(no subject)
[If you were, in the middle of the night, anywhere near room 504 of the GDF Tower you might have heard short, but loud cry in the middle of the night. Alex's door is locked, but feel free to knock.]
[Private voice post; it's not actually to the network. This is a voice recording on Alex's computer, but it could be obtained by hacking her computer through the network.*]
Dream log, 2:24 AM, 26th of March, NCE105.
I'm not sure I want to remember this dream, but I know that if I don't keep logging them, I'll stop remembering them.
It started off well enough. I woke up, back in the manor, made some coffee. Went downstairs. Continued drinking my drink, which was then tea, though I didn't go lucid from that.
Greeted my father in the living room. He was going over a book, leather bound. I think it was something we were handwriting together about Hilde. The titled changed a few times whenever I looked at it, but I still didn't realize.
I was happy to see him. I didn't think about how he should be dead. I was just so happy to see him. I remember telling him good morning, and when he noticed I came down, he skipped greetings and just went right into what was on his mind, all excited. It was just like him. I'm probably re-constructing some of the dialogue but, he said something like,
"Alexandria, what if Hildebrand was never built? What if it was just there?"
I think I remarked that at this point I could imagine less likely things.
"Everything that has a beginning has an ending, no matter how distant or abstract. But if something didn't begin, what if it just always was, I wonder, do you think it would have to end? Or would it be without ending... indestructable?"
Honestly? I didn't know and I don't know now what the bloody hell my subconciousness is talking about. I just closed my eyes and stretched and...
That's when it went bad. Next thing I knew we were in a hospital, and his white sheets were growing a splotch of red. ... Like a dream, death scene wasn't accurate at all. ... Not surprising.
"On mortality... when I went after those men, I did so knowing I was risking that I could die the way I lived. I made a choice. I wish I could say that you always have a choice, but you don't. Had I a choice now, I'd stay here. This isn't just pain. I'm broken. It's just a matter of time. But I don't regret it. I believe there are things worth dying for, but I am sorry you're suffering now because of that.
"Alexandria, distinguish between Death's true face and his mask. Work through pain, but recognize your limits, recognize when something isn't working, when something is broken. When the going gets tough, the tough keep going until they can't. Have pride. Fight. Bluff. Wear a mask. Do whatever you have to in order to keep moving forward along the path you choose. Everything is ephemeral. That is Zen. When you realize that, pain is temporary, and there's no need to fear sadness. I'm sorry to leave you now, but you're strong. I know you'll over come something like this."
Before he could finish saying, "I love you," I heard a gunshot, and woke up.
I usually don't remember things this vividly, but what he said... well, I can still remember it.
[The recording cuts out midway through a sigh.]
*((In fact, you could also hack the other dream logs if you wanted, but you'd have to request that of me OoCly since I'm not gonna write that all up right now. >.> ))
[Private voice post; it's not actually to the network. This is a voice recording on Alex's computer, but it could be obtained by hacking her computer through the network.*]
Dream log, 2:24 AM, 26th of March, NCE105.
I'm not sure I want to remember this dream, but I know that if I don't keep logging them, I'll stop remembering them.
It started off well enough. I woke up, back in the manor, made some coffee. Went downstairs. Continued drinking my drink, which was then tea, though I didn't go lucid from that.
Greeted my father in the living room. He was going over a book, leather bound. I think it was something we were handwriting together about Hilde. The titled changed a few times whenever I looked at it, but I still didn't realize.
I was happy to see him. I didn't think about how he should be dead. I was just so happy to see him. I remember telling him good morning, and when he noticed I came down, he skipped greetings and just went right into what was on his mind, all excited. It was just like him. I'm probably re-constructing some of the dialogue but, he said something like,
"Alexandria, what if Hildebrand was never built? What if it was just there?"
I think I remarked that at this point I could imagine less likely things.
"Everything that has a beginning has an ending, no matter how distant or abstract. But if something didn't begin, what if it just always was, I wonder, do you think it would have to end? Or would it be without ending... indestructable?"
Honestly? I didn't know and I don't know now what the bloody hell my subconciousness is talking about. I just closed my eyes and stretched and...
That's when it went bad. Next thing I knew we were in a hospital, and his white sheets were growing a splotch of red. ... Like a dream, death scene wasn't accurate at all. ... Not surprising.
"On mortality... when I went after those men, I did so knowing I was risking that I could die the way I lived. I made a choice. I wish I could say that you always have a choice, but you don't. Had I a choice now, I'd stay here. This isn't just pain. I'm broken. It's just a matter of time. But I don't regret it. I believe there are things worth dying for, but I am sorry you're suffering now because of that.
"Alexandria, distinguish between Death's true face and his mask. Work through pain, but recognize your limits, recognize when something isn't working, when something is broken. When the going gets tough, the tough keep going until they can't. Have pride. Fight. Bluff. Wear a mask. Do whatever you have to in order to keep moving forward along the path you choose. Everything is ephemeral. That is Zen. When you realize that, pain is temporary, and there's no need to fear sadness. I'm sorry to leave you now, but you're strong. I know you'll over come something like this."
Before he could finish saying, "I love you," I heard a gunshot, and woke up.
I usually don't remember things this vividly, but what he said... well, I can still remember it.
[The recording cuts out midway through a sigh.]
*((In fact, you could also hack the other dream logs if you wanted, but you'd have to request that of me OoCly since I'm not gonna write that all up right now. >.> ))