too late now. He watched with satisfaction as she walked up the stairs and once she was gone he took in a deep breath. She looked sorely depressed and that was partly why he had made her stay. Although he had a million questions as to why she had shown up in the first place he was first and foremost concerned.
While Naoto was occupying the bathroom Kanji snatched a towel from the kitchen to clean up all the water. He followed the trail to the bathroom and paused, listening. He heard nothing behind the closed door. Just as he turned to head back downstairs it opened. He turned again to see Naoto's face peering out from the crack in the door.
"Um..."
Kanji stared at her. Her eyes were averted. She didn't seem to want to say anything more but slowly Kanji's brain put it all together. Somehow. He blushed a deep red. Hastily he pulled off his long sleeved shirt and held it out to her, pointedly staring at the wall.
"H-Here. 's laundry day. This is the only thing I got that's clean."
He felt the shirt being tugged out of his grasp and listened to the door shut. Kanji decided he should probably go back downstairs but he didn't. Instead he waited and a few moments alter the door opened again. She had stripped off her own clothes and was now wearing his shirt. It was much too big on her but that was the point as it covered her completely, stopping at her thighs. Kanji tried very hard not to think about what she was (or wasn't) wearing underneath it. Her hair was still quite wet and matted but Kanji though it looked pretty that way. Everything about her looked pretty, including the cute red stain across her cheeks.
"I would like to talk with you, if that's all right."
"Uh... 'course," Kanji forced out when he realized she was waiting for a reply. "Come down stairs, yeah? Do, uh... you want somethin' warm to drink?"
Naoto nodded. Her gaze still seemed to refuse to meet his, something he had noticed immediately and was how he had determined something was wrong. After all, it wasn't like she was actually showing her depression on her face. When Naoto spoke she always met the gaze of the person she was talking to. She stared so intensely that it was down right nerve wracking. Yet whenever she was even slightly emotional she always looked away. It was one of several eccentricities that Kanji had picked up on about her. It was like she was ashamed of showing emotion.
Turning, Kanji went back downstairs and Naoto followed shortly after. He made some tea, mind spinning with many thoughts and all of them settled as he brought the steaming drink to her. She sat on the couch, legs drawn to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She looked so small and vulnerable and it wasn't a side of her Kanji had ever seen before. Nor did he particular like it. He was use to her being strong and capable.
He took a breath as he set the drinks on the table in front of them. Time to be honest. He was worried enough that he could do so without stumbling over his words in embarrassment.
"Naoto, what the hell is going on? You're kinda freakin' me out." Okay, maybe that was too honest.
Naoto chuckled wearily. "I apologize. I... don't know what's wrong with me."
Kanji sat down slowly beside her, though he kept as much space between them as possible without seeming rude. They sat in awkward silence for a while, Naoto wearing his overly baggy shirt and Kanji in nothing but his jeans. The longer they sat the more anxious he became but Naoto mercifully broke the silence.
"I remembered what happened and... I wanted to apologize. I came here to tell you I was sorry for my behavior while I was intoxicated. It was completely inappropriate."
Oh. So that's what she had been sorry for. Kanji first went white and then red. She remembered... that?! Oh hell. He had not been expecting this. What was he suppose to say?! 'It's okay, it wasn't that terrible'?! 'No problem, I secretly liked it'?! Kanji said neither and instead settled on some unintelligent strangled noise that didn't even sound like a proper language. He wasn't really sure what it meant himself.
Either way Naoto ignored it and continued, "Rise-san helped jog my memory. I... That's all. I simply wanted to make things right. I will leave and return your shirt as soon as my clothes are a bit drier."
Wh-What do I say?!
"I appreciate that you... um... put up with me and did not..." Was she blushing? "...take advantage of the situation."
Kanji choked. He wasn't sure what was more horrifying: the idea itself or the idea that Naoto actually thought he might try something like that. This revelation finally jump started the speech center in his brain. "W-W-W-W-What?! O-O-Of course not! I-I would never...! D-Do you think I would...?!"
"Well, no..."
Kanji hung his head. 'Well no'? What did that mean?!
"Before I was able to remember I originally thought we might have... um... slept together. But it was a ridiculous notion."
Kanji resisted the urge to pass out. You're killin' me, Naoto...
Silence settled over them again, broken only by the soft fall of the rain. Kanji hadn't bothered turning on any lights save for the faint one glowing from the kitchen. So they sat in near darkness as well. The mood was peaceful but the atmosphere was heavy with something Kanji couldn't identify.
"There was a motive behind my behavior. I would like to confess something to you," Naoto said at last. "Rise-san also helped me remember why I allowed myself to become intoxicated in the first place. That morning, before she took me shopping, I ran into someone from my past. When I was little there was a boy I would play with at school. Thinking on it, I believe I had slight feelings of attraction towards him. This was well before I started becoming serious about being a detective and concealing my gender. He eventually changed schools and shortly after that my parents passed away. But I saw him again out of pure coincidence right here in Inaba. He was visiting the area while on a field trip. I recognized him immediately. I don't know why but I approached him to say hello.
"He did not know who I was until I gave him my name. He seemed... quite perturbed when he realized it was me. Then he was quickly put off by my mannerism and speech and... appearance. He told me I had changed quite a bit. Then he told me in a casual tone, 'You're really uptight. I don't remember you being that way before. I always thought you'd be a loose girl when you got older but you turned into the exact opposite. It's a shame! You were cute before.' And then he left."
Kanji made a mental note to kick this guy's ass. Otherwise he sat in quiet, if not stunned, silence. Her voice had lacked real emotional attachment to the situation but he knew better than to believe that was the actual situation. It was obvious just from the fact that she remembered his words so clearly.
"For some reason I was... bothered by those words. And so I was driven to agree to Rise-san's scheme to get me to drink by them. I thought perhaps alcohol would... make me that person. And then, subsequently, I tried to be... loose... with you. Because I believed that was... more desirable." Naoto suddenly buried her face into her knees. "I feel foolish. How stupid, letting a few words from someone I haven't seen in years effect me like that. It isn't like me. I don't care what others believe in that regards."
"'Course you do," Kanji replied automatically without even thinking. He wondered silently if Naoto forgot she was human and not, in fact, an emotionless robot incapable of mistakes. Naoto didn't move so he pressed on boldly, "You can pretend ya don't care but s'just a lie 'cause everyone cares what everyone else thinks. S'what bein' human is, ya know?" No one understood this concept more than Kanji. He realized how much he and Naoto were alike in this regard.
"But it's insignificant. Pointless. My social standings isn't... I just want to be a detective. I don't care whether or not I'm desirable."
