fic: issues, boundaries and baked snacks
title: issues, boundaries and baked snacks
author: inflowers
summary: “Listen, I just don't believe in it. I don't need to legitimise our relationship in front of some judge for it to mean anything more to me. So just drop it, will you?”
authors notes: so there's this horrible, awful woman in australian politics who just made headlines for saying that legalising gay marriage would be like legalising child abuse, and basically saying that kids born to parents of same sex couples are disadvantaged. naturally, i was upset and wanted to write her an angry letter saying "i'm god damn fucking fine, you asswipe." but i was raised better than that, despite what she may think. so i channelled all that anger into this fic! (it's not really angst though. a little, but not really.) and it all kinds of ties into my ideas about the whole thing anyway. [/end rant]
“What is it that you want me to say, Luke? I can't just change my mind about these things. It's just the way that I feel.”
“I know.” Luke sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair and pressing his fingers into his temples. “I know, and I don't want to change the way you feel - I'm just trying to understand.”
“What is there to possibly understand?”
“I just want you to explain it to me, again. So I can really understand how you feel.”
“Listen, I just don't believe in it. I don't need to legitimise our relationship in front of some judge for it to mean anything more to me. So just drop it, will you?” Reid throws his hands up, and stalks towards the kitchen where he tears open the fridge.
“No, I'm not going to drop it. This is important to me, Reid.” Luke fires back, anger darting between his eyes and his feet unable to stop pacing. Backwards and forwards, just like this argument. Never really going anywhere.
“Fine, you want to get married, Luke? Lets get married.” Reid snaps, throwing the door to the fridge closed and clenching his fists at his side in frustration. “Lets have a big ceremony and invite everyone in the whole god damn town. You want that? Lets do it. Hell, what are you doing this weekend - you wanna do it then? Give me the phone, I'll make some calls. It'll be the Oakdale event of the god damn year and then you'll finally get off my fucking back and give me some peace and quiet about it. Is that what you want, Luke?”
“You couldn't care less about what I want. Which is pretty evident from that little rant you just went on. Are you quite finished with yourself?” Luke isn't bothering to buy into Reid's self-pitying speech, and it's infuriating the elder of the two even more. “I'm out of here. Do me a favour, grow up a little while I'm gone?”
Luke leaves, predictably slamming the door on his way out and almost running right into Katie.
“Hey, whoa! Wheres the fire?” She exclaims, holding her hands up as Luke fumes in front of her.
“You try and talk some sense into him, I've had just about enough for the day.” He answers, moving around her and walking quickly towards his car.
“Alright, what did you do?” Katie asks, walking into the house and closing the door gently behind her. She figures it's probably had just about all the slamming it can handle.
“What makes you think I did something? Is it not possible that he's the one in the wrong, that he's the one being obnoxious and childish?” Reid retorts, grabbing a beer from the fridge and offering Katie an iced tea.
“It's possible, yes. But likely? No.” She answers, taking the drink from him and leading him towards the couch. “Now, I'll ask you again. What did you to do Luke?”
“Nothing. I didn't do anything to Luke. I just told him that I don't believe in marriage and he flew off the deep end.” He answers, trying to shake the unpleasant feeling building in his gut.
“Did you say it in exactly those words?”
“Maybe not.” Reid admits, turning to face Katie and taking in the look of exasperation on her face.
“What did you say, exactly?”
So Reid tells her. He tells her of how every once in awhile, the topic of marriage will come up. It's bound to, especially considering Illinois legalised gay marriage awhile ago and it wouldn't be just symbolic. It would be legal, and legitimate. He tells her how Luke is desperate to have matching wedding rings and a ceremony with a string quartet, and how Reid thinks it's the most ridiculous idea he's ever heard.
And he tells her how this morning he just cracked, and how he mocked Luke and the way Luke feels about marriage. He tells her this so that she'll know, but he doesn't feel good about it and Katie can tell - by the way he looks down and won't make eye contact, as though he's ashamed.
“Reid, what is your issue? He loves you, he just wants to show that. Getting married is a normal thing to want, why are you trying to pass it off as being such a ridiculous suggestion?”
