It's not about the money we make, it's about the passions that we ache for...
What makes your heart beat faster?
Tell me now, what does your body long after?
I don't care now where we live,
It's not what we want,
But who we were with.
I just need you in my life,
So promise me you care...
that song was stuck in my head for a while. I can't even begin to describe what's been going on over the last... week and a half. things with alot of my friends have gotten slightly better... I think, but Caressa still isn't talking to me yet. I've also been really depressed lately... the season has been getting to me. after all, anyone reading this should already know what happened around Christmas time last year and the year before... I would still go back in time if I could. I would travel to the other side of the universe and wait until the universe collapsed if it meant I would get to spend the last moments of time with her. I would do anything just to talk to her...
on a related note, I've been talking to Tim lately. it seems that he once went through the same kind of thing as I did. I never realized that he had a girlfriend. the only girl I've ever seen him hang out with is Jessica, and I don't even know if she still lives around here. I always knew that he had a side of him that I had never seen.. a side that I have always wanted to see, actually. he went out with Alena Monahan, this girl who went to TEC for a few weeks before transfering over to North Campus. normally, whenever I think of Tim, I think "car", and when I need a ride, he's often the first person who pops into my mind. still, I would rather not call him just to get a ride. I don't want to seem like I only want to see him when I need something from him. well, now I can have something else pop into my mind when I think of Tim- heartache. he says it hurts so bad, that it's why he smokes every day. and I feel kind of bad. at least I'm facing it. it's unhealthy to just dodge your problems under drugs. yet, I wish I had the strength to just run away from it all. I guess it takes strength to do anything.
one thing that definitely happened, is that on New Years Day, 10:15AM, my computer died. I'm on it right now, because I fixed it, but you would not believe what broke it. I couldn't believe it either. Dust. dust killed my computer. I reloaded it at least 7 times, and as soon as I vacuumed it out, it went straight to the windows loading screen instead of just saying "NTLDR Missing", at the BIOS screen. I was so pissed. I didn't even need to reload it. I'll be aware of that next time that happens. I also cleaned out my dad's computer and put in a Firewire Card for him to load his music onto.
about Christmas and New Years, I'll talk about that another update.
lately, I've just been reinstalling all my stuff on the computer. I put all my games on there, but Sean has both all 3 Dawn Of Wars and also Halo. I'm not going to miss Halo much- never did like it- but I want Dawn Of War back definitely. also, I installed Painkiller and it's expansion, and was playing it. it froze a couple times when I had bitcomet running in the background, and it still freezes during the movies, but I was blown away by the sound! the expansion adds some new effects and updates to the old one, and apparently, the sound and the atmosphere got a big overhaul. there's creepy sounds in the background of the graveyard, like a lady crying, carnival music, monsters growling, etc. it makes the game really creepy. hehe..
also, I tried installing Psychonauts with the scratched up CD's that I got back from Sean, and the 4th one didn't work. so I'm downloading it again. then, next on my list is: The Sims 2: University & Pets Expansion Packs, Age Of Empires 3, and Splinter Cell: Double Agent. I'm also looking into an RTS coming out soon called Supreme Commander that looks promising. oh, and Dawn Of War 2 is supposed to come out in 2007, along with Stalker: Shadow Of Chernobyl. all interesting games. I should play, and beat the ones that I have right now, though.
also, I finished reading "A Bottomless Grave And Other Victorian Tales Of Terror". now to just finish reading Hitler's book. reading at night is so much better now with the lamp above my bed instead of by the computer.. hehe.