ISS 2014: for akira_32 (4/4)
He walks almost aimlessly, knowing he’s going towards the train station, begging that there’ll be a train in the next hour or so. When he arrives, shivering and wet and still fuming, he checks the times of services and then wants to punch a hole in the plastic board. Or maybe cry a bit. No, none of that shit. Just a bad night, with a lot of confusing stuff and stupid people and stupid decisions… Just that.
He goes to sit on a cold, empty bench, pulling his legs up and hugging them, his face hidden in the humid nook between his arms. And waits.
His muscles hurt from the cold by the time he hears the bell. He was dozing off, his head hurting already, and his feet numb. But now that the train opens the doors and he shakily steps in, he doesn’t want to go home. He spent nearly an hour waiting alone, freezing his bones and trying to ignore the buzzing thoughts in his head, and he doesn’t want to keep doing that at home. The only difference would be a shower and a blanket probably. Well, sounds a bit better, but...
He takes out his phone, and whines miserably when he sees it’s wet. Still working, but damn it was a bad night. He pulls out his wallet and finds it, predictably, also drenched. Insides too. Well fuck me! He yells in his head, and then remembers his jacket, and the keys inside the zipper pocket, and starts hitting his head in frustration.
“Why?” he groans to no one, head bumping back against the window “Why didn’t I stay home?”
He’s still a bit dizzy, and the rickety trip makes him sleepy, but the cold and anger don’t let him sleep. That and the fact that it’s not a good idea to fall asleep with your phone and wallet on your hands, a Sunday very early and still dark morning on a practically deserted train. No, not advisable.
So he fights back his heavy eyelids, tries to get comfortable in the seat while still thinking he doesn’t want to go home and sit in the corridor like a homeless bum until it’s a decent hour to go knock on the landlord’s door and beg for the spare key. He considers trying his luck with Myungsoo. Then thinks against it. Considers it again… And finally tries a call.
Myungsoo doesn’t pick up, of course, as he now looks at the time. Almost 4 a.m.? Not a chance.
His station finally comes, and he steps out into the biting cold of the wee hours of the morning. He’s shivering violently, his steps short and clumsy and his mind debating between going home after all, or being a shameless little shit and try his luck with someone else.
He is shameless, sitting in the porch of the building he visited only a handful of times, curled up in a trembling ball of conflicted teenage boy with no clue what to do now. But he doesn’t dare hitting the button on the intercom, he’s not that shameless. And he fears he won’t have an excuse to stay once he’s ignored. His phone is in his hand, three messages sent to his friend in stupid hopes that he’d forgive him for the night and offer him a place to wait the night. But that was twenty minutes ago, the messages were read, and still no reply.
He feels like crap now, and not only because of the cold and pulsing pain in his face. He screwed up in so many levels already he doesn’t know why his eyes burn wet. Maybe it’d be best if he skips school for a few days, who knows how mad he made purple boy? Maybe he’ll try to have a payback of some sort? Wasn’t really looking forward to it. Even worse thinking that Myungsoo would be there first row to see that, yeah, he might have taken it a bit too far after all.
He sighs for the nth time “Stupid fuck” he mumbles to himself, not able to raise his voice without it breaking “You’re such a stupid fuck”
A low rumble above signals that the rain is not nearly done with him yet, and to prove its point, it starts falling harder on the streets. He recoils a bit further under the roof of the porch, and curls more over himself. Maybe he could take a little nap here? If no one called the cops on him? Well, what would it matter anyway? He’d be warmer in a little cell. The thought makes him laugh at himself, how more pathetic can it get?
Something hits his back, and he startles so bad his spine pops loudly.
“Hey” he hears, deep voice lazed with sleep, and he wants to run away, crawl under the ground, whatever “What are you doing there?”
He’s really close to start kicking a tantrum, but instead he looks over his shoulder to the man peeking through the big glass door, messy clothes, sleepy face, sleep-deep voice.
“Hi” he croaks, then looks down “I… I’m sorry I was just trying not to get soaked wet”
“Well, didn’t do a good job” Woohyun answers “You are already drenched”
“Yeah… Well, I’d like to avoid getting worse?”