Reid loves Katie - he thinks he always has. There's just something about her, that despite her incessant need to interfere in his life, he appreciates and values her in his life. But sometimes, even as much as he cares about her, he just wants her to be quiet and leave him in his own state of wallowing.
“Katie, just drop it. It's not important.”
“Like hell it isn't!” Katie exclaims, throwing herself back into the sofa before turning to face him. “Come on, out with it. I know you're against the whole dog and pony show of a wedding, but Luke doesn't necessarily want that. He wants a marriage. I trust you know the difference.”
Reid scoffs loudly, rolling his eyes as far back as physiology will allow.
“Yeah, right. A certificate hanging on the wall, right? Rings on our fingers? What else will change?”
“The way you feel will change, Reid. Trust me, I know.” Katie says softly, and Reid can see her mind ticking backwards. He almost wants to change the subject to spare her the pain of thinking about Brad, but he knows that it's too late and she's already there. “It's worth it. Whatever you think about weddings, marriage is worth it.”
“I just don't think I need it, Katie. I'm fine with things the way they are. We live together, isn't that enough? We're disgustingly domestic and we cook together and spend sunday mornings doing god damn cross words. How is that not enough?”
“I don't think it's about being enough. I think he just wants to share that experience with you. The experience of binding yourself to someone forever, in front of people. The experience of calling you his husband instead of his boyfriend - which I guess makes him feel like a teenager.”
“He can call me his husband if he wants, it doesn't bother me. I just don't see why I should have to compromise what I believe because it's something he wants. That's not how relationships work, Katie. And I've had a few.” Reid sighs again, leaning forward and cradling his head in his hands. He's miserable, but he's pulling out all the stops to prevent Katie from seeing it. Futile, but he's trying.
“Successful ones?” Katie asks mockingly, smirking in a way that would almost make Reid proud if he weren't so annoyed. “Besides, I don't think this is as much of a big deal to you as you're making it out to be.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I just don't think you care that much. I think you're worried everyone will see you going soft, because Reid Oliver doesn't 'do' sentimentality or sap. But you're not fooling me, Oliver.” Katie says defiantly, crossing her arms and staring at Reid intently. “You love him, we all know it. It's not going to be some big surprise if you commit yourself to him.”
“It'll surprise me.” Reid admits softly, daring to make eye contact with Katie. “What if -”
“What if what?” She asks curiously, her eyes squinting in curiosity.
“What if he decides, five years from now, that I'm not what he wants? What then, Katie? Do we just tear up this so called certificate and split the furniture down the middle?”
“First of all, you know that's not going to happen. He adores you. Worships the ground you walk on, even. It would be sickening if it wasn't so cute. But more than just adoring you, he loves you. He loves you, you idiot. So stop thinking about the what if's and the maybe's and just live right now. Because I'm telling you, Reid - if you don't, you'll regret it.” She looks back towards her hands clasped on her lap and sniffles softly. “I do, I regret it all the time. Always thinking about what could happen, and never appreciating what was happening right then. And then Brad was gone, and I just realised how what's about to happen doesn't really matter.”
“Katie-” Reid reaches out and takes one of her hands, a hand moving towards her face and brushing off a stray tear. “I didn't mean to bring all this up.”
“You didn't. It's okay. I'm happy now, really. I love Chris, and Jacob is happy, and we're all moving on. But not a day goes past where I don't miss him, Reid. Where I don't just wish I had of had a few more minutes, seconds even - of us. Of our marriage. Do you get it now? He doesn't want a wedding. He wants a marriage. He wants you.”
“I get it, Katie.” Reid whispers, pulling her into his arms and wrapping a protective hold around her as she sobs quietly. “I get it.”
It's late when Luke finally gets home, and Reid can tell he's still angry. He's slamming doors and the fridge and glasses down on the bench. He's huffing under his breath and muttering to himself, and Reid can't help but be amused at how badly Luke carries anger. Like a child, lashing out at anything in front of him, even if it's just a carton of juice.
“Hey.” Reid says quietly, entering the kitchen and flipping on a light. “Where have you been?” It's not an accusation, but Reid is nothing if not curious.
“Out.”
