[series] 信仰, 2b/2
part two;
It really shouldn’t get him down, but it does.
Jongwoon and Kyuhyun just finished their recording for a Japanese show and are heading back to their apartment. Outside their van is a small crowd of fans, like usual-some bearing gifts, most of them bearing cameras, and all of them screaming the moment they come into view.
Jongwoon doesn’t mind this. It’s okay-he understands. If born a female, he would wait outside Kyuhyun’s van, too. But today, one of the fans is holding up a sign:
YeWook ♥
He feels some sort of stab to his heart, and pulls his hat further down over his eyes. Kyuhyun enters the van first, and Jongwoon follows close behind.
It’s quiet on the way home. Their manager shoots them looks in the rearview mirror, but Jongwoon is too busy thinking about the days of YeWook-of pairing up with Ryeowook to do certain things just because the fans like it. When Ryeowook really was his favorite person in the world. What happened to those days? How did they all fall apart?
“I’ll be here to pick you guys up at nine tomorrow morning,” their manager reminds them, but neither of them pays him any heed.
“I’ll make dinner tonight,” Kyuhyun says once they enter their apartment. “You go shower, okay? You look tired.”
“Does that mean we’ll be having ramyun tonight?” Jongwoon asks. Kyuhyun raises his eyebrow, as if asking, What do you think? And Jongwoon just smiles tiredly, shakes his head, and pads to the bathroom.
He’s so exhausted. He’s so sick and tired of everything.
Why can’t people just let things go? He’s clearly moved on, so their fans should too. They should stop digging up the past. Ryeowook is in the army. He has a girlfriend waiting for him. The rest of Super Junior has gone their separate ways-they’re not going to reunite. They just aren’t.
It turns out that Kyuhyun really hasn’t gotten any better at cooking. His ramyun still sucks. But Jongwoon eats it regardless, because it’s Kyuhyun’s food, and he’ll eat anything Kyuhyun makes him, even if it’s harmful to his health. Kyuhyun has become an unmovable presence in his life-he doesn’t want to take him granted, doesn’t want to forget how special he is, not even for a moment. No one will ever make him feel the way Kyuhyun does.
“Hyung,” Kyuhyun says suddenly when he’s halfway through his ramyum. “Let’s do it tonight.”
Jongwoon looks up at him. “Do what?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t answer, but the look in his eyes should be enough.
The curtains of Jongwoon’s room are drawn shut when they enter, the floor devoid of any strewn clothes. His bed is made neatly, and there is the faint smell of Jongwoon’s cologne in the air. He kisses Kyuhyun softly-the lips that were made by the angels themselves-cradles Kyuhyun’s face, gently cards his fingers through Kyuhyun’s hair. The entire world revolves around Kyuhyun as its center-Kyuhyun is such a huge gravitational force that Jongwoon has no idea what to do with himself.
Jongwoon’s clothes come off first, and then Kyuhyun’s pants. Jongwoon is very tempted to suck him off, but Kyuhyun doesn’t let him-“Tonight’s different, hyung,” he says breathily into Jongwoon’s ear, and Jongwoon’s heart soars.
Jongwoon grabs the lube out of his drawer. “Are you sure?” he asks, brows furrowing. Despite everything, they’ve never actually had sex before. Somehow, he feels like this will make or break everything they have.
The younger man nods, and sits up. Jongwoon’s confused as to what he’s doing, but after a moment, he pulls his shirt off with some hesitance. Jongwoon’s breath catches in his throat, because he’s never seen Kyuhyun topless before-Kyuhyun completely naked is a sight he’s never laid his eyes on. Even though it’s dark in the room, Jongwoon can somehow see everything-the pale skin, the fading muscles due to the lack of dancing-he is beautiful, so beautiful Jongwoon could cry-
“Why are you staring so hard?” Kyuhyun asks, voice shaking. His eyes are wide.
Jongwoon realizes. He’s afraid. Kyuhyun’s afraid.
His eyes trail lower to Kyuhyun’s stomach, where the scars are. Scars from years ago, from when Kyuhyun defied death-and suddenly, Jongwoon understands why he has never taken his shirt off before. Something like this-nobody would ever want judging eyes to see that.
“Nothing,” he responds, leaning in to kiss Kyuhyun. “You’re perfect, that’s all.”
And he thinks, Kyuhyun might believe it.
