IMB 2011: Fading Memories (2/2)
Title: Fading Memories
Pairing/Focus: Sungjong; implied Myungsoo/Sungjong
Rating: PG-13
Current word count: 13,000+
Summary: Who says love has to end with death?
Authors Note: a massive thank you to the amazing Saniikii♥, who pretty much persuaded me to submit this. Who also held my hand ;_; through the final stages of this, thank you so much bb! I love you (:
Sungyeol jumped up when Myungsoo appeared in the shop during the day. Sungjong had to struggle to keep Sungyeol’s face composed and not smile too happily until he realised that Myungsoo was still wearing that mask and he should be in school. Sungjong frowned, squinting slightly as he stared across at the other boy, feeling slightly uncomfortable as Myungsoo stared right at him. It made Sungjong feel slightly giddy as Myungsoo stared across at him, the serious look in his eyes.
“Hey Myungsoo-h, shouldn’t you have school?” Sungjong bit his lip, internally groaning when he realised that he almost called him ‘hyung’. Sungjong tilted his head to one side, wondering why Myungsoo was staring at him strangely, like he said something stuck on his face. “Hm, is something wrong?” Sungjong hid behind Sungyeol’s hands, before he turned and looked in the mirror to see if he could see anything.
“Yeah I’m kind of dropping out of school,” Myungsoo mumbled but Sungjong turned around immediately gaping as he stared across at the other boy. What? Why are you dropping out? Why would you do that? Sungjong couldn’t take his eyes away from Myungsoo, his hand in front of his open mouth as he stared in shock.
“Why? Why!” Sungjong couldn’t help but burst out, his hands quivering at his sides, too shocked to notice how Myungsoo frowned across at him. “You should go to school, it’ll be better for your future. Sungjong never got to finish school and I bet he really wishes he could finish school.” Sungjong paused, pressing his fingers to his lips, gulping when he saw how intently Myungsoo was watching him, and then the other boy took the mask off and smiled across at him.
“I bet Sungjong wishes he could,” Myungsoo sighed, “I wish I could too. But it’s a bit more complicated than that. It’s out of my hands now and I don’t really have a choice.” Myungsoo shrugged his eyes looking sad for a second as Sungjong studied him closely, his head spinning as he wondered why. What was going on, none of it made any sense to him.
“I know hyung you care about Sungjong, but one day you have to move past his accident. You can’t keep living like this, I know Sungjong wouldn’t want it to be like that.” Myungsoo bit his lip, glancing across at Sungyeol seriously, “I bet if Sungjong was here with us, he’d want you to be happy and to move past the accident. Sometimes I just wish I could talk to him you know?” Myungsoo shifted from side to side, glancing down at the floor carefully, Sungjong swallowed, just managing to hold back tears. I wish I could talk to you too, that you could see me. Hyung why is it like this, so unfair!
Sungjong walked home dejectedly, not even looking up at the stars. He felt so depressed when he realised that even being in Sungyeol’s body wasn’t the same as Myungsoo talking directly to him. Sungjong exhaled loudly, not noticing that someone was following him. Sungjong unlocked the door when someone touched him on the wrist, shocked Sungjong looked over and then gulped when he saw Howon standing there.
As soon as he was inside Sungjong lay down on the mattress where Sungyeol had been sleeping and then he slipped out of his body, flopping down on the floor next to where Sungyeol slept. Howon sat down next to Sungjong, one eyebrow raised and Sungjong guiltily looked down at the floor.
Sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done it, Sungjong slowly looked up, but it’s so hard not to. And I was curious about Myungsoo-hyung. Sungjong slowly raised his knees and wrapped his arms around them, gazing across at the other ghost. Sungjong didn’t know Howon that well, but he had been friendly and had smiled across at Sungjong when they had met.
It’s cool Sungjonggie, it’s not like you do it so often. Howon shrugged smiling brightly across at Sungjong, who just stared back in surprise. You like him don’t you? Myungsoo. Howon asked a second later, and Sungjong gasped, choking on air as he fell backwards in shock, Howon just laughed loudly.
Wh-what? Sungjong sat up, red faced and embarrassed, don’t be silly of course not. How can a ghost like a human? Sungjong frowned and shook his head, what a ridiculous idea to think that he liked Myungsoo. Howon just smiled across at him silently, making Sungjong frown before he reached across and poked Howon in the wrist.
It’s okay, don’t be like that. Howon grasped Sungjong’s wrist lightly, tugging the other ghost closer and Sungjong shivered slightly from feeling the touch of another ghost. Sungjong shut his eyes as Howon hugged him, wrapping his arms tightly around him and Sungjong clung to him desperately, his heart pounding so rapidly. I’ll try to help you out as much as possible, I promise Sungjong-ah.
∞
“How are you still sick?” Sungyeol blinked as he held the door open for Myungsoo, but the other boy just shrugged. Sungyeol sighed and shut the door, glad for Myungsoo’s company, even if it was so hard without Sungjong there. Sungyeol swallowed as he looked around the tiny apartment, it still felt empty and awkward without Sungjong. It hurt when he saw Myungsoo sitting where Sungjong used to sit and he wondered what Sungjong would’ve thought of Myungsoo.
“It’s complicated,” Myungsoo murmured from his spot on the floor, “hyung can we not talk about that. I was thinking could we go somewhere? Like the zoo or just for a walk? I’m sick of being inside.” Myungsoo frowned slightly, breathing out loudly but he smiled when Sungyeol nodded his head slowly. Myungsoo felt even happier when they met Sunggyu and Woohyun down at the park.
They throw a ball around and for the first time in months Sungyeol doesn’t even think about Sungjong, instead he concentrated on playing with the others. Until Myungsoo complained of a headache and had to sit down, he watches the rest of them play. Sungjong blinked as he walked into the park, Howon trailing behind him slowly, frowning as Sungjong sits next to Myungsoo, glancing across at him, hyung you look tired. What’s wrong?
The laughter made Sungjong freeze and turn to where he sees Sungyeol laughing for the first time in months. Sungjong smiled so happily seeing that, shifting over as Howon came to sit next to him, reaching for his hand. Sungjong let Howon hold his hand, too busy watching Sungyeol laugh and play to care. When Sungjong turned to look at Myungsoo he looks so happy until Sungjong looks right into his eyes, and sees so much sadness.
“You’re happy,” Myungsoo murmurs when Sungyeol joins him, “it’s the first time I’ve heard you smile and laugh.” Myungsoo grins as Woohyun and Sunggyu join them. Sungyeol swallowed and then just shrugged unaware of how Sungjong is beaming across at him, and how happy everyone looks to see him looking happy.
“Sorry we haven’t come to visit you much,” Woohyun apologises, “I’m glad you called us today.” Woohyun smiles as he stands next to Sunggyu. Sungjong bites his lip, guessing that Sungyeol hadn’t called them both because it would’ve been too hard to see them and not Sungjong.
“I know it’s tough, but you should consider coming back to university,” Sunggyu mumbled and Sungjong nodded his head vigourously, “I’m sure Sungjong would’ve wanted that.” Sunggyu gently put his arm around Sungyeol’s waist holding him lightly, trying to comfort him. Sungjong sighed and nodded his head again, pulling his hand away from Howon’s grasp nothing how Sungyeol stiffened next to Sunggyu.
“Everyone keeps telling me what Sungjong would want, but it’s so fucking easy for you guys,” Sungyeol snapped pushing Sunggyu away, “none of you caused his accident. None of you watched your best fucking friend die.” Sungyeol frowned across at his friends, Sungjong stood in between, pouting up at Sungyeol. Sungyeol-hyung, Sungyeol-hyung… Sungjong pleaded softly reaching out towards his friend.
