Real Person Fic - CW: Pharmakon [Part 3/4]
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PART THREE
Over the next few weeks, Jared learns Jensen's moods pretty well. He learns when Jensen needs to be pushed, what he can do to help, and that sometimes, the best he can do is just let Jensen know he's there for support if he's needed.
He also learns the difference between Jensen being in a bad place and Jensen just being in a bad mood. Today is a bad mood, and Jared fully intends to have fun at his grouchy prince's expense.
"I hate feasts," Jensen tells him for the millionth time. "I hate arranging feasts, I hate throwing feasts, and I hate paying for feasts. I hate sitting through feasts. More than anything, let the record reflect that I fucking hate sitting through feasts."
Jared rolls his eyes and pretends to hit his head against the wall.
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Jensen says. "I'm complaining. A lot. But did I mention-"
Jared grabs him by the shoulders and when he has Jensen's silence, he signs if I hear the word feast in the next sentence out of your mouth, I am going to cry.
Jensen, mature and august member of the Padacktopia monarchy that he is, sticks his tongue out at Jared.
Jared gestures at the bed, and at the beautiful clothes laid out on it. At least you get a nice new outfit.
Jensen scratches the back of his neck and looks suddenly very nervous. "Actually, uh. That's. Um. Well, I asked the tailor to make you something special for the feast."
Jared steps closer, and now that he can see the fine jacket and pants up close, they do seem to be cut for him rather than Jensen. There's just one tiny problem. Jared would be executed if he wore this in public.
He picks up the jerkin and holds it out to Jensen, his fingers tracing the dark purple swirls on the gold background. Colors of the royal house. Which only members of the royal family can wear, and Jared is just a commoner they picked up in a forest.
The tips of Jensen's ears go pink, but he takes it from Jared. "I'll help you dress."
There's only one circumstance under which someone who wasn't born to Jensen's family can wear these colors, and Jared's pretty sure, whatever his own feelings on the subject, that he and Jensen have not been married at any point, nor is it likely they ever will be.
"We'll do the undershirt first," Jensen says. "You have to take off the one you're wearing, it's not the right shade of white."
Jared obeys him only out of sheer confusion. He takes off his shirt and Jensen turns around, holding the new one out to Jared the best he can when he's closing his eyes and looking away.
Jared huffs a laugh at him and pulls the new shirt on, not missing that Jensen is looking at him with a glazed expression by the time it's on over his head. There are times-times like this-that Jared is so sure Jensen wants him. It even seems worth taking the risk, at least it would be better to die for kissing Jensen than for wearing the wrong colors.
Then Jensen says, all in a rush, "The feast is to announce my engagement."
Jared is so blindsided by what Jensen just said that he can't bother to hide any of the shock in his expression. Surely he would have known by now if Jensen was betrothed. He's seen the man at least once every day for months.
"That's why…" he says, and then he turns back toward the bed, distracting himself by picking up the next piece of Jared's ensemble. "That's why I've been in the mood I've been in, and I'm sorry you've had to put up with me. It's just been stressful."
He waits until Jensen is looking at him again before he signs who?
"She's arriving in just a few hours," Jensen tells him. "She's a princess from one of the nearby kingdoms, and her name is Danneel."
Jared knows he has no right to ask the next question, but he doesn't care. They can send him to the dungeons for all he cares. Do you love her?
Jensen's expression gets pinched, but he nods. "Very much."
He approaches Jared with pants and hands them over before turning his back. "We chose each other. She and I have been good friends since I was only a child, and we both knew we would have to marry someone of our station, so we decided it might as well be each other."
Jensen clears his throat, looking over his shoulder to see if Jared is ready for the next item. "I was very lucky, you know. She wasn't the wealthiest princess I could have had, but my brother let me choose. It's better than most princes can hope for. It's better than he got, though I know he loves Adrianne very much. He didn't choose her. He let me choose. I'm very lucky."
Jared nods when Jensen looks to him for approval, doing everything he can to hold himself together long enough to get through this. He should be happy for Jensen. Jensen has done so much for him, and he's about to marry someone he loves. So what if Jared thought maybe Jensen felt something for him? It's not Jensen's fault Jared was crazy enough to believe a prince could want him. He should accept that and be happy for Jensen.
But he can't. He can't even manage a fake smile, just a nod. The thought of sitting through this, seeing Jensen and some princess he loves as they tell the entire kingdom-Jared has never been to a feast in his life, but he's suddenly very sure he hates them just as much as Jensen does.
By now, Jared has put on every part of his elaborate outfit, including the boots and even a sword ("just for decoration," Jensen teases as he hands it over delicately).
The only thing left is a long coat, fur trimmed and leather and finer than anything Jared's seen, even on the king. "For when we ride out to meet the party," Jensen explains.
He holds his arms out to the side, and Jensen slips it onto him while saying, "It's just that…I don't know that I want to get married. But I bet all grooms feel that way at first."
Jared gives him a short smile when the coat is on him, and Jensen soothes his hands along the side, testing the fit. His smile for Jared is much more genuine when he looks up.
"You look very handsome in our colors," he says. Then his voice drops almost to a whisper, "They're my colors and I'll give them to whoever I want."
_______________________________________________________________
They meet the king and the queen in the great hall, the same room Jared was taken to the first time he met Josh. Both of them are already dressed, the queen looking like a creature from a fairytale in a dress that seems to take up half the floor. The king's outfit, while smaller, is no less elaborate, and they greet Jared and Jensen with smiles.
"Well, don't you two clean up nicely?" the queen asks.
Jared looks down at himself, unsure of whether they’ve noticed yet that he's wearing something he has no right to be wearing.
Just then, Jim Beaver enters the room, and of course, his first response is to look at Jared, disgust written all over his features. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
The king raises an eyebrow. "I'm not sure anyone made a joke just then, but I am often so witty I don't even realize I'm doing it."
"Of course you are, dear," the queen agrees, giving Josh a pat on the arm.
"You cannot actually intend to meet the princess with him dressed like that," he says, pointing to Jared. "Hasn't this gone far enough? The fact that he'll be there at all is-"
Queen Adrianne doesn't even pretend to disguise her eye roll. "Jim is worried Jared might look so good in those pants that Princess Danneel will forget all about Jensen. I, personally, think he has a point."
"The Princess will not stomach this insult," Jim argues, as if the queen never spoke.