Jongwoon discovers a whole new world that night. A world made of Kyuhyun’s long limbs, spread out underneath him, fingers tangled in the sheets and body writhing. A world made of Kyuhyun’s breathy moans, the tears clinging to his eyelashes when Jongwoon looks into his eyes. A world made of everything Jongwoon never could’ve imagined, made of whispers and quiet promises, made of Kyuhyun’s scars and Kyuhyun’s imperfections and the way it all comes crashing down on his lungs like a tidal wave, because these imperfections fit together like a puzzle, like pieces that fall into place in his heart, and Jongwoon will never be able to find the words that tell Kyuhyun how he makes him feel.
Jongwoon will never find another like Kyuhyun.
-
Snow has finally begun to fall, and Jongwoon has found his scarf and mittens that he’s brought along with him from Korea. Jongwoon loves winter, in the sense that it’s the time of year that most people want to stay inside from the cold, huddled in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot cocoa. It reminds him of family and Christmas and love, and oh, Jongwoon does love it when it snows.
He laughs against Kyuhyun’s mouth in back alleys where no one can see them, the winter air biting at his cheeks-such a juxtaposition to Kyuhyun’s hot breath against his lips. Kyuhyun doesn’t take care of himself and never wears mittens or scarves, and his fingertips turn pink-purple when they’re outside for too long.
(When they get home, Jongwoon warms up every single one of them with his mouth.)
One day, they’re just stumbling through the door in a fit of laughter, when Jongwoon’s phone rings. He fishes it out of his pockets with hands numbed from the cold, and holds it to his ear. “Hello?”
“Oh, Jongwoon, I’m glad I could reach you! Kyuhyun didn’t pick up, so I was afraid you guys died, or something.”
It takes him a moment to recognize that voice. “Hyung!” It’s Heechul. “How have you been?”
“Same old, same old. How about you guys? I see you guys on TV sometimes.”
“We’re doing great,” Jongwoon enthuses. “The fans here are awesome-they love me so much.”
Heechul snorts. “Right, of course. So yeah, the reason why I called is because we want you back in Seoul for a couple of days. We already talked to your manager and our managers about it, so it’s a go.”
“Back to Seoul? What for?” When Kyuhyun hears this, his head perks up in Jongwoon’s general direction.
“Donghae and Ryeowook managed to get a leave-they’re going to be visiting, so we’ve having a get-together. You’re not allowed to say no-this isn’t an option. You and Kyuhyun are coming.”
“Uh-oh. Okay, then.” Jongwoon swallows. “When are they back?”
“You’re on the first flight to Seoul tomorrow morning.”
“That’s-great, hyung. We’ll see you soon, then.” Jongwoon hangs up before Heechul, and stares blankly at the floor. Ryeowook has a leave, huh? Jongwoon will be seeing him for the first time in what-almost three years?
“Who was that?” Kyuhyun asks, already going through the cupboards and fridge for something easy to make for dinner.
“Heechul-hyung,” he says. “He, uh, said that we’re going back to Seoul tomorrow for a visit.”
“For what? Has this already been cleared?”
“Apparently. And, um…Donghae and Ryeowook got a leave so they’ll be in Seoul for a while, and apparently it’s mandatory that we go and see them. So…yeah.” Kyuhyun’s hand stops on the handle of the fridge.
“Oh. Okay.” It’s only a moment before his hand moves again, and he’s pulling tofu and vegetables out of the fridge. “I guess we’ll have to sleep early, then.”
Jongwoon swallows. “Yeah.”
He supposes Ryeowook is still a sensitive topic for them. They haven’t really talked about him-and Jongwoon would’ve, if he weren’t so afraid to do so. He doesn’t want to bring up any unnecessary drama, or unintentionally make Kyuhyun realize that he doesn’t actually want to be with Jongwoon. Jongwoon isn’t a masochist-he doesn’t do these things to himself.
But sometimes, he wonders if not talking about it hurts even more.
They eat dinner in silence, but Jongwoon feels like he can’t digest anything. His stomach does flips every time he shoves something else in his mouth, and he can’t look Kyuhyun in the eye-he doesn’t know what to say to him. For the past several months, they have been floating in something so perfect that it possibly can’t last-Kyuhyun’s lips, Kyuhyun’s smile, the bad habit Kyuhyun has of never turning his laptop off because he has too many important programs open to shut it down completely. Jongwoon has grown so accustomed to Kyuhyun here in Japan, where it’s just the two of them-he doesn’t know how well he can adjust to seeing the other members again, much less Ryeowook.
(I just don’t want you to leave me.)
