::Not so much a friendship::
So apparently we're not as friendly as I understood it.
I am slightly surprised that I am not as angry as I could be but completely unsurprised by the dublicity. Perhaps this is due to my dubious nature of things, or maybe I've just seen it all along.
However, I can't help but feel a certain sadness about it. But it's the sadness that comes with feeling let down by my own actuality rather than being let down by another. Like my ethos on life has been proven true yet again, and I am gradually becoming more hopeless and untrusting of people.
Part of me wishes to know why things have turned out like this but I am almost completely sure that I would not be met with honesty if I were to ask. That and, I think I would feel quite content not to talk of it. It would be nicer if I were to just grow apart. That way, I meet the same conculsion without any fuss or fight...
I am reminded in this time, of my own frailty and my eagerness to seperate myself from the people around me, whilst still contradictively seeking that perfect, and ultimately unobtainable human connection. I am so completely frustrated with coveting what ails me, for it is when I involve others in the workings of my head that I lose myself and become ill trying to get them out again.
My terrible place, is not one for sharing. Yet I still harbour this burning desire to vomit every thought onto the plate of another.
For them to understand it all.
Indeed I am a paradox. Where one lives, but never truly exists.
And this is not so much a friendship, as it is two passing ships.
Inkbaby x