Is it any wonder?
It feels so good to have someone by my side for once. No matter which female it's been to upset me in this last month I've had someone to tell me if I'm wrong or if I'm right regardless of what he thinks I want to hear. He tells me how it really is. He tells me when I did the wrong thing even if I don't want to hear it. & he knows that I don't want to hear it.
I've had so many fucking crushes in the last year, I know. This is different.. I hope. It's been 3 months since I met this boy.. My feelings are ... Well right now they are simply there. I'm not going to pressure him, I'm not even worried about it anymore. I know that he cares about me, I know that he likes me. I may not like the fact that he isn't officially my boyfriend but I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I feel stupid for ever bringing it up before. I feel stupid for crying over it ever. But it just felt like he was more into it in the begining and ya know.. Once a guy gets what he wants he isn't going to want to commit if he doesn't need to. Ew. I just used the word commit. What has this boy turned me into?!
I'm not that girl... I wasn't that girl.
I guess things are different when you know you want to be with someone and ONLY that someone. I've never had this feeling before. Like ever. Not even with the baby daddy. I was too young and dumb then. What I thought was love really wasn't.. I'm smarter now. Not sayin I'm in love now but I'm pretty sure I'll know it when I feel it.
But that's exactly why I'm going to (try) to not complain or pressure him or even ask about where we stand because I want to fall in love and I know how much time it takes to be sure & I know that we have a long time ahead of us. Before I met him I wanted exactly what he's giving me so I don't know why I tried to rush into it. maybe I was influenced by my racing heart or my overdramatic mind but now, well since last night, I feel fine.
I wish I could remember the exact words that we spoke but I know that he told me he cares about me and he doesn't know why I let these people get to me so much. Heh... If he only knew that these are the same people that have been getting to me for
the last 4 years.. Shit even longer for one.
But after this long and the guys that have "cared" before I finally question it myself. No.. I finally don't care. Like at all.
I'm still breathing. I'm still waking up every morning (& on really good mornings I wake up in his bed).
For now I feel content with what we've got.
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