Kyuhyun washes his dishes once he’s finished his food, and retires to his room.
-
Jongwoon dreams. He dreams about daisies on summer days, and sitting in the grass on a warm afternoon. He dreams about bliss, about not having to worry-he dreams about holding Kyuhyun’s hand as they lie underneath the sun together. Doing nothing. Feeling everything. Never wanting this to end.
He dreams about a cloud floating over and blocking the sun’s light. He sits up, and looks around. And off in the distance is Ryeowook.
Jongwoon almost stands up and walks over to him, but his fingers are still laced with Kyuhyun’s, so he stays. He would rather hold Kyuhyun’s hand-he would rather stay in this spot and feel the warmth of their palms pressed together.
But Kyuhyun-Kyuhyun pulls away. Kyuhyun gets to his feet, and only spares Jongwoon one glance before walking towards Ryeowook.
Leaving him behind.
Jongwoon doesn’t remember this dream when he wakes up, but he feels uneasy.
-
There is something very unsatisfying about waking up earlier than you need to.
Still groggy from sleep, they trudge onto the plane at seven in the morning. Jongwoon feels worse than when he had to stay up all night for dance practice. He hasn’t shaved yet, he isn’t quite sure what clothes he packed along in his duffel bag, and Kyuhyun stole a few pairs of his underwear this morning because he still hasn’t washed his own.
He’ll be seeing Ryeowook today. He still isn’t sure about how he’s supposed to feel. He still isn’t prepared for this. Kyuhyun unintentionally falls asleep on his shoulder, and Jongwoon can hear him snoring quietly-it is the most precious thing in the world, and he wonders if this might be the last time.
(He isn’t sure what’s prompting this irrational fear, to be honest, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.)
He gently presses his head against Kyuhyun’s, and sleeps too.
-
The get-together is no bigger than the one they had when Jongwoon returned from the military, save for the people that they’re actually having the get-together for: Donghae and Ryeowook. There is soju (and Coke for Hyukjae) and take-out, because Ryeowook is still the only one who can cook well for large groups of people, and no one wanted to make him work while he’s on his break.
Ryeowook is…the same, really, save for his hair, which is now a neatly trimmed buzz cut. Personally, Jongwoon thinks that Donghae pulls it off better, but he keeps his opinion to himself. He just pours himself glass after glass of soju. Maybe the night will be less painful if he goes through it drunk.
“You look like a loner,” Kyuhyun says when he joins him on the couch, where no one else is.
“Then what are you doing, joining me? Let me be a loner in peace.”
“You don’t want to look like a loner around your friends, they’re going to be worried about you. So I’m helping you not be a loner.” He holds his cup up. “Cheers.”
Jongwoon clinks his glass with Kyuhyun, and drinks. They sit in silence, but it’s nothing unusual-silences with Kyuhyun are often nice, because Jongwoon doesn’t feel pressured to say anything. It leaves room for things other than thoughtless babble.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks quietly, and he hears Kyuhyun hold his breath.
“I don’t know, really,” he says honestly.
“I, uh…” Jongwoon shifts so his hand can press on top of Kyuhyun’s, where it’s sitting on the couch in between them. No one can see anything from this angle. “I love you, you know.”
Both of them are painfully still, and Jongwoon wants to whack himself in the face. Right now isn’t really the ideal time to tell someone you love him for the very first time.
Kyuhyun doesn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah. You too.” He quickly stands up and goes to talk with Hyukjae, leaving Jongwoon alone on the couch again. The feeling of Kyuhyun’s hand slipping away from his-he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like it one bit.
(He sees a field. He sees daisies. He feels a hint of warmth on his skin. Then there’s nothing.)
When the clock strikes midnight, they bring out the movies and popcorn. Jongwoon’s spot on the couch eventually becomes squished and crowded because no one wants to sit on the floor, but one person comes to sit by his legs. That person, of course, is Ryeowook.
Jongwoon’s heart skips a beat when Ryeowook’s back leans against his legs, and he does his best to ignore it. It shouldn’t be something out of the ordinary-Ryeowook would do it to anyone, and Jongwoon would let anyone do it to him. (But of course, there’s always that soft spot for Ryeowook-there’ll always be that soft spot for Ryeowook.)
(How have you been? Have you thought of me? Do you miss me? Do you regret anything at all?)
He thinks back to quiet moments spent together, delicate minutes when they sat wordlessly on his bed, staring at their interlaced fingers. Jongwoon can’t remember a second with Ryeowook that wasn’t precious, that wasn’t so terribly fragile and breakable-and sometimes, it feels like be shattered those moments into a million pieces.
