Much Ado About Nothing: Chapter 3
Title: Much Ado About Nothing
Rating: T (rating subject to change)
Fandom: Tolkien's Hobbit
Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield/Bilbo Baggins, more to come
Genre: Romance/Adventure/Humor
Summary Belladonna Baggins, child of Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took, hadn't much taste for Adventure. More's the pity that Adventure had a taste for Belladonna Baggins A what-if fic.
WARNINGS: Liberal application of gender-swap! As in, always-the-other-gender gender-swap! You have been warned! Eventual explicit scenes, liberal application of fibercrafting, comedy of errors
When camp was finally laid, and supper was almost ready Gandalf still wasn’t back. Bilbo was worried, and voiced it to one of the more sympathetic of her companions. Bofur assured her in a lighthearted manner that the wizard was likely just in a huff, and then asked her to take supper down to the boys. She acquiesced, and soon was listening to their conundrum.
“We were supposed to be watching the ponies.” Bilbo huffed, wondered what on Arda they’d been doing other than that - boys. (She noticed a pair of trimmed sticks lying on the ground, roughly the right size and heft for toy swords, and sighed internally. Fíli, she supposed, was trying to be a good older brother, for all the boys seemed almost twins. Kíli’s sword work was still somewhat shaky, not that Bilbo was any accurate judge.)
“We had sixteen. Now there’s fourteen.” The way they finished each other’s thoughts made her wonder if they were the dwarf version of Took-twins, born so close together that they acted as twins did. She sighed aloud this time.
Boys.
Then they pushed her out and disappeared, and she was frightened. She dearly hoped they were fetching the others.
A confusing, fraught, terrifying length of time later and she was being hoisted into the air and sneezed on. Her stomach roiled at the smell, and she nearly vomited.
Everything was then quite confusing for a while, as she was thrown into Kíli, and the rest of the dwarfs appeared out of the underbrush to battle the trolls. Her mind shut down a little bit in the chaos, until her only, stubborn thought was to free the ponies, the task earlier assigned to her.
She managed it, but unfortunately didn’t manage to dodge fast enough. She was hauled into the air, as the trolls threatened the dwarfs with her death. She almost shut her eyes, sure that Thorin didn't care enough. She cast her eyes skyward, entreatingly, then heard an odd thuk. She looked down, shocked, to see that Thorin had planted his sword in the earth, and the others were all dropping their weapons.
That was the last she saw for a while, as the troll holding her slammed her to the ground and her world greyed out and faded.
When she regained consciousness, Bilbo was tied up in a sack, tied uncomfortably tightly around her throat. She cast her eyes about for the others, ignoring the vile headache throbbing behind her eyes. It seemed about half of them were tied up in a pile beside her, and the other half was - well. Tied to a spit over the fire. Apparently the trolls had little enough sense that they hadn’t wrung anyone’s neck, nor skinned or gutted anyone, which was a relief.
She listened quietly, as she was prone to doing, and struck upon a plan. Distract them enough, and they would be able to escape.
She struggled up, and started talking. Unfortunately, the proper way to roast meat was too fresh in her aching brain, so she suggested skinning. Which the dwarfs were understandably upset by. She managed to distract them by convincing the trolls that the dwarfs actually had parasites. The dwarfs were slightly slow to catch on, Kíli actually initially protesting vehemently, precious child. She rolled her eyes, but a sharp thump behind her changed their tune. Someone, at least, had a quick enough mind to figure out what she was trying to do.
Soon enough Gandalf cracked the stone in a fairly impressive display. The sun had risen and no one had slept at all that night, but Thorin insisted they press on, after a brief detour to the most unpleasant-smelling hole in the ground ever.
(Gandalf pressed a small, elvish sword into her hands, and she felt uncertain.)
~
Wargs.
