Life is Precious... Part I
Good evening everyone.
Phew... I really don't know where to start but I'm definitely taking this time to just slow down, breathe & really just mentally veg out lol I've had a lot going on lately to say the very least. It's all kind of been building up & I think it's been discouraging me from updating because it's just been so overwhelming physically, mentally & spiritually. I've just been shot & drained but oddly enough, at the end of the day, I feel a really comfortable satisfaction knowing I've utilized my entire day to its full potential. I've also realized there aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week to do everything I want to do - which on one hand is a little distressing but on the other is really exciting because I want to do so much lol
Buuuut I can't save the world. Baby steps, baby steps. Priorities. Etc, etc.
What I'm really enjoying out of it though is that I really feel like, especially recently, I've been feeling a deeper appreciation & understanding for life. I've been thinking a lot lately about death & life & being alive & being alive in Christ & really living for God. I'm still totally blown away by the fact that I'm still such a young Christian. I'm almost 20 years old & just the past few months have been the most dynamic, extraordinary time of my life. I just praise God for that - for giving me this life & having this whole plan for me.
The temptation to view my dead-life before Christ as time wasted definitely tries to sneak up on me sometimes but at the same time I know that everything that happened in my life had to happen for me to be where I am now; it's all part of the plan. & everything that is happening now & is going to happen in the future as to happen as God unfolds it. It actually makes me all the more motivated to live out my life for Christ in full. I could die tomorrow, I could die next week - I don't know when my time here will be over but do I want to chance wasting this day if it could be my last? No phreaking way!
I'm also trying to be careful though. I'm running around doing all these things & it's awesome & everything but I have to be careful to not burn myself out. That's my real challenge right now. Of course I want to live each day to its full potential but I want to be happy while doing it & really savor it. I don't want to be tired & sluggish or bitter & frustrated. I've spent so much of my life in a dormant, depressive state where I just didn't appreciate each day God gave me. I took each day for granted - I always just assumed I was going to live to see tomorrow. I wasn't worried about death at that time - hell, I didn't even care. In all honesty, in those times, I had so much hatred for my own life that I'd thought about taking it away myself. I didn't want it, I didn't appreciate it. Now I realize what a privilege it is to live it.
Today I reached out to a girl at my work who, unfortunately, everyone seems to be ganging up on lately =( It makes me really sad... She's really starting to not like working there & I don't think she's a bad person at all - I just think she's misunderstood. Anyway, I try to talk to her any chance I can to try to encourage her & just let her know that not EVERY one is out to get her. We actually had a pretty meaningful conversation today I think. She is a little rough around the edges but understandably so; how could one not constantly be on the defense if all they're anticipating is hostility?
Anyway... she opened up to me today about a good friend of hers that recently committed suicide in November. I was really touched that she was able to share something so personal with me but at the same just so hurt & saddened at the thought of someone being in such a deep, dark place without any notion of hope & feeling that that was their only answer. It's terribly tragic... & knowing what I know now about the glory of God & his love & the life we can receive through him... I just empathize so deeply with those people feeling so down & so trapped & so hopeless. Maybe I can't know exactly what they're going through but I can definitely say I've been in a place where felt like I was at my own end. That there was nothing left for me to look forward to - just loneliness & helplessness & a desperation to feel anything that wasn't that.
I also shared with Mariella that the 2-year anniversary of one of my former classmates' suicide had recently passed just last week as well. I wasn't particularly close to Matt personally, but I went to a high school with graduating classes of just under a hundred so everyone knew everyone else. I'd had classes with him & knew him fairly well even if we weren't close - everyone did - & it was terribly jarring to everyone in at my school when it had happened. It really brought our community & especially my senior class that year especially close. It's such a tragedy what happens when young lives are lost to themselves.
Life is so precious. No moment should be taken for granted. Every day is a gift.