“I think you’re made for great things, hyung,” Ryeowook says. “Not like me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You have the courage to reach out for things that I’ll never be able to.”
Does he have the strength now? Can he reach back out to Ryeowook?
Ryeowook sits at his feet, quiet as he watches the movie. He imagines his days with Ryeowook again-bringing him to Japan, teaching him Japanese, waiting for the rest of two years to pass by so they can be together infinitely.
It really doesn’t come as a surprise, but it kind of punches him in the gut anyway-he really can’t see his life now with anyone else other than Kyuhyun.
-
It should’ve been a little questionable that they all fell asleep on each other as a muddled mess that night, but considering that they used to be Super Junior, it all kind of goes without saying. Jongwoon ended up sliding onto the floor because the couch was too cramped and uncomfortable, asleep on Ryeowook’s bony shoulder-which in no way was comfortable either. He reaches out when he wakes up in attempt to blindly grab some part of Kyuhyun for some grip of familiarity, but ends up smacking someone’s face instead. He decides to open his eyes.
Kyuhyun is on the far end of the room, away from everyone else-lying parallel to the wall, using several jackets as a pillow and blankets. Jongwoon sits up and stretches, getting rid of a few kinks in his neck and back. He also quietly apologizes to a sleeping Hyukjae, because it was his face that he smacked.
Good morning, he mentally says to Kyuhyun, after crawling over to him. He kneels there for a moment, just staring, and contemplates touching his philtrum. Just once, maybe?
He does it. Kyuhyun stirs, and rolls over to face the wall, burying his face in his makeshift pillow-which happens to be Jongwoon’s jacket.
He wrinkles his nose. He’s going to have to wash that. Kyuhyun has a greasy face in the mornings.
Jongwoon stares at him for a while longer, and decides to let him sleep. Last night and this morning are blurring together in his mind-the moments he spent thinking of Ryeowook, his desperate plea of I love you to Kyuhyun. He knows why he was so afraid to return to Seoul now-because everything would ruin his balance, would spin him around and confuse him. Jongwoon’s gotten used to days spent with Kyuhyun, a lifestyle made for two people only-this is too many. Super Junior is too many.
When did he start feeling this way?
He washes his face in the bathroom, and when he comes out, Ryeowook is the only other person up and about, making breakfast-typical.
“Morning,” Ryeowook says as Jongwoon grabs a cup out of the cupboard to pour himself a cup of coffee.
“Morning.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“As well I could without a proper bed. I’m getting too old for these kinds of things.”
Ryeowook laughs, and Jongwoon’s heart flutters. “You still look the same as when you were eighteen to me, hyung!”
And I still love you the same.
Jongwoon helps Ryeowook make breakfast because he can actually cook now, much to Ryeowook’s pleasure. Jongwoon cooks the rice and washes the vegetables, and Ryeowook makes the main dishes.
“You’ve been well, right?” Jongwoon asks.
“It’s not really much different from being an idol, to be honest. It reminds me of when we were given new choreography to practice!” Ryeowook laughs. “And everyone there is really nice too, so I don’t mind that much. Jungsu-hyung gave me your album with Kyuhyun, though-it’s really good!”
“You think so?” He can’t help but smile at this. “I’m pretty much fluent in Japanese now.”
“Really?” Ryeowook sounds genuinely surprised. Jongwoon is a bit miffed by this. “Remember when Korean was the only language you could be understood in?”
“Yeah, well.” The rice cooker dings, and he busies himself with going to wake everyone up. “I worked hard.”
He nudges everyone with his foot, except for Hyukjae and Donghae (he kicks them). He saves Kyuhyun for last-kneels down beside him, shakes his shoulder softly. “Kyuhyun-ah, breakfast is almost ready. You should get up.” Kyuhyun just flops over and rubs his face in Jongwoon’s jacket again. He sighs. “Kyuhyun-ah.”
“Five more minutes,” the younger man mumbles. “Or hours?”
“Five nothing,” Jongwoon retorts. “Unless you want Hyukjae to eat all the good food.”
That has Kyuhyun up in ten seconds flat. Jongwoon wrinkles his nose at his abused jacket, and picks it up to hang up properly again. It probably smells like Kyuhyun now. If his jacket had any of his own scent on there, it would be completely gone by now.
(Did he want to fall asleep to the smell of me?)