And a delightfully strange wizard, but he was slightly eclipsed by the fact that they were now essentially running for their lives. (Though she dearly wanted to ride on the rabbit-sledge sometime before she died.) She was trying to keep pace as best she could, but the past few days keeping her bosom bound was causing her to get short of breath, chest aching rather seriously. She usually tried to loosen the bindings at night, but she hadn’t taken them off at all, as was her custom for sleeping. Her head was pounding like a drum. She felt dizzy, and Bofur must have seen her sway, because she was drawn behind the dwarfs, out of the way.
Gandalf had disappeared, and Thorin shouted something about him abandoning them, but surely he wouldn’t? As confused and blurry as the world was becoming, she was certain Gandalf wouldn’t just abandon them to die. Then Gandalf popped around from behind a ledge, and they were all sliding down into a crack in the earth. They waited with palpable tension until horns sounded, and hooves thundered a counterpoint to the pounding of her head. A body tumbled down, and Thorin pulled the arrow from its throat.
“Elves!” The word was snarled, and Bilbo wondered vaguely what had happened. SHe’d heard murmurs of dwarfs refusing to aid elves, and elves refusing to aid dwarfs, but she still didn’t know why.
Then she was pushed forward, and they were walking through a tortuously narrow stony crack in the stone of the ground. She found herself between Kíli and Ori, found herself needing to grasp onto Kíli’s coat as the ground swayed beneath her and Ori caught her from falling.
She felt the exact moment when dwarf fingers found the edge of her binding through her waistcoat, and froze. Ori froze for a second too, before he gently urged her on without further comment. Kíli looked over his shoulder and gently took her hand as Ori took the other, seeing that she was clearly unsteady on her feet.
The next sight that greeted her throbbing eyes was a beautiful one.
Imladris.
They walked down the increasingly wider path, but Kíli and Ori still flanked her, Ori keeping a subtle hand at her elbow.
They were greeted, and then suddenly there was a company of horses, circling them, as the dwarfs formed a protective circle, and Bofur shoved her into the center of it, Ori clinging to her hand. The movement of the horses was making her increasingly dizzy. They stopped, but the swimming of her head did not, sound was leaving and there was a strange, high buzzing sound in her ears.
She was unconscious before she even hit the ground.
Rating: T (rating subject to change)
Fandom: Tolkien's Hobbit
Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield/Bilbo Baggins, more to come
Genre: Romance/Adventure/Humor
Summary Belladonna Baggins, child of Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took, hadn't much taste for Adventure. More's the pity that Adventure had a taste for Belladonna Baggins A what-if fic.
WARNINGS: Liberal application of gender-swap! As in, always-the-other-gender gender-swap! You have been warned! Eventual explicit scenes, liberal application of fibercrafting, comedy of errors
When camp was finally laid, and supper was almost ready Gandalf still wasn’t back. Bilbo was worried, and voiced it to one of the more sympathetic of her companions. Bofur assured her in a lighthearted manner that the wizard was likely just in a huff, and then asked her to take supper down to the boys. She acquiesced, and soon was listening to their conundrum.
“We were supposed to be watching the ponies.” Bilbo huffed, wondered what on Arda they’d been doing other than that - boys. (She noticed a pair of trimmed sticks lying on the ground, roughly the right size and heft for toy swords, and sighed internally. Fíli, she supposed, was trying to be a good older brother, for all the boys seemed almost twins. Kíli’s sword work was still somewhat shaky, not that Bilbo was any accurate judge.)
“We had sixteen. Now there’s fourteen.” The way they finished each other’s thoughts made her wonder if they were the dwarf version of Took-twins, born so close together that they acted as twins did. She sighed aloud this time.
Boys.
Then they pushed her out and disappeared, and she was frightened. She dearly hoped they were fetching the others.
A confusing, fraught, terrifying length of time later and she was being hoisted into the air and sneezed on. Her stomach roiled at the smell, and she nearly vomited.
Everything was then quite confusing for a while, as she was thrown into Kíli, and the rest of the dwarfs appeared out of the underbrush to battle the trolls. Her mind shut down a little bit in the chaos, until her only, stubborn thought was to free the ponies, the task earlier assigned to her.