"Oh, come on, Jim," the king replies. "Danni and Jensen used to have parchment eating contests when they were five. We're not really standing on ceremony here."
"I can explain about the parchment later," Jensen whispers to him, and Jared smiles despite how tense he feels.
"Maybe not, but what about the advisers who come with her? The people who will be reporting back to the king. This is a slight of the highest degree. This will turn an ally into an enemy!"
"They'll report back what the princess tells them to," Jensen assures his brother. "And besides, there's no slight in-"
"Oh, please," Lord Beaver replies, gesturing at Jared's clothing. "As if anyone in Padacktopia or any kingdom is going to miss what that means. And where is he going to sit at the fest?"
"At my side," Jensen answers. "Danneel on my left, Jared on my right. What's wrong with that?"
"Everything!" Jim yells. "There is protocol in matters of state and we can't blow them to the wind just because the prince is a-"
"What?" the king asks, turning on Jim with a tone and expression so fierce Jared suddenly sees how dangerous a thing a king is. "What were you going to accuse our little brother of being?"
Jim steps back and visibly humbles himself. "Nothing, your majesty. I was just saying that people will talk, and it will not be things you or the prince want them saying."
He has a point, Jared signs at Jensen. I do think he has a point.
"Oh, what's the street rat saying about me now?" Jim asks.
Jensen takes a step forward. "Look at the colors the street rat is wearing and look at the colors you're wearing. He outranks you."
"I'm the sole heir of the house of-"
"I know your pedigree," Jensen replies, his tone no less icy. "You're outranked."
Jim looks from Jensen to the king in confusion, and Jared gets an uneasy feeling in his gut that what Jensen just did was a slight too large for Lord Beaver's pride to swallow.
The king sighs, rubbing his temple with one hand. "This is all very productive," he says. "I want everyone out."
They turn to leave, Jared trying to make a break faster than anyone, but then the king lifts his head. "Jared, you stay."
Jared points to himself to check if the king actually meant he wanted Jared to stay, and Jensen stops next to him. "I can stay, too. To translate what he's saying for you."
The king shakes his head. "I don't anticipate that being an issue."
Reluctantly, Jensen passes Jared by, his finger brushing Jared's arm as he goes. Once the door is closed, the king clears his throat.
"So, uh, hi," he says.
Jared gives him an awkward wave.
"I'm sorry I haven’t gotten to know you better, I've just been-uh, look. I know. About my brother. Everyone knows. We've always known. When my parents were still alive, they didn't want to acknowledge it, so we never really talk about it. But I know."
Jared nods, pretending he's following anything the king is saying, because that seems to be the thing to do when he can't really ask him to clarify.
"It doesn’t bother me. He knows that. I mean, I tried to talk him out of this whole marriage thing. Good for business, sure, but I didn't want him to feel like he had to, but he insisted. Fine. Whatever. I don't like it."
Again, Jared nods. This time, he at least is consenting to something he knows he agrees with. Which is that Jensen getting married sucks.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is: I've noticed how he's changed since he met you. I don't know what you do for him." He stops himself, holding his hands up. "I don't need details, especially not if you need to act them out."
Jared shakes his head. No details. He wouldn't know what to act out even if he wanted to.
"He's happy now," the king says, his voice oddly soft. "In his whole life, I've never seen my little brother happy, not really. Not like this." He shrugs. "I don't care about gossip or where you sit at a banquet or what you wear. Please, keep making him happy."
_______________________________________________________________
When Jared heard stories about feasts, it always sounded like a good time. There was a lot of food, and that was mostly all he heard about it. Food. Jared likes food, therefore, he was pretty much expecting to enjoy himself at this feast, as much as one can enjoy a celebration that the person they are hopelessly in love with is about to marry a princess.
He didn't realize there would be so much waiting around beforehand. The princess arrived from her journey about an hour ago, and is not expected to be ready to join the festivities for some time yet. Obviously, the food can't be served until both of the guests of honor are present, but all this waiting around is going to kill him.
Jensen has resorted to playing the 'teach Jared the name of every noble in the kingdom' game, and Jared is never more regretful of his imposed silence than when it stops him from telling Jensen to shut the hell up.
"That's Count George Clooney," Jensen says, pointing to an older man at the end of the third table on their left. There are still two more tables after that, and then Jensen will start on the right. Jared sighs at his empty plate, but it takes no pity on him. "He wasn't invited. We never invite him to anything, but somehow he shows up anyway. Lovely wife, though!"
He pauses and turns to Jared. "I'm boring you to death, aren't I?"
Jared nods enthusiastically and Jensen laughs. "Excellent! Moving on we have-"
"Prince Jensen Ackles, soon to be a married man. And all the bachelors of Padacktopia weep."
Jared perks up at the sound of a familiar voice, and sure enough…
"Jeffrey Dean Morgan, you get older every time I see you!"
"Funny how that goes both ways," Lord Jeffrey replies, waiting for Jensen to stand and lean over the table before patting him on the back in greeting. He turns his attention toward Jared. "And who's your handsome friend here-Jared?"
"You know him?" Jensen asks excitedly, he turns to look at Jared. "You know him?"
Jared nods and Jeffrey smiles. "Damn, I was wondering what happened to you. We were real worried about you and your folks, you know that? Looks like you've moved onto bigger and better, though." Lord Jeffrey gives him and Jensen both a sly look. "Oh, to be a fly on the wall."
Jensen interrupts him. "You know his family? Where are they? Can I help them?"
"He hasn’t told you?" Jeffrey asks.
"He talked to you?" Jensen replies, looking for all the world like his jaw might hit the floor.
Lord Jeffrey gives Jensen a confused look. "Kid wouldn't shut up half the time. No offense, Jared."
Jared waves him off, and Jensen is the only one with any sense of focus. "Tell me about his family. Tell me everything you know."
"Honestly, I don't know much. He used to work on my farm. His daddy and brother, too. Good people, but, you know. Different circles." Jeffrey frowns. "Him and his whole household up and vanished out of nowhere about a year ago. Right in the middle of the harvest, no less, and you still owe me those 70 seals I paid you in advance."
"I'll get you your money," Jensen promises. "What else?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know much else. He can probably tell you. We all…we all thought you were dead." He smiles at Jared. "For what it's worth, I'm very glad to see you're not."
Lord Jeffrey resumes his seat not long after, and Jensen folds his hands in front of him. "That was interesting."
Jared nods.
