Negativity and Appolgies
Well its been about two months since i had to live with my old roommate. I actually had to deal with her the other day and it almost broke my heart. She used to be such a nice girl and good friend, and just to realize how deluded and how much she has lost all touch with reality tears me up inside.
I guess its just a matter of sometimes insanity is genetic I guess. I was thinking about how one time when i had a friend in from out of town, how we had to leave the house because her mothers Psychiatrist would NOT even go to her house to see her and I was advised to leave since her mother had a tendency to scream and cry during sessions. And I cant help but wonder if somehow this genetic whatever-it-is gets passed from generation to generation in some cases...that if sometimes if you are related to somebody who is mentally unstable to the level her mother is if it can pass on to the kids? I guess some people are strong enough to overcome it, and perhaps its not DNA at all but something you are taught? However let me PLEASE state that I respect the heck out of her mom for being one of the ones in the family to realize that she needs help, I guess i just wish my former roommate would follow her example. Perhaps if she got professional help (and perhaps medication) she would be able to tell reality from fiction and be able to use her creativity for making documentaries rather then lies and delusions? Is there such a medication? Perhaps anti-depressants might work? I honestly don't know...but she is the kind of girl that since she directed some things in school thinks she is a director, because her dad is a doctor thinks she is smarter then doctors, that she works in a legal office as a secretary thinks she is lawyer...you get the idea....
I also think i figured out what the problem is with her. Think about it this way...
If you are a negative person with delusions of grandeur, and you live with a girl who is prettier then you (keep in mind how self conscience i am, for me to say that...that really says something about her), thinner then you, has a boyfriend who is smart and making something of his life, and they both work in fields that they enjoy, to have a family who is sane rather then encourages neurotic behavior, who have good loyal friends, makes a decent living, and is all around happy with her life (except for her roommate)
...And yet you are negative, rather plain (she is not unattractive physically when she smiles), to constantly be gaining and loosing weight (she has this HUGE weight issue, the poor lamb always looks three months pregnant and cant do anything about it and OBSESSES over it..its not that she is fat, she just carries all her weight in her stomach...but again like i said she is NOT an unattractive girl by any means), has a boyfriend who lacks ambition , to have never been able to find a job in the field that she wants and works at a job she despises, and is all around a miserable girl who drinks just a LITTLE too much....
yeah ...
i guess i would be depressed as well, to have to deal with such a mentally unstable family and to have gone to school and never be able to work in her field in a paying job would be so painful. ...and then to be soooo nasty when people offer to help (i cant count the number of times i offered to help them buying food or whatever since i know they could not afford luxury items) and it just sincerly makes me sick to my stomach and breaks my heart. I know understand why she did the things she did, like trying to put a wedge between my friends and I, she was just jealous that so many people cared about me, or the reason she was so nasty to Darryl because that is the kind of guy she thinks she deserves but never can get, its just sickens me to think about how she projects all her flaws on other people saying they are hers not theirs (ie she thinks I am completely insane, ironic since my love is a Psychiatrist and has talked to me for 6 years and does not think this, she is more or less alone in this except for those she has lied to and convinced)
I also want to take this moment to apologize to all those people I have hurt by listening to her advice, I know nobody is responsible for their actions except themselves, however I let her manipulate me into doing cruel things. Both me letting her manipulate me and allowing these actions to occur are nobody's fault but mine. However its been noticed by alot of people that since she is not in my life I am much happier and less negative...so to those people I have hurt. I know I did and said alot of awful things...usually with her at my side...I want you to know that I am sorry.
I just wish that there was some way i could help her, but i know she is too far gone and lost to me. So old roommate if you read this ...PLEASE...I beg of you...you were a wonderful, funny, bright, smart, ambitious, talented girl when I met you. PLEASE try to get help....I know you can be everything you want to be if you can only realize the potential within yourself....stop lying and stealing things, there are people who love you and medications that can help you.
