IMB/IBB 2013: From Veins to Arteries
Working Title: from veins to arteries
Pairing/Focus: Sungyeol/Myungsoo, Sungjong
Rating: PG
Total word count: 5, 227w
Summary:
--
day one hundred thirty-two
When I went to the trapdoor of the clocktower, I briefly went through what happened. The area I scanned was devoid of life, as expected. It wasn't completely lacking, because once every few days there used to be a couple or more people, all with ragged clothing that passed by, but those days no one bothered to bother the few others who also survived. It seems that there was a silent pact for the thousand or so people who managed to skirt the edges of the oppressive 'leaders' of the land.
Before the takeover the city had a population of about fifty thousand.
After the takeover everyone came to a consensus that it was better to mind their own business. Gathering in large groups caught attention and those days it just wasn't preferred, not to mention dangerous.
Carefully, I tiptoed on the wooden stairs up the tower, trying my best not to make them creak. (Anyone who was a threat rarely came by, but I still remembered to be wary of my own home, especially after the near miss of those soldiers a couple months ago.) Grassy smells filled the air because of the previous days' rain shower. Everything felt slightly damp and worn more than usual.
There was a toy store that was made in junction to the clock tower. It was seldom opened, before we came along. A pile of soft toys became our beds during the nights. The clock tower was the place we spent the day in, because no one could see us through the windows. It was too high for the average sized person, anyways.
Once I came to the top of the staircase I looked around to check if anything was out of place. We didn't have anything, actually, no furnishings or decorations littered the wooden floor. There were only gears of the clock and Myungsoo staring intently at the wall he marked the passing days on, tongue flicking out to lick his lips. Myungsoo's steady breath came out in clouds, slow and sure.
"It's already been three months," he said quietly.
"At least you still have your mom," I tried. Sometimes Myungsoo seemed like he would never get sad, and I almost believed it, before they took my parents away.
"Where's your brother?" he asked. Myungsoo turned around to smile at me. He rarely smiled anymore.
I probably shouldn't have mentioned his mother. He knew I wanted my whole family back. (He's older than me by a year and it seemed like Myungsoo thought of me as his own younger brother by that time. He immediately shoved away the topic of my parents whenever he thought I was thinking of them, jumping onto the next topic without a segue.)
"He wanted to search for some food with your mom in the woods," I told him. I buttoned up my sleeves, then my grey coat. It was worn and a little snug by then, the cheap material didn’t hold very well. I was still growing.
"Oh," he breathed. "It's not as dangerous as it was in the beginning."
"I wouldn't let Sungjin go out there if it were," I said without a hitch in my breath. The forest lining the outskirts of the town used to be littered with the government's men, searching for any runaways. Myungsoo reacted the same way I did when he found out his mom went out to scavenge for food on her own in the first month.
--
Sungjin looked at me. My eyebrows rose. The expression he wore was different from most of the other times he came up after food collecting. I waited for the explanation while Myungsoo helped them empty the food onto the floor, careful not to bruise it. My brother jumped right into whatever he needed to say.
"There was something moving," Sungjin announced.
"It wasn't a group of soldiers, though," Yejin clarified. "It didn't look like it."
"Why are you telling us? We run into people all the time when looking for food," Myungsoo argued while he shifted closer to his mom.
I looked at the small pile of fruits my brother and Yejin collected just a few minutes prior to the conversation. The cool air and rainy days signalled the beginning of spring. New plants bloomed during those times, without anyone needing to plant anything. Not that we really could.
"No, I mean," Sungjin groaned. I almost snorted because he was so close to stomping his foot. Even after the takeover my little brother still remained himself, always the epitome of a child, bright and curious, but innocent all the same.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Sungjong, me and Sungjin goon saw a train," Yejin replied.
"A moving train," Sungjin emphasized.
Her worn eyes were large, the disbelief showing with a tinge of fear. The dubious curiosity in the room grew (slowly) into surprising hope. I was surprised myself. I thought it was a bit early to have faith in not the train itself, but the person behind it, because we didn't even know who it was, who it could have been. Like whether or not the person was a survivor or soldier. But the seed of hope started there regardless of my doubt, faint but big enough so that it wouldn't evaporate into the cool air.
--
day one hundred thirty-three
I walked out of the clock tower into the door that connected it to the toy store. Myungsoo was there, huddled into a secluded corner, where he could light a candle without getting seen from the dirty window. It was like a rainbow, nothing of mundane quality existed in the octagon shaped room. Except for us, maybe.
"We're running out of supplies," Myungsoo said, blowing his long fringe out of his eyes. He needed a haircut, he really did.
"Which ones?" I sat down beside him, where he was looking at a list. His hands were rougher than they were before the takeover, the veins popped out on the back of his hand like mountains against his tanned, dry skin.
"Mostly medical stuff," Myungsoo told me. "I don't know where to get any. All the places around here are for food and clothes. Things we don't need right now."
"You know," I cleared my throat when my voice jumped an octave, "We could try to catch that train," I suggested. "Maybe we could get a ride and run for our lives while trying to get more things."
"Oh."
"Yeah," I chuckled. Myungsoo used to have to think things over and over again before deciding. He was quicker after the takeover--he needed to be, for Yejin, for Sungjin, for me.
--
day one hundred thirty-six
"Mom, mom! Is this really where you found it?" Myungsoo whispered rashly from the expanse of tree he leaned on I smiled a bit at that. Old Myungsoo still leaks through New Myungsoo sometimes, his shoulders perpetually raised higher than they should be. Or higher than they used to be, anyways.
"Yes, Myungsoo, stop asking me things," Yejin shook her head at her son.
Myungsoo licked his lips and pressed them together in response, looking toward the train tracks.
The train was already heading towards us. I could hear it, even though I had to block out the rustling of leaves. It was not as loud as I thought it would be. How come the tracks didn't grate on each other with as much friction as I remember?
"Hyung, it's here!" Sungjin did a tiny jump next to Myungsoo, who would have smiled if we weren't in light of possible danger. (And if it weren't at four in the morning, but by that time it became a norm, not seeing him smile and being up that early.)
My brother shut his mouth once the train stopped. Right in front of where we hid. I grit my teeth, because that was too close for comfort.