"Genevieve offered to have you sit at her table during the feast," Jensen tells him, seemingly out of nowhere.
Jared lifts his head, hurt but not surprised that Jensen is changing his mind about having Jared at his side when the princess arrives.
"She's great. Very beautiful. Good family. She would be a good match." Jensen looks away. "You could have a feast like this with her someday. I can't ever…anyway. I wanted to tell you. If you want to be with her instead of me, I understand. I'm horrible company right now, anyway. I'm wound so tight I can't do anything but recite names and-"
Jared puts his hand on Jensen's thigh under the table and squeezes it, and that surprises Jensen into looking up at him.
He presses his hand against his heart, so Jensen can see who he's choosing, and Jensen smiles at him like there's no one else in this banquet hall full of nobility.
And then, just when he's starting to think he likes feasts after all, the princess arrives, even more beautiful now in her exquisite gown than she had been when she got off her horse. Her hair is laced with an extravagant gold headdress and she smiles at Jensen across the room. When Jared looks at his prince, he sees all his worst fears confirmed. He'd been telling himself, maybe Jensen's gloomy behavior was because he was lying. Maybe he didn't love her at all. But now he knows better.
Danneel takes her place at the table, and she's as funny as she is gorgeous. She goes out of her way to include Jared in conversations, even though she knows he won't respond, and makes Jensen turn as red as her hair by telling Jared stories about the nonsense they got up to as children.
He watches them laugh in unison, all through the night, finishing each other's sentences-freely, out loud. Jared can't even offer that. A simple conversation. It's a torture he can't escape sitting next to them, and it might damn well be the rest of his life.
Jared feels more foolish than he's ever felt. He had actually been beginning to allow himself to believe that Jensen loved him. But Jensen is a prince, and princes marry people like Danneel. She's kind, and she's gorgeous, and worst of all, Jensen loves her dearly. Jared could never compete.
_______________________________________________________________
Jared is not feeling sorry for himself.
He's staying busy. He's doing important work. He doesn't have time to feel sorry for himself, he has a whole family to save.
For the first time since he arrived at the palace, he has a way to get back to the forest so he can harvest more flax for the second of the six shirts. It's been over three months since he finished the first, and now that he can ride his own horse, it’s only a simple matter of ignoring the blisters.
Jared leaves and is back in the span of a day, and no one even notices he's gone. Jensen, whisked from one end of the castle to the next, taking his princess out on long rides like he used to do with Jared-Jensen certainly doesn't notice. And that's good. That's really for the best.
Jensen would worry if he knew Jared went back to those poisonous plants, and he has more than enough on his shoulders right now without throwing Jared's problems in. The princess is staying a fortnight, with the engagement to be formally announced the night before she leaves, and then he'll have a royal wedding to plan. And after the wedding, Jensen will start a family, he won't have time to spare another thought to where Jared is or what he's doing.
See? Jared is staying focused and not feeling even the slightest bit sorry for himself.
"If you're just going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself, you should go find him."
Jared looks up from his knitting and makes a sour face at Genevieve. He holds up the shirt he's started so she can see that he's working.
She laughs. "Oh, please. If you were sulking any harder, they would hear you in the dungeon. I don't know how you manage to be distracting when you're mute, but your self-pity is deafening."
He shakes his head to say I'm not sulking, and her amusement only grows.
"Look at your little lip sticking out," she teases. "It's not fair that even your pouting is cute."
Jared puts his knitting down and presses a hand against his chest. Her smile drops a little, and she nods. "I know, Jared. You miss him."
He holds up three fingers. Three days, that's how long it's been since he spent any significant amount of time with Jensen. The most contact they've had in the past 24 hours was Jensen pausing as they crossed paths in the hallway, taking his hands and looking at the new wounds for only a few seconds before Jim Beaver was at his side, reminding him he had to make an appearance at some meeting or another. He'd opened his mouth to say something, then allowed himself to be led away, with only a look back in Jared's direction and a pinched expression on his face.
"But Danneel has invited you along every day she's been here," Genevieve points out. "She wants to get to know you. You're the one choosing not to spend any time with them."
He'd thought about it, when the first invitation came. He'd bathed and was halfway through dressing before he realized what it would be like. Danneel thinks he's Jensen's friend, so she wants to be his friend, too. And she's not wrong, either, because that is all he ever was or will be.
But he wants more and, for a while there, he thought he had more. He won't be able to hide it, won't know how to act differently toward Jensen now that he's learned his place. No one wants that when they're newly in love. He's had Jensen all to himself for months, and he doesn’t know how to share. She's the one with a claim.
Jared signs I don't belong and Genevieve tilts her head. "I'm sorry, Jared, I don't understand."
He laughs, because, isn't that just it? The first thought through his head is Jensen would have.
Leaning toward the desk, Jared gestures at the books she has open, making the change of subject clear. Genevieve sighs but doesn't comment on Jared's evasion, just turns her attention back to her own work.
"I was thinking of moving you up to some harder material, so I was sorting through a few possibilities." She pauses for a moment, then gives Jared a sly look, like she already knows how he'll respond to what she's about to say. "That pile on the right corner? Those are Jensen's favorite stories."
He already has a stack of parchment clutched in each hand before he realizes how predictable he is. Genevieve is laughing, and Jared just ducks his head, figuring it's too damn late to play it cool.
"Those are stories, mostly. Epic tales. Mythology. Jensen was always into the grand journeys and quests. Me? I prefer the histories, but they always bored him."
Jared flips through a few sheets, until he finds one that catches his attention. There's an imprint of a man in a forest speaking to a beautiful maiden, and when Jared scans the page to see if he thinks he'll be able to read it, one word he's never seen in writing jumps out at him.
Two-thirds down the page and tucked off to the right-hand side, there it is in black and white: Sammy. It's spelled just the way it sounds when Jensen says it.
Genevieve gives him a confused look in response to his excitement, so he holds the page out to her, pointing to the word. Her eyebrows draw together and finally she looks up at him. "What's all the gesticulating about?"
He stops to take a deep breath and steady himself, and then he points to the page again.
"Sammy?" she finally asks, looking up at him to confirm that's the word he wants her to explain.
Jared nods and nods, and Genevieve seems surprised. "Those were Jensen's favorite types of stories."
Yes, Jared tries to tell her with a frustrated wave of his hands. But what does it mean?
