For my mom on her would-be 26th wedding anniversary.
December 30, 2008
To Mom on yours and Dad’s would-be 26th wedding anniversary -
I couldn’t imagine what both families were like back in 1982. The Roths had just suffered their first in a long, sad stream of losses with Mark’s unexpected death. The Busch family had just lost Mary Jane. I couldn’t imagine the terrible pain Dad felt - you never expect your siblings to die. I can’t imagine life without Anne or Clare, and tear up when I do. And your mother. How are you supposed to get on in life without your mother? The fear, coupled with the famous Busch anxiety, must have been overwhelming. Life had to be rough for those sitting on both sides of the altar that day, but since I’ve never really asked you about your wedding, I don’t know what the mood was like. It seems obvious, though, that both families truly needed one in the ‘win’ column at that point.
And what a win it was. Sally and Lou had not to worry about their brilliant but lazy son, as he was getting married to a nice St. Louis-raised Catholic girl, who would assuredly toe a hard line. Dad always spoke the world of you in such a genuine and passionate way. Though you might have been a little timid around the big boisterous Roths at first, Katie Busch wasn’t a hard sell. I imagine both were excited for the grandkids you would have eventually, but more excited for their son’s obvious happiness. Ron had to be thrilled as well. Sure, the boy wasn’t Catholic (he’d go on to convert), but he was brash and charming and smart. And though I imagined he harassed and harangued you 10x more then you ever could me, Grandpa couldn’t have been too worried about your financial success. Your happiness was a toss-up though, but it looked like the coin had come down favorably. Time would go on to prove that. And the grandchildren! I’m not sure he’d admit it or not, but I gather he was damn excited for the grandchildren.
So you guys got married. The fit was right - you two were meant to walk together through life’s challenges. Luke had talent, but needed to be pushed to apply it right. You are a hard worker, but needed to have a healthy dose of perspective every once and a while to keep sane. In essence, Luke knew why it was good to work so hard, and you knew ¬how to be the hardest worker possible. When you guys worked out this balance, it proved a winning mix. Kids were out of the question in the first couple years, as you two were in the process of merging your separate lives into one. The first years had to have been fun, as you started to build relationships with people from St. A’s and in the Des Moines area. You were young and in love, and the world made sense. Then came the children.
Now I’ve always been told my arrival was planned, but as you know I still hold some suspicion that was I was a happy surprise, with special emphasis on the ‘happy’. In either case, I arrived and life became very different. Now it wasn’t just your futures at stake, it was this baby’s as well. And what fun he was! A little pudgy thing that Luke could hold like a football and you could buy little booties for. Since both of you came from families with siblings, it became clear that the kid was going to need some as well. While the miscarriages were tragedies, I’ve come to think that it was worth the wait for Anne. The joy Anne’s birth must have brought you must have been incalculable. Sure, the boy was great, but he had Luke’s namesake and you wouldn’t be able to take him dress shopping. But now a girl! A wonderful little girl. Anne’s birth must have been of particular significance to you because it would signal the start of your second mother-daughter relationship, except with you on the other side. I imagine it was also bittersweet for you, and you steeled yourself to avoid the mistakes your mom made when you were growing up. Dad was tickled too - he loved his baby girl, and it is quite obvious, with how much she has ended up like him, that she loved him right on back. The family was right on track, and while good things come in twos, great things come in threes. You and Dad decided it was worth one more run around the mulberry bush, and thank God you did, because what would life be like without Clare? The precocious blonde arrived as the third and final entry to the family. With her hair in a bob she proved the cutest of us all, and her careful personality provided for a wonderful dynamic for the family. Also, now you had two daughters and a son, just like your Mom did. The stage was set for some of the happiest years of your life.
In hindsight, I’m guessing you were at least a little apprehensive about Dad giving up his job at Catalyst Resources and working full-time for Greg. But you saw how happy and fulfilled it made him, so redoubled your efforts to provide for the family. And make no mistake - you knocked the ball out of the park. Whenever the subject of childhood comes up with my friends, I always boast very excitedly that I had a ‘storybook’ childhood. Two parents who were so in love, fantastic education, and a setting in which children could stay children for a little longer than most children are allowed. The challenges came, and you always faced them together. When Granddad left us in 96, he passed the responsibility of figurehead to Luke. Together, you shouldered the burden with grace. And then the hits just kept coming. John was torn away from us much too soon, and two years later Sally died of a broken heart from losing all two sons and a husband. No matter how dark the tunnel got though, your love for each other shone brightly enough to lead the way. It still does today.
While he might disagree with me someday, I think you got the worst part of the deal when Luke got sick. Though I of course know his ordeal was more pain than I ever could take, the final months of Luke’s life confirmed to him that every single person he met was better for his involvement in their life. That, combined with the fact that he already knew his family would go on and even thrive after he was gone, allowed him to die in peace. He got to go to Heaven, where he is now reunited with his family. You, however, had to stick there, knowing every day was closer to the last, watching him get worse and worse, and having no idea what you were supposed to do. But you honored your vow, and stayed with him, even up to his very last breath. Mom, I’ve always wondered how you found the strength to hold him while he passed. But you did, letting him know that you two were in it together the very end. Death did you part, and when I think about how unfair that is, it makes me so sad. So many marriages end with divorce and estrangement, but you guys were in it for the long run. You deserved so much more than the hand you were dealt. I think the only way we made it was through our tremendous love for each other, and of Dad’s love, which never left us.
So today I honor that love you shared with him. I know that if someday I end up with an ounce of that kind of love with someone, I’ll be happy. I hope you know Dad still loves you so.