“Out where?”
“I went to see my mom.” Luke is answering, but just barely. He's not making eye contact and he's still slamming things down as he pulls out last nights leftovers and uncovers the plastic, almost throwing it into the microwave.
They stand near each other, without touching and without saying a word. The humming of the microwave is breaking the silence, but only just. And Reid can't stand it, because uncomfortable silences are not his thing - he's always had something to say.
“I got something for you.” He announces, pulling a plate out from underneath the counter and placing it on front of Luke.
“It's a pretzel.” Luke answers, picking up the small crisp snack from the plate and studying it carefully. “Uh, thanks?”
“It's a pretzel now-” Reid begins, taking it and tugging Luke's left hand towards him. “But I promise by sundown tomorrow, it'll have transformed-” He slips his ring finger through the awkwardly shaped hole and slides it the length of Luke's finger “-into a wedding band.”
Luke looks up and locks his eyes with Reid, trying to detect a hint of sarcasm or insincerity. He's relieved to find the only thing looking back at him are the honest blue eyes that make him weak at the knees.
“Really?” He asks, his eyes shining brightly with what Luke will deny are tears.
“Really. It was never about you, anyway. It was me. I've got issues with things.”
“No kidding.” Luke scoffs, laughing to himself.
“I wasn't finished, brat.” Reid laughs, pulling Luke into a hug. “I know I've got issues with some things, but I'll work them out. And while I'm working them out, I may as well have a husband to help me along the way.”
“Thank you.” Luke sighs, pulling back and kissing Reid gently. “And you don't even need to buy me a ring, I'll wear this pretzel all day, every day if I have to.”
“One thing, though.” Reid says, pulling Luke back towards him.
“Yeah?”
“I'm not signing a pre-nup. If this goes pear shaped I want alimony, a Grimaldi ship for the weekends and a holiday house courtesy of Lucinda.”
“Anything you want, Reid. I'm not counting on this going anything other than perfectly.” Luke sighs happily, nodding against Reid's chest. “Perfectly.”
And as the microwave beeps next to them, neither of them make a move to break apart.
Perfect.
Reid can't really argue with that.
author: inflowers
summary: “Listen, I just don't believe in it. I don't need to legitimise our relationship in front of some judge for it to mean anything more to me. So just drop it, will you?”
authors notes: so there's this horrible, awful woman in australian politics who just made headlines for saying that legalising gay marriage would be like legalising child abuse, and basically saying that kids born to parents of same sex couples are disadvantaged. naturally, i was upset and wanted to write her an angry letter saying "i'm god damn fucking fine, you asswipe." but i was raised better than that, despite what she may think. so i channelled all that anger into this fic! (it's not really angst though. a little, but not really.) and it all kinds of ties into my ideas about the whole thing anyway. [/end rant]
“What is it that you want me to say, Luke? I can't just change my mind about these things. It's just the way that I feel.”
“I know.” Luke sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair and pressing his fingers into his temples. “I know, and I don't want to change the way you feel - I'm just trying to understand.”
“What is there to possibly understand?”
“I just want you to explain it to me, again. So I can really understand how you feel.”
“Listen, I just don't believe in it. I don't need to legitimise our relationship in front of some judge for it to mean anything more to me. So just drop it, will you?” Reid throws his hands up, and stalks towards the kitchen where he tears open the fridge.
“No, I'm not going to drop it. This is important to me, Reid.” Luke fires back, anger darting between his eyes and his feet unable to stop pacing. Backwards and forwards, just like this argument. Never really going anywhere.
“Fine, you want to get married, Luke? Lets get married.” Reid snaps, throwing the door to the fridge closed and clenching his fists at his side in frustration. “Lets have a big ceremony and invite everyone in the whole god damn town. You want that? Lets do it. Hell, what are you doing this weekend - you wanna do it then? Give me the phone, I'll make some calls. It'll be the Oakdale event of the god damn year and then you'll finally get off my fucking back and give me some peace and quiet about it. Is that what you want, Luke?”
“You couldn't care less about what I want. Which is pretty evident from that little rant you just went on. Are you quite finished with yourself?” Luke isn't bothering to buy into Reid's self-pitying speech, and it's infuriating the elder of the two even more. “I'm out of here. Do me a favour, grow up a little while I'm gone?”
