i miss writing.
i remember i used to write everything down.. somewhere i stopped. im not sure why.. now its like i have so much to say that i dont know where to start. my baby lucy of course takes up most all of my time right now... its so awesome spending all my time with her, i get to see her growing and getting smarter and its so crazy, even though i know that shes going to learn things its still amazing to me. and i love the way her brothers and sister interact with her. she adores them already... im so eager for us to live together again and be a family... i feel a sad disconnect from them right now, from all three of them. it might be a normal thing that happens when you dont spend 24/7 with your kids.. even though lola and jr arent i feel like they are.
i miss my mom. like unbelievably so.. i just break down in this horrible painful cry at night because im honestly exhausted of missing her.. especially since i feel her soo close to me, shes here. i feel her watching over me. i feel like that girl from what dreams may come.. insane almost. i dont know... its a good kind of crazy i guess... i guess i have to get used to it because its not going to go away. i still feel the same way about my dad too just not as much anymore... hmm.
i miss writing, not here in lj but in a real journal. this is a whole new chapter of life right now, every feeling is a brand new version of itself. this is a new type of happy, nervous, anxious, excited feeling about life. im just worried about being stable... im scared of it. if I dont make a change... well im scared of what would happen. i dont like to rely on anyone else especially about my future and right now i feel like im in a box, i have no car, i need to make money like now. ugh... im making a plan for my life. starting now.
i miss my mom. like unbelievably so.. i just break down in this horrible painful cry at night because im honestly exhausted of missing her.. especially since i feel her soo close to me, shes here. i feel her watching over me. i feel like that girl from what dreams may come.. insane almost. i dont know... its a good kind of crazy i guess... i guess i have to get used to it because its not going to go away. i still feel the same way about my dad too just not as much anymore... hmm.
i miss writing, not here in lj but in a real journal. this is a whole new chapter of life right now, every feeling is a brand new version of itself. this is a new type of happy, nervous, anxious, excited feeling about life. im just worried about being stable... im scared of it. if I dont make a change... well im scared of what would happen. i dont like to rely on anyone else especially about my future and right now i feel like im in a box, i have no car, i need to make money like now. ugh... im making a plan for my life. starting now.