"In every heart, there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong.."
I was asked recently to contribute to a book giving advice for incoming freshman. I don't know if any of this will make it to print, so I'm putting what I wrote here. Dunno if it'll help anybody.
Parties are really no different than in highschool - if you didn't enjoy the crowded room, loud music, and general atmosphere of a party in highschool, chances aren't you won't in college. Granted, if you like to party, college provides the freedom for some amazing bashes. No matter what, the first few weeks you should make it a point to go to a few just to get to know some of the people that'll be in your community. They won't necessarily be the people you'll stick with, but the first few weeks its just good to have someone, anyone, to hang with whilst making the initial transition. If you don't like to party you can just sit back and laugh at how stupid everybody is acting.
Sex. No matter whether you like it, you don't like it, you haven't had it, you have had it, you had it and don't do it that much anymore, you had it and now have it like a bunny - get used to it, because it happens, and it happens a lot. Be prepared to be courteous to your roomate if he or she 'sexiles' (The act of kicking your roomate out of the room so you can have it). Also, and this might seem inappropriate, but guys - structure your masturbation schedule around your roomate's class schedule. I have a roomate who I catch ALL the time masturbating, because he does it when he thinks I'm going to be gone. Its really awkward and I hate it. He also does it sometimes when he thinks I'm sleeping. Ick. Its just one of the most discourteous things you can do.
Finding yourself. Sit down with yourself at the beginning of the summer before you leave, and decide what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be a smoker, partier, good girl, bad boy, drinker, bible-thumping Christian, nudist..etc.? Shake yourself of the reputations and expectations from highschool and your family - if you want to be something, now is the time to be it. Thats the beauty of youth - we have so much opportunity. When you get to college, go about being that person. Even if its hard, do it. If you want to work out, schedule gym time. If you wanna smoke pot, get a job so you have enough money. I'm not encouraging bad habits - its just the time in life when are least likely to screw up anything major because of them. When you get to school, meet as many people as possible, and notice what kinds of friends your making. Are your friends self-centered? Are they fun? Are they a constant drag? Why are you attracted to these kinds of people, and is that a good thing? Above all else, I've found you learn the most about yourself in the kind of friends you make.
Greek participation or not. Greek life is something that personally doesn't interest me, however, it should be checked out by all because it clicks well with a lot of people (This is why you should go to a few of the parties at the beginning of the year - usually frats are holding them).
Leaving home. Now, if you're like every other highschooler in the history of creation (including myself), you are SO ready to leave. You hate your highschool, your family, your friends - you are just ready to break out. Most of this holds true, but some of it is a natural defense against the fact that you are in a tremendous amount of pain about leaving your old friends. If we say we want to leave SO badly, then it won't hurt as much when we go. It doesn't hold true. Take this time to thank everyone who has helped you grow in your last 18 years, who has watched to become who you are that you are. You don't realize how much of an impact these people are. Also, make peace with the city you are living in (unless your staying in that city for college). That city will cease to be 'home' after Christmas break - your college city will become home. This might seem like a minor thing, but trust me, you need to really get a good sense of closure with all aspects of your life in your hometown because in some sense it is coming to a close. Even if you return there after you get done with school, the town in which you grew up in will never be the same.
Homesickness. Happens to all of us. I have been fortunate enough to have a mother who sends lots of care packages, which definately helped me out a lot. However, the age old cure for homesickness stands here - when you get homesick, get busy. The sooner you get busy the sooner you'll feel better. You can do anything - take a run, do some homework, go talk about it with a person from your dorm. Whatever it is, you just need to do it.
Living on a budget. Unless you decide to get a job, figure out how much money you have every month to spend, and then figure out how you are going to divy it up. Personally, I only withdrawl a certain sum on the weekends and try not to spend money during the week. Not spending during the week (Unless its the essentials) helps you stay focused and use the campus resources more.
Hidden costs - Contrary to popular belief, Deoderant, Laundry Detergent, Soap, Shampoo, and things of such do not magically appear. Just be ready to factor real-world stuff into your budget.
Cheap fun - The movie night is a fun, cheap, and effective way to bond with friends.
Whats different about second semester - ultimately, the university becomes your nucleus. You'll find you are getting closer and closer to some of the people at college, and you'll feel like your loosing contact with more and more people from home. You're not - they are simply doing the same thing. The critical mistake you should avoid is thinking that they have forgotten about you and don't try to make contact in the summer/when you are back on breaks. They miss you just as much, trust me.
Spring Break. As a good professor friend of mine put it - No bugs, No babies, no broken hearts. Follow the 3B's and you're good.
Room hassle solutions - if you and your roomate obviously don't get along, admit that you don't like each other, have respect for each other, sit down and set up some ground rules, and then only speak when its necessary. Or switch roomates, but I don't know if they offer that at every college.
Orientation - you'll get a sinking feeling no one is telling you anything useful. That feeling is right.
Last words - Your senior year you'll feel like the top dog, the king of the pile, the sultan of school. Going to college puts you at the bottom again, and that might make you uncomfortable. But as soon as you accept the fact that you have been given a chance to reboot your life, you'll realize the bottom is one of the best places to be. You can be ANYBODY in college. Its really a great thing.