“Come on in”
He doubts, he shouldn’t, he wants to, but he really should feel very embarrassed and out of place “No… It’s-“
“Come on in”
“I don’t-“
“I’m not letting you freeze outside in the middle of a storm. Come on in” the man insists in a stern voice that has Sunggyu internally thanking him for forcing him to follow.
The apartment is blissfully warm, his body shakes a few times, as if to get rid of the cold once and for all. The door is closed behind him, and he stays rooted in place, unsure what to do with himself as Woohyun walks to the short corridor and into the bathroom. He shifts his feet a few times, trying not to move much so the wet clothes won’t touch him more than necessary, and then the man comes back with a big, fluffy towel that wraps around his shoulders.
“Come, I’ll go get you some clothes” he mumbles.
“You really don’t-“
“Listen, Sunggyu” the man turns to him, his eyes a bit puffy with sleep and his hair still pointing out in weird directions in some parts “You just popped up sitting at the door of my home at nearly five in the morning, soaking wet, hurt, freezing cold and looking like you want to cry your eyes out, I’m not going back to sleep any time soon, so you might as well just go along with it, alright?”
He keeps quiet for the time being. Walks after Woohyun to the bathroom and waits for the clothes, then is pushed into the shower and left alone. He makes quick work of it, barely warming up and washing the rain water of his hair, hastily getting rid of the smell of cigarette, alcohol and probably sweat that swarms the night clubs. Once he is dry and dressed in loose fitting clothes, he piles the humid things on a chair and walks back to the living room. He doesn’t say a word, not sure of the mood of the older man and certainly not wanting to make matters worse. He feels stupider than ever, even worse than the time with the hangover. Maybe it’s because he made Woohyun wake up at ungodly hours of the morning and do the babysitter for him just because he messed up one time too many….
Wait, how did he even know I was down there?
“Here” a bright blue pack is presented under his nose, and when he takes more than three seconds to react, it’s pressed to the side of his face.
He flinches at the sharp twinge of pain that it sparks, but the pack follows him in his retreat “Wait” he complains “that hurts”
“Of course it hurts, silly, you have a bruise”
“A what?” he’s surprised, then he remembers the little struggle and deflates a bit more “Oh, did it bruise?”
“Yes, it did” the man responds with a flat tone, his hand holding the ice pack, patiently waiting for Sunggyu to take it “Would you tell me what happened if I asked you?”
Not a chance, is the first thing that comes to mind. He doesn’t feel like sharing that bit of information, he still doesn’t understand what happened exactly, nor how he feels about it, so no. He should say something, though, anything, if only to give an answer to the man that’s, once again, taking care of him when he himself is not sure he deserves it. But he doesn’t know what to say, and as seconds tic past, Woohyun sighs and gives up, forcing his hand up to take the ice pack and walking back into the kitchen.
Sunggyu is left on his own again, feeling a bit worse than before. And just as the gloom is taking place, a sudden surge of anger rivals it. He doesn’t want to feel so bad about it, he’s not obligated to answer, so why feeling guilty about it? Yeah, alright the man is helping him out, but he never asked for it, he actually tried to deny his help. He could just go home, sit on the damned corridor and doze off until someone recognized him and… And whatever. So why did he feel so indebt to this man? Because he kept getting in the way, he kept meddling in his business and forcing his way… Yeah, he was forcing his way into his own problems. No one asked him to do that, certainly not Sunggyu. So why did he kept popping out of nowhere- Well, not nowhere, he was in his building, but that isn’t the matter. The guy should not be so insistent, he shouldn’t even care about him, he was just the stupid friend of his cousin, and maybe not even that anymore.
“What are you doing standing there? Go sit, I’m making you some chicken soup-“
“Why?” he snaps, crunching the ice pack in his fingers “Why are even-? You don’t have to do shit!” he throws the half melted thing to the ground and fixes his glare on the man “You shouldn’t give a rat’s ass about me! Why are you even fucking doing this?! You’re not my friend, you’re not my brother, you’re not my fucking father! You don’t have to give a flying fuck about me! So just fucking don’t!”
His breath is shaken, his eyes warm and throat on the tight side, his hands shake a little bit, but he can’t hold the glare and drops his eyes to the floor. Woohyun is not backing up a single inch, not a flinch, not a shift in his features, his face is hard and nearly blank as he stares him back. Sunggyu has his pride at the edge of falling to the ground by now, and tries to salvage what’s left of it by fleeing the place before he gets kicked out.