“Sungyeol, were you driving the other car that hit yours?” Woohyun asked, one hand resting on his hip as he reached for Sungyeol’s shoulder. The taller male shook his head, so Woohyun mumbled, “Exactly. So why are you blaming yourself? You couldn’t predict that the other car was going to lose control and hit yours. There was nothing you could do, so you can’t keep blaming yourself.” Woohyun reached out to touch Sungyeol’s shoulder but the boy stormed off.
“Just leave him be, Myungsoo-ah,” Sunggyu murmured when the other boy went to leave, “He just needs some space to cool down I think. But I think Woohyun you said the right thing.” Sunggyu nodded softly towards Woohyun. Sungjong stared forlornly at Sungyeol, torn whether he should follow his friend or stay where he was, it wasn’t as if he could help Sungyeol in any way.
Wow, he’s really intense! Howon touched Sungjong’s arm lightly, he really cared about you, didn’t he? Sungjong frowned and then nodded his head at Howon, wondering why the other ghost had taken to following him around. It was slightly annoying but at the same time it was good to have someone to actually talk to. Sungjong bit his lip deciding he would find Sungyeol, but as he started to drift away something made him stop and turn around.
“Myungsoo!” Sungjong blinked as he saw a woman walking across the park towards Myungsoo, grabbing his arm, “Please stop sneaking out, please Myungsoo? You have to get better.” Sungjong stopped and then floated closer, blinking his eyes as he saw the way Myungsoo looked down at the ground, sneaking out? What? Does his mother keep him locked in the house or something?
“Mum, I’ll come now, just let me… say something to my friends before I go?” Myungsoo pleaded but finally his mother sighed and let him go, walking back towards the car. Woohyun and Sunggyu crowded around Myungsoo, frowning as he stared at him. Sungjong and Howon crowded around too, so that Myungsoo was surrounded.
“Hey what was that about?” Sunggyu asked with a slight frown, “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Myungsoo brushed Sunggyu off, but Sungjong was starting to feel knots forming in his abdomen, and he started to feel nauseous as he stood there. He could tell that Myungsoo was lying, but Sungjong didn’t know what he was hiding. “My parents are just um kind of protective of me. I better go, don’t tell Sungyeol, please?” Myungsoo pleaded before he walked over to the car calmly.
Howon-hyung, do you know what’s wrong with him? He was lying wasn’t he? Sungjong frowned turning to Howon who just nodded his head, before he glanced over to where Myungsoo was getting into the car. Howon tilted his head to the side, blinking his eyes thoughtfully as he watched Myungsoo leave.
∞
“Actually I think Woohyun-hyung was right,” Myungsoo reached over and handed Sungyeol a serviette, smirking as the other boy dropped more ice cream on the footpath, “what he said to you last time.” Myungsoo shrugged, half turning away to eat his ice cream and ignore the glare Sungyeol shot him. Sungjong just stopped dead, biting the inside of his cheek as he turned to look from Myungsoo to Sungyeol and back again.
“Thanks, and what?” Sungyeol wiped his mouth hastily, “can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t blame yourself? And why should I have to forget Sungjong.” Sungyeol frowned, waving his ice cream out in front of him, Sungjong sighed and shook his head. No one is asking you to forget me hyung.
“I don’t know, but I do know that blaming yourself is only going to eat away at you until you feel worse.” Myungsoo bit his lip and shook his head, “one day you just have to accept that life isn’t fair. It’s not like the lie they tell us, that everything is sparkly and rainbow coloured, and that everything always works out perfectly. Life isn’t like that, it’s unfair, and it’s brutal and horrible.” Myungsoo sucked in a deep breath, turning away from Sungyeol and muttering a faint, “Sorry.”
Both Sungjong and Sungyeol gaped across at Myungsoo, and Sungjong felt the knots tugging inside his abdomen again. Curiously he looked across at Myungsoo wondering what had prompted that outburst it seemed so sudden.
“Um I’m sorry for going on about it,” Myungsoo apologised before Sungyeol could get a word in, “And no one said you should forget Sungjong. You just need to find a way to move on so it stops hurting you.” Myungsoo frowned and then bit his lip looking guilty for a second or two. Sungyeol swallowed and just held his ice cream staring across at Myungsoo.
“What caused your outburst?” Sungyeol avoided the topic of Sungjong completely, “did something… happen?” Sungyeol bit his lip, and Sungjong smiled faintly happy that for once Sungyeol had picked up on something instead of just being depressed. Sungjong leaned in closer to Myungsoo, frowning as he stared across at Myungsoo, noticing how pale and thin he looked that day.
“No nothing happened it’s just… I hate how people are made to think that life is fair when it really isn’t.” Myungsoo scuffed his shoe along the kerb, letting out a faint sigh as he crunched down on the last of his ice cream cone. “It frustrates me you know, like how your best friend was killed. Like he had so much potential, but then it’s also frustrating seeing you mope around like this every day. You have so much potential too, it’s just a waste. I just wish…” Myungsoo trailed off, pushing his hand into his pocket and staring out at nothing.
You just wish what hyung? I hate this, it feels like something is going on with you but I don’t know what it is and its driving me nuts! Sungjong sighed as he pouted across at Myungsoo wishing there was some way he could know his secrets, some way he could understand what the other meant. Sungyeol however had no such desire, instead he walked off again, leaving a brooding Myungsoo and a sad faced ghost staring sadly across at the other boy.
∞
“Myungsoo what is going on?” Sungjong grabbed Myungsoo’s wrist lightly, trying to ignore how hard Sungyeol’s heart was beating with nervousness. “You’ve hardly been around, you’re so pale and thin. What’s going on?” Sungjong swallowed, trying to ignore the way Myungsoo looked across at him startled before he looked down at where Sungyeol’s hand rested. Instantly Sungjong let go, watching Myungsoo’s hand fall back down to his side. I missed you, I tried to visit you but I never could get into your house.
“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo whispered, biting his lip, “I tried to come around to tell you but I couldn’t. My parents wouldn’t let me out so I couldn’t.” Myungsoo half turned away before he started the cough, his hand shaking slightly in front of his mouth. Sungjong watched alarmed and then it just hit him in the face, making him gasp and step back, hitting the wall softly.
“You’re sick aren’t you,” Sungjong whispered, not even noticing that Sungyeol’s voice was higher than usual, or that he should try and talk more like Sungyeol. “Myungsoo, hyung, you’re sick aren’t you?” Sungjong whispered, his voice breaking. Sungjong didn’t even notice his mistake, but Myungsoo stared so hard at him, jaw dropping open in surprise.
“Um,” Myungsoo swallowed and then started to shake his head, but after a second he slowly nodded his head. “Anyway I’m sorry, I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back and talk to you. I snuck out, I’m being admitted to hospital tonight.” Myungsoo hung his head slowly, and Sungjong swallowed the lump of ice, it sounded bad, really bad.
“I’ll just leave this here, I wasn’t sure if you’d be here or not so I wrote a note.” Myungsoo placed the envelope on the counter, and Sungjong swallowed deciding he would leave it for Sungyeol to see later. “I need to go, maybe you can visit me sometime? I put my parent’s phone number in there so you can call and find out what room I’m in, if you want to come.” Myungsoo nodded his head slowly before he turned and walked out of the store ignoring how Sungjong called out his name repeatedly.
Sungjong sank down to the floor after Myungsoo left, his thoughts spinning rapidly as he thought about the fact that Myungsoo was sick and he was being admitted to hospital. It was only then that Sungjong realised what he said to Myungsoo, gasping he wanted to be sick as he sat there on the floor. Shit! I called him hyung by mistake, I don’t know why he didn’t say anything about it though!