Luke leaves, predictably slamming the door on his way out and almost running right into Katie.
“Hey, whoa! Wheres the fire?” She exclaims, holding her hands up as Luke fumes in front of her.
“You try and talk some sense into him, I've had just about enough for the day.” He answers, moving around her and walking quickly towards his car.
“Alright, what did you do?” Katie asks, walking into the house and closing the door gently behind her. She figures it's probably had just about all the slamming it can handle.
“What makes you think I did something? Is it not possible that he's the one in the wrong, that he's the one being obnoxious and childish?” Reid retorts, grabbing a beer from the fridge and offering Katie an iced tea.
“It's possible, yes. But likely? No.” She answers, taking the drink from him and leading him towards the couch. “Now, I'll ask you again. What did you to do Luke?”
“Nothing. I didn't do anything to Luke. I just told him that I don't believe in marriage and he flew off the deep end.” He answers, trying to shake the unpleasant feeling building in his gut.
“Did you say it in exactly those words?”
“Maybe not.” Reid admits, turning to face Katie and taking in the look of exasperation on her face.
“What did you say, exactly?”
So Reid tells her. He tells her of how every once in awhile, the topic of marriage will come up. It's bound to, especially considering Illinois legalised gay marriage awhile ago and it wouldn't be just symbolic. It would be legal, and legitimate. He tells her how Luke is desperate to have matching wedding rings and a ceremony with a string quartet, and how Reid thinks it's the most ridiculous idea he's ever heard.
And he tells her how this morning he just cracked, and how he mocked Luke and the way Luke feels about marriage. He tells her this so that she'll know, but he doesn't feel good about it and Katie can tell - by the way he looks down and won't make eye contact, as though he's ashamed.
“Reid, what is your issue? He loves you, he just wants to show that. Getting married is a normal thing to want, why are you trying to pass it off as being such a ridiculous suggestion?”
Reid loves Katie - he thinks he always has. There's just something about her, that despite her incessant need to interfere in his life, he appreciates and values her in his life. But sometimes, even as much as he cares about her, he just wants her to be quiet and leave him in his own state of wallowing.
“Katie, just drop it. It's not important.”
“Like hell it isn't!” Katie exclaims, throwing herself back into the sofa before turning to face him. “Come on, out with it. I know you're against the whole dog and pony show of a wedding, but Luke doesn't necessarily want that. He wants a marriage. I trust you know the difference.”
Reid scoffs loudly, rolling his eyes as far back as physiology will allow.
“Yeah, right. A certificate hanging on the wall, right? Rings on our fingers? What else will change?”
“The way you feel will change, Reid. Trust me, I know.” Katie says softly, and Reid can see her mind ticking backwards. He almost wants to change the subject to spare her the pain of thinking about Brad, but he knows that it's too late and she's already there. “It's worth it. Whatever you think about weddings, marriage is worth it.”
“I just don't think I need it, Katie. I'm fine with things the way they are. We live together, isn't that enough? We're disgustingly domestic and we cook together and spend sunday mornings doing god damn cross words. How is that not enough?”
“I don't think it's about being enough. I think he just wants to share that experience with you. The experience of binding yourself to someone forever, in front of people. The experience of calling you his husband instead of his boyfriend - which I guess makes him feel like a teenager.”
“He can call me his husband if he wants, it doesn't bother me. I just don't see why I should have to compromise what I believe because it's something he wants. That's not how relationships work, Katie. And I've had a few.” Reid sighs again, leaning forward and cradling his head in his hands. He's miserable, but he's pulling out all the stops to prevent Katie from seeing it. Futile, but he's trying.
“Successful ones?” Katie asks mockingly, smirking in a way that would almost make Reid proud if he weren't so annoyed. “Besides, I don't think this is as much of a big deal to you as you're making it out to be.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I just don't think you care that much. I think you're worried everyone will see you going soft, because Reid Oliver doesn't 'do' sentimentality or sap. But you're not fooling me, Oliver.” Katie says defiantly, crossing her arms and staring at Reid intently. “You love him, we all know it. It's not going to be some big surprise if you commit yourself to him.”