Before he can do that, though, he’s embarrassingly startled to a jolt when the other man steps closer. He’s not sure what he expects now, but definitely not the ice pack to be placed again beside his eye, more gently than the first time. He tries not to, but ends up glancing up at the other’s face, finding a severe expression that he’s not sure what could mean, but makes him feel small and childish.
“It’s still raining” Woohyun says, his tone controlled “And pretty damn cold” his words are punctuated by a rumbling thunder from outside “Do you want me to kick you out?” Sunggyu tries to hide his sudden nerves “Wet clothes, no key, no money? Want me to kick you out?” no he doesn’t want to be kicked out, but he doesn’t want to back down either. So he keeps quiet, his eyes downcast, hoping it’d be enough answer for the man not to act on his words, because he’d rather end up out than- “Because I don’t want to either” the voice softens “I brought you in for a reason, and I’m not going to back down just because it occurred to you it’d be a nice idea to throw a fit out of the blue”
“It’s not-“
“You don’t need that crap here with me, alright?” the other interrupts, and he’s glad, because he’s not sure what he was going to say, only that his voice was about to break “We all have bad times, and sometimes don’t know how to handle them. Nothing wrong in accepting help, get it?”
“Don’t need-…” he stops again, surprised by the difficulty of speaking all of a sudden, the wet feeling in his eyes.
“Look, it’s ok” the man’s voice softens, and it’s worse, it’s freaking worse because now Sunggyu’s eyes start watering for real.
He tries to turn away before it’s too late, but then he’s engulfed in an awkward embrace that startles him into stiffness, and takes him a moment to react and try to pry the arms off him. By the time he does, though, Woohyun seems to make up his mind and rolls the weird gesture into a proper hug. An honest to God, freaking hug. And Sunggyu stills again, letting himself be enveloped in a pair of strong, yet gentle arms that pull him too close for comfort… Or it should have been, maybe. It’s not, it’s warm and firm and strong… And so comforting that he finally loses control of his emotions and sniffs and starts sobbing shamelessly against the man’s shoulder, his hands lifting to take shaky hold of the sweatshirt, and then the night and the week and the month and some long while back come crashing against him as he hugs Woohyun for dear life.
He feels pathetic, sad, angry, frustrated and so disoriented. But not about his state, not about the man’s presence, not about him being at five in the morning in a nearly stranger’s apartment and crying in his arms. It’s about all the things he’s been trying to pull off, all the crap he’s been trying to be, all the shit he’s been pushing, to achieve what? Nothing, fights with his friend, getting into habits he hates, making a possibly cool guy that could be a good fried now hate his guts because he freaked out after giving one too many mixed signals. And he feels worthless and stupid because the whole fucking deal did not move a single hair of his father head. Nothing.
And something smells burnt.
He sniffs one last time, noisy and messy, and lifts his head. Swallows the excess of saliva, clears his throat and then tries, his voice raspy and cracked “Somethin’s burnin’”
Woohyun humms in question, a bit of confusion, then straightens sharply and gasps “Oh, fuck!” he seems to be about to bolt to the kitchen, but doubts and turns to Sunggyu, questioning face so blatant it’s almost funny.
Sunggyu wipes his face with his hands the best way he can and lets go of the man’s sweatshirt “Go, I don’t want your home to catch fire”
One last doubtful look and the other rushes to the kitchen. Sunggyu hears the curses and scrambling, and the burnt smell clings to the place. He laughs, choked and short, then soft and loose “Do you need help?”
“No, don’t worry”
He nods to no one, looks around, tries to wipe his face again. There’s the towel, so he uses it. Then he shifts in place, feeling awkward and itching. He approaches the kitchen, and tries a different way “Can I help?”
Woohyun looks up, seemingly surprised, and smiles at him. And it’s a nice smile, soft and welcoming “Of course. Come, there’re vegetables to chop”
---
They’re sitting on the couch, a game paused, empty bowls on the floor near them. Sunggyu’s sipping at a mug of coffee, his feet bare, rubbing against each other. Woohyun in beside him, close enough to feel the body warmth, a mug of his own sitting by his side. They stopped playing, no reason in particular, and now keep silent. The man doesn’t seem to mind, made them both some coffee and brought some of those lemon cookies Sunggyu likes. But he kind of minds the silence, he wants to talk to him, explain himself somehow. Why? He’s not sure, the man just makes him want to talk, to trust him, to lean on him.
