(no subject)
title: what are the odds
author: inflowers
summary: “I can.” Reid insists in almost a whisper. Louder, he adds “I fix everything.”
authors notes: so this is kind of a parting gift. i'm going on holidays for awhile, and also new job & uni are taking up every day of my week and all my nights from this point on are dedicated to studying - unfortch. so no more fic for me. :( i'm so sad! i'll still lurk around a little, but life is just getting in the way right now! but it's been real, guys! (obviously by real, i mean awesome.)
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I'm doing, Luke?”
“It looks like you're drawing your own blood, but I know you wouldn't be doing that because we talked about this, and we agreed that we weren't going to do it.”
“No, you talked. I pretended to listen, but knew that I was going to do it anyway.” Reid answers petulantly, still concentrating on the syringe.
“Reid, I'm serious.” Luke moves towards him, making a pathetic attempt to grab at Reid's arm.
“Me too. Deadly. Now would you get back in bed, please?”
“How romantic.” Luke sighs dreamily, throwing a smirk at Reid before climbing back into bed. “But seriously, would you stop? You're going to hurt yourself.”
“You've got to be kidding me, Luke.” He starts, walking towards the bed. “A nurse could do this. Hell, the elderly woman working in medical records could do this - it's nothing. I'm not going to hurt myse-ow!” Reid cries, tripping over the end of the bed and smacking his shin. “If you want to live, you won't say a word.”
“That hardly seems very funny given our current situation, does it?” Luke asks, but he's smiling and Reid can tell it's just good natured ribbing. Trust Luke to be in good spirits, despite his failing body.
If Reid is being honest, he's been waiting for this.
Since Luke told him about his kidney, Reid has been waiting for the moment went everything goes to hell. Because he's a doctor, and because as soon as Luke told him - he researched everything he could find. Statistics, reports, journals. Anything and everything that has something to do with kidneys, Reid knows. And Reid knows the truth, that transplants - they don't last forever.
Luke needs a new one.
And quickly.
“Reid.” Luke snaps him out of his reverie and brings Reid's focus back to the task at hand. “Stop it.”
“It's too late, anyway.” Reid says as he withdraws the needle and nestles a cotton bud in the crook of his elbow. As he scribbles on a chart and seals the vial filled with his blood, he ushers in a nurse and sends her away with the paperwork and sample. “All done.”
“You shouldn't have done that.” Luke comments, pulling the covers up around him and shivering gently despite the warm in the room.
“I don't understand why you're being like this.” Reid replies as he rummages through a cupboard looking for an extra blanket. “God damn it, where is everything in this hospital?”
“Maybe you should be nicer to the nurses, they might give you things.”
“I'll be nicer to the nurses when they stop being so incompetent.” Reid replies almost without thinking, and Luke can only hope there are no nurses lingering around to hear.
“Stop, it's fine. I'm not that cold anymore.” Luke says, beckoning Reid with a hand out. “Come sit with me.”
Reid waits a beat, lifting up on the balls of his feet as though he wants to rush towards Luke but is afraid of everything that will mean. Of how different things are now than they were a month ago, when everything was seemingly so good, so right.
And now, here they were in a hospital bed with stiff linens and dialysis machines and everything is so wrong.
But Reid does as he's told, and shifts slowly towards Luke's bed, perching himself on the end and letting his hand find Luke's, curling his fingers around it and stroking gently in the way that says, I've been doing this forever.
“Do you really expect me to sit here and let you die?” He asks, and he's almost scared enough to let his tears out. Almost, but not quite.
“I don't think you can fix this.” Luke answers quietly, refusing to make eye contact with the one person who has always been able to see through his bullshit.
“I can.” Reid insists in almost a whisper. Louder, he adds “I fix everything.”
“Not this. You can't fix this. The odds that you'll be a match for me are like a billion to one, and I know you'll just be mad at yourself if you're not. Which is stupid, because you can't be mad at yourself for your blood type.”
“I can be, and if need be - I will be.” Reid says, standing up and smoothing down Luke's bed covers. “Get some rest, Luke.”
“You'll come back later?”
“Try and stop me.” Reid smiles before he leans down and kisses Luke softly, noting his dry lips and reminding himself to bring Luke his chapstick.
Because really, if he can't give Luke his kidney, he'd do whatever he could.
When Reid makes it back, after a shower and a shave (because Luke was getting sick of that beard rash every time they had a sneaky make out session when the nurses back was turned), it's well past visiting hours. But being the chief has it's perks, and no one bats an eyelid as he wanders through the darkened halls of the hospital. He wants to go straight to Luke, but he has to know. Before Luke's doctor knows, before Luke knows, Reid has to know.