It was replaced by a restrained gasp once one of the doors opened, which revealed a boy, his porcelain skin marred with grease and sweat. Peculiar sight. The boy looked like he was from the East part of the city, with his whiter skin and more expensive clothing. It wasn't as expensive as it once was, of course, because it'd been torn and smudged in the way a person who survived in the woods would. His round brown eyes looked around, which eventually stopped on us.
"What are you?" his voice demanded. It wavered and cracked in all the strangest places, like it hadn't been worn in a long, long time.
His voice startled Sungjin. I could see Sungjin's eyes widen at the sound of it, before Yejin took the first step to him, the unknown boy.
"We're runaways," she said. "What are you?" Yejin asked him, voice perfect in the way she used it, interrogating in the lightest sense but revealed nothing of our intentions. He blinked once before answering.
His eyes narrow, wrinkling at the edge, chapped lips pressing together before he lets out, "I'm one too."
"Where's your group?" I questioned him. There was no use hiding myself anymore, he was looking at me when Yejin answered him.
"I don't have one. Ran away before the soldiers got to me." He puffed his cheeks while he looked deep in thought. "Are all four of you together?"
--
The boy's name turned out to be Lee Sungyeol. He said he found the train when he was looking for food. Sungyeol sat on a rock, surrounded by us when he told his story, his voice rising in mountains as if we were in an enclosed room but forgot that we were in it constantly, his speech going faster as his hands shaped his memories.
"The old thing was busted. I thought so when I saw it. It actually wasn't, I found out later on when I played with the dashboard things at the front," a small chuckle emanated from his lips, but no mirth could be detected. "It took me a while to figure it out, but I did."
"How did you get it to be so quiet?" Yejin asked him.
She was nothing but inviting to Sungyeol since we met him. So far only she and Sungjin spoke to him in sufficient amounts. Myungsoo and I stayed quiet through most of the conversation, although Myungsoo seemed a little more hostile than I was. (Or maybe he was just overanalysing every movement and sentence that came out of Sungyeol's mouth. You can never tell with Myungsoo sometimes.)
"I use grease. Stuff I used to use for my hair," Sungyeol answered. "I don't have a lot, so I'm going to go get some more soon."
"Do you really need that much?" Sungjin interrupted.
Sungyeol rubbed his nape before he said, "Naw, I only use the train twice a month."
--
day one hundred thirty-eight
Myungsoo hit the stone wall repeatedly, made tiny marks that soon resembled a stick, tongue sticking out again in concentration. The new boy leaned over curiously behind him. Sungyeol seemed to be strange about Myungsoo. The few times I heard them speak to each other were an exchange of awkward good mornings and hellos. He stayed with us for two days so far.
(Yejin invited him over to the clock tower a little after we met him. It was met with bewildered looks from Myungsoo. Even though he opposed it, Myungsoo went along with it anyways because he got lectured about being nice to other people-he tried to close the door on Sungyeol when we reached the toy store. I admit, it was strange to see him get scolded since he rarely disobeyed his mom.)
"What is this?" Sungyeol tilted his head.
I imagine that his round eyes only grew wider, the scratchy dips on his face highlighted by the muscles stretching. Back then I thought that they were from trees but later found they were from working with the train. Myungsoo blinked at him, his own eyes unreadable.
"It's the day count," he replied while turning around, ignoring Sungyeol further. His shoulders were raised again, his fingers tightened on the stone stick he was holding.
"Since...?" Sungyeol didn't need to finish his question. A stiff nod was all he got. "Oh. How many?"
"One hundred thirty eighth day is today," Myungsoo said.
He started doing that the first day we found the tower. Myungsoo never missed a day, not ever. I wanted to ask him why he did it, but I knew that he wouldn’t tell me. We were friends, but there were still things we kept to ourselves, things we’re too scared to talk about after all the loss.
“Ah. I was never good at this when I learned this in lectures,” Sungyeol grins.
I tilted my head. It reminded me of Sungjin, but their smiles weren’t similar at all. Myungsoo’s eyebrows bent closer to his eyes, face confused instead of judging.
“The things I learned are slipping,” Sungyeol explained.
Myungsoo’s eyes went wide before dimming again, nodding. “I see.”
"Can I ask you something?" Sungyeol turned to me. I thought I saw a flash of warmth rise in Sungyeol’s cheeks, but it went away in a flash. "Have you guys ever gone outside of the woods?" Both Myungsoo and I looked at each other in confusion. We didn't know what he was talking about, exactly.
"What...what do you mean?" Myungsoo asked.
"Did you ever try to explore any place you haven't gone to before?"
Oh. It has been a while. None of us ever dared to try and discover other places in the city, not even Sungjin. I shook my head.
"Well, do you guys want to? I was supposed to leave yesterday," Sungyeol said.
"I think it'd be cool," Sungjin entered. "When are we going?"
"Sungjin-"
"No, it would be good to see anything other than this place," Yejin followed, done with eating her snack. "Don't go against it Myungsoo, you know you can use other sources for materials. Eventually we'll run out of what we have."
--
day one hundred forty
Sungyeol ran to Myungsoo who was carrying a basket of food near the train. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but soon Sungyeol stopped and slowed his walking, his shoulders drooping and legs no longer matching his pace with Myungsoo. He was walking a lot faster than usual.
“Hello,” I greeted.
Sungyeol jolted slightly, then calmed, giving me a smile. I turned to where Myungsoo was walking. I nodded towards him, my hands in my ruined pockets. We walked together, the wet ground soaking through my shoes.
A moment passed before Sungyeol said, “Does your clan not see many people?”
“Hmm?” my eyebrows shot up into my hair. I stopped and looked at Sungyeol again, before something clicked. “Oh. Well. Yes, I think.”
“You don’t remember?”
“We see people from time to time, but none that are my age.”
Sungyeol blinked and licked his lips. That was the first time I saw him do that since I met him.
“I didn’t mean that,” Sungyeol shook his head beside me.
“But you did.” I gave him a questioning look which he avoided, blowing on his long hair. Neither of us spoke after that, only the gravel underneath our worn shoes made sounds.
“He used to be more open,” I said, after a while. Another beat passed, then I asked, “If you don’t mind, can you tell me why you’re bothered by it?”
Sungyeol stopped walking. I didn’t know what to do so I just blinked at him while he did the same. It was then that I noticed the discs that flattened and darkened the skin underneath (and around) his eyes, his blemishes hidden by the dark sky, and his cheeks flattened by malnutrition. Sungyeol didn’t look his age.
