Repost: Eddie Cantor's Tips on the Stock Market
I first posted this back in July 2002. I think it's time for a repost.
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Note:
The story is that singer/vaudevillian Eddie Cantor was at a recording session on what turned out to be Black Tuesday, 29 October 1929. In between takes he was making sarcastic remarks that had the musicians and recording engineers cracking up. The head engineer suggested he record his remarks as a monlogue.
As far as I can tell from Google, no one has transcribed this on the web or Usenet before. So, I figured it was time.
Well, folks,
They got me in the market
just as they got every-body else.
In fact, they're not calling it the Stock Market any longer.
It's called the Stuck Market.
Everyone is stuck.
Well, except my uncle.
He got a good break.
He died in September.
Poor fellow had diabetes at 45.
That's nothing.
I had Chrysler at 110.
With the way the market has been running,
many a man goes down to business in a Rolls-Royce,
And comes home in a Mack Truck.
If the market takes another slump,
I know thousands and thousands of married men
Who will have to leave their sweethearts
And go back to their wives.
Everyone is singing The Margin Song from Wall Street:
"Sucker Come Back To Me" [to tune of "Lover Come Back To Me]
Of course, if you can dig up the margin, you're all right.
If not, Brother, you're gone.
Now-a-days, when a man walks into a hotel,
And requests a room on the 19th floor,
The clerk asks him:
"For sleeping, or jumping?"
I met one chap in the lobby of a hotel the other day
And he looked quite sleepy.
And so I asked him:
I said "Why are your eyes half shut?"
He answered, "Eddie,
I had to give up my room at 4:30 this morning.
I had it on margin."
You know,
a lot of brokers down on Wall Street have devised a wonderful scheme.
With each five shares of stock
They hand you a loaded gun.
They don't tell you what to do with it
But you can use your own judgement.
Before I quit talking,
I want to give you one sure tip on the Market.
Go out tomorrow and buy National Casket.
You can't go wrong.
And by the way,
Have you noticed that the Market is reflected even in the way women are dressing?
Have you noticed how their skirts have dropped?
Personally, I shouldn't worry about my stocks.
I know my broker is going to carry me.
Yes sir.
He, and 3 other pall bearers.
The Crash of 1929 changed Cantor from being a millionaire to being over 200,000 dollars in debt.
And an added attraction, here's a verse which singer Irving Kaufman added to "I Faw Down And Go Boom", a tune from the previous year, when he made a recording of it after the crash:
Down on Wall Street I bought stocks
Lost my shirt
Lost my socks
'Cause as soon as I buy stocks
They fall down and go boom.
I'm broke, no joke, It's tough as can be.
Oh Gee, you see,
That even cotton's down to nothin'
Yesterday I felt immense
Climbed a high picket fence
A picket struck me in de pents
I faw down an go boom!
I went and bought my self a Rolls-Royce
Oh Gee, Oh Joy,
While I was singing, the phone kept ringing
Then my broker said to me
That stock you bought at eighty-three
Is lower than the deep blue sea
I faw down an go boom!
Full lyrics of "I Faw Down"
----
Note:
The story is that singer/vaudevillian Eddie Cantor was at a recording session on what turned out to be Black Tuesday, 29 October 1929. In between takes he was making sarcastic remarks that had the musicians and recording engineers cracking up. The head engineer suggested he record his remarks as a monlogue.
As far as I can tell from Google, no one has transcribed this on the web or Usenet before. So, I figured it was time.
Well, folks,
They got me in the market
just as they got every-body else.
In fact, they're not calling it the Stock Market any longer.
It's called the Stuck Market.
Everyone is stuck.
Well, except my uncle.
He got a good break.
He died in September.
Poor fellow had diabetes at 45.
That's nothing.
I had Chrysler at 110.
With the way the market has been running,
many a man goes down to business in a Rolls-Royce,
And comes home in a Mack Truck.
If the market takes another slump,
I know thousands and thousands of married men
Who will have to leave their sweethearts
And go back to their wives.
Everyone is singing The Margin Song from Wall Street:
"Sucker Come Back To Me" [to tune of "Lover Come Back To Me]
Of course, if you can dig up the margin, you're all right.
If not, Brother, you're gone.
Now-a-days, when a man walks into a hotel,
And requests a room on the 19th floor,
The clerk asks him:
"For sleeping, or jumping?"
I met one chap in the lobby of a hotel the other day
And he looked quite sleepy.
And so I asked him:
I said "Why are your eyes half shut?"
He answered, "Eddie,
I had to give up my room at 4:30 this morning.
I had it on margin."
You know,
a lot of brokers down on Wall Street have devised a wonderful scheme.
With each five shares of stock
They hand you a loaded gun.
They don't tell you what to do with it
But you can use your own judgement.
Before I quit talking,
I want to give you one sure tip on the Market.
Go out tomorrow and buy National Casket.
You can't go wrong.
And by the way,
Have you noticed that the Market is reflected even in the way women are dressing?
Have you noticed how their skirts have dropped?
Personally, I shouldn't worry about my stocks.
I know my broker is going to carry me.
Yes sir.
He, and 3 other pall bearers.
The Crash of 1929 changed Cantor from being a millionaire to being over 200,000 dollars in debt.
And an added attraction, here's a verse which singer Irving Kaufman added to "I Faw Down And Go Boom", a tune from the previous year, when he made a recording of it after the crash:
Down on Wall Street I bought stocks
Lost my shirt
Lost my socks
'Cause as soon as I buy stocks
They fall down and go boom.
I'm broke, no joke, It's tough as can be.
Oh Gee, you see,
That even cotton's down to nothin'
Yesterday I felt immense
Climbed a high picket fence
A picket struck me in de pents
I faw down an go boom!
I went and bought my self a Rolls-Royce
Oh Gee, Oh Joy,
While I was singing, the phone kept ringing
Then my broker said to me
That stock you bought at eighty-three
Is lower than the deep blue sea
I faw down an go boom!
Full lyrics of "I Faw Down"