What did that mean? Kanji was too afraid to ask but he guessed it had something to do with being found attractive by guys. Right? He swallowed. The moment had just arrived, hadn't it? He was stunned he had realized it but the opportunity was definitely present. It was now or never.
"Y-You're fine just the way you are, Naoto. I don't know what that shit-head was talkin' about but he's full of it."
Naoto lifted her head to stare quizzically at him. Kanji blushed immediately but refused to look away like he wanted to. It was time to be a true man, dammit!
"I-I thought... from the moment I first met you a year ago I thought you were awesome. Th-That is... uhh... I-I thought you were cute just the way you were."
... Wait, what. Did he just admit she was cute out loud? He must've because her eyes widened just a little and the color returned to her cheeks. He still held her gaze, face burning so intensely he was sure it was going to burn off completely.
"When we... first met?" Naoto repeated slowly. "But back then you thought I was..."
"A guy. Y-Yeah."
"... Even so...?"
"Y-Yeah. J-Just the way you are. Y-You're fine like this. There ain't nothin' wrong or... undesirable about it."
Naoto appeared speechless, which was definitely a first not only for him but also in general. He realized at some point he had shifted much closer to her in his enthusiasm to get his point across and the space he had placed carefully between them was all but gone. Naoto was looking at him with an expression he couldn't place but he kind of liked it, whatever it was. And then abruptly she shifted and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. She pressed her face against his neck and clung so tightly, like she was afraid he would disappear. Kanji sucked in a breath and froze, recalling how familiar this was. Yet unlike before where she'd been sitting in his lap she was simply next to him, pressed against his side. Also unlike before, this didn't feel as wrong. It felt really... right.
"Thank you," She said softly and he swore it sounded like she was going to cry.
Kanji wasn't sure what to do with his hands so he did nothing, awkwardly keeping them away from her even though he badly wanted to return the embrace. Turning red, he nodded dumbly. He waited for her to move away but when she did not he slowly brought one arm around her waist. He didn't want to press his luck since this seemed way too good to be true but at the same time he felt like she was expecting him to return the hold. After a brief moment he tilted his head down. At the same time she looked up and it was a horrible cliché, suddenly find himself nose to nose with her, but he didn't even care. He just went for it, for once deciding to not think about the consequences. He loved her. What other reason did he need besides that to lean slightly and kiss her?
Naoto made a soft noise in reply but there was no hesitation in returning the gesture. Kanji was now very certain this was a dream. A wonderful, wonderful dream but nevertheless make believe. There was no way this was real. He would've pinched himself but his hands were occupied with better things such as sliding across her back and down the curve of her side. He slid sideways and found himself on his back, Naoto laying out on top of him with her arms still around him. And they were kissing... and kissing... and still kissing, mouths working eagerly against each other. Neither one was really all that good at it, but that wasn't the point. The point was that they were even making out in the first place. The more it went on--and it lasted for a little while--the more Kanji realized this totally wasn't a dream. He was so inwardly ecstatic that being on cloud nine didn't even being to describe it.
When they finally did break away they were both panting heavily, Naoto's forehead coming to rest against his as she tried to catch her breath. Kanji held her close and wondered what amazing thing he had done to earn this. He also wondered where this was going. This meant Naoto liked him too... right? Maybe he should ask.
"H-Hey..." He stammered. "Uh..."
Brilliant start.
Naoto smiled and sat up, tugging him by the wrist to follow. And now Kanji definitely got a bit of deja vu for Naoto sat straddling his lap with her arms loosely around his neck. Foreheads still pressed together, he watched as she gave him a shy look and noted his shirt slipping to expose her smooth shoulder.
"I really like you, Naoto," He blurted out and then turned red. Wait, that had been wrong.
"I know."
... Oh.
"I really like you too, Kanji-kun."
.... Oh. The first words out of his mouth were almost 'Since when!?' but thankfully he stopped them from escaping. It didn't matter, did it? They both liked each other, apparently. The end. No further explanations or thought processes needed.
"Shall we go upstairs?"
"H-Huh...?" Kanji replied and then it clicked. "W-What?! Uhh... w-wait, you... Naoto, you don't, uh... h-have to prove anything to me or..."
"I know. I simply thought your futon would be more comfortable to sleep on."
"Uhh... y-yeah."
The two clamored off the couch and up the stairs, cold tea left completely forgotten on the table. Nothing happened but then again Kanji didn't expect anything to. They laid on his futon and kissed some more but then eventually Naoto curled up against his chest and he was perfectly content to just hold her. He was drifting off to sleep when Naoto spoke quietly, pulling him back awake.
"I understand now."
Kanji glanced down at her. "Huh?"
Naoto nuzzled her face against his chest, smiling. Seeing her smile so warmly made him blush.
"What I wanted and what was bothering me. Even as the others say they accept me, Rise-san always thinks I should wear different clothes and Souji-san said I should speak in a more feminine voice. Even my grandfather occasionally expects me to somehow be the opposite of who I am. So when I heard those words that morning they only emphasized that something was wrong with me after all. Everyone was trying to change me and all I wanted was to be wanted as I was. No one has ever told me 'You're fine the way you are' before. You are the first."
Kanji hugged her close. That seemed ridiculous to him. She was amazing how she was. Why would anyone ever not think that? "You're fine the way you are."
"You don't have to say it again," Naoto chuckled softly. Yet her voice was warm with joy.
Kanji listened as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. He began to nod off again, thinking sleepily at how right this was. It was amazing how these things just seemed to fall into place.
All they needed was a little push.
Fandom: Persona 4
Author: inksmears
Characters/Pairings: Kanji/Naoto
Genre: Humor/Romance
Rating: R for Naoto's inappropriate drunken behavior.
Prompt: Naoto ends up getting drunk at a party somehow. Kanji is forced to bring her home early. The problem is she turns out to be a very affectionate drunk. How does Kanji deal with her advances?
Author's Notes: N/A
PART III.
Naoto was a detective. Detectives solved mysteries. Generally, then, it made sense that detectives didn't like it when things remained a mystery. Naoto followed this rule quite well. She hated things that were left unsolved, especially considering her newest mystery was her own missing memories. Having such a wide gap of time missing from her recollection was unsettling and she had resolved in the hallway when she had been speaking to Kanji to get to the bottom of this. For while what Kanji told her was probably the truth Naoto still felt like something was missing. It gave her a sense of deep mortification as well, like remembering it was going to cause more problems than it was worth. But Naoto was nothing if not stubborn and she decided the first thing to do was investigate the crime scene.
