disjointed
last week grandmother passed away - the one in cambodia - the one i met last year for the first time ever. kinda knew it was the last time i was going to see her. but still -- death is a horrible thing. . . weirdly enough, cause i've planned my funeral in grade school when other little girls were planning their 'wedding' . . . yeah i have my wedding planned too but i just got to sucker some guy into marrying me -- death is much easier -- i can do it alone. hazzah.
so anyways, sarcasm aside -- i'm horrible at funeral - i just cry and cry. but i'm horrible at weddings too - i just cry and cry.
love is oxytocin - i figured that out. . . jerks!
but yeah, so holidays is null - but i never really celebrate anyways - i usually just work, i think this is the first time in years where i haven't worked on xmas day. . .
hazzah!
tomorrow i'm working though -
today i did a rough for the music video that i've been working on - yay.
now continuing working on the documentary that we just shot.
ahh!
then digitizing some tapes for a friend - i feel that the holidays will be eaten up. and i still won't have time to do everything i need to do with pat's music video.
oh time can be crazy. . .
but yeah, i have to figure out who i am and where i belong in this 'chinese culture'. . . where will i send my parents' spirit when the time comes -- i really have to learn more -- especially when i don't have any chinese friends either. . . ahh. . . what am i to do.
all i can think of at my grandmother's ceremony was -- wow. . . how will i know, even at my other grandmother's funeral almost 2 yrs ago -- i dont know much about my culture. . . i've been raised on television and michaelena dinners -- and then my mother asked me today -- how come you're not chinese enough. . . then she proceeded to give me the 'chinsese' speech.
how did it ever happen this way? *shrugs*
so anyways, sarcasm aside -- i'm horrible at funeral - i just cry and cry. but i'm horrible at weddings too - i just cry and cry.
love is oxytocin - i figured that out. . . jerks!
but yeah, so holidays is null - but i never really celebrate anyways - i usually just work, i think this is the first time in years where i haven't worked on xmas day. . .
hazzah!
tomorrow i'm working though -
today i did a rough for the music video that i've been working on - yay.
now continuing working on the documentary that we just shot.
ahh!
then digitizing some tapes for a friend - i feel that the holidays will be eaten up. and i still won't have time to do everything i need to do with pat's music video.
oh time can be crazy. . .
but yeah, i have to figure out who i am and where i belong in this 'chinese culture'. . . where will i send my parents' spirit when the time comes -- i really have to learn more -- especially when i don't have any chinese friends either. . . ahh. . . what am i to do.
all i can think of at my grandmother's ceremony was -- wow. . . how will i know, even at my other grandmother's funeral almost 2 yrs ago -- i dont know much about my culture. . . i've been raised on television and michaelena dinners -- and then my mother asked me today -- how come you're not chinese enough. . . then she proceeded to give me the 'chinsese' speech.
how did it ever happen this way? *shrugs*