“Can you teach me make that chicken soup?” he asks out of the blue.
But Woohyun answers as if it was natural “You made it a few hours ago”
“No, but I want to… Be able to do it properly”
The other turns his way, curiosity “Why?”
“Dunno” he shrugs, hiding behind the mug. The silence stretches, and he feels Woohyun’s eyes on him. It doesn’t take too long for him to relent “I’d like… I want to make it… At home”
“Really?” he doesn’t have to look, he knows the man is smiling again.
“Why are you so nice?” he blurts out.
And once more, Woohyun answers with ease “Why not?”
“Because you barely know me. I’m nothing of you, just a friend of your cousin… But you take me into your home when I’m drunk or… Just roaming the streets in the middle of the night, you give me clothes, you bought a freaking toothbrush! And you… You keep cooking for me… For me, as if…”
“As if what?”
“I don’t know, as if you… Cared…” a sigh “Forget it”
“I do care for you”
Three seconds go by, Sunggyu puts down his mug and rubs his eyes “You shouldn’t-“
“Shouldn’t?” the curt tone interrupts him, and then softens a bit “I don’t think that’s the word you looking for”
“Then why?” he stresses.
“I’m not entirely sure myself”
He looks at him at that, blank face, flat tone “What?”
“Don’t look at me like that” the other laughs lightly “I know I barely know you, and I thought I’d creep you out at first, but for some reason I kind of care” he shifts, leaning back “I guess it’s because you remind me of myself… When I was your age or so” Sunggyu is taken aback, his eyes widening a little before he composes himself. He keeps quiet, waiting for the rest, if there is any “I was something like a troublemaker when younger. Bad boy, bad attitude, bad manners… Well, no manners at all” he snickered “Bunch of guys who I called my friends but really weren’t. I started smoking and drinking, going out and making a mess of myself. Pushing aside people that actually cared for me, fighting with them, with my parents… you know, the usual shit” he waves his hand vaguely, keeps quiet a little bit, resumes the talking “I got myself into some shady stuff, hanging out with the guys that my not-so-friends hanged out with. Shady people, the real shady ones, if you know what I mean” he throws a meaningful look his way, and Sunggyu nods slowly “I didn’t really realize where I was going, why I was doing what I did, I just wanted to keep trying, keep pushing and fuck anyone who didn’t like it” Sunggyu nods again, even if he’s not being watched. He thinks he can relate a little, but has the feeling this is going somewhere else “I got into some nasty fights with my dad, threats and insults flying back and forth” he sighs “But in the end, Sunggyu, the root of it, the truth of it is that I was just starving for attention”
“What?” Sunggyu blinks in question, and then understands “Wait, you saying I’m-?”
“I’m saying that I was starving for attention” the man rectifies in a firm tone, the softer “And I think you are going through the same” he looks towards Sunggyu, and seems to notice the timer about to go off in his face because he quickly adds “And it’s fine, it’s ok, it’s perfectly normal. It’s understandable, we need attention, we need interaction with the people we love, we need… We need to be taken care of, no matter our age or our ways. Somehow, someone, at some point, we need them to care for us. And when you’re young and growing up, that’s when you may need it the most. And if you don't get it... You try other ways”
Sunggyu says nothing, he doesn’t argue, because he can understand what the man says, he can accept what the man implies. He knows there’s some truth in it “So you say that’s why I’m being a shitty brat?” he asks, no animosity in his voice.
Woohyun, smiles dully “I don’t think you’re a shitty brat, just being difficult on purpose maybe. At least I know I was. But with time, I started getting tired of it, you know? Of all the… crap around me. The crappy people, the crappy habits, the crappy places, the crappy relationships. It was wearing me out, I was a mess and I didn’t enjoy it so much anymore. I tried to put some distance… But it got hard. Some people would keep coming back and I didn’t know how to… Shut them out. I couldn’t… I couldn’t just step away, it’s like I had them all tangled around my ankles, all of it. I got a bit scared, and had some… health issues. Didn’t know who I could ask for help, my dad didn’t speak to me, my mom didn’t either. My former friends hated my guts. I thought I had it, that that’d be it, I was stuck with all the shit and I got it well deserved. But then one night, I guess I was too pissed drunk to think twice before doing it, I called my dad. And I spilled everything out, all of it, I ranted and cried my eyes out on the phone to him” a little sad smile crept on his face, and he turned to look at Sunggyu “Sad fellow, wasn’t I?” Sunggyu shakes his head vehemently, but can’t find his voice “Next morning, I was crawling out of one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had, when some fucker thought it’d be good to knock the door of the rat’s hole I was living in. Guess who it was?”