Which is how he ends up in the lab, scouring through records with his penlight scanning across every sheet of paper. When he finally finds what he's looking for, his hesitates a moment before flicking open the file.
Because they're running out of options, and they both know it. Reid maybe more so than Luke, because he's seen it all before. The desperation of searching for organs, the disappointment when things don't go according to plan, the devastation when it all ends. He's seen it all before, and he's not sure he can see it again, let alone live through it. But he's trying to be strong. For both of them.
So he hesitates, but only for a moment. Breathing deeply, he flips the file open and his eyes are immediately drawn to the information he needs.
He's not sure what he feels.
Is it relief, or is it anxiety? Is it both? Can he really put a label on the feeling that he's got right now? And if he can't, how is he going to explain it to Luke?
“Hey, you're awake.” Reid says quietly, walking into Luke's room and noting how the soft lighting from the lamp makes Luke look, despite how sick he is. “How are you feeling?”
“I'm okay, doctor.” Luke smirks, laughing as Reid checks over his chart.
“Okay, and how are you really feeling?” Reid answers, matching Luke's facial expression. “And I'm not asking as your doctor.”
“Who are you asking as? My mom? Because my answer would be the same. I'm okay.”
“No, I'm asking as me.”
“And you are?”
Reid knows he's fishing, but he's more than happy to oblige.
“The man who puts up with you and your awful habits.”
Maybe not so happy.
“I know that's not true, because I have none.” Luke replies, settling further into the pillows and sighing heavily. “Unlike you.”
“I don't think we need to go there.” Reid answers, pulling a chair up beside the bed and throwing himself into it with a heavy thud. “I'm asking as me, your partner. Who can tell when you're lying.”
“I feel like crap.”
“I know.” Reid sighs, rubbing at his forehead and massaging his temples. Anything to reduce the tension building up there. “We'll talk to them in the morning about switching meds. But, I have to tell you something. I got the test results back, and -”
“It's fine. It was a long shot, and one that I didn't even want you to take.”
“It's a match, Luke.” Reid answers, annoyed at being cut off. “Not all markers, but enough.”
“I-” For the first time, in a long time, Luke is speechless. Unable to form words to say what he wants to, unable to construct sentences and unable to answer Reid who is sitting in front of him doe eyed and hopeful. “No, Reid.”
“No?” Reid asks incredulously, sitting back in his chair as he didn't even realise he'd leaned forwards. “What the hell do you mean, no?”
“You're not giving me a kidney. So don't even, just - don't even think about it.”
“Like hell I'm not.” Reid challenges, standing and pacing alongside Luke's bed. “What are you talking about, of course I am. I'll do it right now if you want. I'm sure I left a scalpel around here somewhere.”
“Would you sit down, and listen to me?” Luke pleads, and it's his turn to show the puppy dog eyes that even Reid can't resist. “Please. Just listen.”
“Fine.” He reluctantly sits back down, but is noticeably further away from Luke than either would really like. Typical Reid to put up physical boundaries when his emotional ones are wearing thin.
“I love you.” Luke says quietly, picking at the bedsheets and not making eye contact with Reid.
“I know.” Reid answers, shuffling a little closer. “What does that have to do with this?”
“It's because I love you that I can't let you do this.” Luke answers, finally looking up. “I'm not going to put you through that, when there's no guarantee that my body won't just reject it. And then where would we be? You'd have one kidney, I'd have none. What a pair.” Luke tries to lighten the tension, but it's not working.
“You're an idiot.” Reid sighs, pulling in even closer to Luke's bedside and wrapping Luke's hand up in his. “I'm going to give you my kidney because I love you, and like I said before - I'm not just going to sit here and let you die.” Reid brings Luke's hand to his face and kisses it gently before letting it drop. “So stop playing the martyr. If you don't know by now that I'd do anything for you, then you're an idiot.” Reid smirks as he watches Luke's face soften. “Well, even more of one.”
“No.” Luke answers, trying to sound firm but Reid can tell his want to live is overpowering his convictions. And he's never been more glad of anything. Because he wants Luke to live.
He needs Luke to live.
“Yes.” Reid says, standing up and pushing the chair away before climbing into Luke's bed. “Now shut up, or I really will do it right here, right now.”
As Luke settles in against Reid's body, enjoying the warmth provided by having someone so close to him, he realises how he never had a fighting chance at winning this argument.
But if it gives him a fighting chance at the rest of his life, he's willing to lose.