∞
It took Sungyeol a month to visit Myungsoo in hospital, Sungjong on the other hand had been visiting Myungsoo daily. During the day when Sungyeol was working he would slip out and make his way to the hospital. Sungjong sat next to Myungsoo on the bed, reading over his shoulder or he just sat and chattered away to the other, even though he knew that Myungsoo couldn’t hear a word he said. Sungjong was hopeful, because the day after Myungsoo had been admitted something had changed with Sungyeol.
Sungjong didn’t notice right away, but then he noticed that Sungyeol seemed to be deep in thought. Out of the blue he phoned up Sunggyu and Woohyun. For the first time in what felt like eternity, Sungjong noticed that Sungyeol was actually doing stuff other than just going to work. That slowly something was changing and Sungjong smiled, wondering if it was the letter Myungsoo had left Sungyeol, or the various things he had said before he went into hospital.
Sungjong was just making himself comfortable on the bed next to Myungsoo when the door slid open and Sungyeol walked in. Hyung! Sungjong put his hands on his hips, Hyung what are you doing? You’re so slow to visit Myungsoo-hyung! But at least you’re here now! Sungjong smiled warmly as Sungyeol came over, looking guilty.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit you earlier,” Sungyeol bit his lip, “I wanted to thank you for everything you said and that letter you wrote. I guess I thought all along that everyone was just telling me to forget Sungjong ever existed and I can’t do that. I just can’t.” Sungyeol shook his head slowly.
“But your words made sense and I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. How are you? How are you feeling?” Sungyeol dragged the chair closer to Myungsoo’s bed and sat down looking across at his friend. Sungjong shifted closer to Myungsoo, feeling strange as he looked from his best friend and then across to Myungsoo.
“I’m bored, really bored.” Myungsoo sighed softly, “I’m okay, nothing to complain about really,” Myungsoo grinned as he shrugged his shoulders lightly. You’re not okay, hyung why are you like this? Sungjong sighed as he bit his lip, you need a transplant, a donor! But you have to keep fighting okay hyung? I’ll be here supporting you every step of the way. Sungjong nodded his head, wishing that for once Myungsoo would be honest and tell Sungyeol how sick he was.
“Ah I guess you would be bored,” Sungyeol fidgeted nervously, “I brought you some magazines and I uh, wanted you to know that I was thinking about going back to university.” Sungjong sat up straight, eyes widening, he gasped as he looked across at Sungyeol. Sungjong realised he clearly had been spending a lot of time with Myungsoo if he had failed to miss that.
“Really?” Myungsoo smiled brightly leaning across to take the bag from Sungyeol’s hands, “that’s awesome. You’ll have to come in and tell me how it goes.” Myungsoo sighed, “I wish I could go to university but at this point in time it’s impossible.” Me too hyung, me too. Or maybe not haha, I just wish I was still alive.
“I guess I realised you were right, I can’t keep living like this. Especially since you got sick, it made me realise we don’t know what will happen. Even if it’s hard I have to find a way to move past,” Sungyeol shrugged, “I just hope that Sungjong wouldn’t be angry at me, or anything like that.” Sungjong sat up in Myungsoo’s bed, shaking his head quickly.
“Yeah you do,” Myungsoo agreed, “I know getting sick really put things into perspective for me. But I am going to fight this goddamn cancer.” Myungsoo frowned, “Because I want to finish school, I want to go to university too. I have so many dreams, but its great hyung, you need to start fighting for your dreams.” Myungsoo smiled across at Sungyeol.
∞
Myungsoo groaned and opened his eyes when he saw Sungyeol sitting in his darkened hospital room. Surprised Myungsoo glanced across at the clock, frowning when he saw that it was almost three am. “Uh hyung, you should be at home sleeping!” Myungsoo hissed wondering how the other boy had even snuck into the room.
“I know, I know,” Sungjong bit his lip softly, “I should be sleeping but I missed you.” Sungjong stood up slowly, brushing his fingers across Myungsoo’s forehead lightly. Myungsoo groggily stared up at Sungyeol, wondering if he was dreaming or something.
“Oh. You missed me?” Myungsoo laughed softly, “you didn’t visit me for a month and now you claim you missed me?” Myungsoo shook his head slowly, lying there and laughing as Sungyeol hovered at his side. Sungjong pressed his fingers to Myungsoo’s cheek, stroking it tenderly until Myungsoo’s laughter died in his throat and he gazed up at Sungyeol.
“I missed you, and you have to keep fighting! Never give up, I’ll always support you.” Sungjong whispered, and then he left. Myungsoo stared at the door long after Sungyeol had left. In the morning Myungsoo thought it was a dream, but then he remembered the tone of Sungyeol’s voice, and how the way he spoke sounded different, but familiar at the same time. Myungsoo pressed his hand lightly to his chest wondering why his heart was beating so quickly.
∞
“Are you still writing?” Howon asked as he peered over Sungjong’s shoulder, “Oh you’re almost done huh?” Howon smiled softly, as he stood back watching as Sungjong sighed and then turned to face him. Sungjong nodded his head slowly, feeling hollow as he thought about what Howon had said.
“Yeah almost done, what will I do after this?” Sungjong pouted as he glanced across at Howon, feeling helpless and lonely. “There is nothing to do up here, what do you do all day?” Sungjong sighed as he glanced around the grey misty atmosphere, wondering what he would do while he waited for Myungsoo. Sungjong hoped he could find something to do, because he wanted Myungsoo to live a long and happy life.
“I play with Dongwoo?” Howon shrugged, “you can come and play with us too!” Howon winked softly down at Sungjong. Sungjong paled realising exactly what Howon meant, he could still remember how Howon had said ‘just because we’re dead doesn’t mean we can’t have fun!’ Sungjong shuddered slightly, the thought of having sex out here, where anyone could be watching chilled him to the bone. There was nowhere private - or rather he hadn’t found anywhere private and the thought of countless other ghosts watching really put him off.
“Dongwoo knows a really good hiding spot,” Howon smiled, “and Sungjong, don’t be too hard on yourself. I like you, but I am happy with Dongwoo. I just hope you can be happy one day too.” Howon kissed Sungjong’s cheek lightly before he left. Sungjong frowned and picked up his pen, glancing down at his writing before he started writing again.
∞
“I never want to forget you Sungjong,” Sungyeol whispered as he stood in the small kitchen part of his house, “you’ll always be my best friend okay, no one will ever replace you.” Sungyeol smiled sadly as he looked across at the picture of Sungjong mounted on the wall. Sungyeol had just stuck it up, and Sungjong smiled as he saw it, but he still wished Sungyeol was in the picture too.
“But I guess I should go back to uni, I need to stop mourning you and instead do the things you’ll never be able to do. Do them for you and me.” Sungjong watched as a single tear slid down Sungyeol’s cheek, making Sungjong’s heart clench painfully as he watched his friend cry for what felt like the millionth time.
“I guess Sunggyu-hyung was right, even if we hadn’t gone in the car that day, maybe you were meant to die. I hate that thought but maybe it was the right time.” Sungjong felt a stab of pain in his chest, and then he swallowed as he saw Howon and Dongwoo standing behind Sungyeol, their faces serious as they eyed him.
Sungjong, Dongwoo called out as he came over towards Sungjong, it’s time for you to go back with us. Dongwoo offered Sungjong a faint smile, not realising how upset he was. Sungjong gulped, feeling his eyes tear, and he stood there with his hands shaking as he stared across at Sungyeol.
No! I can’t leave him! Sungjong cried, I can’t leave him! Please Dongwoo-hyung, let me say goodbye? Sungjong clutched Dongwoo’s shirt tightly, begging him with tears flowing down his cheeks as he stood there. Dongwoo frowned, turning to look at Howon and then Sungjong, Uh I don’t get it? How do you say goodbye to him? And you can just do it now, and then we’ll leave?