But just as soon as her head stopped pounding. Laying sprawled out on her back across Knaji's futon, Naoto had tried very, very hard not to think about where she was. At the time she'd felt so sick that the idea of moving was just as painful than the actual attempt. She hadn't been able to sleep given the situation and so, after a long time, she had forced herself to her feet and drank about eight large glasses of water from the bathroom sink. Afterwards she had felt better and with some renewed energy she had gone downstairs. Kanji hadn't been there at the time so she had poked around the living room for some clues, but there was nothing. Nothing except for a weird sense of deja vu when she got dizzy and had to sit on the floor. That was as good a clue as any, though, and she kept it for later mulling over.
Although Naoto had departed from Kanji's house looking perfectly cured, her head was still pounding and her stomach still very much unhappy with her choices last night. Irritable that she wasn't feeling well, that it was her own fault and that she couldn't even remember what had happened between being with Rise and waking up in Kanji's room, Naoto was in a very sour mood. She trudged home sluggishly and once back inside her apartment she collapsed face first into her futon. She did not move again until her alarm went off for school the next morning. Although still not one hundred percent she felt significantly better than previously.
Naoto was half way to the school gates when something tackled her violently from behind, hooking onto her arm as it did.
"Good morning!" Rise chirped. "Isn't it nice out today? I think spring is almost here!"
Naoto shot Rise a glare that could peel paint. Rise paused and then slowly let her go, smiling sheepishly. "Oh... right."
Naoto straightened and marched forward. Rise followed right beside her like a shadow. "Oh, c'mon! Are you still sore about that?"
"You got me drunk," Naoto replied incredulously. "I was ill yesterday and had to impose on Kanji-kun for half the day--"
Rise's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Kanji? Aww, did he come over to take care of you?"
Naoto quickly reminded herself that she was speaking to Rise and that anything she said could and would be used against her. She huffed and remained silent.
"He did, right? Awwww! That is so cute!" Rise said gleefully. "He must've stayed there after he brought you home! ... Oh! But he shouldn't stay in a girl's apartment like that! He has no manners."
Naoto stopped walking abruptly. Rise took a few steps past her, stopped, and turned around with a quizzical look.
"Took me home?"
"Yeah. I called him to come get us. Senpai came too."
Naoto frowned. "I woke up in his room."
Rise stared and Naoto belated realized what she had just implied. Her face turned very red and she waved her hand quickly. "N-N-No, not like that! I... I-It wasn't like that! He didn't know where I lived s-so..."
As Naoto flailed Rise's surprised expression was slowly melting into one of sly knowing, a devious gleam in her eyes. Naoto knew this look quite well by now and it always, always ended badly for her. Blushing profusely Naoto started walking again, hurrying past her friend and quickly through the school gates. Her mind was reeling, however. So Kanji had definitely seen her behavior while she was drunk. She had thought that might be the case but now it was fact. This made it even more crucial for her to uncover what had happened. Mostly so she could properly apologize because she knew her behavior had probably been horrid. Reaching her shoe locker, Naoto began cleaning out the various love letters and reached in to retrieve her shoes. Rise popped up beside her.
"You don't remember, do you?" She asked.
Naoto stiffened and did not reply. Rise grinned. "Aha! Knew it."
"And you do?" Naoto snapped. She was frustrated about her memory gap as it was.
"Of course! I wasn't nearly as drunk as you. Senpai held me up in his big, strong arms~"
Naoto mentally prepared herself for another of Rise's gushing rants on Souji. She started to zone out immediately.
"--and Kanji carried you on his back!"
Wait, what. Naoto, who had one school shoe on and one normal shoe on, stood up quickly and turned to look Rise in the eye.
"He what?"
Rise smiled innocently. "Well, you were too drunk to walk, of course~! What else was he gonna do but carry you?"
Naoto's face went red in horror. She desperately racked her brain but... no good, she still could recall nothing of what Rise was saying. Then it occurred to her that Rise could very well be lying or possibly exaggerating excessively. She enjoyed, Naoto had noted, making her uncomfortable. Kanji as well though she was less subtle about it.
"See you later!"
Naoto blinked from her thoughts as Rise bounced away. The bell rang and Naoto grabbed her bag and hurried after her, completely forgetting about her mismatched shoes as she realized the only way to confirm or deny this was to ask Kanji himself. The prospect was, strangely, more terrifying than she thought it should be.
----------------
"Naoto-kun..." Yukiko began, biting her lip. "You, er. You're aware your shoes are--"
"I know,," Naoto replied coldly. She had been told approximately twenty six times today by both classmates and teachers alike.
"J-Just checking!" Yukiko stammered and quickly went back to her lunch, munching a piece of tofu nervously.
Naoto grumbled and took her frustrations out on her own lunch, viciously stabbing a piece of chicken with her chopsticks that had the nerve to fall into the rice. Beside her Yukiko scooted closer to Chie.
"Jeez, Naoto-kun," Chie exclaimed, peering around the black-haired girl to watch the detective murder her food. "You're in an awful mood today."
"Oh, don't mind her," Rise said from the other side of Naoto, voice as cheery as ever. "So what were you saying, Yukiko-senpai?"
"Hm? Oh! Well, I was thinking that before Souji-kun leaves we should have one more celebration. We could even have it at the inn again. There are rooms open."
"Really?" Chie asked, surprised. "That seems strange but hey, I'm not complaining! It was so much fun last time."
Naoto tuned out the conversation at this point. She ate in silence, mind busy with a million thoughts. Once again she went over the events of the previous night. She'd gone to the busier part of Inaba to shop with Rise. Upon complaining she was being too stiff because she had refused to try on any clothes, Rise had taken her elsewhere. Naoto now knew that place had been a bar or some restaurant that served drinks. Somehow she had lost all her good judgement and drank. There, another mystery! What on earth had possessed her to drink in the first place? She knew better and yet... No, one mystery at time. What came next? She'd drank too much, gotten drunk... and then Kanji and Souji had brought them home? Only not exactly because Kanji hadn't known where she lived. So she had ended up at his house. Then... something had happened there. That's what she couldn't remember, she realized. An incident had occured between them entering his house and her waking up the next morning. Her instincts told her this and Naoto knew she had very good instincts. Usually. So what, then, had occurred? The evidence showed that she had been at his house, in his room, in his...
She shook her head furiously. Absolutely not. There was no way anything like... like that had happened. No way at all. There was no evidence to support that theory aside from her location and that proved nothing because she already knew why she was in his house. And he must've given her his room out of kindness of not wanting to make her sleep on the couch. He'd done the same the next morning. So there, perfect explanations for that. Yet with slow dawning realization Naoto recalled her state of dress when she had woken up. Kanji had seen her in an embarrassing enough state but when she had first woken up it had been much worse. She had been mostly naked, save for her underwear and chest bindings. Slightly panicked she had hastily pulled her pants and shirt on, fully planning on sprinting like a bat out of hell out the front door, when her hangover had hit her full force and she had been forced to run to the bathroom instead.