"It's really hard to translate into English," she says, pursing her lips. "At least, not in a way that doesn't sound silly. That's why most translators just left it in the text even though the majority of readers wouldn't know what it meant. After enough times, it starts to make sense in context."
He rolls his eyes. Instead of a definition, Jensen gave him a lesson on the language, and now Genevieve is doing the same. He makes circles with his hands to lead her on, and she nods.
"Okay, literally it's something like 'precious gift.' In old Acklonian, Sam means gift, the suffix -my is added to words to denote that they have great value. In the stories, the Sammy was something a hero was sent, by gods or mystical forces or fate, whatever, changed based on the story."
Jared nods to show he's still paying attention, and Genevieve reaches out, looking through a few pages and then setting down images. "Do you know the story of the king and the sword in the stone? Or the Holy Grail?"
He read about those in some of the books she'd given him months ago, so he nods again.
"Good. That's the Sammy in each of those stories. The king gets the sword, the sword makes him king. The knight finds the grail and that gains him entrance into paradise. The Sammy is what makes it possible."
Jared turns back to the first page he'd found and points to the woman in the forest, asking if it can be a person instead of a thing.
Genevieve smiles. "Yeah, of course. Think of the story of the knight who fell in love with the queen. He was supposed to go after the grail first, but he wasn't pure after he'd committed adultery, right?"
The connection here is failing Jared, but he trusts Genevieve has a point she's coming around to.
"He chose the queen's love over the grail, over paradise. She chose him over the king's power, over a kingdom. She was his Sammy, and he was hers."
Jared sits back, tries to think about that and what it means that Jensen uses that word to refer to him when he is about to marry someone else.
"It's not a prize," Genevieve tells him. "When we were studying this, that's how our teacher taught it to us, but Jensen didn't read it that way, and he convinced me. That's the part that made it so powerful to him. You don't get your Sammy at the end of the story as a reward for completing your quest. The Sammy is what gives you the strength to keep going. The only reason the hero ever makes it to the end."
She waits until Jared looks up at her, and then she gives him a small smile. "He calls you that, doesn't he? That's why you wanted to know what it means."
And Jared suddenly realizes that Jensen never called him Sammy once when they were near Genevieve, or anyone who was likely to understand it. Not after Josh had teased him for it.
He nods, and Genevieve turns back to her own work. "Gosh, I wonder what that could possibly mean," she mutters.
Jared tucks a few of the stories into his waistcoat pockets and excuses himself from the library, heading back to his room with every intention of thinking over everything he just learned.
The only trouble is that Jared's room is down the same hall as Jensen's, and there's no way to reach it without passing by the prince. The door is wide open, and Jared can hear Danneel laughing at something Jensen's just said. He can't go by unnoticed.
He hesitates before stepping into the light, trying to decide if he should try walking extremely fast, or if he should walk slower so as to look like he's perfectly casual. Chances are, they'll both be too wrapped up in each other to even notice him, but still, Jared stands there obsessing over it.
Then he hears Danneel say, "So what's up with Jared?"
"I don't know," Jensen replies. "He's usually so friendly. I thought you two would get along great. Do you think he's mad at me?"
Danneel laughs. "No, I don't. I'm pretty sure I know why he's avoiding you, and it's not that. Anyway, that's not what I meant. You've done nothing but stress about him for two days, but you haven't told me anything about him. What's the story there? Where'd he come from? There wasn't any Jared last time I was here."
Jared doesn't even pretend he can walk by without listening for Jensen's response. He draws as close to the door as he can, puts his hand against the stone wall, and holds his breath.
"There's not much to tell," he hears Jensen say, sounding like he's bored with the conversation already.
It's exactly what Jared deserves for eavesdropping, but he still nearly lets out a cry of anguish. He feels his legs shaking under him. How could Jensen have saved him, have acted like he cared for months, only to brush Jared off like that?
"Oh, please," Danneel replies. "I really hope you're not about to try and tell me you're not in love with him."
Jared frowns, confused by how the princess could be jealous of him after what Jensen just said.
And then Jensen changes everything.
"Of course I'm in love with him," he answers with a scoff. "That's what I meant. What do I have left to tell you, Danni? You know me better than anyone and I…I'm not exactly very good at hiding it, am I?"
"Babe, you never were."
He hears a scuffle inside, and Danneel starts laughing hysterically as she cries out, "You can't! Tickle me! Anymore! I am! A grown ass woman!"
After a few minutes, the commotion dies down, and finally Jensen picks up the conversation, his voice much softer than it was before. "It's not like the other men," he says. "The way I feel about him. I tried to stop. Every time I wanted someone, it was a humiliation to my family. I've tried not to be this way, but it's impossible with him."
"I know," Danneel replies just as quietly. "I knew the first moment I saw you, when you got off your horse to welcome me. When you introduced us. You looked so happy. You looked like you were handing me a jewel when you told me his name. I've told you a thousand times you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, but that was the first time you truly weren't."
"I'm not ashamed of loving him," Jensen says. "He treats me…my whole life, people have either acted like I'm above them because of my station or like I'm some fragile thing that has to be shielded. Even my brother. There's never been any middle ground, except with you."
There's a pause, and Jared wishes he could see Jensen now, what he looks like, how he stands when he says these things. But he can't, because they're not supposed to be for him to hear.
"Jared treats me like a person. Like an equal. Has since the first time we met." Jensen chuckles. "We found him in the dirt, did you know that? Literally. Covered in dirt, and bleeding, and I'm so fucking hopeless, Danni. Even then, do you know what the first thing I thought was?"
"My, what big shoulders you have?" she guesses. Jensen doesn't respond, but Jared can imagine the arched eyebrow he's aiming at her. "Just me, then. Boy does have some shoulders on him though, someone oughta give him credit."
"I thought he looked like a king," Jensen tells her. "I thought he looked like a king I would gladly follow."
"That's treason," she says with a laugh.
"I know," he replies. "I know, and my brother is the king. And yet."
"And yet," she repeats. "So what now?"
"What do you mean 'what now?'" Jensen asks. "Nothing has changed. You and I will get married and-"
"And what about Jared?"
"I made a promise to you," Jensen says. "I wouldn't break it. I'm going to be a good husband, and your father's kingdom will go right back to you when I inherit it."
Danneel makes a 'hmm' noise. "I want to call it off."
