Coming forth
So yeah, I'm procrastinating. I'll keep this brief.
Today, as I was standing in line at McDonald's (because I'm a fatass like that), "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel came on. I hadn't heard the song in a while and it took me back a bit. Four years have passed since the Kairos-17 retreat back at good ol' Dowling Catholic. I paused, reached for my phone and texted Katie Nevins, which lead to a call, which was very nice (and needed). Kairos was the first time I really embraced the idea of a truly loving God (Hold your tomatoes, I'll get to it). I recently celebrated my Dad's sixth year in Heaven, for the first time on a Tuesday, as it was on the 26th in 2002. My friends rallied around me, as always, and I had a lot of spiritual conversations that day. Combined with the reflection that I am completely different than I was four years ago at this time, I decided it was time to conjecture about faith and God. Ok, scratch that, that sounds bawdy and condescending. What I mean is, I need to make a 'State of the Union' address regarding my beliefs. I've always come back to this journal when I just need to record something for me, so please keep in mind I'm not trying to sway anybody here.
Ok. In my 21 short years of existence, I have experienced an incredible spectrum of emotion. From burning hatred to sincere love, from loneliness to inexplicable connection, and from all despair to greatest hope. I cannot count to you the number of times I have quietly stepped back in awe of human creation. The kind of moments that are fleeting, but when they happen, you notice.
Combined with my tremendous family, who have endured and prospered despite it all, I've gathered enough evidence to personally believe that there is obviously a source of our passion that lies far beyond our human comprehension. That which gives us our ability to stretch beyond ourselves. The kind of thing that gives us courage in the face of defeat. I believe it gave us the ability to choose, to do anything with our will that we want. I believe it is one force, that it too has a will, that it too has reason, that it is perfect, and that it loves us. If I'm going to boil it down to the essentials, thats it, thats all. We just somehow lucked out to get a small chunk of what it is composed of.
I think the first and most obvious gift that God gave to man was reason. No, I do believe He did not directly impart it into them and that women owe me a rib. Evolution is the most rational and the truthful explanation for human existence. I was speaking with my scientifically brilliant roommate Colin McMahon about the first single celled organism. He said the odds that ANYTHING would have turned out ANYWHERE REMOTELY CLOSE TO US were incalculable. Yes, we came from apes. But why did we come from apes? Where along the line did we become more than just animals? When reason came into the picture.
I believe it has communicated with the human race in MANY various and beautiful ways. Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, far to many to count, have been touched by this power of reason in some way, shape, or form. One of the earliest laws to feature reason was codified by god-king Hammurabi himself. Reason and belief in a higher force have given the Jews unparalleled resilience, starting with Moses' and God's Commandments. Brief synopsis: No killing, love your mom and dad, don't fuck your dude's girl, don't steal, don't lie, and be nice. Those things are conclusively reasonable to me. Every religion that is not cult like Scientology** leads people to live better lives, to sacrifice for their neighbor, and to honor himself and his fellow man. To wit, I am a Roman Catholic. Throw your tomatoes now please.
Bob Perron sums it the best with this story. At a gas station, his dog escaped from his car and was running across the highway that crossed through a small town in rural Iowa. As the dog (named Oreo) bobbed in and out of cars, Bob called to the dog, but she was young and she wouldn't come to his voice. He became so frustrated and so helpless. He just wanted a way to communicate with the creature. To tell it that it was in danger. To save it. Following that, I believe that if this force ever wanted to communicate with us, it would send someone that looked just like us, that lived just like us, that was just like us. I believe that Jesus Christ was that person. God, as I understand the concept, wanted to show us that if He could come down and live an ascetic life full of love, peace, and forgiveness, then we could too.
I realize everything I conjectured about the beginning of the Universe could just as easily be explained by saying, "It was random, chaotic luck that got us here." And I accept that as a perfectly reasonable conclusion to come to. One of the best friends here at the University is a hard boiled atheist. We have had several (what I believe to be) rational discourses regarding the Universe as a whole, and have both come to the fact that we can't prove our theories all the way.