And so despite her denial earlier when she had implied that to Rise, Naoto realized it was quickly becoming a very real possibility because there was evidence pointing towards it and her painfully analytical brain could not let her deny that. Those who are drunk lose all inhibitions and good judgement. So of course it wasn't uncommon for someone drunk to have a one-night stand. How many times had she heard the lewd conversations of police officers bragging to each other about drunken encounters? Thus she could not ignore this possible reasoning. She could not no matter how badly she wanted to.
... No! It was ridiculous to consider this. It was not a possibility. Kanji wasn't anything like those men at the police station. He would've never--and drunk or not she would've never--
"Hello? Earth to Naoto-kun!"
Naoto jumped and noted Rise's hand waving in front of her face. Rise stood over her, hands on her hips and smirking. Chie and Yukiko were half way across the roof towards the door.
"Lunch is over now," Rise laughed. "Stop daydreaming about Kanji and get back to class."
"I-I was not--!" Naoto sputtered but Rise turned on her heel and bounded away.
Face slightly reddened Naoto packed up what remained of her lunch and followed them. Now she was faced with the very real possibility that she had had a one night stand with Kanji. This too could only be rectified by talking to him. Naoto thought about this for a few seconds before promptly deciding that she would much rather face a thousand Shadows instead. Regardless, she made a mental note that she had to speak to him no matter what.
Naoto was unable to properly concentrate on the rest of the day after lunch. It slowly made her more and more irritable as the day wore on. This was not something she needed to worry about, she told herself, and yet all day she did exactly that. She busied her mind with going over what she was going to say to Kanji, line by line and word by word. She must've gone over her planned inquiry twenty times by the time the day was done and yet she still had absolutely no confidence in her approach. But to be fair, trying to phrase the question 'So did we sleep together while I was drunk?' without actually saying that was not a particularly easy task. The small part of her that just wanted to drop the whole thing and forget it was steadily getting growing. She reasoned she could just go home and be done with this forever. There really wasn't a need to further analyze it. Not really. But Naoto knew herself better than that. She couldn't let this drop until she got the truth, especially because of the evidence that now pointed to... well.
So she steeled herself and made her way to the practice building where Kanji could often be found after school. It took some creative maneuvering because she was determined to avoid all the other members of the Investigation Team just in case Rise had decided to tell everyone what had happened. Thus, naturally, she spotted every single one of them wandering about and had to duck behind corners or into classrooms, earning her plenty of awkward looks from fellow students. Several awkward ninja rolls later Naoto made it to her destination. Sure enough Kanji was there, staring absently into one of the rooms like always. The home economics room, if she remembered right. Naoto was never certain why he didn't just go inside.
"Kanji-kun," She called and approached.
He nearly jumped out of his skin and she paused, frowning. He whirled around, staring at her with wide eyes.
"I apologize, I did not mean to startle you."
"N-N-No, it's fine!" Kanji stammered quickly, turning red. "Um... y-you didn't, I just... Er..."
He trailed off awkward and Naoto waited expectantly for him to finish. Instead he looked down at his feet and turned more red. It took Naoto a few moments to realize he wasn't going to continue, so she spoke again. Time for phase one of the inquiry. "Would you come to the roof with me?"
"H-Huh? Uh... sure."
Phase one: success. See, it wasn't hard at all! She really shouldn't be worrying about this. As they climbed the stairs to the roof in silence Naoto told herself that this would be simple. Totally nothing to worry about. She could absolutely be professional about this. After all, she was almost one hundred percent sure that nothing had occurred. But she had to ask to clear her doubts. That's all. They were friends. They'd been through a lot together. This was nothing compared to fighting a dozen Shadows or having him see all her inner secrets in the form of her own. This was completely and utterly easy when--
"Uh. Naoto?"
Naoto blinked. Apparently they had reached the roof and she hadn't noticed. Instead she had been staring blankly at the fence. She turned around to face him and lifted her head to meet his gaze. She always forgot how tall he was until she stood right next to him. All right, time for phase two. Yeah, she could totally do this!
"I want to inquiry further about the incident the other day."
Kanji blinked. "Huh?"
"Sunday. And Saturday night."
Kanji's eyes widened slightly. "O-Oh." He shifted awkwardly. "W-What about it?"
Naoto opened her mouth then promptly snapped it shut. Kanji gave her a quizzical look and she felt embarrassment starting to creep up on her. No, she had to keep going. This was important. "About that, um... What... happened?"
Naoto watched Kanji stiffen immediately, face more red than she ever recalled seeing before. "I-I told ya already!"
Naoto's brows furrowed in annoyance. This was not going according to the script she had planned in her head. "No, not... It was not a proper explanation. I... wish to know what happened, Kanji-kun."
"Er. I don't know what you..." Kanji fumbled and took a few shuffling steps backwards. He glanced over his shoulder towards the exit. Was he contemplating fleeing?
Naoto frowned at this. He was acting very odd about it. Another piece of the puzzle? ... More horrifying, it was more evidence of what she was hoping to disprove by this conversation. Phase two wasn't working. Actually, plan A was falling all together. Maybe it was best to just ask outright. It was easiest. Just ask 'Did we sleep together?' and be done with it, Shirogane, she told herself sternly. Naoto opened her mouth and instantly felt her cheeks grow warm. She couldn't do it.
"Look," She blurted out, talking so fast her brain couldn't catch up. "I simply wish to know everything that transpired between us during the incident. I can't remember anything and Rise-san is being quite dubious about the whole affair, so she is completely unreliable. I woke up in your home and yes, you explained it, but I woke up without clothes and no recollection of how I--"
Her brain finally caught up and mercifully silenced her. Her eyes widened slightly in horror. That was not quite how she had wanted to word it.
Kanji stared at her. "Uh... w-what?"
Naoto realized she couldn't back out of this now. She swallowed and forced herself to continue. "I-I woke up unclothed. B-But I am quite certain I was wearing clothes before, assuming that I was out with Rise and that my clothes were present in your house. But I was not wearing them when I--... Kanji-kun, your nose."
Kanji's hand flew up to his face and clamped over his nose. "Sh-Shit..." He muttered. "Uh... s-sorry. I should... g-go now."
Naoto opened her mouth to stop him but he bolted, fleeing across the roof and through the door faster than the eye could see. She'd never seen him move that fast before. Naoto sighed, flustered and frustrated. This was quite ridiculous! Why couldn't she have just asked? She could have easily gotten the truth out of him that way. Now she was back to square one.
