A Jesus prayer rug, a bulemic fish
Who else got the propaganda from the sketchy church that sent a paper prayer rug with a truly creepy picture of Jesus on it that you're supposed to return within 24 hours so someone else can use it? If you did, you know how hilarious this is. Was the mimeograph upon which the scary visage of Jesus was reproduced millions of times blessed by some sort of hippie-new age-Christian druid? My favorite part is that they say that if you stare at the picture of Jesus with His eyes closed and pray over it for long enough and with enough sincerity in your heart, His eyes will open and see into your soul, or something like that. Okay, it's an optical illusion, not a miracle. Plus, I imagine that if you're on enough acid and believe hard enough, the same is true of any picture you might stare at.
If, on the other hand, you're buying into the teachings of this 55 year old church (they point out how old the church/cult is so you know that it's okay to send your money there so that they can pray for you with even more zealous sincerity), please pray for my betta fish Filet. He lives at my desk at work, and he is bulemic. I'm concerned he may die, which is sad, because what fun is a dead fish named Filet? None, I think.
If, on the other hand, you're buying into the teachings of this 55 year old church (they point out how old the church/cult is so you know that it's okay to send your money there so that they can pray for you with even more zealous sincerity), please pray for my betta fish Filet. He lives at my desk at work, and he is bulemic. I'm concerned he may die, which is sad, because what fun is a dead fish named Filet? None, I think.