And we can't. Its what we both choose to accept, what we choose to put our faith in, that matters. We can put our differences aside and still have well-thought conjecture about the nature of things without having to prove each other wrong. Its the discovery of knowledge and shared opinion making that makes us stronger, not squabbling about whose more right than the other.
Which brings me to my next point. Hey, guess what - you're religion isn't perfect! You know why? Because man created it! And we aren't perfect. We cannot be and aren't meant to be. So you're never going to line completely up with what your current doctrine says, unless you're, well, an ignorant fuckwad who thinks that believing in God gives you His authority to judge others. I call them Mike Huckabee Voters. They have no problem telling you are a sinful person, that you need to clean up your act, and oh boy my favorite - 'Have you accepted Jesus Christ as Your personal Lord and Savoir?' Man! If you haven't got that line from an Evangelical Christian or a Southern Baptist, then you have just not lived! By the way, the absolute best answer to that question is, "Yes, I try to everyday." These take obvious delight in taking such a Holy man's name and tarnish it by being condescending and accusatory.
That begs the question though: what about Jesus' call to preach His ministry? We have to spread His message of love to everyone, they'll balk. Refer them back to your previous answer. Your salvation is an ONGOING PROCESS. You cannot at one point sign the contract and get your free pass into Heaven. You are constantly working to do good for others and improve your own self. It is about holding the door, dropping some change, its about your example. When other people encounter you, what do they learn from you? Do you leave them better than you found them? And by that, I don't mean whip out your Bibles and start quoting passages. Live so that other people will see the peace and happiness you've found in what you believe.
'God doesn't keep a tally,' they'll say. 'You're right, he doesn't,' you'll fire back. He gave us the gifts of choice and a good example to follow. The rest is up to us. Look, I sure as hell know that if we are ever going to get to peace in any way, shape, or form, we need to put the good of others before ourselves. Or at least walk a mile in an Arab's shoes. Or stop screaming at each other about who came first or holding seminars about how dinosaurs are Biblically provable (YouTube Dr. Hovind for some laughs). Your belief is no more provable than any other one out there. I had to consciously stop myself for making fun of Scientology's Xenu mythology (Google that for even more laughs). Even though it is obviously science fiction garbage, I cannot prove that it is any less true than a dude coming back from the dead after three days. Oh yeah, I eat his 2,000 year old flesh and drink his blood every Sunday. Yep. Sounds reasonable. Just because I've known Catholicism for the longest doesn't mean I can prove anything about it.
More than anything else, its about love. Its about loving the person you are and the person you are becoming. Its about loving those who stand by you and carry you when the load gets heavier. Its about loving the fact that there is just way too much mystery in the world, and how truly wonderful it is we get a chance to sit around and think about it. I really think if you could quantify all the love you find in the world into some sort of force, than that force could definitely bring someone back from the dead after three days.
Isn't love what really grants us immortality? When we die, those who loved us will hopefully take the example we left on them and incorporate it into their life. Not to say that they should begin everyday tearfully saying ten rosaries from you, but to know you did your job right as a loving, rational being. You lived in such a way that you created love in those you surrounded yourself with, and you can only hope that now they, these people you have left behind, will strive to do the same. What not better way to honor a loved one's passing than by enthusiastically taking their example and showing other people about it? Frankly, if a decedent of mine used my death as a means to weasel out of something, I would experience something I'm sure is only particular to Catholics: post-mortem guilt.
Well. I suppose that covers most of it. The most outstanding proof of all of this is my friends and families. The relationships I have built over time have been the only reason I am the person I am today. I owe everything I have come to now and to the person I am becoming to those who have been so patient, so warm, so loving with me. I am so truly and so beautifully blessed.
I liked what Socrates pointed out - he who thinks he is wise about the world doesn't know shit. The only advantage we can gain is to admit our limited perspective, and start asking questions. The determinations we come to form our faith. In my life I have never experienced more peace than when I came to these conclusions. They help me determine the person I want to be, and challenge me to take what I've been given and use it to make life a little easier for everyone. They are my own, they are unique, and I can share them, like this.
Wow. I feel exhausted right now. I'm glad I got this out.