She managed it, but unfortunately didn’t manage to dodge fast enough. She was hauled into the air, as the trolls threatened the dwarfs with her death. She almost shut her eyes, sure that Thorin didn't care enough. She cast her eyes skyward, entreatingly, then heard an odd thuk. She looked down, shocked, to see that Thorin had planted his sword in the earth, and the others were all dropping their weapons.
That was the last she saw for a while, as the troll holding her slammed her to the ground and her world greyed out and faded.
When she regained consciousness, Bilbo was tied up in a sack, tied uncomfortably tightly around her throat. She cast her eyes about for the others, ignoring the vile headache throbbing behind her eyes. It seemed about half of them were tied up in a pile beside her, and the other half was - well. Tied to a spit over the fire. Apparently the trolls had little enough sense that they hadn’t wrung anyone’s neck, nor skinned or gutted anyone, which was a relief.
She listened quietly, as she was prone to doing, and struck upon a plan. Distract them enough, and they would be able to escape.
She struggled up, and started talking. Unfortunately, the proper way to roast meat was too fresh in her aching brain, so she suggested skinning. Which the dwarfs were understandably upset by. She managed to distract them by convincing the trolls that the dwarfs actually had parasites. The dwarfs were slightly slow to catch on, Kíli actually initially protesting vehemently, precious child. She rolled her eyes, but a sharp thump behind her changed their tune. Someone, at least, had a quick enough mind to figure out what she was trying to do.
Soon enough Gandalf cracked the stone in a fairly impressive display. The sun had risen and no one had slept at all that night, but Thorin insisted they press on, after a brief detour to the most unpleasant-smelling hole in the ground ever.
(Gandalf pressed a small, elvish sword into her hands, and she felt uncertain.)
~
Wargs.
And a delightfully strange wizard, but he was slightly eclipsed by the fact that they were now essentially running for their lives. (Though she dearly wanted to ride on the rabbit-sledge sometime before she died.) She was trying to keep pace as best she could, but the past few days keeping her bosom bound was causing her to get short of breath, chest aching rather seriously. She usually tried to loosen the bindings at night, but she hadn’t taken them off at all, as was her custom for sleeping. Her head was pounding like a drum. She felt dizzy, and Bofur must have seen her sway, because she was drawn behind the dwarfs, out of the way.
Gandalf had disappeared, and Thorin shouted something about him abandoning them, but surely he wouldn’t? As confused and blurry as the world was becoming, she was certain Gandalf wouldn’t just abandon them to die. Then Gandalf popped around from behind a ledge, and they were all sliding down into a crack in the earth. They waited with palpable tension until horns sounded, and hooves thundered a counterpoint to the pounding of her head. A body tumbled down, and Thorin pulled the arrow from its throat.
“Elves!” The word was snarled, and Bilbo wondered vaguely what had happened. SHe’d heard murmurs of dwarfs refusing to aid elves, and elves refusing to aid dwarfs, but she still didn’t know why.
Then she was pushed forward, and they were walking through a tortuously narrow stony crack in the stone of the ground. She found herself between Kíli and Ori, found herself needing to grasp onto Kíli’s coat as the ground swayed beneath her and Ori caught her from falling.
She felt the exact moment when dwarf fingers found the edge of her binding through her waistcoat, and froze. Ori froze for a second too, before he gently urged her on without further comment. Kíli looked over his shoulder and gently took her hand as Ori took the other, seeing that she was clearly unsteady on her feet.
The next sight that greeted her throbbing eyes was a beautiful one.
Imladris.
They walked down the increasingly wider path, but Kíli and Ori still flanked her, Ori keeping a subtle hand at her elbow.
They were greeted, and then suddenly there was a company of horses, circling them, as the dwarfs formed a protective circle, and Bofur shoved her into the center of it, Ori clinging to her hand. The movement of the horses was making her increasingly dizzy. They stopped, but the swimming of her head did not, sound was leaving and there was a strange, high buzzing sound in her ears.
She was unconscious before she even hit the ground.