re: It will be a good thing

[inhiswake]

I've decided this new "friendship" that we have struck up, will be a good thing. I figure the Lord has a purpose for everything He allows into our life and that how we choose to deal with it affects the outcome of it all. So I am deciding to use this opprtunity to patch up my heart and move out of obsession. (How mature of me!!) This life we lead here on earth...it's so temporary isn't it? I suppose that if I keep all my relationships righteous then I will leave this life with very few things to be sorry for. I think that since the Lord is not here physically, maybe He expects our fellowship with each other ( and I mean this like as in all of mankind) to make up for that? So that could be why He wants us to be at peace with all men. So we can be more of Christ to each other...is that confusing?? Kinda huh? I don't know...I mean this is hard so I figure it must be something of value or the enemy wouldn't try to rob this peace from me. I want my relationships to be peaceful and good, but usually when they aren't it's because I get offended in some selfish way. I hate that. I hate that I expect to be called and treated with respect but sometimes I'm the one who doesn't call or treat someone with respect. It seems I have all this grace for myself but not for other people. Really bothers me that I can see this so clearly and then when the time comes for me to act on this big revelation...my emotions get in the way and I mess it up again! I read between the lines when maybe there isn't anything to read. I get upset over a "tone" of voice or a poor choice of words, or the way everyone jokes around and it can be so cutting and hurtful (especially the guys!) Like I think maybe some things shouldn't be joked about, especially when it has truth in it, but then maybe I am too sensitive??...it's not like I act on all this or say something every time it happens no, I choose to hold onto the hurt and act like it isn't there. I stay cheerful and even act happy but inside I'm unsure. Inside I'm thinking maybe my friends meant to hurt me or were being rude and inconsiderate and I don't want to confront them because I could be wrong and I don't want to be a freak. This isn't everyday or anything it's just...I'm trying to work all this out in my mind I gues, trying to figure out what I need to do...It's complicated being friends isn't it?

Well I really rambled in this one because I want to keep our friendship and it's made me look at all my friendships with new eyes...since this is a new experience for me and I can't ask anyones advice about it because it's so awkward...