YLS,
Luke
To Mom on yours and Dad’s would-be 26th wedding anniversary -
I couldn’t imagine what both families were like back in 1982. The Roths had just suffered their first in a long, sad stream of losses with Mark’s unexpected death. The Busch family had just lost Mary Jane. I couldn’t imagine the terrible pain Dad felt - you never expect your siblings to die. I can’t imagine life without Anne or Clare, and tear up when I do. And your mother. How are you supposed to get on in life without your mother? The fear, coupled with the famous Busch anxiety, must have been overwhelming. Life had to be rough for those sitting on both sides of the altar that day, but since I’ve never really asked you about your wedding, I don’t know what the mood was like. It seems obvious, though, that both families truly needed one in the ‘win’ column at that point.
And what a win it was. Sally and Lou had not to worry about their brilliant but lazy son, as he was getting married to a nice St. Louis-raised Catholic girl, who would assuredly toe a hard line. Dad always spoke the world of you in such a genuine and passionate way. Though you might have been a little timid around the big boisterous Roths at first, Katie Busch wasn’t a hard sell. I imagine both were excited for the grandkids you would have eventually, but more excited for their son’s obvious happiness. Ron had to be thrilled as well. Sure, the boy wasn’t Catholic (he’d go on to convert), but he was brash and charming and smart. And though I imagined he harassed and harangued you 10x more then you ever could me, Grandpa couldn’t have been too worried about your financial success. Your happiness was a toss-up though, but it looked like the coin had come down favorably. Time would go on to prove that. And the grandchildren! I’m not sure he’d admit it or not, but I gather he was damn excited for the grandchildren.
So you guys got married. The fit was right - you two were meant to walk together through life’s challenges. Luke had talent, but needed to be pushed to apply it right. You are a hard worker, but needed to have a healthy dose of perspective every once and a while to keep sane. In essence, Luke knew why it was good to work so hard, and you knew ¬how to be the hardest worker possible. When you guys worked out this balance, it proved a winning mix. Kids were out of the question in the first couple years, as you two were in the process of merging your separate lives into one. The first years had to have been fun, as you started to build relationships with people from St. A’s and in the Des Moines area. You were young and in love, and the world made sense. Then came the children.
Now I’ve always been told my arrival was planned, but as you know I still hold some suspicion that was I was a happy surprise, with special emphasis on the ‘happy’. In either case, I arrived and life became very different. Now it wasn’t just your futures at stake, it was this baby’s as well. And what fun he was! A little pudgy thing that Luke could hold like a football and you could buy little booties for. Since both of you came from families with siblings, it became clear that the kid was going to need some as well. While the miscarriages were tragedies, I’ve come to think that it was worth the wait for Anne. The joy Anne’s birth must have brought you must have been incalculable. Sure, the boy was great, but he had Luke’s namesake and you wouldn’t be able to take him dress shopping. But now a girl! A wonderful little girl. Anne’s birth must have been of particular significance to you because it would signal the start of your second mother-daughter relationship, except with you on the other side. I imagine it was also bittersweet for you, and you steeled yourself to avoid the mistakes your mom made when you were growing up. Dad was tickled too - he loved his baby girl, and it is quite obvious, with how much she has ended up like him, that she loved him right on back. The family was right on track, and while good things come in twos, great things come in threes. You and Dad decided it was worth one more run around the mulberry bush, and thank God you did, because what would life be like without Clare? The precocious blonde arrived as the third and final entry to the family. With her hair in a bob she proved the cutest of us all, and her careful personality provided for a wonderful dynamic for the family. Also, now you had two daughters and a son, just like your Mom did. The stage was set for some of the happiest years of your life.
In hindsight, I’m guessing you were at least a little apprehensive about Dad giving up his job at Catalyst Resources and working full-time for Greg. But you saw how happy and fulfilled it made him, so redoubled your efforts to provide for the family. And make no mistake - you knocked the ball out of the park. Whenever the subject of childhood comes up with my friends, I always boast very excitedly that I had a ‘storybook’ childhood. Two parents who were so in love, fantastic education, and a setting in which children could stay children for a little longer than most children are allowed. The challenges came, and you always faced them together. When Granddad left us in 96, he passed the responsibility of figurehead to Luke. Together, you shouldered the burden with grace. And then the hits just kept coming. John was torn away from us much too soon, and two years later Sally died of a broken heart from losing all two sons and a husband. No matter how dark the tunnel got though, your love for each other shone brightly enough to lead the way. It still does today.
While he might disagree with me someday, I think you got the worst part of the deal when Luke got sick. Though I of course know his ordeal was more pain than I ever could take, the final months of Luke’s life confirmed to him that every single person he met was better for his involvement in their life. That, combined with the fact that he already knew his family would go on and even thrive after he was gone, allowed him to die in peace. He got to go to Heaven, where he is now reunited with his family. You, however, had to stick there, knowing every day was closer to the last, watching him get worse and worse, and having no idea what you were supposed to do. But you honored your vow, and stayed with him, even up to his very last breath. Mom, I’ve always wondered how you found the strength to hold him while he passed. But you did, letting him know that you two were in it together the very end. Death did you part, and when I think about how unfair that is, it makes me so sad. So many marriages end with divorce and estrangement, but you guys were in it for the long run. You deserved so much more than the hand you were dealt. I think the only way we made it was through our tremendous love for each other, and of Dad’s love, which never left us.
So today I honor that love you shared with him. I know that if someday I end up with an ounce of that kind of love with someone, I’ll be happy. I hope you know Dad still loves you so.
YLS,
Luke