EXTRA EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
Welcome to the first edition of The Infield Dirt!
Recently many Major League Baseball players* started writing about their experiences in LiveJournals**, and somehow this goldmine has been overlooked by the major media. Baseball players are airing their dirty laundry*** and guess what, folks! We’ve been watching. Here’s what has been going down in the MLB universe lately:
- The biggest scandal to hit the MLB LiveJournal community in years went down this week when Orioles outfielder jaygibbons posted a drawing that implied that Oakland A’s outfielder nickswisher had a GAY affair with pitcher Huston Street! Swisher then reacted angrily in his personal journal and a flamewar with Gibbons began.
We can’t help but notice that Swisher was angry that the drawing was posted and upset about its content, but he never denied being gay or involved with Street!
- Speaking of Street, there seem to be two journalers both claiming to be him: hustonstreet and longhorn_huston. Hmm... is it possible one of them could be a FAKE? Is nothing sacred anymore??
We'll admit, it's possible Huston has a little case of multiple personality disorder. Either way, keep your eyes open when it comes to these two!!
- Internal conflict threatens to tear the struggling San Francisco Giants apart! Reserve outfielder michael_tucker has a serious grudge against shortstop omar_vizquel, and goes so far as to encourage opposing closers to go headhunting when Vizquel is at the plate! Second baseman ray_Durham and pitcher jason_schmidt seem to have a feud going on and Durham threatened to intentionally make errors to get back at Schmidt… then followed through on it! Meanwhile, marquis_grissom has been sniping at his backup Jason Ellison and recently drew a picture of Ellison being impaled by a bat!
- The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry is one of the most storied in sports history, and also one of the nastiest.. especially when it manifests itself on LiveJournal! Boston starter Bronson Arroyo (not_Brandon) and Yankee reliever Tanyon Sturtze (thegrandtanyon) almost scuffled on the street, then continued their conflict on Arroyo’s LJ! We have more info on the Yankees-Red Sox, but we can’t spill it all at once… why else would keep people reading?
- Meanwhile, once again commissioner Bud Selig has attempted to crack down on the Giants for substance abuse.. and the substance? Snacks! We hear Selig became concerned that the snacks were of a performance enhancing nature after Vizquel and many of his teammates began posting about lucky snacks, and he warned Vizquel to stop serving them! Giants owner Peter Magowan (emporer_nero) then encouraged his team to keep on snacking! Will the Giants be disciplined for this policy, which Selig is attempting to enforce without the backing of the players union?
- Speaking of substance abuse… there are rumblings in the MLB front office about another concerning trend: liquor. A recent rash of drunken LiveJournal posts by ballplayers (such as these posts by Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez, Boston pitchers Bronson Arroyo and David Wells, and San Francisco pitcher Brett Tomko) has officials concerned that players may be taking the field COMPLETELY WASTED! Another incident set tongues wagging when Boston shortstop Edgar Renteria (igotrenteria) posted about his “LJ Stoner Party!" Could we have another major baseball scandal on our hands?
- We hear the Yankees are still concerned about how left fielder Hideki Matsui (hidekisan) flew to Oakland when the Yankees were playing the A’s… in New York! We hear Yankees brass are concerned that he may be emotionally unstable and adjusting poorly to life in America!
- We hear San Francisco pitcher noah_lowry’s opposites-attract romance with Kirstie Alley is blossoming beautifully! The two were spotted canoodling at a San Francisco nightclub and Lowry was recently eyed shopping for engagement rings! Could a baby be next??
- Is it just us, or do some ballplayers sometimes act like they bat for the other team? Do Yankees Alex Rodriguez (slappymcbluelip) and Derek Jeter (captainderek) have a little something going on off the field? Or is it Jeter and Jorge Posada (captains1stmate)? San Francisco third baseman edgardo_alfonzo sure spends a lot of time talking to his team’s injured closer Armando Benitez, and his teammate brett_tomko seems desperate for catcher Mike Matheny’s affections! And let’s not forget about the Swisher/Street scandal, and the man who started it, Jaygibbons! Gibbons seems to be preoccupied with calling other ballplayers gay.. perhaps he hopes it’s true so he can get with them himself! We have it on good authority it was Gibbons who posted this anonymous love note to Kyle Farnsworth’s arms! God damn, MLB is gay!
Fielder’s Choice - Guess Who!
Which outfielder was recently part of a double steal - off the baseball diamond? This injured player reportedly took a walk into a supermarket and was caught looking - not at strike three, but something worse: pastrami and ham! It seems the slugger has an obsession with stealing cold cuts and does it in every city the team visits! An unsuspecting supermarket employee discovered the attempted steal and was ready to ring him up when the player flipped him the bird and told him to put a cork in it!
Now we’ve reached the end of the Infield Dirt, but never fear… there’s more dirt to come next week! Be sure to leave tips in our journal (Not cash, idiots! Gossip!) so that we know where the juiciest stories are! Again, tune in next week for some salacious info on the Yankees and the Red Sox… more importantly, we’ll also have TONS of dirt about the Devil Rays!
In conclusion… watch out, baseball. We see it all.
* Not really, this is pretend.