“I don’t know,” Sungyeol said, looking at me in the eye. “I really don’t. I don’t know where I’m driving the train when I use it. I never do, so I’m not surprised I don’t know this either.” he shook his head.
“Did you get to spend time with people your age? When you were still with your family,” I asked, carefully. I talked slow and deliberate.
“My brother and a couple friends. I didn’t get a lot of time to.”
I nodded. It made sense. Sungyeol was probably being taught how to run a company or something to similar to it.
“It would’ve been coincidence if you already knew how to use trains before you found the one you use now,” I said.
“Yeah,” Sungyeol grinned. “If it weren’t a life or death situation it’d be enjoyable.”
“I can see why,” I tilted my head, seeing a train in my head that was more like I remembered. They weren’t so dirty before, and I always imagined it that it would be filled with dainty details inside.
“It’s not as pretty as you’d think,” Sungyeol went on.
I looked at him in confusion because I didn’t say that out loud. Or did I?
“I mean,” Sungyeol waved his hands, “They were, but it’s not so great now. It seems…faded.”
--
day one hundred forty-three
The walk back into the woods was charged with a certain excitement (or weariness, in Myungsoo's case) that could only be associated with newfound adventure. Sungjin filled most of the silence with his chatter, which kept Sungyeol busy. That didn't stop me from noticing his backward glances at my friend, though.
"This will be good for Myungsoo," Yejin whisphered.
"I'm sorry?" I leaned in towards her to hear better.
Myungsoo probably wasn't paying attention; he kept looking around the trees and shrubbery like it was the only thing he could see. That’s one thing that’s never changed about him.
"You noticed too, didn't you? My son's been living like he's dead. Ever since we got separated from his brother and father."
"Oh. Yeah. I noticed." I couldn't really come up with something to say. The water in the soil came up to reach my shoes.
"I don't think he did," a sad smile stretched her lips. “I hope this brings him back. Even a little bit.”
Seeing Yejin like that made me miss my mother the most since my parents were taken.
--
"Come in, gentlemen and lady," Sungyeol bowed beside the open door.
Well, here goes nothing.
I entered first. The inside was a bit underwhelming because there was nothing in the train except the controls and a small seat made of cloth that could fit two people in the front. It was a little bigger than what I remembered seeing in pictures, but it was still a tad small to fit five people in. We did the best we could not to bump into each other every time we moved. It smelled like wet wood, clammy and moist.
Sungyeol smoothed out his hair before he said, "If there were chairs I'd tell you guys to sit on them."
"Do we need them?" Myungsoo asked, dubious of everything that surrounded him.
"I don't think so," Sungyeol responded. "I sit down while driving this, so I wouldn't know."
Gingerly, Myungsoo picked a semi-clean spot on the floor close to where Sungyeol was. I sat beside him. Sungjin and Yejin followed. Sungyeol pressed several buttons and pulled on the joystick in one fluid motion. The gears started to work, wherever they were. The moment the train moved forward, everyone except Sungyeol nearly hit their back onto the wall before they caught onto something.
In the corner of my eye Myungsoo squeezed his eyes shut, hands turned into fists. A sharp intake of breath overtook him when the train started moving. It was anticlimactic in the beginning, being in a train. I didn't feel adrenaline rush through me, but there was a feeling I felt, one that could be associated with new experience. It didn't really make any sense, because it almost felt like I was being lifted off the ground even though my feet were still planted on the train floor.
It was clear early on that Sungjin was the most ecstatic with getting to ride the train. He jumped up, unsteady at first before he ran to Sungyeol on wobbly legs.
"Where are we going?" he asked, eyes bright.
"You'll see." The fond smile could be heard in Sungyeol's voice.
And we did. Sungyeol announced our arrival into the East side of the city, where most of the people who were taken lived. Since the train wasn't a common occurence (in the city-where we found Sungyeol, trains were common. The ones not in use, anyways) we had to stay a fair distance away, but with good eyes you could see almost everything.
"It's Sungah," Yejin breathed, eyes large.
Before I could ask, Myungsoo explained, "It was one of her good friends."
I could only imagine what it was like for Yejin, seeing someone she knew live better but less free than she was, or could ever be during that time. I couldn't see myself finding my parents in that crowd. I still don’t know what I would’ve done if I did.
"My family is in there too," Sungyeol said, eyes sad, once I came to stand next to him.
They didn't look overwhelmingly sad, the commoners. In fact they looked fine. The skin behind powder would tell another story though. I knew it. Good health but many restraints were what the rumours indicated back then.
"Your whole family?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," he nodded. "My mom told me to run away with my brother. They took him while we were trying to get away."
His eyes looked downcast, but came back up again to watch where he was going. I didn't know how to comfort him. Sungyeol looked openly somber for the first time since I met him. (There were moments when he looked at us fondly with a distant look on his face. Now I knew why.)
As I looked at him, I noticed the difference Myungsoo and Sungyeol. All of us grew thinner but Sungyeol was even more so. His skin wrapped around his body a bit tighter, so close to showing the outlines of his bones-in some places they already were. Especially his hands. The mountains of veins were slightly sharper than my own, popping out of his thin, bony hands that still managed to be pretty.
"The houses look a lot more colourful than ours," Sungjin noted.
Where I lived it was mostly wood, the buildings, but in the crowded area there were more bricks and cement. They were taller too, covered in passive colours. There was a dark feeling emanating from it, the colours, like they were expressing sadness. Surprisingly, there wasn't a wall that surrounded the area like a fortress. That's how I imagined it to be like.
--
Soon the city landscape disappeared. Open areas of grass came into view.
Sungjin teetered over near the door. It had to be the moment when the door handle started to shake, opening all by itself, its hinges whining as it slid itself open. That must have alerted Myungsoo, who drifted off earlier. He was running to the door as accurately as his less-than-average balance let him, and as he took hold of Sungjin he lost his balance and they both fell out, screaming as they did so.
Sungyeol immediately stopped the train as fast as he could, the force of it pushing us all the way to Sungyeol’s end of the tiny space. I started to choke on my own breaths, but with a few coughs I was okay again.
We were lucky because Sungyeol’s reflexes were really fast, so Myungsoo and Sungjin weren’t very far behind. We split up (albeit not very far) before I found them.