It takes a little moment for Sunggyu to understand that, yes, it was an actual question. But he knows, he thinks he knows “Your… Your dad?”
“The one and only. He stormed in, and man it was a show. He pretty much flipped me upside down and then back up again. I tried to stand my ground, never mind my previous phone call, but he was dead serious and so… He was so determined, so fucking determined that I was left speechless, shocked, so lost and I had no clue what to do with him, with me”
“You fought again?”
“What?” Woohyun laughs at that “Oh, no. He practically pulled me out of that hole, and kicked my ass into putting my shit back together. And he would take no crap from me. In all honesty, though, I was so immensely grateful for his breaking in, the way he just stomped all over my act and slapped the sense I was lacking to finally walk away from all that sad world I had put myself in…” he trails off, sight lost somewhere ahead, near the tv, but miles away.
Sunggyu waits, until he can’t anymore “And?”
“And?” Woohyun turns back to him, like he really doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
“And then what? You got fixed? Just like that?”
The man laughs again “Just like that, no, no quite, but kind of. He dragged me to live with them again. My mom was also glad I had come back, but I don’t think she had forgiven me for all the shit I threw at them. She kept his life, working nonstop as usual. But my dad… He started taking a lot of days off and the likes, he started… Taking care of me, more than usual”
“He became a doting father, then?” he smiles, doesn’t even realize.
“Yeah…” the man breathes out, long and slow.
Sunggyu has this feeling then, that something’s not quite alright. He’s not sure whether to ask, but it comes out in the end “Something happened?”
“Hm?” a slow blink “Life happened”
“Wh-… Uh…” he frowns, not sure but not wanting to prod so much.
“He got involved in a car crash, and then he was gone”
Words leave him for a long while, his mind reeling on its own until he can speak again “I’m… Sorry to hear that”
“Yeah, he was a good guy… And I miss him” a long sigh “Miss his food too” he laughs again, a bit less cheerful.
“Good cooking?” Sunggyu asks, desperate to change the topic.
The snort he gets confuses him a bit, until Woohyun says “He was a chef”
“Oh, like you?”
“More like, I’m a chef like him”
“What?”
“I became a chef because of him”
“Y-you did?”
“Sure thing. His cooking brought me back to life”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… From the moment I was forced back home, I would eat his cooking practically all meals. Breakfast? He’d done it before I woke up. Lunch? On the table before I was fully hungry. Afternoon snack? What snack? Load shit of food. Dinner? There he got creative. I think I tried more new things during that time than the rest of my life”
“Woah, really took care of you, huh?”
Woohyun turns to him, serious face and voice heavy with meaning “Exactly, he did”
He drops his eyes to the floor, not sure he understands what the look means, but guessing he really does “Because he cooked for you?”
“It’s a really nice way to transmit to someone that you care for them, that you look out for them, that you want them to be ok”
“You think?”
“Of course, I’m sure of it” he smirks and adds a quick “As long as you don’t poison them”
Sunggyu chuckles “Yeah well… I guess it makes some sense. Maybe that’s why I felt good around you”
“You what?”
Yeah, he shouldn’t have said that, probably. But, done “I mean, it’s just… It feels nice… here” he shrugs, trying to dismiss the matter, but the man keeps looking at him, questions and amusement clear in his face “I feel… Just fine, like it’s ok to be here and to just… Be me”
“Yourself, you mean?”
“You know what I mean”
“Yeah, I do know” a hand drops on his knee, and he startles a bit, but relaxes afterward, it’s a nice touch, a comforting one, not intimidating, not off putting, just nice “That’s why I told you”
“You told me?”
