(no subject)
Luke tried to call Reid as soon as he read the email. Maybe naively, but he thought that once Reid finally explained he might be more open to talking. But naturally, as the way things had been going, he received no answer to his phone calls.
However, he did receive a single lined text message that somehow made it all seem worse.
I don't want to talk about it.
How was he supposed to respond to that, when Reid had finally told him something about the life he had before he met Luke. When he'd just dropped a proverbial load of shit on Luke, how was he supposed to just accept that and be suddenly okay with why Reid had to leave. He wanted answers, but more than that he wanted to wrap his arms around him and demand that he let Luke comfort him. Of course he was dreaming on both accounts, because he knew that trying to get answers out of Reid if he wasn't willing to give them was like getting water out of stone.
Instead, he waited.
For what felt like centuries, even though his calendar confirmed it was only a few weeks. He checked his email seemingly every five seconds, and always had his phone to the loudest volume just in case Reid ever decided to call, to text, to write. Just in case.
But eventually the waiting wore down on him, and some old familiar feelings reappeared. He recognised these feelings as the need to help, though some, Noah specifically, referred to it as needing to interfere. Regardless, Luke knew that sitting by his computer hoping that Reid would make some kind of contact was both pathetic and useless.
So he did the only thing he could. He tried to find him.
It wasn't easy, but Luke supposed these things aren't supposed to be. You shouldn't just be able to type someones name into google and find out where they are, what they're doing. Though he mused on a world where it would be so simple, google gave him no new information on the great Dr Oliver. Luke wasn't sure what he was expecting, but clutching at straws gave him a crushing sense of failure. But after a brief moment he allowed to feel sorry for himself, he kept trying. He rummaged through Reid's bookcase until he found his yearbook, and was elated until he realised there were four Grace's in Reid's graduating class. He mused silently to himself on which one of the four Grace's were more Reid's type, and he chuckled despite how ridiculous the situation was. But his eyes kept going back to one of them. Grace Montgomery, even the name sounded like something Reid would like. Distinguished, full of money and status, like the names out of history books. And Luke had to admit that she was beautiful, even symmetrical like Reid had described her.
Typing Dr Grace Montgomery + New York into google, Luke tried to steady the fingers drumming on his desk. He wanted to be calm and collected, not rushed and overwhelmed the way he so consistently felt when it came to matters of Reid. He scanned through the answers quickly, locking into the ones that he needed and he let out a short bark of laughter.
Of course Reid knocked up the future chief of staff at New York's leading hospital. Of course he did.
Less than twelve hours later, Luke caught Reid's eye across a crowded hospital ward. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, whether he thought Reid would leap across the desk and kiss him madly and passionately in just the way Luke had been missing. Although he wasn't prepared for the passionate anger that seemed to radiate from Reid the second he saw Luke, and he definitely wasn't prepared for the harsh whispering that came from Reid's lips as soon as Luke was in earshot.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just thought...” Luke started, but he knew he couldn't finish it. What could he possibly say other than, I needed to see you.
“You thought what? That I'd need you here to hold my hand? Jesus christ, Luke. Why can't you ever just take the hint. If I wanted you here, I would have asked you to come.”
“No you wouldn't have.” Luke challenged, his eyes locking into Reid's and staying firm and steady.
“Maybe that's true, but it doesn't mean that your turning up here like this is anything short of ridiculous.” Reid conceded slightly, and loosened the grip he didn't realise he'd had on Luke.
“Reid, you walked out on me. When everything was fine, or at least I thought it was. You walked out - how am I supposed to feel about that?”
“I apologised for that.”
“Yeah, you apologised in an email. You didn't return any of my phone calls or my text messages, you just completely cut me out of your life until you were ready to talk. And I was going to be okay until you told me why you left. What was I supposed to do, just accept it and forget you existed?”
“I didn't want you to forget that I exist. I don't want you to forget I exist.”
“Then what is it that you do want?”
“I'm not sure.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk about this?” Luke pleaded in a way that proved his desperation. “I want to understand. I want you to tell me the truth.”
“I can't go anywhere, Luke. I can't leave. I haven't left for six months. Not while - not while she's been awake at least.”
“Reid. This is crazy. You need to talk to me about this.”
“Why?”
“Why? Why? I can't believe you would even ask why. Because I love you. Because you love me. Because your whole life has changed in the past few months while I've been sitting at home praying that you weren't dead in some gutter somewhere. If you really think I'm everything, then you owe it to me to talk to me about this.”
Reid paused, considering what Luke was saying. He was right - he did owe it to him. But the thought that something might happen, that he might miss something in his absence was almost too much to bear. It took everything in him not to turn and run back to her room, but somehow one more look at Luke and he knew that if he walked away now, it would be the last time.