To Happiness,
Luke Roth
**I'm sure there are many reasonable, not-insane Scientologists out there.
Today, as I was standing in line at McDonald's (because I'm a fatass like that), "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel came on. I hadn't heard the song in a while and it took me back a bit. Four years have passed since the Kairos-17 retreat back at good ol' Dowling Catholic. I paused, reached for my phone and texted Katie Nevins, which lead to a call, which was very nice (and needed). Kairos was the first time I really embraced the idea of a truly loving God (Hold your tomatoes, I'll get to it). I recently celebrated my Dad's sixth year in Heaven, for the first time on a Tuesday, as it was on the 26th in 2002. My friends rallied around me, as always, and I had a lot of spiritual conversations that day. Combined with the reflection that I am completely different than I was four years ago at this time, I decided it was time to conjecture about faith and God. Ok, scratch that, that sounds bawdy and condescending. What I mean is, I need to make a 'State of the Union' address regarding my beliefs. I've always come back to this journal when I just need to record something for me, so please keep in mind I'm not trying to sway anybody here.
Ok. In my 21 short years of existence, I have experienced an incredible spectrum of emotion. From burning hatred to sincere love, from loneliness to inexplicable connection, and from all despair to greatest hope. I cannot count to you the number of times I have quietly stepped back in awe of human creation. The kind of moments that are fleeting, but when they happen, you notice.
Combined with my tremendous family, who have endured and prospered despite it all, I've gathered enough evidence to personally believe that there is obviously a source of our passion that lies far beyond our human comprehension. That which gives us our ability to stretch beyond ourselves. The kind of thing that gives us courage in the face of defeat. I believe it gave us the ability to choose, to do anything with our will that we want. I believe it is one force, that it too has a will, that it too has reason, that it is perfect, and that it loves us. If I'm going to boil it down to the essentials, thats it, thats all. We just somehow lucked out to get a small chunk of what it is composed of.
I think the first and most obvious gift that God gave to man was reason. No, I do believe He did not directly impart it into them and that women owe me a rib. Evolution is the most rational and the truthful explanation for human existence. I was speaking with my scientifically brilliant roommate Colin McMahon about the first single celled organism. He said the odds that ANYTHING would have turned out ANYWHERE REMOTELY CLOSE TO US were incalculable. Yes, we came from apes. But why did we come from apes? Where along the line did we become more than just animals? When reason came into the picture.
I believe it has communicated with the human race in MANY various and beautiful ways. Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, far to many to count, have been touched by this power of reason in some way, shape, or form. One of the earliest laws to feature reason was codified by god-king Hammurabi himself. Reason and belief in a higher force have given the Jews unparalleled resilience, starting with Moses' and God's Commandments. Brief synopsis: No killing, love your mom and dad, don't fuck your dude's girl, don't steal, don't lie, and be nice. Those things are conclusively reasonable to me. Every religion that is not cult like Scientology** leads people to live better lives, to sacrifice for their neighbor, and to honor himself and his fellow man. To wit, I am a Roman Catholic. Throw your tomatoes now please.
Bob Perron sums it the best with this story. At a gas station, his dog escaped from his car and was running across the highway that crossed through a small town in rural Iowa. As the dog (named Oreo) bobbed in and out of cars, Bob called to the dog, but she was young and she wouldn't come to his voice. He became so frustrated and so helpless. He just wanted a way to communicate with the creature. To tell it that it was in danger. To save it. Following that, I believe that if this force ever wanted to communicate with us, it would send someone that looked just like us, that lived just like us, that was just like us. I believe that Jesus Christ was that person. God, as I understand the concept, wanted to show us that if He could come down and live an ascetic life full of love, peace, and forgiveness, then we could too.
I realize everything I conjectured about the beginning of the Universe could just as easily be explained by saying, "It was random, chaotic luck that got us here." And I accept that as a perfectly reasonable conclusion to come to. One of the best friends here at the University is a hard boiled atheist. We have had several (what I believe to be) rational discourses regarding the Universe as a whole, and have both come to the fact that we can't prove our theories all the way.
