So I
try talking to my ex like a human being lately. This has probably been an utter failure. Part of it is probably due to the fact that she does not take responsibility for her part in our breaking up a second time. Nikki is a very sweet girl, naive in some ways, but she failed to keep a promise. I told her when we got back together that it did hurt me quite a bit when she just sat there and said "it's over." I made her promise to tell me if she was having issues and what they were so that we could work on them. I explicitly told her I am not a mind-reader. Now that was when I was living 20 minutes away.
Transfer the mind-reading scenario to 5.5 hours away and I really cannot read her mind. I only got to see her once in Hopkins at my apartment. Then suddenly she calls me up one day and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. Now I am not blameless here. I was working way too much, 100+ hour weeks. I wasn't communicating with her enough, in all likelihood, to keep her happy. Topping it off was I was trying to get used to a new job, new place, new prices, new tax rates, et al. In the end my fault was not giving her enough of me to keep her happy.
My problem, a year later no less, is the fact that she broke her promise to me. I found out recently that for more than 6 months she was having problems with our relationship. She gave me a ring that (and she picked the inscription) says "For Always Yours Nicole" while she was having these issues. Always ended up being 3.2 months. This just irritates me to no end. How can you lay in bed with someone, make love with them, say "I love you" to them with these thoughts. I never doubted once that I loved her.
I passed on other women, some better looking, some smarter, all because in my eye she was perfect imperfection. I had, on moving into my new apartment, two offers for dates. To whit I dutifully told them about her in glowing terms. I told them how much I loved her. I never touched, nor even seriously thought, about sleeping with another woman. She was all I wanted and I counted every day down to when I could next see her. Thinking of her kept me sane at work for the first part. I would think, "Make things better, see her on Thanksgiving and Christmas." I would also think of how much time I had left before I could move back.
I told her when I left I had a suprise for her for Christmas. She looked at me quite leery that I would ask her to marry me. Realistically I wanted to wait until I finished my degree, but she would have hers finished in December. I was going to tell her that when my year contract was up (or sooner if I could fulfill the obligations) that I was going to move wherever she could find a good job for herself. Be it home in FV area, or somewhere else, I would follow her. I can get an education anywhere, my grades are good enough to pass muster just about anywhere.
So what do I talk to her about now? Well I passing some philosophical points to start. Part of my existence belief. Part of it for her benefit. Sometimes she gets discouraged, in no small part due to her family, and I see that she can achieve her dreams. She just needs someone to prop up her ego when she gets down, mostly because she's been put down for the idea that her writing could be a career. I was raised that, if you were truly determined enough, you could accomplish anything reasonable. She wasn't asking for Emerson fame, but all writing is conceit.
So maybe one day I get her back, maybe I don't, maybe I find someone new, but that would be breaking a promise I made to her. She hasn't released me of it yet.
Inglix
---
"If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn."
-Friedrich W. Nietzsche, The Will to Power, 1888
Transfer the mind-reading scenario to 5.5 hours away and I really cannot read her mind. I only got to see her once in Hopkins at my apartment. Then suddenly she calls me up one day and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. Now I am not blameless here. I was working way too much, 100+ hour weeks. I wasn't communicating with her enough, in all likelihood, to keep her happy. Topping it off was I was trying to get used to a new job, new place, new prices, new tax rates, et al. In the end my fault was not giving her enough of me to keep her happy.
My problem, a year later no less, is the fact that she broke her promise to me. I found out recently that for more than 6 months she was having problems with our relationship. She gave me a ring that (and she picked the inscription) says "For Always Yours Nicole" while she was having these issues. Always ended up being 3.2 months. This just irritates me to no end. How can you lay in bed with someone, make love with them, say "I love you" to them with these thoughts. I never doubted once that I loved her.
I passed on other women, some better looking, some smarter, all because in my eye she was perfect imperfection. I had, on moving into my new apartment, two offers for dates. To whit I dutifully told them about her in glowing terms. I told them how much I loved her. I never touched, nor even seriously thought, about sleeping with another woman. She was all I wanted and I counted every day down to when I could next see her. Thinking of her kept me sane at work for the first part. I would think, "Make things better, see her on Thanksgiving and Christmas." I would also think of how much time I had left before I could move back.
I told her when I left I had a suprise for her for Christmas. She looked at me quite leery that I would ask her to marry me. Realistically I wanted to wait until I finished my degree, but she would have hers finished in December. I was going to tell her that when my year contract was up (or sooner if I could fulfill the obligations) that I was going to move wherever she could find a good job for herself. Be it home in FV area, or somewhere else, I would follow her. I can get an education anywhere, my grades are good enough to pass muster just about anywhere.
So what do I talk to her about now? Well I passing some philosophical points to start. Part of my existence belief. Part of it for her benefit. Sometimes she gets discouraged, in no small part due to her family, and I see that she can achieve her dreams. She just needs someone to prop up her ego when she gets down, mostly because she's been put down for the idea that her writing could be a career. I was raised that, if you were truly determined enough, you could accomplish anything reasonable. She wasn't asking for Emerson fame, but all writing is conceit.
So maybe one day I get her back, maybe I don't, maybe I find someone new, but that would be breaking a promise I made to her. She hasn't released me of it yet.
Inglix
---
"If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn."
-Friedrich W. Nietzsche, The Will to Power, 1888