To Happiness!
Luke Roth
Parties are really no different than in highschool - if you didn't enjoy the crowded room, loud music, and general atmosphere of a party in highschool, chances aren't you won't in college. Granted, if you like to party, college provides the freedom for some amazing bashes. No matter what, the first few weeks you should make it a point to go to a few just to get to know some of the people that'll be in your community. They won't necessarily be the people you'll stick with, but the first few weeks its just good to have someone, anyone, to hang with whilst making the initial transition. If you don't like to party you can just sit back and laugh at how stupid everybody is acting.
Sex. No matter whether you like it, you don't like it, you haven't had it, you have had it, you had it and don't do it that much anymore, you had it and now have it like a bunny - get used to it, because it happens, and it happens a lot. Be prepared to be courteous to your roomate if he or she 'sexiles' (The act of kicking your roomate out of the room so you can have it). Also, and this might seem inappropriate, but guys - structure your masturbation schedule around your roomate's class schedule. I have a roomate who I catch ALL the time masturbating, because he does it when he thinks I'm going to be gone. Its really awkward and I hate it. He also does it sometimes when he thinks I'm sleeping. Ick. Its just one of the most discourteous things you can do.
Finding yourself. Sit down with yourself at the beginning of the summer before you leave, and decide what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be a smoker, partier, good girl, bad boy, drinker, bible-thumping Christian, nudist..etc.? Shake yourself of the reputations and expectations from highschool and your family - if you want to be something, now is the time to be it. Thats the beauty of youth - we have so much opportunity. When you get to college, go about being that person. Even if its hard, do it. If you want to work out, schedule gym time. If you wanna smoke pot, get a job so you have enough money. I'm not encouraging bad habits - its just the time in life when are least likely to screw up anything major because of them. When you get to school, meet as many people as possible, and notice what kinds of friends your making. Are your friends self-centered? Are they fun? Are they a constant drag? Why are you attracted to these kinds of people, and is that a good thing? Above all else, I've found you learn the most about yourself in the kind of friends you make.
Greek participation or not. Greek life is something that personally doesn't interest me, however, it should be checked out by all because it clicks well with a lot of people (This is why you should go to a few of the parties at the beginning of the year - usually frats are holding them).
Leaving home. Now, if you're like every other highschooler in the history of creation (including myself), you are SO ready to leave. You hate your highschool, your family, your friends - you are just ready to break out. Most of this holds true, but some of it is a natural defense against the fact that you are in a tremendous amount of pain about leaving your old friends. If we say we want to leave SO badly, then it won't hurt as much when we go. It doesn't hold true. Take this time to thank everyone who has helped you grow in your last 18 years, who has watched to become who you are that you are. You don't realize how much of an impact these people are. Also, make peace with the city you are living in (unless your staying in that city for college). That city will cease to be 'home' after Christmas break - your college city will become home. This might seem like a minor thing, but trust me, you need to really get a good sense of closure with all aspects of your life in your hometown because in some sense it is coming to a close. Even if you return there after you get done with school, the town in which you grew up in will never be the same.
Homesickness. Happens to all of us. I have been fortunate enough to have a mother who sends lots of care packages, which definately helped me out a lot. However, the age old cure for homesickness stands here - when you get homesick, get busy. The sooner you get busy the sooner you'll feel better. You can do anything - take a run, do some homework, go talk about it with a person from your dorm. Whatever it is, you just need to do it.
Living on a budget. Unless you decide to get a job, figure out how much money you have every month to spend, and then figure out how you are going to divy it up. Personally, I only withdrawl a certain sum on the weekends and try not to spend money during the week. Not spending during the week (Unless its the essentials) helps you stay focused and use the campus resources more.
Hidden costs - Contrary to popular belief, Deoderant, Laundry Detergent, Soap, Shampoo, and things of such do not magically appear. Just be ready to factor real-world stuff into your budget.
Cheap fun - The movie night is a fun, cheap, and effective way to bond with friends.
Whats different about second semester - ultimately, the university becomes your nucleus. You'll find you are getting closer and closer to some of the people at college, and you'll feel like your loosing contact with more and more people from home. You're not - they are simply doing the same thing. The critical mistake you should avoid is thinking that they have forgotten about you and don't try to make contact in the summer/when you are back on breaks. They miss you just as much, trust me.
Spring Break. As a good professor friend of mine put it - No bugs, No babies, no broken hearts. Follow the 3B's and you're good.
Room hassle solutions - if you and your roomate obviously don't get along, admit that you don't like each other, have respect for each other, sit down and set up some ground rules, and then only speak when its necessary. Or switch roomates, but I don't know if they offer that at every college.
Orientation - you'll get a sinking feeling no one is telling you anything useful. That feeling is right.
Last words - Your senior year you'll feel like the top dog, the king of the pile, the sultan of school. Going to college puts you at the bottom again, and that might make you uncomfortable. But as soon as you accept the fact that you have been given a chance to reboot your life, you'll realize the bottom is one of the best places to be. You can be ANYBODY in college. Its really a great thing.
To Happiness!
Luke Roth