Flash Back
I think all this emontional stress i'm under right now is really starting to affect me. Yesterday i had my frist negative flashback from the war. I was sitting in class when the warning sirens went off in indianapolis. IT was just a joke at frist but they kept going off. It really started to bug me and i became very uncomfortable. Just started rememeber everything that happend to me out there and i just wanted them to stop and i wanted to curl into a little ball. With everything going on right now it seems like going back to iraq would solve all my problems. I would be taken out of this world and thrown into a world im familre with. Get shot at, shoot back, wash rinse repeat. Also i would be out of jordan's life so she could move on and forget about me.
Sometimes it does feel like she wants to forget about me but she can't. I don't know if i'm adding to that or not but i love her and yea. Its weird, i think about her ALL the time now when i'm not with her. Usually when i'm by myself. I wonder if she thinks about me like i think about her. I have so much go through my mind about that girl it drives me crazy!!! Like right now all i want to do is curl up next to her and take a little nap holding her in my arms. Does she want that though? I really hope she doesn't feel like she has to come hang out with me because if she doesn't i'll get mad at her. I mean all this is a little upsetting (whiching i'll explain whats going on later) but its semi for the best. I love her enough to let her go so she can experince life. It just sucks because i'm over here in the dark waiting for the day she comes up to me and says "i love you and i want to be with you" again. I don't know if that day will ever come but i have faith that it will. Because i know she is confused about a lot of things in life but i can see it in her eyes when she smiles @ me that she is truly in love with me. Of course that does fade from time to time but you know...i'll take what i can get @ this point ^_^ I have a lot going through my mind on this subject so i'll be writting about it a lot. And if anyones starts leaving me comments taking bad about her i will delete them. She is a wonderfull girl and one of the strongest people i have ever met. I'm lucky just to be able to stand next to this girl let alone have her love me!!
jeff
Sometimes it does feel like she wants to forget about me but she can't. I don't know if i'm adding to that or not but i love her and yea. Its weird, i think about her ALL the time now when i'm not with her. Usually when i'm by myself. I wonder if she thinks about me like i think about her. I have so much go through my mind about that girl it drives me crazy!!! Like right now all i want to do is curl up next to her and take a little nap holding her in my arms. Does she want that though? I really hope she doesn't feel like she has to come hang out with me because if she doesn't i'll get mad at her. I mean all this is a little upsetting (whiching i'll explain whats going on later) but its semi for the best. I love her enough to let her go so she can experince life. It just sucks because i'm over here in the dark waiting for the day she comes up to me and says "i love you and i want to be with you" again. I don't know if that day will ever come but i have faith that it will. Because i know she is confused about a lot of things in life but i can see it in her eyes when she smiles @ me that she is truly in love with me. Of course that does fade from time to time but you know...i'll take what i can get @ this point ^_^ I have a lot going through my mind on this subject so i'll be writting about it a lot. And if anyones starts leaving me comments taking bad about her i will delete them. She is a wonderfull girl and one of the strongest people i have ever met. I'm lucky just to be able to stand next to this girl let alone have her love me!!
jeff