Or perhaps not. Suddenly Naoto remembered the other mystery of that night: How had Rise convinced her to drink in the first place? She knew she knew better than to do something like that and she doubted Rise poured all those drinks down her throat. Confronting Kanji had been a failure. She could only hope confronting Rise yielded better results.
Rise had already returned home for the day so Naoto left school and headed straight for the tofu shop. Upon arriving she was greeted by Rise's grandmother whom had come to know Naoto quite well. Apparently, much to Naoto's despair, Rise spoke about her a lot. She could only imagine what things were said. She tipped her hat in greeting and asked for Rise. The old lady shuffled away and a few moments later Rise appeared in her white apron and scarf.
"Hi Naoto-kun," She greeted cheerfully. "What's up?"
"I wish to talk with you. Can we go somewhere more private?"
Rise frowned slightly but nodded. The two girls entered the shop and slipped into a back room that was quite out of the public eye. Leaning back against a counter, Rise gave Naoto an expectant look.
"Please tell me what happened when we went out."
Rise blinked. "You really don't remember a single thing?"
"I remember we went out but I..." Naoto hesitated and then sighed. "I cannot think of a reason why I willingly allowed you to get me drunk. You may have been the instigator but I know that I must have done the deed to myself. Assuming you did not force them down my throat." Which, considering it was Rise, might be a possibility. But Naoto was pretty sure, as she had already decided, that Rise hadn't done that.
"An 'instigator'? Rise repeated, making a face. "Jeez. You make me sound like a criminal. I didn't force you, I swear."
"Just tell me," Naoto sighed. The inability to remember was really starting to drive her up the wall. If Rise couldn't jog her memories she could at least give her mind a little ease about this particular mystery. Nothing was worse to Naoto than not knowing.
Yet as that thought entered her head she watched her friend bite her lip, looking a little worried and maybe, for the first time, guilty about the whole affair. Naoto dearly hoped she wasn't about to eat those words.
"Okay," Rise relented at last. "I'll tell you what happened."
------
Naoto was Rise's closest friend. Out of everyone on the Investigation Team she found herself spending the most time with Naoto. She could never say why, either, except that maybe she had had a crush on the detective when she thought Naoto was a boy. But that wasn't the case anymore, of course. They definitely were an odd pair what with Rise being so feminine and bubbly and Naoto so tomboyish and reserved. Yet despite that it worked somehow and Rise's new goal in life was to make Naoto have a little fun. That's exactly why she dragged the smaller girl out of her apartment by the arm and practically forced her to shop with her. Of course Naoto fought her every step of the way with protests and berating her in a way that rivaled her parents' lectures. Yet Rise saw past it and somehow came to the conclusion that something was seriously weighing on the detective's mind.
"Fess up, Naoto-kun," Rise said as they finally left the clothing store. "Why're you so uptight?"
"According to Yosuke-senpai I am always uptight," Naoto deadpanned.
"See, that!" Rise exclaimed, scrunching up her face in displeasure. "You're in a horrible mood! What's eating you?"
Naoto sighed and looked away, hiding her expression with the brim of her cap. Hands clasped behind her back, Rise leaned forward and tried to peer underneath it. The idol prided herself on being one of the few who could read Naoto like an open book. Although she knew it greatly frustrated her detective friend it made her feel like a genius.
"I apologize," Naoto replied quietly. "I have simply... had a lot on my mind as of late. It is nothing you need to worry about."
Rise rolled her eyes. "Naoto-kun, you're my friend. Of course I'm gonna worry if something is bothering you. Jeez!"
Naoto opened her mouth to reply, looking surprised. Then she frowned and shook her head, looking away again. "I do not think you would understand, Rise-san." She paused awkwardly and then hurriedly added, "But thank you regardless."
Rise sighed again. Difficult didn't even being to describe this girl. Enthusiastically Rise hooked her arm with Naoto's, causing her to stumble.
"Fine, enough of this! I'm gonna loosen you up and make you have fun!"
"L-Loosen me up?" Naoto sputtered, staggering to keep up with the idol's bouncing steps. "W-What are you talking about?"
"Leave it to me!" Rise giggled. "I know just the remedy for your worries!"
Ignoring the rest of Naoto's protests, Rise had half dragged Naoto to a bar she had quite a bit of connections in. After pulling a few strings she got both of them in and served without a problem. The whole thing was really quite illegal and Naoto constantly reminded her of this. Yet, Rise noted, she did nothing to actively stop it nor did she simply walk away. It was almost like she was protesting because she felt she had to and not because she actually wanted to. It worried Rise to some extent as this behavior was really off for her friend. But that didn't stop her in the least. The original plan had only been to get Naoto a little tipsy. Alas, things never went as planned. Ordering drinks for them both, Rise grinned wildly as she watched Naoto stare at the colorful liquid with great distress.
"Have you ever had alcohol before?" Rise asked her.
"N-No, of course not," Naoto muttered. "I am underage. We should not be here."
Rise sighed and leaned back in her seat. She gave Naoto a careful look. "Then go home."
Naoto jerked and looked up at her. Rise continued slowly, "I won't stop you, I promise. If it's really bothering you then you can leave. I understand."
Naoto opened her mouth again to reply, but nothing came out. Instead she hesitated and stared back at the drink, her face clouded. She made no move to get up. Although Rise had been baiting for this very reaction she was surprised to find out she was actually right. Frowning, the idol leaned on her elbows on the table and peered at her friend worriedly.
"Okay, seriously. What's going on? You're acting really weird you know."
"I... Would I be more desirable to... be with if I was... 'loose'?"
Rise blinked. "Huh?"
Naoto didn't respond. Instead she took the drink in hand and downed the whole thing in one gulp. Rise gaped and watched Naoto cough, making a face at the foul taste. It didn't stop her from demanding another.
"W-What the heck?" Rise protested. "Naoto-kun, what happened?"
Naoto shook her head. "I would be more likable that way, would I not? All of you call me friend and accept me. Yet there is a constant insistence that I must change to fit in, even among all of you. Even Senpai says so. And I... I know that in some ways he is correct. There are things I must work on about myself. But am I not allowed to be myself at the same time?"
Rise stared. She was at a complete loss and briefly wondered what specifically had been said to make her think this way. Not just that, but to bother her so much. Naoto didn't strike her as someone who let things bother her that easily. She watched her take the second drink and belated realized this was probably a bad idea.
"W-Well I'm with you right now, aren't I?" Rise said at last. "I'm hanging out with you right now because you're you."