"Because of Jared," says Jensen. "Danni, you always knew I-what I-"
"No, I did. I do. I know." She takes a deep breath. "Jensen, I thought it was a great idea. We would have a lot of fun. I thought I wouldn't mind having a husband who didn't love me that way. But when I see the way you look at Jared…all I can think is that I want a husband who looks at me like that."
"And your father's decree?"
"Eh, fuck it," Danneel replies. "Maybe I'll find someone who meets his expectations. If not, he can go ahead and spite me by making my awful cousin his heir. Dad hates him more than I do. It's a bullshit rule, not passing your crown down to an unmarried woman."
"I agree." Jensen sighs. "You've trained your whole life to be queen. You'd be good at it."
"Would you give Jared up for your brother's kingdom?"
"You know the last thing I want is power," Jensen replies.
"That's not what I meant."
He hears a sad laugh from Jensen. "If I had him, I wouldn't give him up for anything. But I won't ever have him. I might as well help you get your crown. I can't ever tell him how I feel."
"Why not?" she asks.
"I'm a prince," says Jensen. "He's…you know, not."
"You can't actually care about something like that?" Danneel asks, sounding as angry as Jared is hurt.
"No, I don't. Of course I don't. I just worry. If I told him, if he doesn't feel how I feel, I'm terrified he wouldn't tell me. That he'd give me what I want and pretend to want it too, because you're not supposed to say no to a prince. How can I ever know he actually wants me?"
"Well, first of all, there's the whole 'neither of you has any subtlety' thing," Danneel jokes. "You said it yourself, he treats you like an equal. He's been honest with you before, hasn't he?"
"Yes, but never about something like this. I've seen nobles punish their servants for refusing them. I've seen it right here in Padacktopia. We try to stop it, but it happens. He's probably seen more of it. I can't stomach the thought of touching him against his will."
"That's an excuse," Danneel says. "I'm sorry, but you're being a coward. You can trust him to be honest with you, but you're right that you have all the power here. That's exactly the reason you have to be the one to tell him. He can't do it. You're worried he won't want it? If he risked kissing you without knowing you wanted it, he would be risking his life. It's not an equal gamble at all, Jensen. You have to be the one to make the move."
"I can't," Jensen says again. "Danni, I can't. He might think it's disgusting. Most people do-I know what they call me in court. If he hated me, I would…I've sunken so low. There have been times I thought I didn't want to keep going. If I lose him, I think it would be the last thing I could bear."
"That's not true," Danneel says, her tone gentler than Jared's ever heard it. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." Jared hears her cross the room, hears her give Jensen a kiss. "Jared knows that. And he loves you. But he won't tell you. Don't let yourself lose him because you're afraid to lose him, okay?"
Jared doesn't hear anything else for several minutes, and then suddenly the princess is standing in front of him, hand on the knob as she shuts the door behind her, and a wicked look on her face when she meets Jared's eyes.
"Oh, silly me," she says. "Did I leave this open that whole time?"
Jared's jaw drops, and she laughs quietly, then gives him a wink as she begins to walk toward her own quarters, tossing one last remark over her shoulder. "Well, he was never going to tell you."
_______________________________________________________________
He doesn't see Jensen again until the next night, when he's in his room knitting by the fire. The princess and her party left earlier that morning, unannounced to anyone but Jensen and the king. Jared had watched Jensen see them off from the window of his room, but he had stayed at his post, working on his shirt.
Now there's a banquet in full swing in the great hall, and instead of wearing the fine clothes Jensen had made for him, he's hiding out, his stomach grumbling because he hasn't left his room since breakfast.
There was an announcement set to be made at this banquet, one the entire kingdom was already anticipating, and, because of Jared, there's a permeating air of embarrassment tinting the festivities instead. The princess fled without warning, no wedding to be held, and Jim Beaver made sure to announce at breakfast that everyone would know why the prince let her go. He glared at Jared across the table when he said it, and Jared tried his best to sink into the floor.
A knock at his door makes Jared jump up from his seat. He turns to face the threshold just as Jensen sticks his head in.
"I'm sorry to bother you," he says. "But I noticed you weren't out enjoying the celebration, and I wanted to be sure you-listen, Jared, do you have a few minutes? There's something I'd like to speak to you about."
Jared nods only once, setting his knitting down on the chair and walking over to the bed where Jensen is sitting.
Jensen waits until Jared is right beside him, and then he takes Jared hands between his own, his fingers tracing over Jared's sore palms.
"I have to tell you something," he says, his words all directed down at their hands instead of at Jared. "What I'm about to say may be…unusual? I don't know if it's common outside of court, or if it happens at all. It's not-it's rare for nobles, but it happens. Some circles are more accepting than others and." He takes a deep breath. "It's okay if you don't feel the way I do. Just. Please don't hate me."
Jared curls a finger under Jensen's chin, forcing him to look up into Jared's eyes, and Jared sees how terrified the prince is.
"Jared, I-"
Before he can finish, or even really begin, Jared surges forward, brings his lips to Jensen's for a kiss so powerful it feels like magic, even if there isn't any. Jensen's response is immediate, his hands both coming up to grip Jared by the neck, his lips parting to make way for Jared's tongue, and then Jared can feel the corners of Jensen's lips turning up against his own.
When he breaks the kiss, it's with his forehead resting on Jared's, the smile on his face overwhelming, and Jared just wants to dive back in again.
"You're sure?" Jensen asks. "You really want this?"
Jared considers grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him, but instead, he takes Jensen's hand and presses the palm of it flat against his chest, so Jensen can feel the way his heart is beating. Then, he reaches out, resting his own hand over Jensen's heart.
I love you he's saying, and Jensen's face breaks as he whispers, "I love you, too. Jared, I love you, too."
They don't waste time before they're kissing again, and Jared couldn't be happier that he stayed in simple clothes. Jensen immediately begins to tear at the fabric, undressing Jared with a savage kind of desperation. All Jared can do is shove material out of the way. Jensen is wearing thick layer upon layer, but he fights his way to the skin underneath until his hands are groping every inch of bare flesh he can reach.
Jensen lets him go, taking a step back from the bed, and Jared's entire world stops as he holds his breath, waiting to see if Jensen is having second thoughts. If he's about to turn away, or flee.
Instead, he starts to fiddle with the clasps on his vest, mumbling something about how much he hates the damn thing as his fingers fumble.