** The players aren’t really writing these journals!
*** It’s all fake!
Recently many Major League Baseball players* started writing about their experiences in LiveJournals**, and somehow this goldmine has been overlooked by the major media. Baseball players are airing their dirty laundry*** and guess what, folks! We’ve been watching. Here’s what has been going down in the MLB universe lately:
- The biggest scandal to hit the MLB LiveJournal community in years went down this week when Orioles outfielder jaygibbons posted a drawing that implied that Oakland A’s outfielder nickswisher had a GAY affair with pitcher Huston Street! Swisher then reacted angrily in his personal journal and a flamewar with Gibbons began.
We can’t help but notice that Swisher was angry that the drawing was posted and upset about its content, but he never denied being gay or involved with Street!
- Speaking of Street, there seem to be two journalers both claiming to be him: hustonstreet and longhorn_huston. Hmm... is it possible one of them could be a FAKE? Is nothing sacred anymore??
We'll admit, it's possible Huston has a little case of multiple personality disorder. Either way, keep your eyes open when it comes to these two!!
- Internal conflict threatens to tear the struggling San Francisco Giants apart! Reserve outfielder michael_tucker has a serious grudge against shortstop omar_vizquel, and goes so far as to encourage opposing closers to go headhunting when Vizquel is at the plate! Second baseman ray_Durham and pitcher jason_schmidt seem to have a feud going on and Durham threatened to intentionally make errors to get back at Schmidt… then followed through on it! Meanwhile, marquis_grissom has been sniping at his backup Jason Ellison and recently drew a picture of Ellison being impaled by a bat!
- The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry is one of the most storied in sports history, and also one of the nastiest.. especially when it manifests itself on LiveJournal! Boston starter Bronson Arroyo (not_Brandon) and Yankee reliever Tanyon Sturtze (thegrandtanyon) almost scuffled on the street, then continued their conflict on Arroyo’s LJ! We have more info on the Yankees-Red Sox, but we can’t spill it all at once… why else would keep people reading?
- Meanwhile, once again commissioner Bud Selig has attempted to crack down on the Giants for substance abuse.. and the substance? Snacks! We hear Selig became concerned that the snacks were of a performance enhancing nature after Vizquel and many of his teammates began posting about lucky snacks, and he warned Vizquel to stop serving them! Giants owner Peter Magowan (emporer_nero) then encouraged his team to keep on snacking! Will the Giants be disciplined for this policy, which Selig is attempting to enforce without the backing of the players union?
- Speaking of substance abuse… there are rumblings in the MLB front office about another concerning trend: liquor. A recent rash of drunken LiveJournal posts by ballplayers (such as these posts by Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez, Boston pitchers Bronson Arroyo and David Wells, and San Francisco pitcher Brett Tomko) has officials concerned that players may be taking the field COMPLETELY WASTED! Another incident set tongues wagging when Boston shortstop Edgar Renteria (igotrenteria) posted about his “LJ Stoner Party!" Could we have another major baseball scandal on our hands?
- We hear the Yankees are still concerned about how left fielder Hideki Matsui (hidekisan) flew to Oakland when the Yankees were playing the A’s… in New York! We hear Yankees brass are concerned that he may be emotionally unstable and adjusting poorly to life in America!
- We hear San Francisco pitcher noah_lowry’s opposites-attract romance with Kirstie Alley is blossoming beautifully! The two were spotted canoodling at a San Francisco nightclub and Lowry was recently eyed shopping for engagement rings! Could a baby be next??
- Is it just us, or do some ballplayers sometimes act like they bat for the other team? Do Yankees Alex Rodriguez (slappymcbluelip) and Derek Jeter (captainderek) have a little something going on off the field? Or is it Jeter and Jorge Posada (captains1stmate)? San Francisco third baseman edgardo_alfonzo sure spends a lot of time talking to his team’s injured closer Armando Benitez, and his teammate brett_tomko seems desperate for catcher Mike Matheny’s affections! And let’s not forget about the Swisher/Street scandal, and the man who started it, Jaygibbons! Gibbons seems to be preoccupied with calling other ballplayers gay.. perhaps he hopes it’s true so he can get with them himself! We have it on good authority it was Gibbons who posted this anonymous love note to Kyle Farnsworth’s arms! God damn, MLB is gay!
Fielder’s Choice - Guess Who!
Which outfielder was recently part of a double steal - off the baseball diamond? This injured player reportedly took a walk into a supermarket and was caught looking - not at strike three, but something worse: pastrami and ham! It seems the slugger has an obsession with stealing cold cuts and does it in every city the team visits! An unsuspecting supermarket employee discovered the attempted steal and was ready to ring him up when the player flipped him the bird and told him to put a cork in it!
Now we’ve reached the end of the Infield Dirt, but never fear… there’s more dirt to come next week! Be sure to leave tips in our journal (Not cash, idiots! Gossip!) so that we know where the juiciest stories are! Again, tune in next week for some salacious info on the Yankees and the Red Sox… more importantly, we’ll also have TONS of dirt about the Devil Rays!
In conclusion… watch out, baseball. We see it all.
* Not really, this is pretend.
** The players aren’t really writing these journals!
*** It’s all fake!