Myungsoo was draping himself protectively over Sungjin in the grass, his eyes as cold as our old neighbours described them, when they didn’t know Myungsoo yet. Once he saw me the frothy ice melted to give way to me, Myungsoo very carefully detaching himself from Sungjin. Myungsoo had several scratches on his face, but none of them would leave a mark later on. My brother though. His eyes were constantly moving between everybody, a gash close to his left eye very visible, bleeding.
"We need to get supplies. Right now," Myungsoo seethed. I remembered the time in the toy store. I pleaded to God that my brother would be fine.
--
Sungyeol's fingers traced the contours of the metal, before they slid around the handle haphazardly and closed the door, Myungsoo and Sungjin carefully sitting on the floor.
"I have a friend near here," Sungyeol informed, "I can get there in two minutes. I promise." He walked brusquely to his place.
"And he has medical supplies?" Yejin asked.
"He does. Before the takeover he was studying to be a healer."
"So he knows how to get Sungjin better?" Myungsoo asked.
A wave of apprehension coiled up in my spine. Myungsoo was the healer in our group. He studied cures to sicknesses and practiced how to properly treat injuries and infections. My friend was not a professional, but he learned an awful lot for us. If he was asking Sungyeol, then it meant he didn't know how to fix this.
Sungyeol's eyes slid to Myungsoo, careful. "Of course he does."
Myungsoo nodded. He didn’t even look at Sungyeol, only watching Sungjin next to him.
Sungyeol steered right into his friend's place without any stopping. Efficiently, he opened the door and stepped out, movements still careless but there was more determination in his step.
I stepped out of the train after Sungyeol, watching Sungjin carefully from the front and Myungsoo from behind. Myungsoo stood close to Sungjin as he walked. The blood came out effusively, which stained most of Sungjin's cheek and his hand. I looked at Myungsoo who was looking at Sungjin, noticing the bruises blooming near Myungsoo's collarbone. The cotton was ripped around his shoulders, his shirt buttons stretching across his chest as the rest of it tried not to break.
--
There were a couple of guys, probably older than me that stood behind something translucent. It didn't make any sense at first, because it looked like they were appearing out of nowhere from the waist up. With closer inquiry I found that their house was just a collection of forest, piled so high it was a good three feet taller than Sungyeol. A bright smile and small eyes welcomed us.
"Dongwoo," Sungyeol looks at the shorter one, the one who resembled joy incarnate. "My friends got hurt. The handle on the train went loose and opened and they fell out."
Myungsoo seemed fine, but Sungjin moved forward, the rest of us behind him. His steps were less controlled now, wobbly from the loss of blood. When he reached Dongwoo, his growing body swayed into his arms.
"Okay," Dongwoo nodded, face solemn but eyes worried. His arms wrapped around Sungjin, who didn't get up after he landed on Dongwoo. "I'm assuming it's this person and him," he smiled, looking at Myungsoo. "Let's get you fixed." He carried Sungjin towards his house, waving for Myungsoo to follow.
--
"Capillaries are things that carry waste and blood. What Sunggyu had were spider veins. It was weird because Sunggyu's too young to have them," Dongwoo explained.
We were invited into their house after Dongwoo treated Sungjin. Actually, we were more forced inside because while Sungjin was getting treated we only stood outside. Myungsoo said that he can wait for Sungjin to be treated before he got fixed, refusing to go in until he saw Sungjin not bleeding.
Myungsoo, despite the fact that he rarely spoke, started talking to Dongwoo the most. He kept insisting that he would be fine without any bandages or remedies, but Dongwoo disinfected his cuts and put a band aid over the ones that needed it. Dongwoo got him to wash up, seeing the bruising taking place on Myungsoo's arms. There were several of them, the biggest one on his right shoulder travelling halfway down to his elbow.
They talked about treatments for infections and things that I deemed too complicated to understand, but I listened anyways. The house had a warmer feel to it than I thought, even though it was messy.
"Why are veins purple? They carry blood, don't they?" Yejin asked from the wooden table. Her worry disappeared as Sungjin's gash and Myungsoo's scratches were disinfected. It was replaced with a warm charm instead, but I could still see a bit of unease in the way she held herself. Sungjin was sitting on the couch, asleep.
"Veins are the blood vessels that carry blood with waste in it out. Arteries carry the good stuff to your tissues," Myungsoo answered.
A knock on the door stopped them from continuing.
“It’s Sungyeol,” Myungsoo said, walking up to go get the door.
"Where's the grease?" Sungyeol asked, his long limbs careless when they moved.
He was outside with another guy fixing his door. Apparently it was a bigger problem than Sungyeol thought, so by that time he spent two hours trying to tighten his bolts and replace damaged parts. Sungyeol smelled like metal and dirt mixed together.
We also found more people besides Dongwoo and the person he was with when we came, who later introduced himself as Sunggyu. Howon was the one who helped Sungyeol with the train door. And there’s also Woohyun, who sat with us when Myungsoo and Dongwoo conversed.
"It's in the storage room," Woohyun replied.
Woohyun was very apt with his hospitality, always offering help. I could tell that Myungsoo wasn't sure how to respond when Woohyun offered help with cleaning up the things Dongwoo used for Sungjin. I couldn't blame him; I wasn't sure how to react to Woohyun myself.
"Where...is it?" Sungyeol looked around, his breathy laugh coming out. "I always forget where everything is," he said while scratching his nape.
"I'll show you," Myungsoo got up from his spot on the floor, "I saw it when I grabbed the needle and thread for Sungjin's stitches."
It was the first time Myungsoo initiated anything with Sungyeol. (He'd been ignoring the train boy like the plague, not speaking to him unless Sungyeol did first or if he needed information.) When I looked over to Yejin with cautious surprise, she was smiling. Sungyeol was indifferent.
--
day one hundred forty-four
Even after just one day, we were already getting ready to go back. We weren’t going to go right away-we had to wait a couple more days for Sungjin to be okay with riding back, in case. Sungyeol fixed the train; merely shrugged and agreed with him.
They were walking back together into Dongwoo’s house when I saw them alone for the first time.
“You learned that pretty fast,” Sungyeol said.
Myungsoo shook it off. He just looked down and a tiny tug at the corner of his mouth made his dimple appear.
“At least you can help me with it in case it ever breaks and I can’t go here to stay,” Sungyeol ponders.
He doesn’t get a reply and after a few steps he turns and looks, then turns away, trying to look nonchalant. Another half step passed and Myungsoo said, “I guess.”