Hyung he doesn’t mean Sungyeol! Howon explained with a shake of his head, he means Myungsoo, who is in hospital. Dongwoo frowned and then glanced across at Sungjong who was violently shaking his head.
Oh, Dongwoo frowned, I don’t know… I mean I was just told to bring you back with me. Dongwoo shrugged reaching out to grab Sungjong’s wrist, but Howon stopped him gently, stepping in between the two ghosts.
Hyung, just let him go? Howon pleaded, as long as Sungjong just says goodbye to him, we can come back in an hour and pick him up. I know somewhere we can go for an hour… and something we can do? Howon smiled softly across at Dongwoo who finally sighed and then nodded his head.
Okay, but if Tablo-hyung finds out, you’re getting the blame. Dongwoo murmured to Howon, Sungjong, we’ll be back in an hour okay? It doesn’t matter where you are, we’ll find you. Sungjong sobbed slightly, and then nodded his head.
∞
Sungjong was surprised when Sungyeol left and went to the hospital, so he trailed after him. Sungjong bit his lip, part of him wishing that Sungyeol had just gone to sleep so he could say goodbye to him properly. It was late, and Myungsoo was sleeping when they arrived. Sungjong pouted, wondering how he was meant to say goodbye to him.
Sungjong paced around the room desperately, wishing he could think of some way to say goodbye. Something to do so he could properly say goodbye to Myungsoo, Sungjong realised that maybe Howon was right all along. Maybe he did like Myungsoo. Sighing Sungjong sat on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs back and forth, frowning when he saw that he only had twenty minutes left of his hour.
Sungjong got up shakily when he realised an hour had past but there was no sign of Dongwoo or Howon. Frowning Sungjong checked the room again, and then he gasped when he saw that Sungyeol had fallen asleep in the chair. Biting his lip, Sungjong didn’t even think about it, instead he just stepped over to Sungyeol and slipped into his body.
“Sorry hyung,” Sungjong whispered as he stood up slowly. He wrung his hands as he stepped over to the bed, he could hear Sungyeol’s heart pounding so fast as he stood next to the bed. Sungjong crouched down, I must be insane, I must be fucking insane! and he leaned in close, letting his eyes slide shut as he brushed his lips against Myungsoo’s. Sungjong wanted to cry as he kissed Myungsoo, his eyes watering as he kissed him gently and then Myungsoo’s eyes opened. Sungjong sprang back, biting his lip, shit. Oh well maybe Myungsoo-hyung and Sungyeol-hyung can be happy together. But shit what if he mentions the kiss?
“Hm?” Sungjong cringed hearing the surprise in Myungsoo’s voice, “is that you Sungyeol?” Myungsoo whispered sounding half asleep and Sungjong shook his head, and then he nodded his head slowly. I am the biggest idiot ever. How stupid can I be! Sungjong internally wailed.
“Did you kiss me?” Myungsoo whispered, “I’m sorry Sungyeol, but I like someone else. Someone who will never even know I exist.” Myungsoo sighed softly, as he half turned away. Sungjong felt like crying, but instead he touched Myungsoo’s shoulder lightly, feeling guilty for the kiss.
“I’m going to miss you,” Sungjong whispered faintly, half hoping Myungsoo wouldn’t hear him, “goodbye. You have to keep fighting Myungsoo! You have to live!” Sungjong swallowed as he sat down on the chair, placing Sungyeol’s body had it had been before. Sungjong bit his lip as he glanced across and saw Myungsoo watching, but then Sungjong saw Dongwoo and Howon. Yelping Sungjong slipped out of Sungyeol’s body, not seeing how Myungsoo’s eyes widened as he saw Sungyeol go to sleep instantly.
Hyung I meant it! You need to keep fighting, you have to live for me okay? For Sungyeol too and you have to be happy! Please hyung, I’ll wait for eternity for you, just have a happy long life.
I love you, I love you hyung!
“Was I dreaming? Did I imagine that whole thing?” Myungsoo murmured softly, frowning as Sungjong cried, letting his hyung’s take him away. Sungjong squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the kiss, and when he opened his eyes there was nothing but grey mist surrounding him. Sungyeol and Myungsoo were gone from Sungjong’s world, and he was stranded in the ghost realm for ever more.
∞
“Would you really call this the ghost realm?” Howon frowned as he glanced around, “I think of it differently, but then I’ve been here longer.” Howon shrugged and handed the papers to Dongwoo to read, and Sungjong just sighed softly.
“Yeah I don’t know,” Dongwoo handed the papers back to Sungjong, “it’s just this place. Does it need some kind of name? I guess you just wanted it to have a cool name right, Sungjong?” Dongwoo grinned down at him, “Now you’re finished writing it you can come and play with us!” Dongwoo tugged excitedly on Sungjong’s arms, ignoring the way he sighed.
“Come on!” Howon pleaded, “I promise you’ll have fun. And we’ll even tell you how Myungsoo is doing from time to time!” Instantly Sungjong looked up, gasping as he eyed the other two ghosts.
“Wait? You know how Myungsoo is doing?” Sungjong whispered in a faint voice, it had been months since he had left earth, months that he had been confined away from Myungsoo. “How do you even know that?”
“Uh yeah, it’s related to Dongwoo’s great hiding place,” Howon smirked, “Myungsoo was still in hospital last time I saw him but he seemed to be okay.” Howon shrugged and Dongwoo just patted Sungjong on the head, still holding his arm lightly.
“You can’t just sit and mope here all the time,” Howon whined, “you’re almost as bad as Sungyeol! You need to come and play with us and forget Myungsoo!” Howon grinned, when Sungjong sighed and finally agreed to it.
∞
Sungjong lost track of time, of how long he had been waiting for Myungsoo to come. It was hard because Sungjong wanted to see him so badly, but at the same he hoped that Myungsoo had fought the cancer and was living happily. Sungjong hoped that he was happy and would live for a very long time. Sungjong sifted around, feeling down along the ground and hoping to find something interesting. He had found the book and pen lying abandoned on the ground.
It had been a year and a half since Sungjong had left Myungsoo and Sungyeol. A long year had passed where Sungjong had played somewhat reluctantly with Dongwoo and Howon, although he was grateful to them for keeping him sane, well as sane as a ghost could be. Sungjong straightened up, frowning when he saw the whip in his hand, he shuddered and let go when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Sungjong rolled his eyes and ignored the touch at first, figuring it was Dongwoo or Howon just annoying him.
“Excuse me, but could you tell me where I am?” Sungjong froze hearing the voice, “I woke up here and I’m a little confused.” Slowly Sungjong turned, gaping slightly when he saw who was standing in front of him. Sungjong blinked, wondering if he was imagining things. The boy glanced around, blinking his eyes rapidly as he eyed the surroundings before he turned to look directly at Sungjong, the gaze made Sungjong freeze.
“Hey… you look familiar, are you… Sungjong by any chance?” Myungsoo murmured softly, and then he smiled when Sungjong slowly nodded his head. Sungjong swallowed, feeling his eyes water as he gazed across at Myungsoo, suddenly feeling so shy when he realised that Myungsoo was looking right at him. That Myungsoo was seeing him, Sungjong, for the first time. Sungjong laughed suddenly feeling happy, and taking a deep breath he walked closer to where Myungsoo stood, lightly taking his hand.
“Yeah I am Sungjong,” Sungjong felt giddy, he was amazed that Myungsoo had recognised him, he never imagined that, “I’ll um show you around.” Myungsoo tightened his grip on Sungjong’s hand looking unsure as he gazed around, looking at the grey mist. Sungjong looked down at their hands and felt as if he could float away, for the first time he understood the meaning of true happiness, of loving another person. Sungjong had a thousand questions he wanted to ask Myungsoo, but glancing across at the handsome boy, he figured they could wait, after all he had all of eternity to ask him.