“You don’t remember? I told you that there’s nothing as coming back home to a nice homemade meal to make you feel truly home”
He blinks in mild confusion. He does remember that, but not the whole meaning of it “Yeah, I-“
“Myungsoo told me about you, you know?” the topic jumped, apparently, and it left Sunggyu hanging a bit on the side “After that first time you came. Seems like I caught him in a talkative mood, or just worked up, and somehow he let it slip. Then told me not to tell anyone and that he shouldn’t have said it and-“
“He told you he was worried” he remembers, but also doubts if that’s all.
Woohyun hums, then pursues his mouth “Yeah…”
“What else did he tell you?” he tried to sound nonchalant, but the voice came out a bit too tight.
A calculating stare was all he got for a while, until the other explained, his own voice carrying a soft tenor that hit Sunggyu as understanding “That you have some trouble communicating with your father”
Sunggyu knows he would be angry, irked that his friend would say something like that to a total stranger… Well, a stranger for him at least. But he wasn’t really, and he didn’t even try to deny it. It was the truth, and he didn’t know what to do with it. What would this man think of him? What would he say? Would he say anything at all? “And?”
“And” Woohyun continues, seemingly taking that as a go sign “he told me to mind my own business” he throws a little grin to an annoyed Sunggyu before going on “But then one day I find you, looking strangely clumsy and tipsy… In plain broad light” and Sunggyu wants to crawl underground and hide, but the man continues before he can “and I thought that maybe there was something else going on. So I asked him again, and he said he was worried about you, seriously worried. He told me a few things and I kind of understood his worry… I felt that… I’m sorry if you don’t like hearing this, but I felt the need to… To help you out of it, to try at least, to make it easier for you. Because I saw a little of me in you, and I feared you’d go the same path… And you seemed like such a nice guy from that first time”
“I did?” Sunggyu asks, actually surprised.
“Of course! I thought you were a really nice kid, so it surprised me, and troubled me, to know that you were walking the very same way I had back then. I felt it too close to home, especially after that time in the alley-”
“What? What alley?” he asks a bit agitated. I couldn’t be that alley, right?
“You know, the one with the big container two blocks from the park? There was this other boy with cool hair-“
“Oh, shit” he sighs, just his worst moment, smoking, drinking, the whole package “Look, that’s… That wasn’t-“
“Oh, don’t worry about that” Woohyun suddenly says “I understand, we all have different likes, some like girls some like boys some like both”
“W-What?” that sends a flaring blush all over his face, and the words get stuck in his mouth “N-That-He’s-Uh”
“It’s ok” the man turns, and gives him a little mischievous wink “I’m the last person to judge” and that made it. Sunggyu is left speechless and trying to grasp his thoughts. Did the guy mean what he thought he did? Or was it just- “That’s not what worried me at all, it was the rest, the huddling up in dark nooks, drinking and smoking the hours away, wasting days after days in being angry at everything… It was too familiar”
Sunggyu finally comes back to his senses, trying to make his thoughts work for him “But I don’t… I mean I don’t want to go so far, I was just… Fooling around a bit”
“That’s how I started, Sunggyu”
“But-“
“Look, it’s ok, in part it’s what people do at that age, try the boundaries, step close to the lines to test the reactions, trying themselves and the world. But it can get tricky, and there are some things that… Sometimes makes things worse”
“You mean my case?”
“I don’t know, I couldn’t know for sure. But I had the feeling it might be, so I wanted to… Be able to do something about it, to make that dark mood of yours go away, at least for a while, to make it better”
“Hm” he only gives, studying the man for a while, watching as his face betrayed his doubts. But he didn’t want toplay with his feelings, so he let the smile out, a true, incontrollable smile that made his cheeks hurt a bit “Well, thank you”
“What?”
“I really like you too, you know? You’re really… Nice. And I’m glad that… I’m” oh, the awkwardness, embarrassment, but he has to say it, needs to let Woohyun know that “You really did help me, a lot”
“I did?”
“Yeah, and I’m really glad that I keep meeting you. And that you keep letting me in, and that you don’t take my sourness to heart and… And you don’t push me away and keep trying to… Well, I don’t know” he shrugs, at a loss of words “I mean, you keep feeding me” he suddenly grins, feeling silly and amused “That’s good too, I really like your cooking”
Woohyun laughs, sounds relieved in some depth “Well, of course! I’m a goddamned chef!”