Naoto shook her head again and took another heavy sip. "No. Desirable. To... the opposite sex."
"You're worried... about how guys see you?" Rise asked slowly and Naoto gulped down more of her drink in response.
This was certainly new. Rise often bugged Naoto about her love life (or lack thereof) in a teasing manner and had always gotten the same "I am not interested in such entanglements" as her reply. After awhile she had ceased to bother her about it and this apparently had been a bad move because something big had happened to change Naoto's perspective. Rise couldn't even being to guess what that might be. More importantly, though, was that whoever was responsible with this was getting slapped in the face. It was so disheartening to see Naoto like this.
"Forget it," Naoto said irritably. "If that's what they want, then I will show them. And you will help me with that."
'You' apparently being her drink for she very pointedly looked at it when she spoke. I think, Rise decided. that this just really backfired on me.
------
"I tried to get you to leave but you said you wouldn't until we played some weird drinking game you made up. I thought maybe I could drink you under the table and then drag you out but, uh... I guess I got a little drunk too," Rise finished and her tone grew sheepish at the last part. "So we got ushered out and I called Kanji to come bring us home."
Naoto's eyes were wide when the story had finished and she started in silent mortification at Rise first and then at the floor. Hearing the tale had unlocked, slowly, what she had forgotten. And now she remembered. She remembered because that had been the day when... Naoto sat down hard on the chair behind. She'd gotten drunk because she thought she'd be more likable that way. More likable to guys. Since when had she cared about that? Since.... No. How childish. How stupid! Naoto immediately felt enraged, but only at herself. In that instant she absolutely hated herself.
"Naoto-kun," Rise started softly and Naoto glanced up at her. "What you said..."
"I forgot it," Naoto said, tone incredulously. "I forgot what happened even while I was still sober. How could I forget?"
"That's not important," Rise replied irritably. "It's... what you told me."
Naoto looked away again, embarrassed. "Please forget about it."
"Like I would!" Rise snapped. "Do you really believe that, Naoto-kun?"
"I don't know anymore."
Rise frowned and Naoto felt her watching her as she kept her gaze firmly at her feet. She decided now would be a good time to learn how to time travel so that she may shoot her past self dead. It wasn't that late, the library at school was probably still open. Tons of books there on time travel theories and--
"Naoto-kun, go talk to Kanji."
Naoto's gaze shot up. "What?"
Rise looked almost deadly serious, something rarely seen, and Naoto felt strangely intimidated. "Just trust me. I think you should tell him about this."
"Are you certifiable?" Naoto protested immediately. "I did not even mean to tell you. I most certainly am not going to..."
She trailed off and blinked. There was that deja vu again. But why? What did Kanji and how she had been feeling that night have anything to do with each other? Ignoring Rise's questioning looks, Naoto closed her eyes and concentrated. She wanted to remember regardless of what had actually happened between her and Kanji when he had brought her back to his house. It was better than not knowing. This is what she thought at first before, abruptly, she remembered. Her face turned a whole new level of red. She remembered. Vividly. She had been all over him. All over him on the bus. No, not just there either. His house too. She'd... oh hell.
There was no greater horror than this realization. It made her stomach twist into knots. She felt partly relieved realizing that her original theory, that they had actually slept together, was wrong. However it hadn't been entirely far from the truth either because apparently she had wanted to do just that. But it hadn't happened. Of course it wouldn't have, She realized, mentally kicking herself over and over and wishing she could do it physically. Kanji-kun would never do anything else to me besides take care of me in that state. And that was exactly what he had done. It made perfect sense and she wondered why she had even considered it. Even with suspicious evidence she should have immediately taken into account his personality, not the immediate surroundings. So why?
Because maybe a part of you had been hoping for it.
Naoto turned on her heel and promptly bolted from the tofu store, absolutely mortified and painfully confused.
PART IV.
Kanji lay on the couch, arms bent behind his head, and stared at the ceiling without really seeing it. At some point after the sun had gone down it had begun to rain and so now he listened to the steady pounding on the roof. It was increasingly becoming more vicious. It was funny. How many times had the coming rain sent him into panic? Even now, after the murder case had been solved and the fog successfully lifted from both worlds, Kanji still felt uneasy whenever it rained or grew foggy. It was a nagging instinct he wasn't sure he'd be able to get rid of anytime soon. It would forever be a constant 'what if' that lingered in the forefront of his mind when he heard the falling rain. Normally he hated himself for bringing up these thoughts but right now he eagerly accepted them. Thinking about anything else aside from what had happened today was...
Dammit. Now he was thinking about what happened today.
Kanji had first tried sitting on the floor beside his futon. Then he had tried laying on it and, alternatively, sitting on it. But he couldn't do it. Each time he turned a dark red and had to scramble off it. He felt like a moron but could he really be blamed? After Naoto had told him she had slept on his futon half naked there was no way he could ever sleep on it ever again. Not without that lovely mental image to keep him company and, most definitely, keep him from sleeping properly. Alas, he was thus condemned to a life forever sleeping on the couch in the family room. Punishment, he supposed, for years of being a delinquent.
He winced as he shifted. The couch was a horrible place to sleep. It was old and it made him stiff all over. His back was especially in pain right now. Kanji sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. Things were so weird. Ever since two nights ago he felt like things had fallen out of sorts. Not that things between him and Naoto had ever been normal but this was a whole new level. Naoto had been acting weird and he knew with her sharp perception she'd noticed he'd been acting weird too. They were both being weird and it was all Rise's fault. Always Rise's fault. Come to think of it, maybe it was Rise who was his punishment. She must've been sent here by something truly wicked to make his life miserable. That was the only explanation.
Someone knocked on the door. Kanji dropped his hand and blinked. Did Ma forget her key? He wondered as he sat up. His mother had left not that long ago to visit a friend, however, so there was no way she'd be back already. Rolling off the couch, Kanji approached the door and pulled it open. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he saw Naoto standing there. She was so soaked he was sure she could feel it all the way to her bones.
"N-Naoto?!" Kanji exclaimed, gaping. "W-What the hell?"
"May I come in?"
Kanji wondered if she seriously expected him to refuse. He stepped aside immediately. "A-Are you nuts?! Get in here, it's cold!"
It was indeed rather chilly. Winter was slowly melting into spring but the temperatures were still altering between pleasant and cold. Now that the sun was gone and it was raining, it was most definitely cold. Naoto shuffled in and Kanji quickly closed the door behind her. She stood awkwardly in the foyer, dripping water in a steadily growing puddle around her feet and staring at the ground. Even her hat was soaked, flat and hanging heavily with excess water. Kanji hesitated, not entirely sure what he was suppose to do.