Previous
Pairing/Focus: Sungjong; implied Myungsoo/Sungjong
Rating: PG-13
Current word count: 13,000+
Summary: Who says love has to end with death?
Authors Note: a massive thank you to the amazing Saniikii♥, who pretty much persuaded me to submit this. Who also held my hand ;_; through the final stages of this, thank you so much bb! I love you (:
Sungyeol jumped up when Myungsoo appeared in the shop during the day. Sungjong had to struggle to keep Sungyeol’s face composed and not smile too happily until he realised that Myungsoo was still wearing that mask and he should be in school. Sungjong frowned, squinting slightly as he stared across at the other boy, feeling slightly uncomfortable as Myungsoo stared right at him. It made Sungjong feel slightly giddy as Myungsoo stared across at him, the serious look in his eyes.
“Hey Myungsoo-h, shouldn’t you have school?” Sungjong bit his lip, internally groaning when he realised that he almost called him ‘hyung’. Sungjong tilted his head to one side, wondering why Myungsoo was staring at him strangely, like he said something stuck on his face. “Hm, is something wrong?” Sungjong hid behind Sungyeol’s hands, before he turned and looked in the mirror to see if he could see anything.
“Yeah I’m kind of dropping out of school,” Myungsoo mumbled but Sungjong turned around immediately gaping as he stared across at the other boy. What? Why are you dropping out? Why would you do that? Sungjong couldn’t take his eyes away from Myungsoo, his hand in front of his open mouth as he stared in shock.
“Why? Why!” Sungjong couldn’t help but burst out, his hands quivering at his sides, too shocked to notice how Myungsoo frowned across at him. “You should go to school, it’ll be better for your future. Sungjong never got to finish school and I bet he really wishes he could finish school.” Sungjong paused, pressing his fingers to his lips, gulping when he saw how intently Myungsoo was watching him, and then the other boy took the mask off and smiled across at him.
“I bet Sungjong wishes he could,” Myungsoo sighed, “I wish I could too. But it’s a bit more complicated than that. It’s out of my hands now and I don’t really have a choice.” Myungsoo shrugged his eyes looking sad for a second as Sungjong studied him closely, his head spinning as he wondered why. What was going on, none of it made any sense to him.
“I know hyung you care about Sungjong, but one day you have to move past his accident. You can’t keep living like this, I know Sungjong wouldn’t want it to be like that.” Myungsoo bit his lip, glancing across at Sungyeol seriously, “I bet if Sungjong was here with us, he’d want you to be happy and to move past the accident. Sometimes I just wish I could talk to him you know?” Myungsoo shifted from side to side, glancing down at the floor carefully, Sungjong swallowed, just managing to hold back tears. I wish I could talk to you too, that you could see me. Hyung why is it like this, so unfair!
Sungjong walked home dejectedly, not even looking up at the stars. He felt so depressed when he realised that even being in Sungyeol’s body wasn’t the same as Myungsoo talking directly to him. Sungjong exhaled loudly, not noticing that someone was following him. Sungjong unlocked the door when someone touched him on the wrist, shocked Sungjong looked over and then gulped when he saw Howon standing there.
As soon as he was inside Sungjong lay down on the mattress where Sungyeol had been sleeping and then he slipped out of his body, flopping down on the floor next to where Sungyeol slept. Howon sat down next to Sungjong, one eyebrow raised and Sungjong guiltily looked down at the floor.
Sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done it, Sungjong slowly looked up, but it’s so hard not to. And I was curious about Myungsoo-hyung. Sungjong slowly raised his knees and wrapped his arms around them, gazing across at the other ghost. Sungjong didn’t know Howon that well, but he had been friendly and had smiled across at Sungjong when they had met.
It’s cool Sungjonggie, it’s not like you do it so often. Howon shrugged smiling brightly across at Sungjong, who just stared back in surprise. You like him don’t you? Myungsoo. Howon asked a second later, and Sungjong gasped, choking on air as he fell backwards in shock, Howon just laughed loudly.
Wh-what? Sungjong sat up, red faced and embarrassed, don’t be silly of course not. How can a ghost like a human? Sungjong frowned and shook his head, what a ridiculous idea to think that he liked Myungsoo. Howon just smiled across at him silently, making Sungjong frown before he reached across and poked Howon in the wrist.
It’s okay, don’t be like that. Howon grasped Sungjong’s wrist lightly, tugging the other ghost closer and Sungjong shivered slightly from feeling the touch of another ghost. Sungjong shut his eyes as Howon hugged him, wrapping his arms tightly around him and Sungjong clung to him desperately, his heart pounding so rapidly. I’ll try to help you out as much as possible, I promise Sungjong-ah.
∞
“How are you still sick?” Sungyeol blinked as he held the door open for Myungsoo, but the other boy just shrugged. Sungyeol sighed and shut the door, glad for Myungsoo’s company, even if it was so hard without Sungjong there. Sungyeol swallowed as he looked around the tiny apartment, it still felt empty and awkward without Sungjong. It hurt when he saw Myungsoo sitting where Sungjong used to sit and he wondered what Sungjong would’ve thought of Myungsoo.
“It’s complicated,” Myungsoo murmured from his spot on the floor, “hyung can we not talk about that. I was thinking could we go somewhere? Like the zoo or just for a walk? I’m sick of being inside.” Myungsoo frowned slightly, breathing out loudly but he smiled when Sungyeol nodded his head slowly. Myungsoo felt even happier when they met Sunggyu and Woohyun down at the park.
They throw a ball around and for the first time in months Sungyeol doesn’t even think about Sungjong, instead he concentrated on playing with the others. Until Myungsoo complained of a headache and had to sit down, he watches the rest of them play. Sungjong blinked as he walked into the park, Howon trailing behind him slowly, frowning as Sungjong sits next to Myungsoo, glancing across at him, hyung you look tired. What’s wrong?
The laughter made Sungjong freeze and turn to where he sees Sungyeol laughing for the first time in months. Sungjong smiled so happily seeing that, shifting over as Howon came to sit next to him, reaching for his hand. Sungjong let Howon hold his hand, too busy watching Sungyeol laugh and play to care. When Sungjong turned to look at Myungsoo he looks so happy until Sungjong looks right into his eyes, and sees so much sadness.
“You’re happy,” Myungsoo murmurs when Sungyeol joins him, “it’s the first time I’ve heard you smile and laugh.” Myungsoo grins as Woohyun and Sunggyu join them. Sungyeol swallowed and then just shrugged unaware of how Sungjong is beaming across at him, and how happy everyone looks to see him looking happy.
“Sorry we haven’t come to visit you much,” Woohyun apologises, “I’m glad you called us today.” Woohyun smiles as he stands next to Sunggyu. Sungjong bites his lip, guessing that Sungyeol hadn’t called them both because it would’ve been too hard to see them and not Sungjong.
“I know it’s tough, but you should consider coming back to university,” Sunggyu mumbled and Sungjong nodded his head vigourously, “I’m sure Sungjong would’ve wanted that.” Sunggyu gently put his arm around Sungyeol’s waist holding him lightly, trying to comfort him. Sungjong sighed and nodded his head again, pulling his hand away from Howon’s grasp nothing how Sungyeol stiffened next to Sunggyu.
“Everyone keeps telling me what Sungjong would want, but it’s so fucking easy for you guys,” Sungyeol snapped pushing Sunggyu away, “none of you caused his accident. None of you watched your best fucking friend die.” Sungyeol frowned across at his friends, Sungjong stood in between, pouting up at Sungyeol. Sungyeol-hyung, Sungyeol-hyung… Sungjong pleaded softly reaching out towards his friend.