Jared stands and approaches him, lowering Jensen's hands and replacing them with his own. He thinks of how many times Jensen helped him dress when these clothes were still new to him and he couldn't have done it on his own. Jensen never mocked him for that. He'd dressed Jared like every step was an honor, his hands lingering and correcting anything that was out of place.
Now, Jared is going to return the favor. He starts to undo the fastening of Jensen's vest, but he's slow and deliberate about it, taking his time. It's been almost a year and Jared has dreamt of this every day since they met, but the whole thing has taught him patience. He's going to do this right. He's going to give Jensen all the attention he deserves.
Layer by layer, he strips away the prince, lays his Jensen bare beneath all the fine fabric and ornaments. Jensen watches him throughout, his expression heavy and so piercing Jared feels heat running under his skin.
Finally, Jensen's belt falls from Jared's fingers and he's standing in front of Jared with nothing more than a simple black pair of pants on.
"Jared," he says, and he reaches out to shove the thin white shirt Jared has just hardly hanging off his shoulders away. Jared closes his eyes as Jensen's fingers reach out, shaking with desire and hesitation, and begin to trace their way across Jared's chest.
"You can't imagine how hard it's been not to touch you," Jensen tells him, a fascinated look in his eyes as the tips of his fingers map each of Jared's abs. He smiles, laughing at something far away. "The first time I brought you to this room, when I took you to the bath. Do you remember how you stripped? And I couldn't even blink, I…I thought you knew right then and there how much I wanted you."
Jared puts his hands in front of Jensen's eyes and signs, you didn't know either.
"No," Jensen agrees. "I didn't. I didn't think you could want someone like me."
I'm beneath you.
Jensen looks up at him. At first his expression is angry, but after a second, it changes into something playful that Jared's never seen before. "You could be, if you want."
He laughs, then asks what if I want to be on top?
Jensen sheds his pants and hops onto Jared's bed, grinning at him once he's turned to face Jared again. "You can have it any way you want. I've been dreaming of you since the first time I saw you. There isn't a thing in the world you can do to me that I haven't already longed for."
Jared's hands are busy shucking his own pants, so he mouths "I want everything" as clearly as he can, and Jensen groans when Jared is standing in front of him, naked as can be.
He leans across the bed, his hands circling each of Jared's hips, and looks at Jared's cock with obvious hunger. Then he ducks down, pressing a kiss to the base, licking his way to the head, and kissing that too.
Jared would have to be a much stronger man not to harden under that kind of attention. Jensen doesn't rush, he takes Jared between his lips and sucks him slowly, just long enough to get Jared's dick stiff as marble, and then he pulls off, saliva still connecting them in an obscene line.
He tugs Jared forward, onto the bed, and when he has Jared flat on his back, Jensen climbs on top of him, straddling his hips. "Mmm, you may be getting better than me on your horse, but I still can teach you a thing or two about riding."
Jared shakes his head, huffing a laugh at how cheesy Jensen is, and then Jensen distracts him by leaning down for a kiss. "I'll get some oil from the bath."
Before he can climb down, Jared stops him, pointing instead to the drawer by his bed. Jensen raises an eyebrow and Jared smirks, signing I think about you a lot.
Jensen bites his bottom lip as he smiles and reaches over Jared, until he's fished a small, dark blue bottle of oil out of the drawer.
He drizzles some onto his own fingers before giving it to Jared, and Jared slicks his cock up with as much restraint as he can manage while watching Jensen's thighs flex on top of him as he slips a finger into himself.
Over the months since Jared's family was cursed, he's gotten pretty good at resisting the urge to make a sound. Still, it takes effort not to moan at the way Jensen keeps his eyes on Jared, how he doesn't wait before shoving another finger in and then another, as if his body is starving for the contact.
It's only a few minutes before Jensen's hand is gripping the headboard for leverage as he lowers himself onto Jared's cock. His breathing ratchets up with the pleasure, how hot and tight Jensen is around him, how much he's wanted this and how long it's been since he felt anything that could compare to even the first thrust of his dick into Jensen.
Then Jensen starts to move with him, his hips circling with well-practiced ease, his eyes drifting shut as he lets out a long 'oh' sound, and Jared is struck by how beautiful he is with his long eyelashes fanning against his cheeks, his mouth parted in pleasure.
He steadies his hands on Jensen's hips and starts to fuck up into him in earnest, his need for Jensen taking control of him. Jensen is making enough noise for the both of them, and he brings his hands down, places them over Jared's abs so he can grip Jared's skin to hold him in place and drive himself even harder onto Jared's cock.
"So big," Jensen mutters as he takes Jared better than anyone's ever taken him. Jared can see that his breath is becoming short, that his whole body is straining from the effort, sweat coating him everywhere Jared touches, but Jensen doesn't slow down. "So big, so good. Oh, fuck, I knew you’d be so good."
By now, there are tears running off Jared's cheeks just from the effort of keeping himself silent. It takes too much of him, Jensen is too giving, and Jared can't hold on as long as he wants to.
He reaches out to stroke Jensen's dick so that they can finish together, knowing he won't make it much longer, and with no other way to signal that to Jensen. But Jensen takes Jared's hand, lets their fingers tangle, and leans down, his whole body now pressed as close to Jared as possible.
"I love you," he tells Jared, his mouth pressing against Jared's neck and sucking hard on the skin. "Let me feel you come. Give it to me. Please, give it to me."
Jared does, only stopping himself from crying out by pressing his mouth to Jensen's shoulder, letting it rest there as he turns his face, pushing himself into Jensen because he doesn't want this over so soon, doesn’t want to go back to just being Jared after learning what it feels like to be Jensen, too.
Jensen stays on top of him, milking every last drop of Jared's orgasm, until Jared is fully soft, and there's nothing left for him to ride. Then he falls down next to Jared, cupping Jared's face gently as he kisses him.
His own erection presses into Jared's thigh, and Jared submits to Jensen's affections until Jensen is obviously too turned on to focus, until he's grinding against Jared's leg. Jared pulls back, gesturing to his mouth, offering it to Jensen, but Jensen seems to have plans of his own.
"Turn over," he tells Jared.
Jared obeys him easily, pulling a pillow under his head. He's about to grab for the oil so Jensen can ready him, but he stops halfway, so shocked that he only stops himself from making a sound by slapping his hand over his mouth.
Jensen spreads his cheeks and does something Jared has never even imagined before. He buries his tongue deep inside Jared, the cool sensation opening him up better than oil and fingers have ever done. Jared can't help responding like a child with a new toy, arching his back, pushing his ass up into Jensen's face for more.