Sunggyu laughs too, and leans in closer without really realizing. It’s fine, though, it all feels fine and comforting with this man. Even in these weird situations, getting all emotional and shit, it felt natural with him. He feels relaxed, he feels like he fits perfectly fine by his side, dressed in some sort of pajamas, staring at a paused game…
“Hey” he calls softly, getting a low hum in answer “How did you even know I was down there?”
A second of silence and a little chuckle later, Woohyun asnwers “Myung called me”
“What?” he looks up in mild surprise.
“He told me if I was awake, I was obviously not but he sounded really concerned so I said yes. He asked me if I could go check you apartment building because he was sure you were there, locked out and probably wet and cold and drunk and a little sleepy rant of a worried Myungsoo. But then, surprise! You were practically on my doorstep” Sunggyu just keeps silent, letting a new wave of guilt wash over him, because at times like this he thinks he doesn’t deserve Myungsoo’s concern “I know you fought again, but I told you he’s just worried”
“I know… I’m just a crappy friend”
“No you’re not, or he wouldn’t care so much for you”
“He does?”
“He does”
“And do you? Honestly?”
There’s a heartbeat of silence in which Sunggyu feels a bit idiotic, but Woohyun’s voice saves the moment “Well, you can’t compare me with your best buddy, but yeah I do”
Sunggyu battles the last of his reluctance and doubts before dropping his head on Woohyun’s shoulder “Then thanks… Really”
“Don’t thank me, I’m really relieved you don’t hate my guts for trying to interfere”
“Nah, you’re a nice intervention”
A deep chuckle “Really?”
He should stop talking, he’ll regret it later, he knows, but has to try to put it into words, to let this man know “Yeah, comforting… You know, I… I mean I’ve always wished I had a big brother” he ventures. That must be it. But, something inside says no, not quite there.
“Right in the conscience” the man mumbles.
“What?” he glances up, unsure of what he heard.
The other snorts and clicks his tongue “Nothing, I guess I can stop pestering Myungsoo so much if you become my little protégée?”
“Your what?”
“Never mind, you just say yes and we’ll be good”
“I guess, for now”
“For now?”
Sunggyu looks up again, to the man’s face, the dark eyes watching him with amused curiosity, the smile a bit crooked into a half smirk “Yeah, for now…” and that’s all he says, because he needs to shut up before he says something he doesn’t even understand.
“Alright” Woohyun concedes, an arm falling on Sunggyu’s shoulder the other hand taking the forgotten control from the floor “Care to resume the game?”
“Yeah, gimme”
“Reach for it, you have hands”
“Can’t reach”
There’s a huff of annoyance, but the smile is still there as Woohyun takes the other control for him “This is how it’s going to be?”
“Sure thing” Woohyun laughs at him again, and he feels so stupidly comfortable and childish, but he doesn’t care because he’s where he wants to be “And remember to teach me that chicken soup”
“Will do”
***
He’s not sure if he’s doing things right, if he should even try. But he can’t help it, the night at Woohyun’s left him hoping more than usual, he’s more optimistic and willing and maybe that’s going to backfire on him, but he has to try. He told the man that he would, and the encouraging smile he got in return is really hard to forget.
He made the soup at the best of his ability (which isn’t much really), wishing it’d come out ok, edible at least. His father said he’d be back around seven in the afternoon, but he knows he should know better. He waits anyway.
It’s nine o’clock when he decides to eat by himself, because he’s hungry and starting to fall back into the dull disappointment and resignation. But halfway through the meal he catches a very grossly cut piece of carrot, and the immediate memory of Woohyun’s perfect chopping of vegetables and the security and softness he put into his cooking pulls him back a little on the optimistic boat. If only a little more.
Ten thirty he goes to the couch, tea in hand and a blanket around his shoulders. He’s giving him some more time. He might still greet him at least. He left his share on the table, he’ll just have to heat it and then he could sit with him… Doesn’t dare to bet too much on it.
11:15 p.m. From: purpleboy
Hey, I have ur jacket, has some keys, I guess u need them? Ill give them to you Monday, k? And I just wanted to say im really sorry bout last night. Wasn’t thinkin straight. Didn’t mean to hit you, srsly, was an accident...kinda. U landed a nice punch yourself if it makes it better. Hope we can talk this out, u’r a cool guy nd I really like you… so Monday? Pls answer me.
