i don't want to be a bad woman.
sometimes i can't stand bright eyes and other times i'm sitting here dying over conor oberst's guitar and voice and fingers. you know. "amy in the white coat."
last night at bread company i said something to angie about how i didn't want to be here next summer. and i don't. she said quite emphatically and seriously that she hates st charles but loves st louis, which is totally understandable, i guess. i love st louis, too, but living somewhere i hate 25 miles away from it for three months isn't worth it to me. i wanted to say "i don't want next summer to be like last summer," but i couldn't say that with angie sitting across from me. sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) things i say (especially to angie, it seems) are well-meant or don't mean anything but i still end up being a huge jerk. i don't even know when i should apologize anymore.
last summer was all light and magic at the good parts and bone-crushingly depressing at the bad ones. i can't...i can't be sitting here in my parents' house waiting to spend 45 hours a week at goodwill next summer. i can't. that's not to say that the almost-constant hanging out with people that have proven to be pretty amazing wasn't good. because it was, it was really great. i'm just awful at verbalizing my feelings. i'm unrealistic through and through, but if there is somehow i can prove to myself that i can DO something for once instead of waiting for amazing things to happen to me, it'd make everything else worthwhile.
i don't make any sense. awesome. at least i dyed my hair dark(er) for the winter.
as of late i've found myself feeling completely BARRAGED with girl-y drama, as if some giant conglomeration of everything i hate about females, or that at least is stereotyped as such, has set out to attack my heart and my sanity with endless passive-aggressive insinuations and petty squabbling. it kind of makes me want to die. being involved in any capacity with any one person who is "far away" has taught me that there are always, ALWAYS, strings attached. thank the blessed lord that there are girls within proverbial arm's reach (not to mention the inherent amazingness of the currently chicagoland-bound stephanie lynn and meghan marie) that, for the most part, keep me sane and remind me that everything doesn't have to be falling apart all the time.
is it january yet? really. i'm making myself sick.
last night at bread company i said something to angie about how i didn't want to be here next summer. and i don't. she said quite emphatically and seriously that she hates st charles but loves st louis, which is totally understandable, i guess. i love st louis, too, but living somewhere i hate 25 miles away from it for three months isn't worth it to me. i wanted to say "i don't want next summer to be like last summer," but i couldn't say that with angie sitting across from me. sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) things i say (especially to angie, it seems) are well-meant or don't mean anything but i still end up being a huge jerk. i don't even know when i should apologize anymore.
last summer was all light and magic at the good parts and bone-crushingly depressing at the bad ones. i can't...i can't be sitting here in my parents' house waiting to spend 45 hours a week at goodwill next summer. i can't. that's not to say that the almost-constant hanging out with people that have proven to be pretty amazing wasn't good. because it was, it was really great. i'm just awful at verbalizing my feelings. i'm unrealistic through and through, but if there is somehow i can prove to myself that i can DO something for once instead of waiting for amazing things to happen to me, it'd make everything else worthwhile.
i don't make any sense. awesome. at least i dyed my hair dark(er) for the winter.
as of late i've found myself feeling completely BARRAGED with girl-y drama, as if some giant conglomeration of everything i hate about females, or that at least is stereotyped as such, has set out to attack my heart and my sanity with endless passive-aggressive insinuations and petty squabbling. it kind of makes me want to die. being involved in any capacity with any one person who is "far away" has taught me that there are always, ALWAYS, strings attached. thank the blessed lord that there are girls within proverbial arm's reach (not to mention the inherent amazingness of the currently chicagoland-bound stephanie lynn and meghan marie) that, for the most part, keep me sane and remind me that everything doesn't have to be falling apart all the time.
is it january yet? really. i'm making myself sick.