He laughs as he pulls away, spitting into Jared's hole. "You like that, huh?"
All Jared can do is nod enthusiastically into his pillow, but that's enough. The prince kisses the soft skin around Jared's hole, then slips his tongue in again, a kiss with darker intent.
Jared's still too drained from his orgasm to get hard, but Jensen takes good care of him, until he's sure Jared is open and ready, and then he puts his hand over Jared's mouth.
"Spit," he says. Jared would do anything Jensen asks of him right now.
He hears Jensen jerking himself once he has Jared's slick on his hands, and then Jensen's spreading him again, lining his cock up.
"You ready?" he asks, his lips grazing Jared's shoulder. Jensen is now pressing his entire body against Jared's back, and the weight of him is better than salvation could ever be. He waits for Jared's nod, and then his cock is easing in, much slower, much more patient than Jensen had been taking Jared.
Under different circumstances, Jared might get pushy, might fuck up onto Jensen's dick if Jensen wasn't going to use him right. But now he's exhausted, the pleasure a thrum through him that Jared is content to feel forever.
And that's just what Jensen does. His control is impeccable, slow, steady thrusts that make it last so long that Jared does get hard again. He doesn't know how Jensen hasn't come, is eager to think up ways to put this stamina to good use in the future. For now, he lies under Jensen, with nothing but the sound of his own panting filling the room, until finally they come together.
Jensen rolls off of him quickly, presses two fingers into Jared's raw hole, and then brings his own come up to suck on. Jared opens his mouth, tongue tracing his bottom lip in a way Jensen couldn't misread. He gives Jared a half-smile and rubs his thumb along the well-fucked skin, then feeds it to Jared, who sucks on the digit like Jensen found him in a brothel instead of a forest.
"That's my dirty boy," Jensen says, his voice rough from being the only one between them able to let out all their cries. He watches Jared for a few seconds longer, then cups Jared's face.
Jensen kisses Jared, his thumb still between them, until Jared lets it go so he can accept Jensen's tongue instead. They make out for a long time, until finally Jensen pulls away, and Jared realizes how tired he is.
"It was…" Jensen's cheeks turn pink, and he settles his hand on the bed between them. "It was good for you, right? I mean. I think it was, but. No one's ever been quiet with me before."
Jared gives him the only answer he can think of that will calm Jensen's worries. He reaches out, hand over Jensen's heart, and Jensen looks up at him, a relieved smile on his face.
"Sammy," he says sweetly, tucking a hair behind Jared's ear and then playing with the curl at the end of it. "My Sammy."
ON TO PART FOUR
or
BACK TO MASTERPOST
PART THREE
Over the next few weeks, Jared learns Jensen's moods pretty well. He learns when Jensen needs to be pushed, what he can do to help, and that sometimes, the best he can do is just let Jensen know he's there for support if he's needed.
He also learns the difference between Jensen being in a bad place and Jensen just being in a bad mood. Today is a bad mood, and Jared fully intends to have fun at his grouchy prince's expense.
"I hate feasts," Jensen tells him for the millionth time. "I hate arranging feasts, I hate throwing feasts, and I hate paying for feasts. I hate sitting through feasts. More than anything, let the record reflect that I fucking hate sitting through feasts."
Jared rolls his eyes and pretends to hit his head against the wall.
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Jensen says. "I'm complaining. A lot. But did I mention-"
Jared grabs him by the shoulders and when he has Jensen's silence, he signs if I hear the word feast in the next sentence out of your mouth, I am going to cry.
Jensen, mature and august member of the Padacktopia monarchy that he is, sticks his tongue out at Jared.
Jared gestures at the bed, and at the beautiful clothes laid out on it. At least you get a nice new outfit.
Jensen scratches the back of his neck and looks suddenly very nervous. "Actually, uh. That's. Um. Well, I asked the tailor to make you something special for the feast."
Jared steps closer, and now that he can see the fine jacket and pants up close, they do seem to be cut for him rather than Jensen. There's just one tiny problem. Jared would be executed if he wore this in public.
He picks up the jerkin and holds it out to Jensen, his fingers tracing the dark purple swirls on the gold background. Colors of the royal house. Which only members of the royal family can wear, and Jared is just a commoner they picked up in a forest.
The tips of Jensen's ears go pink, but he takes it from Jared. "I'll help you dress."
There's only one circumstance under which someone who wasn't born to Jensen's family can wear these colors, and Jared's pretty sure, whatever his own feelings on the subject, that he and Jensen have not been married at any point, nor is it likely they ever will be.
"We'll do the undershirt first," Jensen says. "You have to take off the one you're wearing, it's not the right shade of white."
Jared obeys him only out of sheer confusion. He takes off his shirt and Jensen turns around, holding the new one out to Jared the best he can when he's closing his eyes and looking away.
Jared huffs a laugh at him and pulls the new shirt on, not missing that Jensen is looking at him with a glazed expression by the time it's on over his head. There are times-times like this-that Jared is so sure Jensen wants him. It even seems worth taking the risk, at least it would be better to die for kissing Jensen than for wearing the wrong colors.
Then Jensen says, all in a rush, "The feast is to announce my engagement."
Jared is so blindsided by what Jensen just said that he can't bother to hide any of the shock in his expression. Surely he would have known by now if Jensen was betrothed. He's seen the man at least once every day for months.
"That's why…" he says, and then he turns back toward the bed, distracting himself by picking up the next piece of Jared's ensemble. "That's why I've been in the mood I've been in, and I'm sorry you've had to put up with me. It's just been stressful."
He waits until Jensen is looking at him again before he signs who?
"She's arriving in just a few hours," Jensen tells him. "She's a princess from one of the nearby kingdoms, and her name is Danneel."
Jared knows he has no right to ask the next question, but he doesn't care. They can send him to the dungeons for all he cares. Do you love her?
Jensen's expression gets pinched, but he nods. "Very much."
He approaches Jared with pants and hands them over before turning his back. "We chose each other. She and I have been good friends since I was only a child, and we both knew we would have to marry someone of our station, so we decided it might as well be each other."
Jensen clears his throat, looking over his shoulder to see if Jared is ready for the next item. "I was very lucky, you know. She wasn't the wealthiest princess I could have had, but my brother let me choose. It's better than most princes can hope for. It's better than he got, though I know he loves Adrianne very much. He didn't choose her. He let me choose. I'm very lucky."