He was a bit sleepy already, having slept only a few hours since coming back from Woohyun’s, but the text shakes some dizziness out of him. He feels relieved; a weight falls off his back, a bit of pressure relents. And no, it’s not only the damned keys, though it is a relief (and he should make a note to give back the spare keys the landlord borrowed him). He doubts, doesn’t know what to say, what would mean if he said… Well, never mind. Maybe he shouldn’t reply? He’d be better off if he just let this go to waste and… And what? Woohyun said this was normal, right? People his age and whatnot. But why does it feel like he’s doing this behind his back? Like he’s betraying Woohyun’s trust or… Something like that.
He shakes his head, strange thinking, he’s really sleepy. In the end, he likes the guy, cool fellow, they get along, he doesn’t want to ruin it.
So he gives a small smile to no one, and replies:
Thnx, sure. I’m sorry I freaked out so bad. We can talk.
Then thinks for a bit and added, just for the heck of it:
Btw, you left a bruise too… And you’re a cool guy too…
And I might like you too, he thinks, but he doesn’t write that.
He falls asleep at some point, the volume of the tv a low murmur. He manages to think he should probably clean the plates he used, or put the full bowl in the fridge… But he covered it, didn’t he? He’s too sleepy to remember.
---
When he wakes up… well, actually he’s woken up, by a lot of shifting and moving, a whispering voice and then hands on his face and shoulders and arms. He’s confused, groggy and a bit annoyed, he wants to sleep. But he recognizes the voice some seconds later, and forces his eyes open.
“Whad-?” his throat is way too sleepy for his words to come out properly, so he clears it loudly and blinks heavily “Dad?” he croaks.
“Yeah, Gyu” the arms finally find proper purchase on him and round his shoulders, pulling him partially up from the couch, where he seems to have fallen asleep.
He’s a bit disoriented still when he finds himself wrapped in the second hug of the last 24 hours. And this time he’s more than just surprised. He so sleepy and confused that he just doesn’t react for a while. At all. Until it all comes stumbling over as his consciousness snaps alert, and his father is murmuring something and tightening his hold so much is starts cutting his influx of air. He couldn’t care less. He maneuvers his arms the best he can to hug back, and then clings to his father like a five year old after a nightmare. And just holds.
Just how strange these hugs are, to freeze you in cold irresponsiveness and then push you into a mad cascade of feelings that choke the hell out of you until all you can do is drown in the other person. Because it’s just what you needed, what you’ve needing all along and the realization of this is so sudden that you have no time to think before you are clinging back as if your life depended on it. And it’s the second time already.
So Sunggyu doesn’t protest, doesn’t run away, doesn’t try to start a fight, doesn’t get angry or annoyed, doesn’t even complain that it’s three in the morning and he made that stupid chicken soup Woohyun taught him in even stupider hopes that he could eat with his dad. It doesn’t matter. It does, actually, just not so much at the moment. Middle ground, take what’s good, Woohyun knows, Woohyun would be glad… He hopes.
“What?” he asks against his father’s shoulder when he realizes he didn’t hear a single thing of what he’s been saying.
“I said I’m sorry, Gyu. I know it’s the same old excuse, but… No, forget about the excuse, I’m just sorry”
“For what?”
“I’m late” a breath of silence, a shift in the hug as his dad sits beside him, not really letting go “I’m always late, I know. I’m just… You know I’m just-“
“I know” he does. He might not like it, but he knows, and he gets it. For his own good, for your future son. The best I can afford, the best I can give you “But I miss you”
“I miss you too my boy”
He leans his head on his father’s shoulder, making the best of every second he has. His droppy eyes fall on the kitchen, the light is on, the table visible, the bowl of soup. Then he understands where this came from, the table still waiting for his dad to come, first thing to see when turning on the lights. And he thinks again of Woohyun, and how damn right that man was, every single time, and how much he owes him for this simple moment of understanding.
He smiles distended, and thinks he needs to thank Woohyun once again, and how many times now? It’s ridiculous how in so
little time, knowing nothing of him, and after his own pointless trials and errors, the man cracked him open with the precision and gentleness he used with his knives.
He needs to thank him. He needs to know him better. And maybe… Maybe he just needs him. Next time, he thinks, and laughs softly, and I’ll ask him to teach me how to cook.
That would do for now, only that, and nothing else.