She was so wonderful and amazing, and seeing the way she is now, it breaks my heart. Perhaps it was always there? I don't know. But I miss the girl she was, and pity the girl she has become.
I guess its just a matter of sometimes insanity is genetic I guess. I was thinking about how one time when i had a friend in from out of town, how we had to leave the house because her mothers Psychiatrist would NOT even go to her house to see her and I was advised to leave since her mother had a tendency to scream and cry during sessions. And I cant help but wonder if somehow this genetic whatever-it-is gets passed from generation to generation in some cases...that if sometimes if you are related to somebody who is mentally unstable to the level her mother is if it can pass on to the kids? I guess some people are strong enough to overcome it, and perhaps its not DNA at all but something you are taught? However let me PLEASE state that I respect the heck out of her mom for being one of the ones in the family to realize that she needs help, I guess i just wish my former roommate would follow her example. Perhaps if she got professional help (and perhaps medication) she would be able to tell reality from fiction and be able to use her creativity for making documentaries rather then lies and delusions? Is there such a medication? Perhaps anti-depressants might work? I honestly don't know...but she is the kind of girl that since she directed some things in school thinks she is a director, because her dad is a doctor thinks she is smarter then doctors, that she works in a legal office as a secretary thinks she is lawyer...you get the idea....
I also think i figured out what the problem is with her. Think about it this way...
If you are a negative person with delusions of grandeur, and you live with a girl who is prettier then you (keep in mind how self conscience i am, for me to say that...that really says something about her), thinner then you, has a boyfriend who is smart and making something of his life, and they both work in fields that they enjoy, to have a family who is sane rather then encourages neurotic behavior, who have good loyal friends, makes a decent living, and is all around happy with her life (except for her roommate)
...And yet you are negative, rather plain (she is not unattractive physically when she smiles), to constantly be gaining and loosing weight (she has this HUGE weight issue, the poor lamb always looks three months pregnant and cant do anything about it and OBSESSES over it..its not that she is fat, she just carries all her weight in her stomach...but again like i said she is NOT an unattractive girl by any means), has a boyfriend who lacks ambition , to have never been able to find a job in the field that she wants and works at a job she despises, and is all around a miserable girl who drinks just a LITTLE too much....
yeah ...
i guess i would be depressed as well, to have to deal with such a mentally unstable family and to have gone to school and never be able to work in her field in a paying job would be so painful. ...and then to be soooo nasty when people offer to help (i cant count the number of times i offered to help them buying food or whatever since i know they could not afford luxury items) and it just sincerly makes me sick to my stomach and breaks my heart. I know understand why she did the things she did, like trying to put a wedge between my friends and I, she was just jealous that so many people cared about me, or the reason she was so nasty to Darryl because that is the kind of guy she thinks she deserves but never can get, its just sickens me to think about how she projects all her flaws on other people saying they are hers not theirs (ie she thinks I am completely insane, ironic since my love is a Psychiatrist and has talked to me for 6 years and does not think this, she is more or less alone in this except for those she has lied to and convinced)
I also want to take this moment to apologize to all those people I have hurt by listening to her advice, I know nobody is responsible for their actions except themselves, however I let her manipulate me into doing cruel things. Both me letting her manipulate me and allowing these actions to occur are nobody's fault but mine. However its been noticed by alot of people that since she is not in my life I am much happier and less negative...so to those people I have hurt. I know I did and said alot of awful things...usually with her at my side...I want you to know that I am sorry.
I just wish that there was some way i could help her, but i know she is too far gone and lost to me. So old roommate if you read this ...PLEASE...I beg of you...you were a wonderful, funny, bright, smart, ambitious, talented girl when I met you. PLEASE try to get help....I know you can be everything you want to be if you can only realize the potential within yourself....stop lying and stealing things, there are people who love you and medications that can help you.
She was so wonderful and amazing, and seeing the way she is now, it breaks my heart. Perhaps it was always there? I don't know. But I miss the girl she was, and pity the girl she has become.