“Sungyeol, were you driving the other car that hit yours?” Woohyun asked, one hand resting on his hip as he reached for Sungyeol’s shoulder. The taller male shook his head, so Woohyun mumbled, “Exactly. So why are you blaming yourself? You couldn’t predict that the other car was going to lose control and hit yours. There was nothing you could do, so you can’t keep blaming yourself.” Woohyun reached out to touch Sungyeol’s shoulder but the boy stormed off.
“Just leave him be, Myungsoo-ah,” Sunggyu murmured when the other boy went to leave, “He just needs some space to cool down I think. But I think Woohyun you said the right thing.” Sunggyu nodded softly towards Woohyun. Sungjong stared forlornly at Sungyeol, torn whether he should follow his friend or stay where he was, it wasn’t as if he could help Sungyeol in any way.
Wow, he’s really intense! Howon touched Sungjong’s arm lightly, he really cared about you, didn’t he? Sungjong frowned and then nodded his head at Howon, wondering why the other ghost had taken to following him around. It was slightly annoying but at the same time it was good to have someone to actually talk to. Sungjong bit his lip deciding he would find Sungyeol, but as he started to drift away something made him stop and turn around.
“Myungsoo!” Sungjong blinked as he saw a woman walking across the park towards Myungsoo, grabbing his arm, “Please stop sneaking out, please Myungsoo? You have to get better.” Sungjong stopped and then floated closer, blinking his eyes as he saw the way Myungsoo looked down at the ground, sneaking out? What? Does his mother keep him locked in the house or something?
“Mum, I’ll come now, just let me… say something to my friends before I go?” Myungsoo pleaded but finally his mother sighed and let him go, walking back towards the car. Woohyun and Sunggyu crowded around Myungsoo, frowning as he stared at him. Sungjong and Howon crowded around too, so that Myungsoo was surrounded.
“Hey what was that about?” Sunggyu asked with a slight frown, “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Myungsoo brushed Sunggyu off, but Sungjong was starting to feel knots forming in his abdomen, and he started to feel nauseous as he stood there. He could tell that Myungsoo was lying, but Sungjong didn’t know what he was hiding. “My parents are just um kind of protective of me. I better go, don’t tell Sungyeol, please?” Myungsoo pleaded before he walked over to the car calmly.
Howon-hyung, do you know what’s wrong with him? He was lying wasn’t he? Sungjong frowned turning to Howon who just nodded his head, before he glanced over to where Myungsoo was getting into the car. Howon tilted his head to the side, blinking his eyes thoughtfully as he watched Myungsoo leave.
∞
“Actually I think Woohyun-hyung was right,” Myungsoo reached over and handed Sungyeol a serviette, smirking as the other boy dropped more ice cream on the footpath, “what he said to you last time.” Myungsoo shrugged, half turning away to eat his ice cream and ignore the glare Sungyeol shot him. Sungjong just stopped dead, biting the inside of his cheek as he turned to look from Myungsoo to Sungyeol and back again.
“Thanks, and what?” Sungyeol wiped his mouth hastily, “can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t blame yourself? And why should I have to forget Sungjong.” Sungyeol frowned, waving his ice cream out in front of him, Sungjong sighed and shook his head. No one is asking you to forget me hyung.
“I don’t know, but I do know that blaming yourself is only going to eat away at you until you feel worse.” Myungsoo bit his lip and shook his head, “one day you just have to accept that life isn’t fair. It’s not like the lie they tell us, that everything is sparkly and rainbow coloured, and that everything always works out perfectly. Life isn’t like that, it’s unfair, and it’s brutal and horrible.” Myungsoo sucked in a deep breath, turning away from Sungyeol and muttering a faint, “Sorry.”
Both Sungjong and Sungyeol gaped across at Myungsoo, and Sungjong felt the knots tugging inside his abdomen again. Curiously he looked across at Myungsoo wondering what had prompted that outburst it seemed so sudden.
“Um I’m sorry for going on about it,” Myungsoo apologised before Sungyeol could get a word in, “And no one said you should forget Sungjong. You just need to find a way to move on so it stops hurting you.” Myungsoo frowned and then bit his lip looking guilty for a second or two. Sungyeol swallowed and just held his ice cream staring across at Myungsoo.
“What caused your outburst?” Sungyeol avoided the topic of Sungjong completely, “did something… happen?” Sungyeol bit his lip, and Sungjong smiled faintly happy that for once Sungyeol had picked up on something instead of just being depressed. Sungjong leaned in closer to Myungsoo, frowning as he stared across at Myungsoo, noticing how pale and thin he looked that day.
“No nothing happened it’s just… I hate how people are made to think that life is fair when it really isn’t.” Myungsoo scuffed his shoe along the kerb, letting out a faint sigh as he crunched down on the last of his ice cream cone. “It frustrates me you know, like how your best friend was killed. Like he had so much potential, but then it’s also frustrating seeing you mope around like this every day. You have so much potential too, it’s just a waste. I just wish…” Myungsoo trailed off, pushing his hand into his pocket and staring out at nothing.
You just wish what hyung? I hate this, it feels like something is going on with you but I don’t know what it is and its driving me nuts! Sungjong sighed as he pouted across at Myungsoo wishing there was some way he could know his secrets, some way he could understand what the other meant. Sungyeol however had no such desire, instead he walked off again, leaving a brooding Myungsoo and a sad faced ghost staring sadly across at the other boy.
∞
“Myungsoo what is going on?” Sungjong grabbed Myungsoo’s wrist lightly, trying to ignore how hard Sungyeol’s heart was beating with nervousness. “You’ve hardly been around, you’re so pale and thin. What’s going on?” Sungjong swallowed, trying to ignore the way Myungsoo looked across at him startled before he looked down at where Sungyeol’s hand rested. Instantly Sungjong let go, watching Myungsoo’s hand fall back down to his side. I missed you, I tried to visit you but I never could get into your house.
“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo whispered, biting his lip, “I tried to come around to tell you but I couldn’t. My parents wouldn’t let me out so I couldn’t.” Myungsoo half turned away before he started the cough, his hand shaking slightly in front of his mouth. Sungjong watched alarmed and then it just hit him in the face, making him gasp and step back, hitting the wall softly.
“You’re sick aren’t you,” Sungjong whispered, not even noticing that Sungyeol’s voice was higher than usual, or that he should try and talk more like Sungyeol. “Myungsoo, hyung, you’re sick aren’t you?” Sungjong whispered, his voice breaking. Sungjong didn’t even notice his mistake, but Myungsoo stared so hard at him, jaw dropping open in surprise.
“Um,” Myungsoo swallowed and then started to shake his head, but after a second he slowly nodded his head. “Anyway I’m sorry, I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back and talk to you. I snuck out, I’m being admitted to hospital tonight.” Myungsoo hung his head slowly, and Sungjong swallowed the lump of ice, it sounded bad, really bad.
“I’ll just leave this here, I wasn’t sure if you’d be here or not so I wrote a note.” Myungsoo placed the envelope on the counter, and Sungjong swallowed deciding he would leave it for Sungyeol to see later. “I need to go, maybe you can visit me sometime? I put my parent’s phone number in there so you can call and find out what room I’m in, if you want to come.” Myungsoo nodded his head slowly before he turned and walked out of the store ignoring how Sungjong called out his name repeatedly.
Sungjong sank down to the floor after Myungsoo left, his thoughts spinning rapidly as he thought about the fact that Myungsoo was sick and he was being admitted to hospital. It was only then that Sungjong realised what he said to Myungsoo, gasping he wanted to be sick as he sat there on the floor. Shit! I called him hyung by mistake, I don’t know why he didn’t say anything about it though!