Pairing/Focus: Sungyeol/Myungsoo, Sungjong
Rating: PG
Total word count: 5, 227w
Summary:
--
day one hundred thirty-two
When I went to the trapdoor of the clocktower, I briefly went through what happened. The area I scanned was devoid of life, as expected. It wasn't completely lacking, because once every few days there used to be a couple or more people, all with ragged clothing that passed by, but those days no one bothered to bother the few others who also survived. It seems that there was a silent pact for the thousand or so people who managed to skirt the edges of the oppressive 'leaders' of the land.
Before the takeover the city had a population of about fifty thousand.
After the takeover everyone came to a consensus that it was better to mind their own business. Gathering in large groups caught attention and those days it just wasn't preferred, not to mention dangerous.
Carefully, I tiptoed on the wooden stairs up the tower, trying my best not to make them creak. (Anyone who was a threat rarely came by, but I still remembered to be wary of my own home, especially after the near miss of those soldiers a couple months ago.) Grassy smells filled the air because of the previous days' rain shower. Everything felt slightly damp and worn more than usual.
There was a toy store that was made in junction to the clock tower. It was seldom opened, before we came along. A pile of soft toys became our beds during the nights. The clock tower was the place we spent the day in, because no one could see us through the windows. It was too high for the average sized person, anyways.
Once I came to the top of the staircase I looked around to check if anything was out of place. We didn't have anything, actually, no furnishings or decorations littered the wooden floor. There were only gears of the clock and Myungsoo staring intently at the wall he marked the passing days on, tongue flicking out to lick his lips. Myungsoo's steady breath came out in clouds, slow and sure.
"It's already been three months," he said quietly.
"At least you still have your mom," I tried. Sometimes Myungsoo seemed like he would never get sad, and I almost believed it, before they took my parents away.
"Where's your brother?" he asked. Myungsoo turned around to smile at me. He rarely smiled anymore.
I probably shouldn't have mentioned his mother. He knew I wanted my whole family back. (He's older than me by a year and it seemed like Myungsoo thought of me as his own younger brother by that time. He immediately shoved away the topic of my parents whenever he thought I was thinking of them, jumping onto the next topic without a segue.)
"He wanted to search for some food with your mom in the woods," I told him. I buttoned up my sleeves, then my grey coat. It was worn and a little snug by then, the cheap material didn’t hold very well. I was still growing.
"Oh," he breathed. "It's not as dangerous as it was in the beginning."
"I wouldn't let Sungjin go out there if it were," I said without a hitch in my breath. The forest lining the outskirts of the town used to be littered with the government's men, searching for any runaways. Myungsoo reacted the same way I did when he found out his mom went out to scavenge for food on her own in the first month.
--
Sungjin looked at me. My eyebrows rose. The expression he wore was different from most of the other times he came up after food collecting. I waited for the explanation while Myungsoo helped them empty the food onto the floor, careful not to bruise it. My brother jumped right into whatever he needed to say.
"There was something moving," Sungjin announced.
"It wasn't a group of soldiers, though," Yejin clarified. "It didn't look like it."
"Why are you telling us? We run into people all the time when looking for food," Myungsoo argued while he shifted closer to his mom.
I looked at the small pile of fruits my brother and Yejin collected just a few minutes prior to the conversation. The cool air and rainy days signalled the beginning of spring. New plants bloomed during those times, without anyone needing to plant anything. Not that we really could.
"No, I mean," Sungjin groaned. I almost snorted because he was so close to stomping his foot. Even after the takeover my little brother still remained himself, always the epitome of a child, bright and curious, but innocent all the same.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Sungjong, me and Sungjin goon saw a train," Yejin replied.
"A moving train," Sungjin emphasized.
Her worn eyes were large, the disbelief showing with a tinge of fear. The dubious curiosity in the room grew (slowly) into surprising hope. I was surprised myself. I thought it was a bit early to have faith in not the train itself, but the person behind it, because we didn't even know who it was, who it could have been. Like whether or not the person was a survivor or soldier. But the seed of hope started there regardless of my doubt, faint but big enough so that it wouldn't evaporate into the cool air.
--
day one hundred thirty-three
I walked out of the clock tower into the door that connected it to the toy store. Myungsoo was there, huddled into a secluded corner, where he could light a candle without getting seen from the dirty window. It was like a rainbow, nothing of mundane quality existed in the octagon shaped room. Except for us, maybe.
"We're running out of supplies," Myungsoo said, blowing his long fringe out of his eyes. He needed a haircut, he really did.
"Which ones?" I sat down beside him, where he was looking at a list. His hands were rougher than they were before the takeover, the veins popped out on the back of his hand like mountains against his tanned, dry skin.
"Mostly medical stuff," Myungsoo told me. "I don't know where to get any. All the places around here are for food and clothes. Things we don't need right now."
"You know," I cleared my throat when my voice jumped an octave, "We could try to catch that train," I suggested. "Maybe we could get a ride and run for our lives while trying to get more things."
"Oh."
"Yeah," I chuckled. Myungsoo used to have to think things over and over again before deciding. He was quicker after the takeover--he needed to be, for Yejin, for Sungjin, for me.
--
day one hundred thirty-six
"Mom, mom! Is this really where you found it?" Myungsoo whispered rashly from the expanse of tree he leaned on I smiled a bit at that. Old Myungsoo still leaks through New Myungsoo sometimes, his shoulders perpetually raised higher than they should be. Or higher than they used to be, anyways.
"Yes, Myungsoo, stop asking me things," Yejin shook her head at her son.
Myungsoo licked his lips and pressed them together in response, looking toward the train tracks.
The train was already heading towards us. I could hear it, even though I had to block out the rustling of leaves. It was not as loud as I thought it would be. How come the tracks didn't grate on each other with as much friction as I remember?
"Hyung, it's here!" Sungjin did a tiny jump next to Myungsoo, who would have smiled if we weren't in light of possible danger. (And if it weren't at four in the morning, but by that time it became a norm, not seeing him smile and being up that early.)
My brother shut his mouth once the train stopped. Right in front of where we hid. I grit my teeth, because that was too close for comfort.
It was replaced by a restrained gasp once one of the doors opened, which revealed a boy, his porcelain skin marred with grease and sweat. Peculiar sight. The boy looked like he was from the East part of the city, with his whiter skin and more expensive clothing. It wasn't as expensive as it once was, of course, because it'd been torn and smudged in the way a person who survived in the woods would. His round brown eyes looked around, which eventually stopped on us.
