Life as I know it.
Today (Saturday) was a very strange day. I learned so much, am upset at the moment, and yet not at all. In an attempt to make some sense of the day/my life I'm going to sort my thoughts into categories.
Work:
Today was a great day at work. I really did not want to be there when I first arrived but after a bit I got really excited about it. I honestly love my job at the moment. I make good money, I like my managers a lot, my co-workers for the most part rule. All in all its a great job and I'm damn good at it. I've realized that my previous judgment that Kyle was my favorite manager was completely ass backwards and Brent wins. For awhile I thought Brent was pissed at me because I said shit when he wasn't working. I wasn't mad at him personally but the things I said could have been taking poorly. Basically I compared his management style to Kyle's and someone told him. I thought he was mad, and that Benny was the one who ratted me out, but it turns out Kyle has been telling him everything, and he thinks its hilarious. Bottom line, not everything is ever as it seems. I even get along very well with Maggie's brother, which I thought would be awkward at first.
I'd eventually like to find a "real" job that uses all of my many skills. Honestly as generic as that sounds, its completely true. My whole goal in life is to make things better. No matter what, I want things to be done quickly, very efficient, and better. I've been doing this my whole life. I'd like a job that allows me to observe things and come up with my own observations. I'd like to improve things somehow, develop new processes of thought, and use my brain.
Friendship:
I feel completely out of place with some of my friends. Honestly, I love hanging out after work and going to breakfast, but I feel like the group of friends doesn't really include me. To be completely honest I think part of it was my need for space a month or two ago when I was really depressed. I feel like people just flat out don't call me to see if I want to hang out. Its like Myspace is the universal lines of communication for a few of them. I don't fucking get it. Maybe I'm just too old for this crowd.
Relationships:
I'm getting more and more comfortable with myself as of late. I have this horrible habit of meeting a lady, starting to get into them, getting really into them, and then finding something wrong and dropping it completely. Ask any of my friends, its how I work. I don't know why, I just do. I really like someone right now, but I know its never going to work out the way I want and yet I keep trying to make it work.
The current situation involves someone I just can't be with. She doesn't live here, she's too young for me, she doesn't drive, her parents are overprotective. I finally was going to have time to hang out with her this weekend, even for a day, and she can't because her friend basically fucked her over Saturday night in St. Louis. Her mom drove there from Chicago to get her because of her friend's actions.
I'm just bummed out because I tried so hard to make these plans work and yet they fell apart.
Spirituality/Faith:
And finally we come to the subject of spirituality. I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately (not to be confused with soul seeking, which I've been doing as well). I've never been too fond of the Christian, monotheistic religions. Sometime my freshman year of college, I realized that my life follows a process of rebirth of sorts. I change things in my life to constantly improve it. I have a phoenix on my back, it was my first tattoo, and I feel it is somewhat my spirit animal.
I've been searching for something to fill the gaps in my life. I've read a few books on Buddhism. I spoke with a friend and I am going to read a book on Taoism soon as well. The nice thing about Taoism is the concept of the inter connectivity of everything in life. I definitely find myself searching for something more. Some bands of the mid-nineties were into the Krishna movement, so that's also an option. Either way, much reading is necessary in the future.
Work:
Today was a great day at work. I really did not want to be there when I first arrived but after a bit I got really excited about it. I honestly love my job at the moment. I make good money, I like my managers a lot, my co-workers for the most part rule. All in all its a great job and I'm damn good at it. I've realized that my previous judgment that Kyle was my favorite manager was completely ass backwards and Brent wins. For awhile I thought Brent was pissed at me because I said shit when he wasn't working. I wasn't mad at him personally but the things I said could have been taking poorly. Basically I compared his management style to Kyle's and someone told him. I thought he was mad, and that Benny was the one who ratted me out, but it turns out Kyle has been telling him everything, and he thinks its hilarious. Bottom line, not everything is ever as it seems. I even get along very well with Maggie's brother, which I thought would be awkward at first.
I'd eventually like to find a "real" job that uses all of my many skills. Honestly as generic as that sounds, its completely true. My whole goal in life is to make things better. No matter what, I want things to be done quickly, very efficient, and better. I've been doing this my whole life. I'd like a job that allows me to observe things and come up with my own observations. I'd like to improve things somehow, develop new processes of thought, and use my brain.
Friendship:
I feel completely out of place with some of my friends. Honestly, I love hanging out after work and going to breakfast, but I feel like the group of friends doesn't really include me. To be completely honest I think part of it was my need for space a month or two ago when I was really depressed. I feel like people just flat out don't call me to see if I want to hang out. Its like Myspace is the universal lines of communication for a few of them. I don't fucking get it. Maybe I'm just too old for this crowd.
Relationships:
I'm getting more and more comfortable with myself as of late. I have this horrible habit of meeting a lady, starting to get into them, getting really into them, and then finding something wrong and dropping it completely. Ask any of my friends, its how I work. I don't know why, I just do. I really like someone right now, but I know its never going to work out the way I want and yet I keep trying to make it work.
The current situation involves someone I just can't be with. She doesn't live here, she's too young for me, she doesn't drive, her parents are overprotective. I finally was going to have time to hang out with her this weekend, even for a day, and she can't because her friend basically fucked her over Saturday night in St. Louis. Her mom drove there from Chicago to get her because of her friend's actions.
I'm just bummed out because I tried so hard to make these plans work and yet they fell apart.
Spirituality/Faith:
And finally we come to the subject of spirituality. I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately (not to be confused with soul seeking, which I've been doing as well). I've never been too fond of the Christian, monotheistic religions. Sometime my freshman year of college, I realized that my life follows a process of rebirth of sorts. I change things in my life to constantly improve it. I have a phoenix on my back, it was my first tattoo, and I feel it is somewhat my spirit animal.
I've been searching for something to fill the gaps in my life. I've read a few books on Buddhism. I spoke with a friend and I am going to read a book on Taoism soon as well. The nice thing about Taoism is the concept of the inter connectivity of everything in life. I definitely find myself searching for something more. Some bands of the mid-nineties were into the Krishna movement, so that's also an option. Either way, much reading is necessary in the future.