More rambling?! Does she ever stop!
Ooh la la. A journal.
So, it's been awhile again. Nothing much to say, actually. Am delightfully on hols until Sunday, which is making me mildly depressed. You know, two weeks off after a stressful semester at Uni isn't nearly enough. Not to mention that the research project I've been working on for the last 15 months is boring the death out of me, mainly because the stupid Professor who was supposed to be giving us orientation just uses us as her personal secretaries - send e-mail, build web sites, write letters, do personal stuff that has nothing to do with the research - the usual!
So there, instead of working 20 hours a week, I'm working thirty, including Saturdays and events that have nothing to do with us. Of course, I'm still not getting paid, yay! We get financial aid of a minimum wage, but it is so frustrating to be so bloody undervalued like that. My brain can actually go beyond answering the phone and e-mails! I shouldn't even be doing that! Not that I'd mind, if I were being paid. I'm a capitalist pig, damn it!
So, yes... this is the battle of an undergrad. On the one hand, I feel that I am much more qualified than I'm taken for; on the other, people are willing (and oh, are they willing) to exploit your work for a ridiculously small amount of money. So, what choice do you have? You can't just say 'no, I'm not going to work', because when you graduate you won't find anywhere that won't require previous experience. But, since you don't have a diploma, you can never find good internships that are willing to teach and not just exploit.
What do I do, then? Because despite all the anger and disappointment and frustration I go through daily, this woman is an exponent in Brazilian Public Relations and it would be really foolish of me to throw a tantrum and refuse the opportunities I'm getting. I think the only really frustrating bit is that I feel someone trapped - and by myself, mind. Because... I don't know. I know I am more qualified than I am given credit for and I know that this woman knows this, too. And, because I know she knows, it only makes me more frustrated that she is so consciously exploiting me and just... grr.
You know what's worse? Not knowing what will come. Because I could easily handle all of this if I knew the results would be certain and worth it-- but as it is, I might as well be enduring this to end up unemployed in the near future. Nothing is for sure and it drives me crazy. Not knowing if there's a point to submitting myself like this. And, considering the fact that I will have to make enough to pay for rent in the next two years... I'm mildly concerned!
Not everything is bad, though. Just... anxious here. Hopefully I'll manage to graduate next year, with everyone else. Need to work some credit issues with my uni, but whatever. It's not the end of the world. Why do I stress over this stuff so much? It's so silly.
On a side note, I think I bore people I play with. Seriously... there's no other explanation. It's been a bitter experience and the double-standards irritate me. I need to take a stand. I'll do it... eventually.
- anna