"What are you?" his voice demanded. It wavered and cracked in all the strangest places, like it hadn't been worn in a long, long time.
His voice startled Sungjin. I could see Sungjin's eyes widen at the sound of it, before Yejin took the first step to him, the unknown boy.
"We're runaways," she said. "What are you?" Yejin asked him, voice perfect in the way she used it, interrogating in the lightest sense but revealed nothing of our intentions. He blinked once before answering.
His eyes narrow, wrinkling at the edge, chapped lips pressing together before he lets out, "I'm one too."
"Where's your group?" I questioned him. There was no use hiding myself anymore, he was looking at me when Yejin answered him.
"I don't have one. Ran away before the soldiers got to me." He puffed his cheeks while he looked deep in thought. "Are all four of you together?"
--
The boy's name turned out to be Lee Sungyeol. He said he found the train when he was looking for food. Sungyeol sat on a rock, surrounded by us when he told his story, his voice rising in mountains as if we were in an enclosed room but forgot that we were in it constantly, his speech going faster as his hands shaped his memories.
"The old thing was busted. I thought so when I saw it. It actually wasn't, I found out later on when I played with the dashboard things at the front," a small chuckle emanated from his lips, but no mirth could be detected. "It took me a while to figure it out, but I did."
"How did you get it to be so quiet?" Yejin asked him.
She was nothing but inviting to Sungyeol since we met him. So far only she and Sungjin spoke to him in sufficient amounts. Myungsoo and I stayed quiet through most of the conversation, although Myungsoo seemed a little more hostile than I was. (Or maybe he was just overanalysing every movement and sentence that came out of Sungyeol's mouth. You can never tell with Myungsoo sometimes.)
"I use grease. Stuff I used to use for my hair," Sungyeol answered. "I don't have a lot, so I'm going to go get some more soon."
"Do you really need that much?" Sungjin interrupted.
Sungyeol rubbed his nape before he said, "Naw, I only use the train twice a month."
--
day one hundred thirty-eight
Myungsoo hit the stone wall repeatedly, made tiny marks that soon resembled a stick, tongue sticking out again in concentration. The new boy leaned over curiously behind him. Sungyeol seemed to be strange about Myungsoo. The few times I heard them speak to each other were an exchange of awkward good mornings and hellos. He stayed with us for two days so far.
(Yejin invited him over to the clock tower a little after we met him. It was met with bewildered looks from Myungsoo. Even though he opposed it, Myungsoo went along with it anyways because he got lectured about being nice to other people-he tried to close the door on Sungyeol when we reached the toy store. I admit, it was strange to see him get scolded since he rarely disobeyed his mom.)
"What is this?" Sungyeol tilted his head.
I imagine that his round eyes only grew wider, the scratchy dips on his face highlighted by the muscles stretching. Back then I thought that they were from trees but later found they were from working with the train. Myungsoo blinked at him, his own eyes unreadable.
"It's the day count," he replied while turning around, ignoring Sungyeol further. His shoulders were raised again, his fingers tightened on the stone stick he was holding.
"Since...?" Sungyeol didn't need to finish his question. A stiff nod was all he got. "Oh. How many?"
"One hundred thirty eighth day is today," Myungsoo said.
He started doing that the first day we found the tower. Myungsoo never missed a day, not ever. I wanted to ask him why he did it, but I knew that he wouldn’t tell me. We were friends, but there were still things we kept to ourselves, things we’re too scared to talk about after all the loss.
“Ah. I was never good at this when I learned this in lectures,” Sungyeol grins.
I tilted my head. It reminded me of Sungjin, but their smiles weren’t similar at all. Myungsoo’s eyebrows bent closer to his eyes, face confused instead of judging.
“The things I learned are slipping,” Sungyeol explained.
Myungsoo’s eyes went wide before dimming again, nodding. “I see.”
"Can I ask you something?" Sungyeol turned to me. I thought I saw a flash of warmth rise in Sungyeol’s cheeks, but it went away in a flash. "Have you guys ever gone outside of the woods?" Both Myungsoo and I looked at each other in confusion. We didn't know what he was talking about, exactly.
"What...what do you mean?" Myungsoo asked.
"Did you ever try to explore any place you haven't gone to before?"
Oh. It has been a while. None of us ever dared to try and discover other places in the city, not even Sungjin. I shook my head.
"Well, do you guys want to? I was supposed to leave yesterday," Sungyeol said.
"I think it'd be cool," Sungjin entered. "When are we going?"
"Sungjin-"
"No, it would be good to see anything other than this place," Yejin followed, done with eating her snack. "Don't go against it Myungsoo, you know you can use other sources for materials. Eventually we'll run out of what we have."
--
day one hundred forty
Sungyeol ran to Myungsoo who was carrying a basket of food near the train. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but soon Sungyeol stopped and slowed his walking, his shoulders drooping and legs no longer matching his pace with Myungsoo. He was walking a lot faster than usual.
“Hello,” I greeted.
Sungyeol jolted slightly, then calmed, giving me a smile. I turned to where Myungsoo was walking. I nodded towards him, my hands in my ruined pockets. We walked together, the wet ground soaking through my shoes.
A moment passed before Sungyeol said, “Does your clan not see many people?”
“Hmm?” my eyebrows shot up into my hair. I stopped and looked at Sungyeol again, before something clicked. “Oh. Well. Yes, I think.”
“You don’t remember?”
“We see people from time to time, but none that are my age.”
Sungyeol blinked and licked his lips. That was the first time I saw him do that since I met him.
“I didn’t mean that,” Sungyeol shook his head beside me.
“But you did.” I gave him a questioning look which he avoided, blowing on his long hair. Neither of us spoke after that, only the gravel underneath our worn shoes made sounds.
“He used to be more open,” I said, after a while. Another beat passed, then I asked, “If you don’t mind, can you tell me why you’re bothered by it?”
Sungyeol stopped walking. I didn’t know what to do so I just blinked at him while he did the same. It was then that I noticed the discs that flattened and darkened the skin underneath (and around) his eyes, his blemishes hidden by the dark sky, and his cheeks flattened by malnutrition. Sungyeol didn’t look his age.