"...I apologize."
Kanji started. "H-Huh?"
"I wanted to apologize. That's why I..." She trailed off, looking at him for a moment and then looking away again.
Kanji stared helplessly. Apologize for what?
"... Nevermind. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I will be going."
Kanji's arm shot out and blocked the doorway. "Bathroom!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Uh..." Kanji scrambled to find the words and spoke quickly, "Y-You can use the bathroom. Uh... t-to dry off. You can't go walkin' back out there. You'll get sick or something."
"Ah... That won't be necessary. I--"
Kanji blocked the door with his body this time instead of only his arm. He peered down at her with all the seriousness he could muster. "I ain't moving."
Naoto looked flustered, glaring up at him with all the seriousness she could muster which, Kanji always noted, was pretty damn serious. But Kanji was stubborn and glared right back. They stood there for what felt like hours, glaring. Then Naoto released a small sigh and turned her back to him. She slipped off her drenched shoes and stepped up onto the wooden floor, murmuring an apology as she trailed water all over the place. Belated Kanji realized he should've offered her a towel before hand but it was too late now. He watched with satisfaction as she walked up the stairs and once she was gone he took in a deep breath. She looked sorely depressed and that was partly why he had made her stay. Although he had a million questions as to why she had shown up in the first place he was first and foremost concerned.
While Naoto was occupying the bathroom Kanji snatched a towel from the kitchen to clean up all the water. He followed the trail to the bathroom and paused, listening. He heard nothing behind the closed door. Just as he turned to head back downstairs it opened. He turned again to see Naoto's face peering out from the crack in the door.
"Um..."
Kanji stared at her. Her eyes were averted. She didn't seem to want to say anything more but slowly Kanji's brain put it all together. Somehow. He blushed a deep red. Hastily he pulled off his long sleeved shirt and held it out to her, pointedly staring at the wall.
"H-Here. 's laundry day. This is the only thing I got that's clean."
He felt the shirt being tugged out of his grasp and listened to the door shut. Kanji decided he should probably go back downstairs but he didn't. Instead he waited and a few moments alter the door opened again. She had stripped off her own clothes and was now wearing his shirt. It was much too big on her but that was the point as it covered her completely, stopping at her thighs. Kanji tried very hard not to think about what she was (or wasn't) wearing underneath it. Her hair was still quite wet and matted but Kanji though it looked pretty that way. Everything about her looked pretty, including the cute red stain across her cheeks.
"I would like to talk with you, if that's all right."
"Uh... 'course," Kanji forced out when he realized she was waiting for a reply. "Come down stairs, yeah? Do, uh... you want somethin' warm to drink?"
Naoto nodded. Her gaze still seemed to refuse to meet his, something he had noticed immediately and was how he had determined something was wrong. After all, it wasn't like she was actually showing her depression on her face. When Naoto spoke she always met the gaze of the person she was talking to. She stared so intensely that it was down right nerve wracking. Yet whenever she was even slightly emotional she always looked away. It was one of several eccentricities that Kanji had picked up on about her. It was like she was ashamed of showing emotion.
Turning, Kanji went back downstairs and Naoto followed shortly after. He made some tea, mind spinning with many thoughts and all of them settled as he brought the steaming drink to her. She sat on the couch, legs drawn to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She looked so small and vulnerable and it wasn't a side of her Kanji had ever seen before. Nor did he particular like it. He was use to her being strong and capable.
He took a breath as he set the drinks on the table in front of them. Time to be honest. He was worried enough that he could do so without stumbling over his words in embarrassment.
"Naoto, what the hell is going on? You're kinda freakin' me out." Okay, maybe that was too honest.
Naoto chuckled wearily. "I apologize. I... don't know what's wrong with me."
Kanji sat down slowly beside her, though he kept as much space between them as possible without seeming rude. They sat in awkward silence for a while, Naoto wearing his overly baggy shirt and Kanji in nothing but his jeans. The longer they sat the more anxious he became but Naoto mercifully broke the silence.
"I remembered what happened and... I wanted to apologize. I came here to tell you I was sorry for my behavior while I was intoxicated. It was completely inappropriate."
Oh. So that's what she had been sorry for. Kanji first went white and then red. She remembered... that?! Oh hell. He had not been expecting this. What was he suppose to say?! 'It's okay, it wasn't that terrible'?! 'No problem, I secretly liked it'?! Kanji said neither and instead settled on some unintelligent strangled noise that didn't even sound like a proper language. He wasn't really sure what it meant himself.
Either way Naoto ignored it and continued, "Rise-san helped jog my memory. I... That's all. I simply wanted to make things right. I will leave and return your shirt as soon as my clothes are a bit drier."
Wh-What do I say?!
"I appreciate that you... um... put up with me and did not..." Was she blushing? "...take advantage of the situation."
Kanji choked. He wasn't sure what was more horrifying: the idea itself or the idea that Naoto actually thought he might try something like that. This revelation finally jump started the speech center in his brain. "W-W-W-W-What?! O-O-Of course not! I-I would never...! D-Do you think I would...?!"
"Well, no..."
Kanji hung his head. 'Well no'? What did that mean?!
"Before I was able to remember I originally thought we might have... um... slept together. But it was a ridiculous notion."
Kanji resisted the urge to pass out. You're killin' me, Naoto...
Silence settled over them again, broken only by the soft fall of the rain. Kanji hadn't bothered turning on any lights save for the faint one glowing from the kitchen. So they sat in near darkness as well. The mood was peaceful but the atmosphere was heavy with something Kanji couldn't identify.
"There was a motive behind my behavior. I would like to confess something to you," Naoto said at last. "Rise-san also helped me remember why I allowed myself to become intoxicated in the first place. That morning, before she took me shopping, I ran into someone from my past. When I was little there was a boy I would play with at school. Thinking on it, I believe I had slight feelings of attraction towards him. This was well before I started becoming serious about being a detective and concealing my gender. He eventually changed schools and shortly after that my parents passed away. But I saw him again out of pure coincidence right here in Inaba. He was visiting the area while on a field trip. I recognized him immediately. I don't know why but I approached him to say hello.
"He did not know who I was until I gave him my name. He seemed... quite perturbed when he realized it was me. Then he was quickly put off by my mannerism and speech and... appearance. He told me I had changed quite a bit. Then he told me in a casual tone, 'You're really uptight. I don't remember you being that way before. I always thought you'd be a loose girl when you got older but you turned into the exact opposite. It's a shame! You were cute before.' And then he left."