Just this once.
author: inflowers
summary: “I can.” Reid insists in almost a whisper. Louder, he adds “I fix everything.”
authors notes: so this is kind of a parting gift. i'm going on holidays for awhile, and also new job & uni are taking up every day of my week and all my nights from this point on are dedicated to studying - unfortch. so no more fic for me. :( i'm so sad! i'll still lurk around a little, but life is just getting in the way right now! but it's been real, guys! (obviously by real, i mean awesome.)
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I'm doing, Luke?”
“It looks like you're drawing your own blood, but I know you wouldn't be doing that because we talked about this, and we agreed that we weren't going to do it.”
“No, you talked. I pretended to listen, but knew that I was going to do it anyway.” Reid answers petulantly, still concentrating on the syringe.
“Reid, I'm serious.” Luke moves towards him, making a pathetic attempt to grab at Reid's arm.
“Me too. Deadly. Now would you get back in bed, please?”
“How romantic.” Luke sighs dreamily, throwing a smirk at Reid before climbing back into bed. “But seriously, would you stop? You're going to hurt yourself.”
“You've got to be kidding me, Luke.” He starts, walking towards the bed. “A nurse could do this. Hell, the elderly woman working in medical records could do this - it's nothing. I'm not going to hurt myse-ow!” Reid cries, tripping over the end of the bed and smacking his shin. “If you want to live, you won't say a word.”
“That hardly seems very funny given our current situation, does it?” Luke asks, but he's smiling and Reid can tell it's just good natured ribbing. Trust Luke to be in good spirits, despite his failing body.
If Reid is being honest, he's been waiting for this.
Since Luke told him about his kidney, Reid has been waiting for the moment went everything goes to hell. Because he's a doctor, and because as soon as Luke told him - he researched everything he could find. Statistics, reports, journals. Anything and everything that has something to do with kidneys, Reid knows. And Reid knows the truth, that transplants - they don't last forever.
Luke needs a new one.
And quickly.
“Reid.” Luke snaps him out of his reverie and brings Reid's focus back to the task at hand. “Stop it.”
“It's too late, anyway.” Reid says as he withdraws the needle and nestles a cotton bud in the crook of his elbow. As he scribbles on a chart and seals the vial filled with his blood, he ushers in a nurse and sends her away with the paperwork and sample. “All done.”
“You shouldn't have done that.” Luke comments, pulling the covers up around him and shivering gently despite the warm in the room.
“I don't understand why you're being like this.” Reid replies as he rummages through a cupboard looking for an extra blanket. “God damn it, where is everything in this hospital?”
“Maybe you should be nicer to the nurses, they might give you things.”
“I'll be nicer to the nurses when they stop being so incompetent.” Reid replies almost without thinking, and Luke can only hope there are no nurses lingering around to hear.
“Stop, it's fine. I'm not that cold anymore.” Luke says, beckoning Reid with a hand out. “Come sit with me.”
Reid waits a beat, lifting up on the balls of his feet as though he wants to rush towards Luke but is afraid of everything that will mean. Of how different things are now than they were a month ago, when everything was seemingly so good, so right.
And now, here they were in a hospital bed with stiff linens and dialysis machines and everything is so wrong.
But Reid does as he's told, and shifts slowly towards Luke's bed, perching himself on the end and letting his hand find Luke's, curling his fingers around it and stroking gently in the way that says, I've been doing this forever.
“Do you really expect me to sit here and let you die?” He asks, and he's almost scared enough to let his tears out. Almost, but not quite.
“I don't think you can fix this.” Luke answers quietly, refusing to make eye contact with the one person who has always been able to see through his bullshit.
“I can.” Reid insists in almost a whisper. Louder, he adds “I fix everything.”
“Not this. You can't fix this. The odds that you'll be a match for me are like a billion to one, and I know you'll just be mad at yourself if you're not. Which is stupid, because you can't be mad at yourself for your blood type.”
“I can be, and if need be - I will be.” Reid says, standing up and smoothing down Luke's bed covers. “Get some rest, Luke.”
“You'll come back later?”
“Try and stop me.” Reid smiles before he leans down and kisses Luke softly, noting his dry lips and reminding himself to bring Luke his chapstick.
Because really, if he can't give Luke his kidney, he'd do whatever he could.
When Reid makes it back, after a shower and a shave (because Luke was getting sick of that beard rash every time they had a sneaky make out session when the nurses back was turned), it's well past visiting hours. But being the chief has it's perks, and no one bats an eyelid as he wanders through the darkened halls of the hospital. He wants to go straight to Luke, but he has to know. Before Luke's doctor knows, before Luke knows, Reid has to know.
