(no subject)
Well, I thought I should update even though my last post probably drove all of you away.
I didn't mean to come off so strong and hateful, but I do that when I'm hurt. It just seems like everytime I think I find someone to trust, to confide in, they always take me for granted. I do my best in everything I can, and if it's not good enough for you, then I'm sorry. I figured if I shut off all of my emotions, the less chance I had of getting hurt. I don't want to care anymore, I don't want to feel, I don't want to cry, or hurt. So it's rather difficult for me to trust that people won't throw me away, because a lot have. I don't want to interact with people for fear that I will fuck up their lives, just as I have done mine. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I want them to know what it feels like to be used, to get taken advantage of. I really don't want to apologize because I know at some time or another, I will do the same thing again, and I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, and end up disappointing you, but I will apologize anyway, became I am truly sorry. I don't know any of you take the shit that I give you, that's beyond me, but thank you for giving me so many chances. I mess up, I'm human, but I can try to fix the amount of deepness my words cut.
Light breaks underneath
A heavy door
And I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around us on a hotel floor
And you think that you've made another mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach
From another sleepless binge
And I struggle to get myself up again
I want to hang onto something
That won't break away or fall apart
Like the pieces of my heart.
I can't take this anymore
I know I can't take this anymore
I can't take this anymore
'Cause I know someday I'll see you
walk out that door.
-SC
First day of work today...