Kanji made a mental note to kick this guy's ass. Otherwise he sat in quiet, if not stunned, silence. Her voice had lacked real emotional attachment to the situation but he knew better than to believe that was the actual situation. It was obvious just from the fact that she remembered his words so clearly.
"For some reason I was... bothered by those words. And so I was driven to agree to Rise-san's scheme to get me to drink by them. I thought perhaps alcohol would... make me that person. And then, subsequently, I tried to be... loose... with you. Because I believed that was... more desirable." Naoto suddenly buried her face into her knees. "I feel foolish. How stupid, letting a few words from someone I haven't seen in years effect me like that. It isn't like me. I don't care what others believe in that regards."
"'Course you do," Kanji replied automatically without even thinking. He wondered silently if Naoto forgot she was human and not, in fact, an emotionless robot incapable of mistakes. Naoto didn't move so he pressed on boldly, "You can pretend ya don't care but s'just a lie 'cause everyone cares what everyone else thinks. S'what bein' human is, ya know?" No one understood this concept more than Kanji. He realized how much he and Naoto were alike in this regard.
"But it's insignificant. Pointless. My social standings isn't... I just want to be a detective. I don't care whether or not I'm desirable."
What did that mean? Kanji was too afraid to ask but he guessed it had something to do with being found attractive by guys. Right? He swallowed. The moment had just arrived, hadn't it? He was stunned he had realized it but the opportunity was definitely present. It was now or never.
"Y-You're fine just the way you are, Naoto. I don't know what that shit-head was talkin' about but he's full of it."
Naoto lifted her head to stare quizzically at him. Kanji blushed immediately but refused to look away like he wanted to. It was time to be a true man, dammit!
"I-I thought... from the moment I first met you a year ago I thought you were awesome. Th-That is... uhh... I-I thought you were cute just the way you were."
... Wait, what. Did he just admit she was cute out loud? He must've because her eyes widened just a little and the color returned to her cheeks. He still held her gaze, face burning so intensely he was sure it was going to burn off completely.
"When we... first met?" Naoto repeated slowly. "But back then you thought I was..."
"A guy. Y-Yeah."
"... Even so...?"
"Y-Yeah. J-Just the way you are. Y-You're fine like this. There ain't nothin' wrong or... undesirable about it."
Naoto appeared speechless, which was definitely a first not only for him but also in general. He realized at some point he had shifted much closer to her in his enthusiasm to get his point across and the space he had placed carefully between them was all but gone. Naoto was looking at him with an expression he couldn't place but he kind of liked it, whatever it was. And then abruptly she shifted and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. She pressed her face against his neck and clung so tightly, like she was afraid he would disappear. Kanji sucked in a breath and froze, recalling how familiar this was. Yet unlike before where she'd been sitting in his lap she was simply next to him, pressed against his side. Also unlike before, this didn't feel as wrong. It felt really... right.
"Thank you," She said softly and he swore it sounded like she was going to cry.
Kanji wasn't sure what to do with his hands so he did nothing, awkwardly keeping them away from her even though he badly wanted to return the embrace. Turning red, he nodded dumbly. He waited for her to move away but when she did not he slowly brought one arm around her waist. He didn't want to press his luck since this seemed way too good to be true but at the same time he felt like she was expecting him to return the hold. After a brief moment he tilted his head down. At the same time she looked up and it was a horrible cliché, suddenly find himself nose to nose with her, but he didn't even care. He just went for it, for once deciding to not think about the consequences. He loved her. What other reason did he need besides that to lean slightly and kiss her?
Naoto made a soft noise in reply but there was no hesitation in returning the gesture. Kanji was now very certain this was a dream. A wonderful, wonderful dream but nevertheless make believe. There was no way this was real. He would've pinched himself but his hands were occupied with better things such as sliding across her back and down the curve of her side. He slid sideways and found himself on his back, Naoto laying out on top of him with her arms still around him. And they were kissing... and kissing... and still kissing, mouths working eagerly against each other. Neither one was really all that good at it, but that wasn't the point. The point was that they were even making out in the first place. The more it went on--and it lasted for a little while--the more Kanji realized this totally wasn't a dream. He was so inwardly ecstatic that being on cloud nine didn't even being to describe it.
When they finally did break away they were both panting heavily, Naoto's forehead coming to rest against his as she tried to catch her breath. Kanji held her close and wondered what amazing thing he had done to earn this. He also wondered where this was going. This meant Naoto liked him too... right? Maybe he should ask.
"H-Hey..." He stammered. "Uh..."
Brilliant start.
Naoto smiled and sat up, tugging him by the wrist to follow. And now Kanji definitely got a bit of deja vu for Naoto sat straddling his lap with her arms loosely around his neck. Foreheads still pressed together, he watched as she gave him a shy look and noted his shirt slipping to expose her smooth shoulder.
"I really like you, Naoto," He blurted out and then turned red. Wait, that had been wrong.
"I know."
... Oh.
"I really like you too, Kanji-kun."
.... Oh. The first words out of his mouth were almost 'Since when!?' but thankfully he stopped them from escaping. It didn't matter, did it? They both liked each other, apparently. The end. No further explanations or thought processes needed.
"Shall we go upstairs?"
"H-Huh...?" Kanji replied and then it clicked. "W-What?! Uhh... w-wait, you... Naoto, you don't, uh... h-have to prove anything to me or..."
"I know. I simply thought your futon would be more comfortable to sleep on."
"Uhh... y-yeah."
The two clamored off the couch and up the stairs, cold tea left completely forgotten on the table. Nothing happened but then again Kanji didn't expect anything to. They laid on his futon and kissed some more but then eventually Naoto curled up against his chest and he was perfectly content to just hold her. He was drifting off to sleep when Naoto spoke quietly, pulling him back awake.
"I understand now."
Kanji glanced down at her. "Huh?"
Naoto nuzzled her face against his chest, smiling. Seeing her smile so warmly made him blush.
"What I wanted and what was bothering me. Even as the others say they accept me, Rise-san always thinks I should wear different clothes and Souji-san said I should speak in a more feminine voice. Even my grandfather occasionally expects me to somehow be the opposite of who I am. So when I heard those words that morning they only emphasized that something was wrong with me after all. Everyone was trying to change me and all I wanted was to be wanted as I was. No one has ever told me 'You're fine the way you are' before. You are the first."
Kanji hugged her close. That seemed ridiculous to him. She was amazing how she was. Why would anyone ever not think that? "You're fine the way you are."
"You don't have to say it again," Naoto chuckled softly. Yet her voice was warm with joy.
Kanji listened as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. He began to nod off again, thinking sleepily at how right this was. It was amazing how these things just seemed to fall into place.
All they needed was a little push.