Big girls dont cry,
Things just collapsed.
I feel like our flame is dying.
I have no faith.
I have no hope.
And i want it.
Im still not feeling right about this.
I feel confused. I feel just depressed.
I think i need a vacation,
just for myself.
I want to come home to him,
And him missing the hell out of me.
I feel like im not good enough anymore.
He does all these good things for me,
And i just sigh.
I dont know why anymore.
I remember i used to say " I love you"
all the time,
Now i never say it.
He always says it,
And sometimes i just hear it too much.
Why am i being like this?
Im the one being stupid.
I'll admit,
I'm wrong.
And i dont know how to fix this.
Maybe time apart will really help.
I need to figure out my priorities,
I need to make sure I'm ok.
I need to put myself first,
instead of worrying about everyone else.
I need to speak my feelings.
Im always uncomfortable,
I put up this big shell,
And he needs to know immediately that i am not feeling ok.
If im offended by something,
I need to tell him.
For example.
Yesterday,
I was helping him around the house,
And he was on the roof cleaning the gutters,
And i kept walking around to help,
And his 11 year old brother keeps saying
"Tanja shake your ass"
I tend to stay away from his brother,
Because what seth says,
He repeats.
And some things,
Seth should not be teaching him.
Im not going to let an 11 year old,
CHILD
Talk to me like that.
Im an adult,
Have some respect.
Thats a good example.
Im tired of hiding myself.
I cant smoke when i want,
Jesus christ,
Im 18 years old,
If you dont want me to smoke on your property,
Ill be more than happy to walk across the street.
My god,
Theres so much shit.
I want to let it all out.
But i cant.
Because i have no feelings rememeber?
My opinion doesnt count,
You are always right,
Im always wrong.