Man, I didn't even get to where I wanted to originally go with this post lol I wanted to eventually loop back to not just appreciating life for what it is, but also for the life Christ gave us in sacrificing his own *sigh* Keep on the lookout for Part II I guess =P For now, good night & God bless <3
In His Love,
Jess
Phew... I really don't know where to start but I'm definitely taking this time to just slow down, breathe & really just mentally veg out lol I've had a lot going on lately to say the very least. It's all kind of been building up & I think it's been discouraging me from updating because it's just been so overwhelming physically, mentally & spiritually. I've just been shot & drained but oddly enough, at the end of the day, I feel a really comfortable satisfaction knowing I've utilized my entire day to its full potential. I've also realized there aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week to do everything I want to do - which on one hand is a little distressing but on the other is really exciting because I want to do so much lol
Buuuut I can't save the world. Baby steps, baby steps. Priorities. Etc, etc.
What I'm really enjoying out of it though is that I really feel like, especially recently, I've been feeling a deeper appreciation & understanding for life. I've been thinking a lot lately about death & life & being alive & being alive in Christ & really living for God. I'm still totally blown away by the fact that I'm still such a young Christian. I'm almost 20 years old & just the past few months have been the most dynamic, extraordinary time of my life. I just praise God for that - for giving me this life & having this whole plan for me.
The temptation to view my dead-life before Christ as time wasted definitely tries to sneak up on me sometimes but at the same time I know that everything that happened in my life had to happen for me to be where I am now; it's all part of the plan. & everything that is happening now & is going to happen in the future as to happen as God unfolds it. It actually makes me all the more motivated to live out my life for Christ in full. I could die tomorrow, I could die next week - I don't know when my time here will be over but do I want to chance wasting this day if it could be my last? No phreaking way!
I'm also trying to be careful though. I'm running around doing all these things & it's awesome & everything but I have to be careful to not burn myself out. That's my real challenge right now. Of course I want to live each day to its full potential but I want to be happy while doing it & really savor it. I don't want to be tired & sluggish or bitter & frustrated. I've spent so much of my life in a dormant, depressive state where I just didn't appreciate each day God gave me. I took each day for granted - I always just assumed I was going to live to see tomorrow. I wasn't worried about death at that time - hell, I didn't even care. In all honesty, in those times, I had so much hatred for my own life that I'd thought about taking it away myself. I didn't want it, I didn't appreciate it. Now I realize what a privilege it is to live it.
Today I reached out to a girl at my work who, unfortunately, everyone seems to be ganging up on lately =( It makes me really sad... She's really starting to not like working there & I don't think she's a bad person at all - I just think she's misunderstood. Anyway, I try to talk to her any chance I can to try to encourage her & just let her know that not EVERY one is out to get her. We actually had a pretty meaningful conversation today I think. She is a little rough around the edges but understandably so; how could one not constantly be on the defense if all they're anticipating is hostility?
Anyway... she opened up to me today about a good friend of hers that recently committed suicide in November. I was really touched that she was able to share something so personal with me but at the same just so hurt & saddened at the thought of someone being in such a deep, dark place without any notion of hope & feeling that that was their only answer. It's terribly tragic... & knowing what I know now about the glory of God & his love & the life we can receive through him... I just empathize so deeply with those people feeling so down & so trapped & so hopeless. Maybe I can't know exactly what they're going through but I can definitely say I've been in a place where felt like I was at my own end. That there was nothing left for me to look forward to - just loneliness & helplessness & a desperation to feel anything that wasn't that.
I also shared with Mariella that the 2-year anniversary of one of my former classmates' suicide had recently passed just last week as well. I wasn't particularly close to Matt personally, but I went to a high school with graduating classes of just under a hundred so everyone knew everyone else. I'd had classes with him & knew him fairly well even if we weren't close - everyone did - & it was terribly jarring to everyone in at my school when it had happened. It really brought our community & especially my senior class that year especially close. It's such a tragedy what happens when young lives are lost to themselves.
Life is so precious. No moment should be taken for granted. Every day is a gift.
Man, I didn't even get to where I wanted to originally go with this post lol I wanted to eventually loop back to not just appreciating life for what it is, but also for the life Christ gave us in sacrificing his own *sigh* Keep on the lookout for Part II I guess =P For now, good night & God bless <3
In His Love,
Jess