And we can't. Its what we both choose to accept, what we choose to put our faith in, that matters. We can put our differences aside and still have well-thought conjecture about the nature of things without having to prove each other wrong. Its the discovery of knowledge and shared opinion making that makes us stronger, not squabbling about whose more right than the other.
Which brings me to my next point. Hey, guess what - you're religion isn't perfect! You know why? Because man created it! And we aren't perfect. We cannot be and aren't meant to be. So you're never going to line completely up with what your current doctrine says, unless you're, well, an ignorant fuckwad who thinks that believing in God gives you His authority to judge others. I call them Mike Huckabee Voters. They have no problem telling you are a sinful person, that you need to clean up your act, and oh boy my favorite - 'Have you accepted Jesus Christ as Your personal Lord and Savoir?' Man! If you haven't got that line from an Evangelical Christian or a Southern Baptist, then you have just not lived! By the way, the absolute best answer to that question is, "Yes, I try to everyday." These take obvious delight in taking such a Holy man's name and tarnish it by being condescending and accusatory.
That begs the question though: what about Jesus' call to preach His ministry? We have to spread His message of love to everyone, they'll balk. Refer them back to your previous answer. Your salvation is an ONGOING PROCESS. You cannot at one point sign the contract and get your free pass into Heaven. You are constantly working to do good for others and improve your own self. It is about holding the door, dropping some change, its about your example. When other people encounter you, what do they learn from you? Do you leave them better than you found them? And by that, I don't mean whip out your Bibles and start quoting passages. Live so that other people will see the peace and happiness you've found in what you believe.
'God doesn't keep a tally,' they'll say. 'You're right, he doesn't,' you'll fire back. He gave us the gifts of choice and a good example to follow. The rest is up to us. Look, I sure as hell know that if we are ever going to get to peace in any way, shape, or form, we need to put the good of others before ourselves. Or at least walk a mile in an Arab's shoes. Or stop screaming at each other about who came first or holding seminars about how dinosaurs are Biblically provable (YouTube Dr. Hovind for some laughs). Your belief is no more provable than any other one out there. I had to consciously stop myself for making fun of Scientology's Xenu mythology (Google that for even more laughs). Even though it is obviously science fiction garbage, I cannot prove that it is any less true than a dude coming back from the dead after three days. Oh yeah, I eat his 2,000 year old flesh and drink his blood every Sunday. Yep. Sounds reasonable. Just because I've known Catholicism for the longest doesn't mean I can prove anything about it.
More than anything else, its about love. Its about loving the person you are and the person you are becoming. Its about loving those who stand by you and carry you when the load gets heavier. Its about loving the fact that there is just way too much mystery in the world, and how truly wonderful it is we get a chance to sit around and think about it. I really think if you could quantify all the love you find in the world into some sort of force, than that force could definitely bring someone back from the dead after three days.
Isn't love what really grants us immortality? When we die, those who loved us will hopefully take the example we left on them and incorporate it into their life. Not to say that they should begin everyday tearfully saying ten rosaries from you, but to know you did your job right as a loving, rational being. You lived in such a way that you created love in those you surrounded yourself with, and you can only hope that now they, these people you have left behind, will strive to do the same. What not better way to honor a loved one's passing than by enthusiastically taking their example and showing other people about it? Frankly, if a decedent of mine used my death as a means to weasel out of something, I would experience something I'm sure is only particular to Catholics: post-mortem guilt.
Well. I suppose that covers most of it. The most outstanding proof of all of this is my friends and families. The relationships I have built over time have been the only reason I am the person I am today. I owe everything I have come to now and to the person I am becoming to those who have been so patient, so warm, so loving with me. I am so truly and so beautifully blessed.
I liked what Socrates pointed out - he who thinks he is wise about the world doesn't know shit. The only advantage we can gain is to admit our limited perspective, and start asking questions. The determinations we come to form our faith. In my life I have never experienced more peace than when I came to these conclusions. They help me determine the person I want to be, and challenge me to take what I've been given and use it to make life a little easier for everyone. They are my own, they are unique, and I can share them, like this.
Wow. I feel exhausted right now. I'm glad I got this out.
To Happiness,
Luke Roth
**I'm sure there are many reasonable, not-insane Scientologists out there.