TO ALL WHO HAVE BEEN ASKING ME WHAT I WANT FOR XMAS:

[informationjen]

i'm not being a girly brat or anything, i seriously don't know what i want. things are kinda hectic right now and i haven't really had the time or mental capacity to think about anything i want. i have a feeling that anything i would want can't be bought anyway

Comments

[sumituphere]

Well, to get down to business, yes Jen -it was about a specific person. This beautiful ****** girl I met in middle school. It was so…crazy the feelings I had for her, and I would have gotten married yesterday if she had asked me, or today, or tomorrow. She made me so happy and I made her feel the same, and we never “went out” because we never wanted our friendship to become ruins, but we should have, oh we should have. It was the closest I ever felt to someone, and we would still be like that, except that after I moved I started moving “left” and she then went “right”. So now and again we still talk and see each other, but it’s not the same, because we aren’t who we once were, but I see it in her eyes, that she wishes we were still close as we could be, and I do to. And sometimes she writes that she should change, and I get excited, cause I have changes again, and maybe when she does for the second time, we will be compatible again, cause right now the things she does are stupid. And it’s always making me sad, because I can look at her, and see the person she was, but when we talk, it just isn’t there, and some times that can be worse than if she were dead, cause who she was is “dead” but I still have to look at her. I donno, that’s just how I look at it. It just sucks, and I don’t really talk about it …at all. If I had one wish id wish we were back years ago and I would never let go.

[informationjen]

i think that's one of the saddest stories i've ever heard. i know what it's like to wish for the past to replay. knowing what i know now could have changed a lot of things for the better. i'm sorry to hear that. but now i know, so you can talk about it whenever you want, sorry i haven't checked my journal in forever.