Jongwoon and Kyuhyun eat first, while Ryeowook continues to wake everyone up. Heechul is up next, but locks himself away in the bathroom to make himself presentable.
“Did you sleep well?” Jongwoon asks Kyuhyun, who’s busy stuffing his face with rice.
“Better than anyone else, I’m guessing. It never crossed anyone’s mind that the room is actually bigger than ten square feet.”
“Well, even if you’re tired, you can sleep on the flight back tonight. We don’t have a schedule tomorrow, do we?”
“Um…I don’t think so? I don’t, anyway.” Kyuhyun won’t meet his eyes.
“Oh. Okay.” Jongwoon returns to his own food, quiet. The others are wandering about now, poking Ryeowook to cook special requests, shouting loudly to no one in particular if there are extra toothbrushes anywhere. He and Kyuhyun fall quiet, exactly like they used to when Super Junior was still together-he supposes old habits die hard.
(He wouldn’t want the others to hear what he says to Kyuhyun, anyway. Those are special words-words meant for Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun only.)
Donghae goes around taking morning selcas with everyone, and after breakfast, Jungsu gets the camera and sets the timer, before everyone attempts to crowd in front of it so they’ll actually fit into the frame. Someone steps hard on Jongwoon’s foot as if it’s intentional, and Hyukjae nearly shoves him over. Heechul stands on the couch behind everyone and strikes a cute pose.
They spend the rest of the day lazing about, until Jongwoon and Kyuhyun have to leave for their flight back to Japan. A part of Jongwoon can’t wait, and the other part-well, a person will always feel attached to lifelong friends. It’s no surprise. They exchange hugs with the others at the gate, and he meets Ryeowook’s eyes with hesitance-but Ryeowook comes up and wraps his arms around Jongwoon likes it’s still natural for him. Like he still wants. The very thought warms Jongwoon up to the brim, because it’s more than he hoped for-and he hugs Ryeowook back, tightly.
Ryeowook does the same to Kyuhyun-a tight hug, arms around his middle-and Kyuhyun awkwardly slings one arm over Ryeowook’s shoulders. Jongwoon sees his eyes waver.
(And in turn, his heart wavers too.)
Jongwoon waves to the others as he and Kyuhyun step through the gate, feeling neither here nor there. Wondering where he belongs. Wondering if anyone wants him.
-
Japan welcomes them with a cold embrace and Christmas lights being set up around the airport. There are also a few fans, but not that many, because it wasn’t made public that they would be returning to Korean for two days.
“Do you think it’s colder here, or in Korea?” Jongwoon asks when they step out of the airport, cold wind whipping their faces.
“I have no clue,” Kyuhyun shouts back, trying to locate their manager’s van. “Both are pretty goddamn cold to me.”
When they get home, Jongwoon makes some warm soup for them while Kyuhyun tosses things into the washing machine. They’ve both learned a thing or two about living independently-like washing your underwear even before you run out, and always checking when the expiration date on the carton of milk is. Little things, really, that make life infinitely easier.
Later that night, Jongwoon goes to bed early because he has a schedule the next day. He suspects Kyuhyun stays up until three in the morning on his laptop, because he doesn’t. And the days pass like that again. Steadily improving Japanese, falling back into their routine of living together again. The only difference this time is-Jongwoon’s afraid to touch Kyuhyun. And Kyuhyun hasn’t touched Jongwoon. Ever since they saw Ryeowook again, they haven’t kissed, haven’t held hands, haven’t done anything-and Jongwoon doesn’t know why, but with each passing day, it scares him even more.
(He hasn’t left him behind for Ryeowook, has he?)
Jongwoon touches the pendant underneath his shirt, and doesn’t know whether or not he should tear it off. It’s just another reminder that someone has left him, isn’t it?
He doesn’t want Kyuhyun to leave him. He doesn’t want to be alone again.
It’s a Thursday night when Jongwoon returns home late, bundled up in his jacket, scarf hiding half of his face, hands shoved into his pockets as deep as they’ll go. It’s colder than usual tonight, and the walk back from the train station had not been a nice one, and all he wants is a hot shower, some food, and to snuggle up in bed.
Once he kicks off his shoes and enters the living room, Kyuhyun walks up to him, nearly toppling him over with his close proximity. Jongwoon stares at him, not sure of what to do.
Kyuhyun’s fingers are gentle on his cheek, and Jongwoon almost sighs, tilting his head into his touch. It’s been too long since he’s last been even remotely intimate with Kyuhyun-and he doesn’t know what brought this on, but he welcomes it with open arms.