“I don’t know,” Sungyeol said, looking at me in the eye. “I really don’t. I don’t know where I’m driving the train when I use it. I never do, so I’m not surprised I don’t know this either.” he shook his head.
“Did you get to spend time with people your age? When you were still with your family,” I asked, carefully. I talked slow and deliberate.
“My brother and a couple friends. I didn’t get a lot of time to.”
I nodded. It made sense. Sungyeol was probably being taught how to run a company or something to similar to it.
“It would’ve been coincidence if you already knew how to use trains before you found the one you use now,” I said.
“Yeah,” Sungyeol grinned. “If it weren’t a life or death situation it’d be enjoyable.”
“I can see why,” I tilted my head, seeing a train in my head that was more like I remembered. They weren’t so dirty before, and I always imagined it that it would be filled with dainty details inside.
“It’s not as pretty as you’d think,” Sungyeol went on.
I looked at him in confusion because I didn’t say that out loud. Or did I?
“I mean,” Sungyeol waved his hands, “They were, but it’s not so great now. It seems…faded.”
--
day one hundred forty-three
The walk back into the woods was charged with a certain excitement (or weariness, in Myungsoo's case) that could only be associated with newfound adventure. Sungjin filled most of the silence with his chatter, which kept Sungyeol busy. That didn't stop me from noticing his backward glances at my friend, though.
"This will be good for Myungsoo," Yejin whisphered.
"I'm sorry?" I leaned in towards her to hear better.
Myungsoo probably wasn't paying attention; he kept looking around the trees and shrubbery like it was the only thing he could see. That’s one thing that’s never changed about him.
"You noticed too, didn't you? My son's been living like he's dead. Ever since we got separated from his brother and father."
"Oh. Yeah. I noticed." I couldn't really come up with something to say. The water in the soil came up to reach my shoes.
"I don't think he did," a sad smile stretched her lips. “I hope this brings him back. Even a little bit.”
Seeing Yejin like that made me miss my mother the most since my parents were taken.
--
"Come in, gentlemen and lady," Sungyeol bowed beside the open door.
Well, here goes nothing.
I entered first. The inside was a bit underwhelming because there was nothing in the train except the controls and a small seat made of cloth that could fit two people in the front. It was a little bigger than what I remembered seeing in pictures, but it was still a tad small to fit five people in. We did the best we could not to bump into each other every time we moved. It smelled like wet wood, clammy and moist.
Sungyeol smoothed out his hair before he said, "If there were chairs I'd tell you guys to sit on them."
"Do we need them?" Myungsoo asked, dubious of everything that surrounded him.
"I don't think so," Sungyeol responded. "I sit down while driving this, so I wouldn't know."
Gingerly, Myungsoo picked a semi-clean spot on the floor close to where Sungyeol was. I sat beside him. Sungjin and Yejin followed. Sungyeol pressed several buttons and pulled on the joystick in one fluid motion. The gears started to work, wherever they were. The moment the train moved forward, everyone except Sungyeol nearly hit their back onto the wall before they caught onto something.
In the corner of my eye Myungsoo squeezed his eyes shut, hands turned into fists. A sharp intake of breath overtook him when the train started moving. It was anticlimactic in the beginning, being in a train. I didn't feel adrenaline rush through me, but there was a feeling I felt, one that could be associated with new experience. It didn't really make any sense, because it almost felt like I was being lifted off the ground even though my feet were still planted on the train floor.
It was clear early on that Sungjin was the most ecstatic with getting to ride the train. He jumped up, unsteady at first before he ran to Sungyeol on wobbly legs.
"Where are we going?" he asked, eyes bright.
"You'll see." The fond smile could be heard in Sungyeol's voice.
And we did. Sungyeol announced our arrival into the East side of the city, where most of the people who were taken lived. Since the train wasn't a common occurence (in the city-where we found Sungyeol, trains were common. The ones not in use, anyways) we had to stay a fair distance away, but with good eyes you could see almost everything.
"It's Sungah," Yejin breathed, eyes large.
Before I could ask, Myungsoo explained, "It was one of her good friends."
I could only imagine what it was like for Yejin, seeing someone she knew live better but less free than she was, or could ever be during that time. I couldn't see myself finding my parents in that crowd. I still don’t know what I would’ve done if I did.
"My family is in there too," Sungyeol said, eyes sad, once I came to stand next to him.
They didn't look overwhelmingly sad, the commoners. In fact they looked fine. The skin behind powder would tell another story though. I knew it. Good health but many restraints were what the rumours indicated back then.
"Your whole family?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," he nodded. "My mom told me to run away with my brother. They took him while we were trying to get away."
His eyes looked downcast, but came back up again to watch where he was going. I didn't know how to comfort him. Sungyeol looked openly somber for the first time since I met him. (There were moments when he looked at us fondly with a distant look on his face. Now I knew why.)
As I looked at him, I noticed the difference Myungsoo and Sungyeol. All of us grew thinner but Sungyeol was even more so. His skin wrapped around his body a bit tighter, so close to showing the outlines of his bones-in some places they already were. Especially his hands. The mountains of veins were slightly sharper than my own, popping out of his thin, bony hands that still managed to be pretty.
"The houses look a lot more colourful than ours," Sungjin noted.
Where I lived it was mostly wood, the buildings, but in the crowded area there were more bricks and cement. They were taller too, covered in passive colours. There was a dark feeling emanating from it, the colours, like they were expressing sadness. Surprisingly, there wasn't a wall that surrounded the area like a fortress. That's how I imagined it to be like.
--
Soon the city landscape disappeared. Open areas of grass came into view.
Sungjin teetered over near the door. It had to be the moment when the door handle started to shake, opening all by itself, its hinges whining as it slid itself open. That must have alerted Myungsoo, who drifted off earlier. He was running to the door as accurately as his less-than-average balance let him, and as he took hold of Sungjin he lost his balance and they both fell out, screaming as they did so.
Sungyeol immediately stopped the train as fast as he could, the force of it pushing us all the way to Sungyeol’s end of the tiny space. I started to choke on my own breaths, but with a few coughs I was okay again.
We were lucky because Sungyeol’s reflexes were really fast, so Myungsoo and Sungjin weren’t very far behind. We split up (albeit not very far) before I found them.