∞
It took Sungyeol a month to visit Myungsoo in hospital, Sungjong on the other hand had been visiting Myungsoo daily. During the day when Sungyeol was working he would slip out and make his way to the hospital. Sungjong sat next to Myungsoo on the bed, reading over his shoulder or he just sat and chattered away to the other, even though he knew that Myungsoo couldn’t hear a word he said. Sungjong was hopeful, because the day after Myungsoo had been admitted something had changed with Sungyeol.
Sungjong didn’t notice right away, but then he noticed that Sungyeol seemed to be deep in thought. Out of the blue he phoned up Sunggyu and Woohyun. For the first time in what felt like eternity, Sungjong noticed that Sungyeol was actually doing stuff other than just going to work. That slowly something was changing and Sungjong smiled, wondering if it was the letter Myungsoo had left Sungyeol, or the various things he had said before he went into hospital.
Sungjong was just making himself comfortable on the bed next to Myungsoo when the door slid open and Sungyeol walked in. Hyung! Sungjong put his hands on his hips, Hyung what are you doing? You’re so slow to visit Myungsoo-hyung! But at least you’re here now! Sungjong smiled warmly as Sungyeol came over, looking guilty.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit you earlier,” Sungyeol bit his lip, “I wanted to thank you for everything you said and that letter you wrote. I guess I thought all along that everyone was just telling me to forget Sungjong ever existed and I can’t do that. I just can’t.” Sungyeol shook his head slowly.
“But your words made sense and I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. How are you? How are you feeling?” Sungyeol dragged the chair closer to Myungsoo’s bed and sat down looking across at his friend. Sungjong shifted closer to Myungsoo, feeling strange as he looked from his best friend and then across to Myungsoo.
“I’m bored, really bored.” Myungsoo sighed softly, “I’m okay, nothing to complain about really,” Myungsoo grinned as he shrugged his shoulders lightly. You’re not okay, hyung why are you like this? Sungjong sighed as he bit his lip, you need a transplant, a donor! But you have to keep fighting okay hyung? I’ll be here supporting you every step of the way. Sungjong nodded his head, wishing that for once Myungsoo would be honest and tell Sungyeol how sick he was.
“Ah I guess you would be bored,” Sungyeol fidgeted nervously, “I brought you some magazines and I uh, wanted you to know that I was thinking about going back to university.” Sungjong sat up straight, eyes widening, he gasped as he looked across at Sungyeol. Sungjong realised he clearly had been spending a lot of time with Myungsoo if he had failed to miss that.
“Really?” Myungsoo smiled brightly leaning across to take the bag from Sungyeol’s hands, “that’s awesome. You’ll have to come in and tell me how it goes.” Myungsoo sighed, “I wish I could go to university but at this point in time it’s impossible.” Me too hyung, me too. Or maybe not haha, I just wish I was still alive.
“I guess I realised you were right, I can’t keep living like this. Especially since you got sick, it made me realise we don’t know what will happen. Even if it’s hard I have to find a way to move past,” Sungyeol shrugged, “I just hope that Sungjong wouldn’t be angry at me, or anything like that.” Sungjong sat up in Myungsoo’s bed, shaking his head quickly.
“Yeah you do,” Myungsoo agreed, “I know getting sick really put things into perspective for me. But I am going to fight this goddamn cancer.” Myungsoo frowned, “Because I want to finish school, I want to go to university too. I have so many dreams, but its great hyung, you need to start fighting for your dreams.” Myungsoo smiled across at Sungyeol.
∞
Myungsoo groaned and opened his eyes when he saw Sungyeol sitting in his darkened hospital room. Surprised Myungsoo glanced across at the clock, frowning when he saw that it was almost three am. “Uh hyung, you should be at home sleeping!” Myungsoo hissed wondering how the other boy had even snuck into the room.
“I know, I know,” Sungjong bit his lip softly, “I should be sleeping but I missed you.” Sungjong stood up slowly, brushing his fingers across Myungsoo’s forehead lightly. Myungsoo groggily stared up at Sungyeol, wondering if he was dreaming or something.
“Oh. You missed me?” Myungsoo laughed softly, “you didn’t visit me for a month and now you claim you missed me?” Myungsoo shook his head slowly, lying there and laughing as Sungyeol hovered at his side. Sungjong pressed his fingers to Myungsoo’s cheek, stroking it tenderly until Myungsoo’s laughter died in his throat and he gazed up at Sungyeol.
“I missed you, and you have to keep fighting! Never give up, I’ll always support you.” Sungjong whispered, and then he left. Myungsoo stared at the door long after Sungyeol had left. In the morning Myungsoo thought it was a dream, but then he remembered the tone of Sungyeol’s voice, and how the way he spoke sounded different, but familiar at the same time. Myungsoo pressed his hand lightly to his chest wondering why his heart was beating so quickly.
∞
“Are you still writing?” Howon asked as he peered over Sungjong’s shoulder, “Oh you’re almost done huh?” Howon smiled softly, as he stood back watching as Sungjong sighed and then turned to face him. Sungjong nodded his head slowly, feeling hollow as he thought about what Howon had said.
“Yeah almost done, what will I do after this?” Sungjong pouted as he glanced across at Howon, feeling helpless and lonely. “There is nothing to do up here, what do you do all day?” Sungjong sighed as he glanced around the grey misty atmosphere, wondering what he would do while he waited for Myungsoo. Sungjong hoped he could find something to do, because he wanted Myungsoo to live a long and happy life.
“I play with Dongwoo?” Howon shrugged, “you can come and play with us too!” Howon winked softly down at Sungjong. Sungjong paled realising exactly what Howon meant, he could still remember how Howon had said ‘just because we’re dead doesn’t mean we can’t have fun!’ Sungjong shuddered slightly, the thought of having sex out here, where anyone could be watching chilled him to the bone. There was nowhere private - or rather he hadn’t found anywhere private and the thought of countless other ghosts watching really put him off.
“Dongwoo knows a really good hiding spot,” Howon smiled, “and Sungjong, don’t be too hard on yourself. I like you, but I am happy with Dongwoo. I just hope you can be happy one day too.” Howon kissed Sungjong’s cheek lightly before he left. Sungjong frowned and picked up his pen, glancing down at his writing before he started writing again.
∞
“I never want to forget you Sungjong,” Sungyeol whispered as he stood in the small kitchen part of his house, “you’ll always be my best friend okay, no one will ever replace you.” Sungyeol smiled sadly as he looked across at the picture of Sungjong mounted on the wall. Sungyeol had just stuck it up, and Sungjong smiled as he saw it, but he still wished Sungyeol was in the picture too.
“But I guess I should go back to uni, I need to stop mourning you and instead do the things you’ll never be able to do. Do them for you and me.” Sungjong watched as a single tear slid down Sungyeol’s cheek, making Sungjong’s heart clench painfully as he watched his friend cry for what felt like the millionth time.
“I guess Sunggyu-hyung was right, even if we hadn’t gone in the car that day, maybe you were meant to die. I hate that thought but maybe it was the right time.” Sungjong felt a stab of pain in his chest, and then he swallowed as he saw Howon and Dongwoo standing behind Sungyeol, their faces serious as they eyed him.
Sungjong, Dongwoo called out as he came over towards Sungjong, it’s time for you to go back with us. Dongwoo offered Sungjong a faint smile, not realising how upset he was. Sungjong gulped, feeling his eyes tear, and he stood there with his hands shaking as he stared across at Sungyeol.
No! I can’t leave him! Sungjong cried, I can’t leave him! Please Dongwoo-hyung, let me say goodbye? Sungjong clutched Dongwoo’s shirt tightly, begging him with tears flowing down his cheeks as he stood there. Dongwoo frowned, turning to look at Howon and then Sungjong, Uh I don’t get it? How do you say goodbye to him? And you can just do it now, and then we’ll leave?