However, he did receive a single lined text message that somehow made it all seem worse.
I don't want to talk about it.
How was he supposed to respond to that, when Reid had finally told him something about the life he had before he met Luke. When he'd just dropped a proverbial load of shit on Luke, how was he supposed to just accept that and be suddenly okay with why Reid had to leave. He wanted answers, but more than that he wanted to wrap his arms around him and demand that he let Luke comfort him. Of course he was dreaming on both accounts, because he knew that trying to get answers out of Reid if he wasn't willing to give them was like getting water out of stone.
Instead, he waited.
For what felt like centuries, even though his calendar confirmed it was only a few weeks. He checked his email seemingly every five seconds, and always had his phone to the loudest volume just in case Reid ever decided to call, to text, to write. Just in case.
But eventually the waiting wore down on him, and some old familiar feelings reappeared. He recognised these feelings as the need to help, though some, Noah specifically, referred to it as needing to interfere. Regardless, Luke knew that sitting by his computer hoping that Reid would make some kind of contact was both pathetic and useless.
So he did the only thing he could. He tried to find him.
It wasn't easy, but Luke supposed these things aren't supposed to be. You shouldn't just be able to type someones name into google and find out where they are, what they're doing. Though he mused on a world where it would be so simple, google gave him no new information on the great Dr Oliver. Luke wasn't sure what he was expecting, but clutching at straws gave him a crushing sense of failure. But after a brief moment he allowed to feel sorry for himself, he kept trying. He rummaged through Reid's bookcase until he found his yearbook, and was elated until he realised there were four Grace's in Reid's graduating class. He mused silently to himself on which one of the four Grace's were more Reid's type, and he chuckled despite how ridiculous the situation was. But his eyes kept going back to one of them. Grace Montgomery, even the name sounded like something Reid would like. Distinguished, full of money and status, like the names out of history books. And Luke had to admit that she was beautiful, even symmetrical like Reid had described her.
Typing Dr Grace Montgomery + New York into google, Luke tried to steady the fingers drumming on his desk. He wanted to be calm and collected, not rushed and overwhelmed the way he so consistently felt when it came to matters of Reid. He scanned through the answers quickly, locking into the ones that he needed and he let out a short bark of laughter.
Of course Reid knocked up the future chief of staff at New York's leading hospital. Of course he did.
Less than twelve hours later, Luke caught Reid's eye across a crowded hospital ward. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, whether he thought Reid would leap across the desk and kiss him madly and passionately in just the way Luke had been missing. Although he wasn't prepared for the passionate anger that seemed to radiate from Reid the second he saw Luke, and he definitely wasn't prepared for the harsh whispering that came from Reid's lips as soon as Luke was in earshot.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just thought...” Luke started, but he knew he couldn't finish it. What could he possibly say other than, I needed to see you.
“You thought what? That I'd need you here to hold my hand? Jesus christ, Luke. Why can't you ever just take the hint. If I wanted you here, I would have asked you to come.”
“No you wouldn't have.” Luke challenged, his eyes locking into Reid's and staying firm and steady.
“Maybe that's true, but it doesn't mean that your turning up here like this is anything short of ridiculous.” Reid conceded slightly, and loosened the grip he didn't realise he'd had on Luke.
“Reid, you walked out on me. When everything was fine, or at least I thought it was. You walked out - how am I supposed to feel about that?”
“I apologised for that.”
“Yeah, you apologised in an email. You didn't return any of my phone calls or my text messages, you just completely cut me out of your life until you were ready to talk. And I was going to be okay until you told me why you left. What was I supposed to do, just accept it and forget you existed?”
“I didn't want you to forget that I exist. I don't want you to forget I exist.”
“Then what is it that you do want?”
“I'm not sure.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk about this?” Luke pleaded in a way that proved his desperation. “I want to understand. I want you to tell me the truth.”
“I can't go anywhere, Luke. I can't leave. I haven't left for six months. Not while - not while she's been awake at least.”
“Reid. This is crazy. You need to talk to me about this.”
“Why?”
“Why? Why? I can't believe you would even ask why. Because I love you. Because you love me. Because your whole life has changed in the past few months while I've been sitting at home praying that you weren't dead in some gutter somewhere. If you really think I'm everything, then you owe it to me to talk to me about this.”
Reid paused, considering what Luke was saying. He was right - he did owe it to him. But the thought that something might happen, that he might miss something in his absence was almost too much to bear. It took everything in him not to turn and run back to her room, but somehow one more look at Luke and he knew that if he walked away now, it would be the last time.