“It'll surprise me.” Reid admits softly, daring to make eye contact with Katie. “What if -”
“What if what?” She asks curiously, her eyes squinting in curiosity.
“What if he decides, five years from now, that I'm not what he wants? What then, Katie? Do we just tear up this so called certificate and split the furniture down the middle?”
“First of all, you know that's not going to happen. He adores you. Worships the ground you walk on, even. It would be sickening if it wasn't so cute. But more than just adoring you, he loves you. He loves you, you idiot. So stop thinking about the what if's and the maybe's and just live right now. Because I'm telling you, Reid - if you don't, you'll regret it.” She looks back towards her hands clasped on her lap and sniffles softly. “I do, I regret it all the time. Always thinking about what could happen, and never appreciating what was happening right then. And then Brad was gone, and I just realised how what's about to happen doesn't really matter.”
“Katie-” Reid reaches out and takes one of her hands, a hand moving towards her face and brushing off a stray tear. “I didn't mean to bring all this up.”
“You didn't. It's okay. I'm happy now, really. I love Chris, and Jacob is happy, and we're all moving on. But not a day goes past where I don't miss him, Reid. Where I don't just wish I had of had a few more minutes, seconds even - of us. Of our marriage. Do you get it now? He doesn't want a wedding. He wants a marriage. He wants you.”
“I get it, Katie.” Reid whispers, pulling her into his arms and wrapping a protective hold around her as she sobs quietly. “I get it.”
It's late when Luke finally gets home, and Reid can tell he's still angry. He's slamming doors and the fridge and glasses down on the bench. He's huffing under his breath and muttering to himself, and Reid can't help but be amused at how badly Luke carries anger. Like a child, lashing out at anything in front of him, even if it's just a carton of juice.
“Hey.” Reid says quietly, entering the kitchen and flipping on a light. “Where have you been?” It's not an accusation, but Reid is nothing if not curious.
“Out.”
“Out where?”
“I went to see my mom.” Luke is answering, but just barely. He's not making eye contact and he's still slamming things down as he pulls out last nights leftovers and uncovers the plastic, almost throwing it into the microwave.
They stand near each other, without touching and without saying a word. The humming of the microwave is breaking the silence, but only just. And Reid can't stand it, because uncomfortable silences are not his thing - he's always had something to say.
“I got something for you.” He announces, pulling a plate out from underneath the counter and placing it on front of Luke.
“It's a pretzel.” Luke answers, picking up the small crisp snack from the plate and studying it carefully. “Uh, thanks?”
“It's a pretzel now-” Reid begins, taking it and tugging Luke's left hand towards him. “But I promise by sundown tomorrow, it'll have transformed-” He slips his ring finger through the awkwardly shaped hole and slides it the length of Luke's finger “-into a wedding band.”
Luke looks up and locks his eyes with Reid, trying to detect a hint of sarcasm or insincerity. He's relieved to find the only thing looking back at him are the honest blue eyes that make him weak at the knees.
“Really?” He asks, his eyes shining brightly with what Luke will deny are tears.
“Really. It was never about you, anyway. It was me. I've got issues with things.”
“No kidding.” Luke scoffs, laughing to himself.
“I wasn't finished, brat.” Reid laughs, pulling Luke into a hug. “I know I've got issues with some things, but I'll work them out. And while I'm working them out, I may as well have a husband to help me along the way.”
“Thank you.” Luke sighs, pulling back and kissing Reid gently. “And you don't even need to buy me a ring, I'll wear this pretzel all day, every day if I have to.”
“One thing, though.” Reid says, pulling Luke back towards him.
“Yeah?”
“I'm not signing a pre-nup. If this goes pear shaped I want alimony, a Grimaldi ship for the weekends and a holiday house courtesy of Lucinda.”
“Anything you want, Reid. I'm not counting on this going anything other than perfectly.” Luke sighs happily, nodding against Reid's chest. “Perfectly.”
And as the microwave beeps next to them, neither of them make a move to break apart.
Perfect.
Reid can't really argue with that.