Which is how he ends up in the lab, scouring through records with his penlight scanning across every sheet of paper. When he finally finds what he's looking for, his hesitates a moment before flicking open the file.
Because they're running out of options, and they both know it. Reid maybe more so than Luke, because he's seen it all before. The desperation of searching for organs, the disappointment when things don't go according to plan, the devastation when it all ends. He's seen it all before, and he's not sure he can see it again, let alone live through it. But he's trying to be strong. For both of them.
So he hesitates, but only for a moment. Breathing deeply, he flips the file open and his eyes are immediately drawn to the information he needs.
He's not sure what he feels.
Is it relief, or is it anxiety? Is it both? Can he really put a label on the feeling that he's got right now? And if he can't, how is he going to explain it to Luke?
“Hey, you're awake.” Reid says quietly, walking into Luke's room and noting how the soft lighting from the lamp makes Luke look, despite how sick he is. “How are you feeling?”
“I'm okay, doctor.” Luke smirks, laughing as Reid checks over his chart.
“Okay, and how are you really feeling?” Reid answers, matching Luke's facial expression. “And I'm not asking as your doctor.”
“Who are you asking as? My mom? Because my answer would be the same. I'm okay.”
“No, I'm asking as me.”
“And you are?”
Reid knows he's fishing, but he's more than happy to oblige.
“The man who puts up with you and your awful habits.”
Maybe not so happy.
“I know that's not true, because I have none.” Luke replies, settling further into the pillows and sighing heavily. “Unlike you.”
“I don't think we need to go there.” Reid answers, pulling a chair up beside the bed and throwing himself into it with a heavy thud. “I'm asking as me, your partner. Who can tell when you're lying.”
“I feel like crap.”
“I know.” Reid sighs, rubbing at his forehead and massaging his temples. Anything to reduce the tension building up there. “We'll talk to them in the morning about switching meds. But, I have to tell you something. I got the test results back, and -”
“It's fine. It was a long shot, and one that I didn't even want you to take.”
“It's a match, Luke.” Reid answers, annoyed at being cut off. “Not all markers, but enough.”
“I-” For the first time, in a long time, Luke is speechless. Unable to form words to say what he wants to, unable to construct sentences and unable to answer Reid who is sitting in front of him doe eyed and hopeful. “No, Reid.”
“No?” Reid asks incredulously, sitting back in his chair as he didn't even realise he'd leaned forwards. “What the hell do you mean, no?”
“You're not giving me a kidney. So don't even, just - don't even think about it.”
“Like hell I'm not.” Reid challenges, standing and pacing alongside Luke's bed. “What are you talking about, of course I am. I'll do it right now if you want. I'm sure I left a scalpel around here somewhere.”
“Would you sit down, and listen to me?” Luke pleads, and it's his turn to show the puppy dog eyes that even Reid can't resist. “Please. Just listen.”
“Fine.” He reluctantly sits back down, but is noticeably further away from Luke than either would really like. Typical Reid to put up physical boundaries when his emotional ones are wearing thin.
“I love you.” Luke says quietly, picking at the bedsheets and not making eye contact with Reid.
“I know.” Reid answers, shuffling a little closer. “What does that have to do with this?”
“It's because I love you that I can't let you do this.” Luke answers, finally looking up. “I'm not going to put you through that, when there's no guarantee that my body won't just reject it. And then where would we be? You'd have one kidney, I'd have none. What a pair.” Luke tries to lighten the tension, but it's not working.
“You're an idiot.” Reid sighs, pulling in even closer to Luke's bedside and wrapping Luke's hand up in his. “I'm going to give you my kidney because I love you, and like I said before - I'm not just going to sit here and let you die.” Reid brings Luke's hand to his face and kisses it gently before letting it drop. “So stop playing the martyr. If you don't know by now that I'd do anything for you, then you're an idiot.” Reid smirks as he watches Luke's face soften. “Well, even more of one.”
“No.” Luke answers, trying to sound firm but Reid can tell his want to live is overpowering his convictions. And he's never been more glad of anything. Because he wants Luke to live.
He needs Luke to live.
“Yes.” Reid says, standing up and pushing the chair away before climbing into Luke's bed. “Now shut up, or I really will do it right here, right now.”
As Luke settles in against Reid's body, enjoying the warmth provided by having someone so close to him, he realises how he never had a fighting chance at winning this argument.
But if it gives him a fighting chance at the rest of his life, he's willing to lose.
Just this once.