I can't believe...
...that I'm actually thinking about joining the military. I don't really want to, but at the same time I don't know WHAT I want. I know I want to work with animals. At least dogs. I can do that guaranteed in the Marine Corp. (Well, more guaranteed then around here.) They'll give me the specific training I want. I don't have to go through bullshit classes to get a mediocre degree that isn't even training with what I want to work as/with.
Ever since I was little, I have had the worst time doing school work that I have no interest in. I can sit there for hours trying to do things like Chemistry homework, or math, or US History... and in the end either nothing gets done or none of it makes any sense because I DON'T LIKE OR GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT. No one likes being forced to do things they don't like.
In the military, I'll go through a generalized physical traning program (obviously, boot), then I'll be sent to a specific place where I'll be given training related to the job I want to do! I DON'T NEED TO KNOW MICROBIOLOGY TO TRAIN DOGS.
Granted this thought isn't set in stone by any means. But it's something I'm looking at while I'm searching for myself so to say.
I'm not really happy with myself right now. I feel like I'm just wasting away in half-assed jobs with a guy that I don't even think I can consider a boyfriend with how he treats me (Or doesn't treat me I should say). He sits and says things like "have you figured out what you want to do yet?" YEAH I HAVE, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME ACCOMPLISH THAT BY NOT BEING SUPPORTIVE.
I don't know. So many things just feel like they're going wrong. He's changed a lot since we first started dating and since we first moved in together.
He used to want to do things with me. Go with me when I wanted to run errands, just little things where we were always near each other. Now it seems he hates going anywhere with me. He doesn't want to do things that are for me. He doesn't invite me to do things with him any more. The past few weeks if he has a day off he wants to spend it with his best friend, Will, playing WoW or some other game -- either with Will over at the house, or not.
When I ask why we don't do things together he says "What do you mean, we're together ALL the time." Which no that's not really true. If he's working I'm home by myself or at work. Between work days he sleeps, and normally I've gone to work before he wakes up. On his days off he typically is doing things with Will, home or out of the house.
Sure we're near each other alot... sleeping... on the computer.... But we're not TOGETHER. We're in our own little worlds on the computer and if I want to do something with him he's basically busy.
He's not affectionate anymore either. Every once in a blue moon he'll initiate a hug. It wasn't until recently he started saying "I love you" again if I left for work before him and he was awake (And I think it's only because I threw a hissyfit about it).
I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm just a convinence to him because I'll do things that aren't getting done. Like yardwork, or cleaning up around the house.
I've thought about leaving, but I feel trapped. I don't want to. I don't know where I would go. I could go back to my Grandparents but I don't want to abandon my animals. I brought them into this world, I want to be the one to see them through it. I know he wont take care of them because he's selfish and lazy, so if I did leave I couldn't leave them behind.
And if I did leave I would take everything that's mine back. That's like... everything except for his safe, clothes, computer and some dishes. I bought everything else with my savings or my Grandparents let me have.
If I joined the military I wouldn't be able to live off base for around 15 months. I think the recruiter said I had to be either a Lance Cororal or Corporal rank. Then I would be allowed to have pets. I almost wonder if I could find someone that could give my pets a temporary home for that long, because I really really don't want to abandon them!
God this is so hard. I don't know what to do >_
Ever since I was little, I have had the worst time doing school work that I have no interest in. I can sit there for hours trying to do things like Chemistry homework, or math, or US History... and in the end either nothing gets done or none of it makes any sense because I DON'T LIKE OR GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT. No one likes being forced to do things they don't like.
In the military, I'll go through a generalized physical traning program (obviously, boot), then I'll be sent to a specific place where I'll be given training related to the job I want to do! I DON'T NEED TO KNOW MICROBIOLOGY TO TRAIN DOGS.
Granted this thought isn't set in stone by any means. But it's something I'm looking at while I'm searching for myself so to say.
I'm not really happy with myself right now. I feel like I'm just wasting away in half-assed jobs with a guy that I don't even think I can consider a boyfriend with how he treats me (Or doesn't treat me I should say). He sits and says things like "have you figured out what you want to do yet?" YEAH I HAVE, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME ACCOMPLISH THAT BY NOT BEING SUPPORTIVE.
I don't know. So many things just feel like they're going wrong. He's changed a lot since we first started dating and since we first moved in together.
He used to want to do things with me. Go with me when I wanted to run errands, just little things where we were always near each other. Now it seems he hates going anywhere with me. He doesn't want to do things that are for me. He doesn't invite me to do things with him any more. The past few weeks if he has a day off he wants to spend it with his best friend, Will, playing WoW or some other game -- either with Will over at the house, or not.
When I ask why we don't do things together he says "What do you mean, we're together ALL the time." Which no that's not really true. If he's working I'm home by myself or at work. Between work days he sleeps, and normally I've gone to work before he wakes up. On his days off he typically is doing things with Will, home or out of the house.
Sure we're near each other alot... sleeping... on the computer.... But we're not TOGETHER. We're in our own little worlds on the computer and if I want to do something with him he's basically busy.
He's not affectionate anymore either. Every once in a blue moon he'll initiate a hug. It wasn't until recently he started saying "I love you" again if I left for work before him and he was awake (And I think it's only because I threw a hissyfit about it).
I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm just a convinence to him because I'll do things that aren't getting done. Like yardwork, or cleaning up around the house.
I've thought about leaving, but I feel trapped. I don't want to. I don't know where I would go. I could go back to my Grandparents but I don't want to abandon my animals. I brought them into this world, I want to be the one to see them through it. I know he wont take care of them because he's selfish and lazy, so if I did leave I couldn't leave them behind.
And if I did leave I would take everything that's mine back. That's like... everything except for his safe, clothes, computer and some dishes. I bought everything else with my savings or my Grandparents let me have.
If I joined the military I wouldn't be able to live off base for around 15 months. I think the recruiter said I had to be either a Lance Cororal or Corporal rank. Then I would be allowed to have pets. I almost wonder if I could find someone that could give my pets a temporary home for that long, because I really really don't want to abandon them!
God this is so hard. I don't know what to do >_