Starlight - Woohyun/Sunggyu
Title: Starlight
Pairing: Woohyun/Sunggyu
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,534
Summary: Sunggyu is the only thing Woohyun's ever wanted.
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Words have always been Woohyun’s friend; they come so easily to him, allowing him to twist others around his finger with laughable ease. With only a few carefully chosen words, Woohyun could have anything he wanted, anything he desired. So then why does he bother to sit down at this desk, pen clutched in hand, staring helplessly at a blank sheet of paper? Why do his eyes burn from lack of sleep and mouth have such a bitter taste?
Perhaps it’s because words manage to fail Woohyun he needs them the most. Perhaps it’s because he’s so very tired of ignoring the feelings within himself. Perhaps it’s because of the burning ache deep in his chest every time he looks at Sunggyu and wants so much more than what they have.
Woohyun was sure that Sunggyu was oblivious about these feelings for him, he had never been particularly observant but Woohyun has also never showed him how he feels. Sunggyu doesn’t know how much it hurts Woohyun when his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Sunggyu doesn’t see that a simple look Woohyun’s way brightens the younger boy’s day. Sunggyu doesn’t realize how badly Woohyun wants to reach out and simply touch him?
Not a pat on the back, or a friendly arm around your shoulder, but to hold Sunggyu in his arms, to feel the beat of Sunggyu’s heart against his skin. Woohyun would give anything, and everything, to be the one to keep the sadness from Sunggyu’s eyes. He would gladly give away his skill with words, if only Woohyun could know Sunggyu would be happy and not for a moment, but forever.
Woohyun chuckles to himself; no one would ever have pegged him to be a romantic at heart. But he is and that’s part of the reason why he’s sitting here right now, listening to Sunggyu’s quiet breathing that always lulls him to sleep at night. He always loves to tease the leader about his snoring, but actually never does. And even if Sunggyu did, even if it was the most obnoxious sound in the world that kept him up all night long, Woohyun doesn’t think he would mind all that much.
Especially not if these feelings for Sunggyu are what Woohyun thinks they are. He’s not quite sure when these feeling came into being... Maybe there were always there but Woohyun never noticed them. Or maybe he didn’t want to notice them. Because if he acknowledged those feelings that would mean that he was just as human as Sunggyu, that he was just as fragile, as vulnerable as his beautiful leader, and that was the one thing that Woohyun didn’t want. He didn’t want to feel, not the way Sunggyu does.
Woohyun has stood back and watched Sunggyu throw his heart into so many things, only to be hurt because of it over and over again. Woohyun’s hung back and allowed Sunggyu to rush into situations a lesser man would think twice about (and in all honesty, that’s what Woohyun thinks himself to be… A lesser man).
Woohyun used to think that Sunggyuwas the fool, the idiot for believing so strongly in people. He used to think that it was madness to want to help someone for no other reason than they needed help. Woohyun used to think that Sunggyu was deliberately setting himself up for a broken heart, but now he knows better. He realizes now that Sunggyu was only doing what he felt was right. Sunggyu was only following his heart, and even though there were times Woohyun sat with him, helping Sunggyu pick up the pieces, the leader never stopped trying. Sunggyu never gave up. Not on people, and not on Woohyun. Was it because Sunggyu knew that with pain comes happiness? That one can’t have one without the other? Did the older boy know, or was he hoping to find something better?
If Sunggyu were awake right now, he would probably laugh at Woohyun for his foolishness. Sunggyu would call him an idiot, the way he’s fretting over the perfect turn of phrase.
But then, that’s Sunggyu, isn’t it? He always was a believer that actions spoke louder than words. Woohyun can remember a dozen or more occasions when that creed of Sunggyu’s got him into trouble - but Woohyun was always there to bail him out. He was always there to smile smugly, satisfied that he was right, and Sunggyu was wrong.
How was Woohyun to know that all this time he was the one who was wrong? How was he to know that it wasn’t the end result that mattered so much, as it was the effort - the heart - that went into it?
Yet, Sunggyu never corrected Woohyun, allowing him his precious self-delusions. Allowing Woohyun to presume his superiority over Sunggyu, and all the while the older boy was smiling to himself at the other’s naïveté.
Woohyun looks up startled out of his thoughts when Sunggyu mutters something unintelligible then rolls over in his sleep, one of his feet poking out from under the blanket. Woohyun had long ago turned away from the desk in the corner of their shared room to watch Sunggyu sleep. His eyes following the contours of the older boy’s body beneath the blanket, a smile tugging at his lips as a tiny scowl crosses Sunggyu’s face. What could Sunggyu be dreaming of that could cause such an expression? What would cause his brows to crease like that, his lips forming into an adorable pout? Woohyun resists the urge to over and smooth the lines on the other’s forehead. Maybe one day…
There have been times that Woohyun had cursed his huge amount of self-control that others marvel at. They don’t understand that it’s the same restraint that keeps him from telling Sunggyu the words that fill his mind tonight. Words that Woohyun doesn’t have the strength to say, words that he’s always wanted to say for so long but never had the courage to do so. Just once, for one night, Woohyun wishes he could drop all of his barriers, wishes he could step outside himself and face Sunggyu, tell the older boy what he means to him.
“I wish I may, I wish I might…” Woohyun whispers softly as he stares at the softness of Sunggyu’s round face, the small smile that curls around his lips before he nuzzles his head further into the pillow and Woohyun’s never been so swept away before. That’s the way the rhyme goes, right? But you need a star to wish on. The closest thing Woohyun has to a star is Sunggyu. But maybe, if he wishes hard enough and if he puts all of his heart into it, his wish could come true.
“I wish…” Woohyun looks down at his hands in his lap; pen still in his right, fingers clutching it tightly. Not even all the wishes in the world will do Woohyun any good, if can’t tell Sunggyu everything that he feels for him, everything that he means to him.
If Sunggyu was anyone else, it would be so much easier. Woohyun could put his thoughts into words so eloquently women would swoon over them. But Sunggyu made him tongue tied and he always loses the perfect thing to say. It wouldn’t be so heart if his heart wasn’t on the line. But maybe that’s the point. What is life without risk? Nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished by those who did not put themselves in a precarious position. Nothing worthwhile was ever easy. And Sunggyu was definitely worthwhile.
Woohyun shakes head at the simplicity of that revelation; he turns back to the desk, poising his hand with the pen over the white paper that sheen in the darkness of the room. So how does he say this? How does he tell Sunggyu that he’s his guiding star in the night? That he is the only thing Woohyun's ever wanted. How does he tell someone that they are the second half of his soul?
And then it hits him.
Something so complex should hardly be summed up in so few words, but his mind can find no alternative for what he’d scrawled on the paper. There are no flowery words, no silver-tongued phrases.
Woohyun wants to laugh at the utter simplicity of it all, had he known it could be so easy, he would have been asleep hours ago. He bites his lip to keep from making any sound to wake Sunggyu who is still curled up on the bottom bunk of their bed (Sunggyu wouldn’t appreciate having his sleep disturbed and even if he felt the same as Woohyun he would still be angry).
Tomorrow will come soon enough and Sunggyu will be able to read the letter that Woohyun was written and perhaps then, the younger boy won’t need a star to wish on. As Woohyun places the pen on the desk and reaches the light switch of the lamp in the corner, his eyes fall on the words written on the paper.
Sunggyu,
You are everything to me.
-Woohyun
A smile curls along his lips as he flips the light switch and plunge the room in darkness.
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A/N: Maybe one of my better ones.