Myungsoo was draping himself protectively over Sungjin in the grass, his eyes as cold as our old neighbours described them, when they didn’t know Myungsoo yet. Once he saw me the frothy ice melted to give way to me, Myungsoo very carefully detaching himself from Sungjin. Myungsoo had several scratches on his face, but none of them would leave a mark later on. My brother though. His eyes were constantly moving between everybody, a gash close to his left eye very visible, bleeding.
"We need to get supplies. Right now," Myungsoo seethed. I remembered the time in the toy store. I pleaded to God that my brother would be fine.
--
Sungyeol's fingers traced the contours of the metal, before they slid around the handle haphazardly and closed the door, Myungsoo and Sungjin carefully sitting on the floor.
"I have a friend near here," Sungyeol informed, "I can get there in two minutes. I promise." He walked brusquely to his place.
"And he has medical supplies?" Yejin asked.
"He does. Before the takeover he was studying to be a healer."
"So he knows how to get Sungjin better?" Myungsoo asked.
A wave of apprehension coiled up in my spine. Myungsoo was the healer in our group. He studied cures to sicknesses and practiced how to properly treat injuries and infections. My friend was not a professional, but he learned an awful lot for us. If he was asking Sungyeol, then it meant he didn't know how to fix this.
Sungyeol's eyes slid to Myungsoo, careful. "Of course he does."
Myungsoo nodded. He didn’t even look at Sungyeol, only watching Sungjin next to him.
Sungyeol steered right into his friend's place without any stopping. Efficiently, he opened the door and stepped out, movements still careless but there was more determination in his step.
I stepped out of the train after Sungyeol, watching Sungjin carefully from the front and Myungsoo from behind. Myungsoo stood close to Sungjin as he walked. The blood came out effusively, which stained most of Sungjin's cheek and his hand. I looked at Myungsoo who was looking at Sungjin, noticing the bruises blooming near Myungsoo's collarbone. The cotton was ripped around his shoulders, his shirt buttons stretching across his chest as the rest of it tried not to break.
--
There were a couple of guys, probably older than me that stood behind something translucent. It didn't make any sense at first, because it looked like they were appearing out of nowhere from the waist up. With closer inquiry I found that their house was just a collection of forest, piled so high it was a good three feet taller than Sungyeol. A bright smile and small eyes welcomed us.
"Dongwoo," Sungyeol looks at the shorter one, the one who resembled joy incarnate. "My friends got hurt. The handle on the train went loose and opened and they fell out."
Myungsoo seemed fine, but Sungjin moved forward, the rest of us behind him. His steps were less controlled now, wobbly from the loss of blood. When he reached Dongwoo, his growing body swayed into his arms.
"Okay," Dongwoo nodded, face solemn but eyes worried. His arms wrapped around Sungjin, who didn't get up after he landed on Dongwoo. "I'm assuming it's this person and him," he smiled, looking at Myungsoo. "Let's get you fixed." He carried Sungjin towards his house, waving for Myungsoo to follow.
--
"Capillaries are things that carry waste and blood. What Sunggyu had were spider veins. It was weird because Sunggyu's too young to have them," Dongwoo explained.
We were invited into their house after Dongwoo treated Sungjin. Actually, we were more forced inside because while Sungjin was getting treated we only stood outside. Myungsoo said that he can wait for Sungjin to be treated before he got fixed, refusing to go in until he saw Sungjin not bleeding.
Myungsoo, despite the fact that he rarely spoke, started talking to Dongwoo the most. He kept insisting that he would be fine without any bandages or remedies, but Dongwoo disinfected his cuts and put a band aid over the ones that needed it. Dongwoo got him to wash up, seeing the bruising taking place on Myungsoo's arms. There were several of them, the biggest one on his right shoulder travelling halfway down to his elbow.
They talked about treatments for infections and things that I deemed too complicated to understand, but I listened anyways. The house had a warmer feel to it than I thought, even though it was messy.
"Why are veins purple? They carry blood, don't they?" Yejin asked from the wooden table. Her worry disappeared as Sungjin's gash and Myungsoo's scratches were disinfected. It was replaced with a warm charm instead, but I could still see a bit of unease in the way she held herself. Sungjin was sitting on the couch, asleep.
"Veins are the blood vessels that carry blood with waste in it out. Arteries carry the good stuff to your tissues," Myungsoo answered.
A knock on the door stopped them from continuing.
“It’s Sungyeol,” Myungsoo said, walking up to go get the door.
"Where's the grease?" Sungyeol asked, his long limbs careless when they moved.
He was outside with another guy fixing his door. Apparently it was a bigger problem than Sungyeol thought, so by that time he spent two hours trying to tighten his bolts and replace damaged parts. Sungyeol smelled like metal and dirt mixed together.
We also found more people besides Dongwoo and the person he was with when we came, who later introduced himself as Sunggyu. Howon was the one who helped Sungyeol with the train door. And there’s also Woohyun, who sat with us when Myungsoo and Dongwoo conversed.
"It's in the storage room," Woohyun replied.
Woohyun was very apt with his hospitality, always offering help. I could tell that Myungsoo wasn't sure how to respond when Woohyun offered help with cleaning up the things Dongwoo used for Sungjin. I couldn't blame him; I wasn't sure how to react to Woohyun myself.
"Where...is it?" Sungyeol looked around, his breathy laugh coming out. "I always forget where everything is," he said while scratching his nape.
"I'll show you," Myungsoo got up from his spot on the floor, "I saw it when I grabbed the needle and thread for Sungjin's stitches."
It was the first time Myungsoo initiated anything with Sungyeol. (He'd been ignoring the train boy like the plague, not speaking to him unless Sungyeol did first or if he needed information.) When I looked over to Yejin with cautious surprise, she was smiling. Sungyeol was indifferent.
--
day one hundred forty-four
Even after just one day, we were already getting ready to go back. We weren’t going to go right away-we had to wait a couple more days for Sungjin to be okay with riding back, in case. Sungyeol fixed the train; merely shrugged and agreed with him.
They were walking back together into Dongwoo’s house when I saw them alone for the first time.
“You learned that pretty fast,” Sungyeol said.
Myungsoo shook it off. He just looked down and a tiny tug at the corner of his mouth made his dimple appear.
“At least you can help me with it in case it ever breaks and I can’t go here to stay,” Sungyeol ponders.
He doesn’t get a reply and after a few steps he turns and looks, then turns away, trying to look nonchalant. Another half step passed and Myungsoo said, “I guess.”