“Ryeowook…” The name lingers on Kyuhyun’s lips, and it makes Jongwoon’s breath hitch. “How often do you think of Ryeowook?”
The question catches him off guard. “Uh…not very?” Which isn’t far from the truth; Ryeowook is not someone he thinks about from day to day during his life in Japan, and the times he remembers the necklace pressed against his skin, Ryeowook only flits across his mind for the smallest moment. Not enough for it to be significant. “What about you? How often do you think of Ryeowook?”
Kyuhyun’s eyes are unreadable. “Too much.”
(Too much as in…?)
“Because I’m spending all of my time wondering if you still love him.”
So close. Kyuhyun’s so close, but it feels like they’re miles apart.
“I told you I love you,” he says, but it comes out more as a frightened whisper. “You didn’t say it back.”
“I did.” Kyuhyun’s hand rests at the base of Jongwoon’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss-so soft, so fragile-and Jongwoon almost trembles against his lips. “How could you think I don’t love you? How stupid”-Kyuhyun’s breath hitches-“how stupid could you be?”
“I…” Jongwoon’s mouth gives way to Kyuhyun’s, and they melt into each other. The taste of Kyuhyun, the scent of Kyuhyun-Kyuhyun’s warmth, Kyuhyun’s breath on his lips-all of these little things that pass him by, but leave a crater in his heart when they disappear-Kyuhyun sees him the same way? Kyuhyun finds him irreplaceable?
(That time in the bathtub. His scars. Falling asleep on his jacket. Is it all supposed to mean something?)
They sink down onto the floor right there, Jongwoon’s mouth on Kyuhyun’s skin, wherever he can get-his eyelid, his cheek, his neck-Jongwoon kisses every inch of Kyuhyun because he really does love him, different from the way he loves Ryeowook but still infinitely more, he will never love anyone the way he loves Kyuhyun. And Kyuhyun sighs at his touch, so soft and so sweet-
“Korea,” he says suddenly, when Jongwoon is hovering above him.
“Huh?”
Kyuhyun looks at him earnestly. “Korea is definitely colder than Japan.”
“Why’s that?” Jongwoon thinks he knows the answer, but he’d like to hear it from Kyuhyun’s own mouth. He leans down to nibble on the shell of Kyuhyun’s ear, who shivers.
Kyuhyun’s cheeks are flushed. “Because I have you here with me in Japan.”
(He came back for Jongwoon-but really, in reality, he never left. Kyuhyun never left.)
All of the insecurities-every little worry Jongwoon had regarding Kyuhyun’s feelings for him-disappear immediately. There is not a single moment of doubt in Kyuhyun’s eyes now, and-
“I’m sorry,” Jongwoon says. “If I ever made you think twice about us.”
Kyuhyun fights his smile. “You better be.”
Jongwoon feels warm-so warm, when their mouths meet again, both of them trying to battle away their respective grins. In this country where they can’t speak their native language, they were brought a little closer-and in this country, Jongwoon feels a little more at home.
Kyuhyun’s right. It’s definitely warmer here.
-
When their promotions in Japan finally end, they pack their belongings to return to Korea. This apartment won’t be theirs anymore after today-and although they didn’t spend that much time here in retrospect (roughly about a year, maybe?), Jongwoon feels like he’s leaving a part of himself behind.
“Do you need this?” Kyuhyun holds up a small fan-made doll that Jongwoon received once at an autograph session. “It’s actually collecting dust.”
“Of course I need it!” He snatches it from Kyuhyun’s hand. “It’s special. I’ve never gotten a doll before.”
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, but fondly. “Okay, then. Just don’t make me help you carry your luggage because you can’t stand to throw anything out.” He rolls his shoulders and Jongwoon hears a few uncomfortable cracks, before pulling his necklace out from underneath his shirt. “Oh, hey, by the way”-he waves the pendant around a bit-“wasurenaide.”
It takes Jongwoon a moment before he understands. His fingers absently touch his own pendant-the one he hasn’t taken off since he could remember. “Yeah.” Wasurenaide.
A few hours later, they leave their apartment and step outside into winter’s cold embrace, finishing another chapter in their careers. They’re going to be home for Christmas-Jongwoon will see his family again, and he can’t wait to see their reactions when he shows them their souvenirs from Japan.
(And of course, when they arrive at the airport, he makes Kyuhyun help him carry his luggage.)
- - -
a/n: i’m sorry this is awful and i’m sorry it took me so long to write.