001. Saturday classes and dreams
Well, well, if it isn't that girl Anna writing again. Or, for the first time. Whichever.
I find myself in a... horrible mood! And, yes, I know that isn't interesting to read, but I said I'd write in this one, so I will. I had class this afternoon, which means I had to get up earlier than I usually do on Saturdays and I think I might be coming down with something. I took some meds, so I feel slightly better.
I've been having trouble sleeping. It's quite annoying, really. I wake up in the middle of the night with body aches and then when I go back to sleep, I get nightmares. You know those nightmares about ghosts and spirits? I've been having them a lot lately. It's quite odd and slightly frightening. Not so much as it used to be when I was a child, but they're coming back full force this month. I don't know why. I might just need to lose some weight.
There's something familiar about these dreams, which is what annoys me, really. Because, there's a set of spirits, usually a couple of girls and sometimes a little boy. The other night I dreamt this man was shooting everyone on this store I was in, but that was just because of what happened here three weeks ago. I guess it takes some time to elaborate. War is never as ordinary as we are led to believe these days.
But, that's not the point. I remember when I was a little girl I used to have these dreams and, for some reason, I was sure the room I slept in with my twin brother had ghosts. I still am - after I moved to another room with my sister, I have refused to even go in there. Now, I can go in there, because it's the computer room at my parents' house, but I still don't like it. And I refuse to sleep in it - yes, it's also the guest room, so to say.
This is funny, isn't it? Someone like me saying she believes in ghosts. I guess it must be, but... see, it's not ghosts or spirits exactly. Just... energy. Some of us are more sensitive than others, right? Bad energy gets to me. It gets me down like you wouldn't believe it. It's alright once you learn to handle it, but it's difficult. Most times, you won't realise what's got you in such a horrible mood or such a depressed state until after the fact. When you think back and rationalise on things.
Oh look, I'm way off topic. I guess this is why I don't write in personal journals - I tend to ramble about things of no pertinence or interest. Anyway, all this was to say that I don't feel all too well. My recently acquired insomnia has been driving me insane and I know there's a cause for it and I've thought of possible causes, but... well, I'm a master at denial. I know what's bothering me and I know I have to fix it or else I'll lose sleep. It's happened before. I just... don't have the guts to face it now.
In another dream analogy, it's sort of that one I sometimes have... about a monster or a witch... and a house... scary, somber... and I'm looking for something... terrified, completely terrified. But, I'm looking - maybe it's a way out of the house, you never know. But, these things bothering me now and making me lose my sleep, are the same thing which the unconscious part of my mind won't let me see. This is why every time I reach that one door, the one I know something so frightening is locked in... I wake up. And, the dream is over and I'm sweating and reaching for the lights. I'll admit it, I'm afraid of the dark.
I hate waking up at night with these feelings. I don't know what's wrong with my life - I can pinpoint maybe one or two things that have been worrying me, but they never made lose sleep before. What is happening? The few hours I am able to sleep, it seems like I'm awake. And, in the morning, my entire body is in pain. I think I need to exercise. No, I know so... maybe, I'll start running. With my body tired, it's possible my mind will give up on staying awake.
Well, that's enough of me whigning.
- anna