Hyung he doesn’t mean Sungyeol! Howon explained with a shake of his head, he means Myungsoo, who is in hospital. Dongwoo frowned and then glanced across at Sungjong who was violently shaking his head.
Oh, Dongwoo frowned, I don’t know… I mean I was just told to bring you back with me. Dongwoo shrugged reaching out to grab Sungjong’s wrist, but Howon stopped him gently, stepping in between the two ghosts.
Hyung, just let him go? Howon pleaded, as long as Sungjong just says goodbye to him, we can come back in an hour and pick him up. I know somewhere we can go for an hour… and something we can do? Howon smiled softly across at Dongwoo who finally sighed and then nodded his head.
Okay, but if Tablo-hyung finds out, you’re getting the blame. Dongwoo murmured to Howon, Sungjong, we’ll be back in an hour okay? It doesn’t matter where you are, we’ll find you. Sungjong sobbed slightly, and then nodded his head.
∞
Sungjong was surprised when Sungyeol left and went to the hospital, so he trailed after him. Sungjong bit his lip, part of him wishing that Sungyeol had just gone to sleep so he could say goodbye to him properly. It was late, and Myungsoo was sleeping when they arrived. Sungjong pouted, wondering how he was meant to say goodbye to him.
Sungjong paced around the room desperately, wishing he could think of some way to say goodbye. Something to do so he could properly say goodbye to Myungsoo, Sungjong realised that maybe Howon was right all along. Maybe he did like Myungsoo. Sighing Sungjong sat on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs back and forth, frowning when he saw that he only had twenty minutes left of his hour.
Sungjong got up shakily when he realised an hour had past but there was no sign of Dongwoo or Howon. Frowning Sungjong checked the room again, and then he gasped when he saw that Sungyeol had fallen asleep in the chair. Biting his lip, Sungjong didn’t even think about it, instead he just stepped over to Sungyeol and slipped into his body.
“Sorry hyung,” Sungjong whispered as he stood up slowly. He wrung his hands as he stepped over to the bed, he could hear Sungyeol’s heart pounding so fast as he stood next to the bed. Sungjong crouched down, I must be insane, I must be fucking insane! and he leaned in close, letting his eyes slide shut as he brushed his lips against Myungsoo’s. Sungjong wanted to cry as he kissed Myungsoo, his eyes watering as he kissed him gently and then Myungsoo’s eyes opened. Sungjong sprang back, biting his lip, shit. Oh well maybe Myungsoo-hyung and Sungyeol-hyung can be happy together. But shit what if he mentions the kiss?
“Hm?” Sungjong cringed hearing the surprise in Myungsoo’s voice, “is that you Sungyeol?” Myungsoo whispered sounding half asleep and Sungjong shook his head, and then he nodded his head slowly. I am the biggest idiot ever. How stupid can I be! Sungjong internally wailed.
“Did you kiss me?” Myungsoo whispered, “I’m sorry Sungyeol, but I like someone else. Someone who will never even know I exist.” Myungsoo sighed softly, as he half turned away. Sungjong felt like crying, but instead he touched Myungsoo’s shoulder lightly, feeling guilty for the kiss.
“I’m going to miss you,” Sungjong whispered faintly, half hoping Myungsoo wouldn’t hear him, “goodbye. You have to keep fighting Myungsoo! You have to live!” Sungjong swallowed as he sat down on the chair, placing Sungyeol’s body had it had been before. Sungjong bit his lip as he glanced across and saw Myungsoo watching, but then Sungjong saw Dongwoo and Howon. Yelping Sungjong slipped out of Sungyeol’s body, not seeing how Myungsoo’s eyes widened as he saw Sungyeol go to sleep instantly.
Hyung I meant it! You need to keep fighting, you have to live for me okay? For Sungyeol too and you have to be happy! Please hyung, I’ll wait for eternity for you, just have a happy long life.
I love you, I love you hyung!
“Was I dreaming? Did I imagine that whole thing?” Myungsoo murmured softly, frowning as Sungjong cried, letting his hyung’s take him away. Sungjong squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the kiss, and when he opened his eyes there was nothing but grey mist surrounding him. Sungyeol and Myungsoo were gone from Sungjong’s world, and he was stranded in the ghost realm for ever more.
∞
“Would you really call this the ghost realm?” Howon frowned as he glanced around, “I think of it differently, but then I’ve been here longer.” Howon shrugged and handed the papers to Dongwoo to read, and Sungjong just sighed softly.
“Yeah I don’t know,” Dongwoo handed the papers back to Sungjong, “it’s just this place. Does it need some kind of name? I guess you just wanted it to have a cool name right, Sungjong?” Dongwoo grinned down at him, “Now you’re finished writing it you can come and play with us!” Dongwoo tugged excitedly on Sungjong’s arms, ignoring the way he sighed.
“Come on!” Howon pleaded, “I promise you’ll have fun. And we’ll even tell you how Myungsoo is doing from time to time!” Instantly Sungjong looked up, gasping as he eyed the other two ghosts.
“Wait? You know how Myungsoo is doing?” Sungjong whispered in a faint voice, it had been months since he had left earth, months that he had been confined away from Myungsoo. “How do you even know that?”
“Uh yeah, it’s related to Dongwoo’s great hiding place,” Howon smirked, “Myungsoo was still in hospital last time I saw him but he seemed to be okay.” Howon shrugged and Dongwoo just patted Sungjong on the head, still holding his arm lightly.
“You can’t just sit and mope here all the time,” Howon whined, “you’re almost as bad as Sungyeol! You need to come and play with us and forget Myungsoo!” Howon grinned, when Sungjong sighed and finally agreed to it.
∞
Sungjong lost track of time, of how long he had been waiting for Myungsoo to come. It was hard because Sungjong wanted to see him so badly, but at the same he hoped that Myungsoo had fought the cancer and was living happily. Sungjong hoped that he was happy and would live for a very long time. Sungjong sifted around, feeling down along the ground and hoping to find something interesting. He had found the book and pen lying abandoned on the ground.
It had been a year and a half since Sungjong had left Myungsoo and Sungyeol. A long year had passed where Sungjong had played somewhat reluctantly with Dongwoo and Howon, although he was grateful to them for keeping him sane, well as sane as a ghost could be. Sungjong straightened up, frowning when he saw the whip in his hand, he shuddered and let go when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Sungjong rolled his eyes and ignored the touch at first, figuring it was Dongwoo or Howon just annoying him.
“Excuse me, but could you tell me where I am?” Sungjong froze hearing the voice, “I woke up here and I’m a little confused.” Slowly Sungjong turned, gaping slightly when he saw who was standing in front of him. Sungjong blinked, wondering if he was imagining things. The boy glanced around, blinking his eyes rapidly as he eyed the surroundings before he turned to look directly at Sungjong, the gaze made Sungjong freeze.
“Hey… you look familiar, are you… Sungjong by any chance?” Myungsoo murmured softly, and then he smiled when Sungjong slowly nodded his head. Sungjong swallowed, feeling his eyes water as he gazed across at Myungsoo, suddenly feeling so shy when he realised that Myungsoo was looking right at him. That Myungsoo was seeing him, Sungjong, for the first time. Sungjong laughed suddenly feeling happy, and taking a deep breath he walked closer to where Myungsoo stood, lightly taking his hand.
“Yeah I am Sungjong,” Sungjong felt giddy, he was amazed that Myungsoo had recognised him, he never imagined that, “I’ll um show you around.” Myungsoo tightened his grip on Sungjong’s hand looking unsure as he gazed around, looking at the grey mist. Sungjong looked down at their hands and felt as if he could float away, for the first time he understood the meaning of true happiness, of loving another person. Sungjong had a thousand questions he wanted to ask Myungsoo, but glancing across at the handsome boy, he figured they could wait, after all he had all of eternity to ask him.
Previous