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Character: Orihara Izaya
Series: Durarara!! (DRRR!!)
Character Age: 23
Job: Officially Unofficial Camp Fuck You Die Troll
Canon: Longing for the excitement of the big city, Ryuugamine Mikado accepts an invitation from his childhood friend to transfer to a high school in Ikebukuro. During the tour of the city on his first night, Mikado is warned about the dangerous people to avoid, introduced to a group of otaku, and crosses paths with an urban legend. Durarara!! tells the story of many different people and their lives as they overlap and interact with each other. Ikebukuro is a city of mysteries, and not even a top information broker knows everything about it.
Said information broker happens to be one of the "dangerous people" Mikado is warned about: Orihaya Izaya. Though he's moved to Shinjuku now, he still spends quite an (unfortunate, in other people's opinion) amount of time in Ikebukuro. As he deals in information, he makes it his business to know the ins and outs of the underbelly of life, including that which most people would rather keep hidden. People are easier to use when you have something to hold over them, after all. He gets his jollies from setting people up for a fall and then watching their reactions; he claims it's because he "loves the human race" and how there's so much he still doesn't know about them. Us. (Read: manipulative bastard.) He's not afraid of confrontation, and often has his own special brand of making it worse by humoring and teasing his opponent-but it's okay, he's a pro. You didn't think dealing in information was a safe job, did you? Not really the type that appears to take things seriously, he's fond of using a sing-song voice, the audible equivalent of tildes and heartmarks, and is liable to turn any offhanded comment into a complete affront to your mother, your father, and your second cousin twice removed.
TL;DR: he's a troll. The trolliest troll to have ever trolled Ikebukuro. And Shinjuku. And the internet.
Sample Post:
Zombies, really? It's so crude, so inelegant, so 1940's. All those B-grade horror films . . . It's not my hobby to watch things like that, so I'll just have to make it my hobby to live it! -Oh, is this where I'm supposed to be the helpless victim? Really, lumbering around like that isn't cool at all. At least there'd be more atmosphere if it were nighttime instead of mid-afternoon-whoops! That was a close call; did I make you mad? How scary~! You're going to try to eat me now, huh. Scoop out my brains and have them with a cherry on top? Hahaha! Good luck! Be careful you don't trip over your arm, there! And I'd be careful not to kick his head, I hear it's bad form to use your friend as a soccer ball.
Well, whether you get taken apart here or end up eating each other, it has nothing to do with me. Even if you get blown up by trying to eat some camper's brains or fall into the volcano, it doesn't really matter. We have nothing to do with each other. A~ah . . . I guess that's not really true though. Since I've been hired to counsel and you're the only ones here, I'm probably meant to counsel you, which means we do have something to do with each other. Well, taking a few moments to counsel won't put too much of a dent into my life. What would you want to be counseled in, though? How to keep your whole three strands of hair silky smooth, maybe~! Or suggestions on the best skin care regime to prevent maggots. There're so many choices, what could I ever decide on? Oh. I know.
Do you want to disappear? Being as perceptive as I am, I'd say you don't. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks if you really want to live; you should decide for yourself. Think about it! What do you have left to live for? Ah, sorry, attempt to live for? What makes you more special than everyone else? You've had your chance at life already. Look at yourself, why don't you. You're barely holding together as it is, and you've completely lost your sense of self and individuality. How sad, how sad! Haha! It's so tragic, the way you cling to those attempts at life. "Brains, brains" is all you say, but do you even know why you're so desperate for them? Aah, it really is so sad. Eating someone else's brain isn't going to replace your own. It's also not going to make you any smarter or wiser or better at being alive-- trust me, people've tried. They're not any better for it. Think of it this way: eating fish isn't going to make you a better swimmer, or help you develop fins or gills or anything like that. Haha, that'd be interesting if it did though. Speaking of fish, things should be just about ready. Now then, I'll ask you three questions.
One: Why have I been talking like this? I'll give you a few hints, I didn't have to talk for so long and I'm not just wasting time. Two: What are we doing near the lake? Hint, I headed here as soon as I started talking. Three: How long does it take Marcy-san to grow curious?
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