Jared nods when Jensen looks to him for approval, doing everything he can to hold himself together long enough to get through this. He should be happy for Jensen. Jensen has done so much for him, and he's about to marry someone he loves. So what if Jared thought maybe Jensen felt something for him? It's not Jensen's fault Jared was crazy enough to believe a prince could want him. He should accept that and be happy for Jensen.
But he can't. He can't even manage a fake smile, just a nod. The thought of sitting through this, seeing Jensen and some princess he loves as they tell the entire kingdom-Jared has never been to a feast in his life, but he's suddenly very sure he hates them just as much as Jensen does.
By now, Jared has put on every part of his elaborate outfit, including the boots and even a sword ("just for decoration," Jensen teases as he hands it over delicately).
The only thing left is a long coat, fur trimmed and leather and finer than anything Jared's seen, even on the king. "For when we ride out to meet the party," Jensen explains.
He holds his arms out to the side, and Jensen slips it onto him while saying, "It's just that…I don't know that I want to get married. But I bet all grooms feel that way at first."
Jared gives him a short smile when the coat is on him, and Jensen soothes his hands along the side, testing the fit. His smile for Jared is much more genuine when he looks up.
"You look very handsome in our colors," he says. Then his voice drops almost to a whisper, "They're my colors and I'll give them to whoever I want."
_______________________________________________________________
They meet the king and the queen in the great hall, the same room Jared was taken to the first time he met Josh. Both of them are already dressed, the queen looking like a creature from a fairytale in a dress that seems to take up half the floor. The king's outfit, while smaller, is no less elaborate, and they greet Jared and Jensen with smiles.
"Well, don't you two clean up nicely?" the queen asks.
Jared looks down at himself, unsure of whether they’ve noticed yet that he's wearing something he has no right to be wearing.
Just then, Jim Beaver enters the room, and of course, his first response is to look at Jared, disgust written all over his features. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
The king raises an eyebrow. "I'm not sure anyone made a joke just then, but I am often so witty I don't even realize I'm doing it."
"Of course you are, dear," the queen agrees, giving Josh a pat on the arm.
"You cannot actually intend to meet the princess with him dressed like that," he says, pointing to Jared. "Hasn't this gone far enough? The fact that he'll be there at all is-"
Queen Adrianne doesn't even pretend to disguise her eye roll. "Jim is worried Jared might look so good in those pants that Princess Danneel will forget all about Jensen. I, personally, think he has a point."
"The Princess will not stomach this insult," Jim argues, as if the queen never spoke.
"Oh, come on, Jim," the king replies. "Danni and Jensen used to have parchment eating contests when they were five. We're not really standing on ceremony here."
"I can explain about the parchment later," Jensen whispers to him, and Jared smiles despite how tense he feels.
"Maybe not, but what about the advisers who come with her? The people who will be reporting back to the king. This is a slight of the highest degree. This will turn an ally into an enemy!"
"They'll report back what the princess tells them to," Jensen assures his brother. "And besides, there's no slight in-"
"Oh, please," Lord Beaver replies, gesturing at Jared's clothing. "As if anyone in Padacktopia or any kingdom is going to miss what that means. And where is he going to sit at the fest?"
"At my side," Jensen answers. "Danneel on my left, Jared on my right. What's wrong with that?"
"Everything!" Jim yells. "There is protocol in matters of state and we can't blow them to the wind just because the prince is a-"
"What?" the king asks, turning on Jim with a tone and expression so fierce Jared suddenly sees how dangerous a thing a king is. "What were you going to accuse our little brother of being?"
Jim steps back and visibly humbles himself. "Nothing, your majesty. I was just saying that people will talk, and it will not be things you or the prince want them saying."
He has a point, Jared signs at Jensen. I do think he has a point.
"Oh, what's the street rat saying about me now?" Jim asks.
Jensen takes a step forward. "Look at the colors the street rat is wearing and look at the colors you're wearing. He outranks you."
"I'm the sole heir of the house of-"
"I know your pedigree," Jensen replies, his tone no less icy. "You're outranked."
Jim looks from Jensen to the king in confusion, and Jared gets an uneasy feeling in his gut that what Jensen just did was a slight too large for Lord Beaver's pride to swallow.
The king sighs, rubbing his temple with one hand. "This is all very productive," he says. "I want everyone out."
They turn to leave, Jared trying to make a break faster than anyone, but then the king lifts his head. "Jared, you stay."
Jared points to himself to check if the king actually meant he wanted Jared to stay, and Jensen stops next to him. "I can stay, too. To translate what he's saying for you."
The king shakes his head. "I don't anticipate that being an issue."
Reluctantly, Jensen passes Jared by, his finger brushing Jared's arm as he goes. Once the door is closed, the king clears his throat.
"So, uh, hi," he says.
Jared gives him an awkward wave.
"I'm sorry I haven’t gotten to know you better, I've just been-uh, look. I know. About my brother. Everyone knows. We've always known. When my parents were still alive, they didn't want to acknowledge it, so we never really talk about it. But I know."
Jared nods, pretending he's following anything the king is saying, because that seems to be the thing to do when he can't really ask him to clarify.
"It doesn’t bother me. He knows that. I mean, I tried to talk him out of this whole marriage thing. Good for business, sure, but I didn't want him to feel like he had to, but he insisted. Fine. Whatever. I don't like it."
Again, Jared nods. This time, he at least is consenting to something he knows he agrees with. Which is that Jensen getting married sucks.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is: I've noticed how he's changed since he met you. I don't know what you do for him." He stops himself, holding his hands up. "I don't need details, especially not if you need to act them out."
Jared shakes his head. No details. He wouldn't know what to act out even if he wanted to.
"He's happy now," the king says, his voice oddly soft. "In his whole life, I've never seen my little brother happy, not really. Not like this." He shrugs. "I don't care about gossip or where you sit at a banquet or what you wear. Please, keep making him happy."
_______________________________________________________________
When Jared heard stories about feasts, it always sounded like a good time. There was a lot of food, and that was mostly all he heard about it. Food. Jared likes food, therefore, he was pretty much expecting to enjoy himself at this feast, as much as one can enjoy a celebration that the person they are hopelessly in love with is about to marry a princess.
He didn't realize there would be so much waiting around beforehand. The princess arrived from her journey about an hour ago, and is not expected to be ready to join the festivities for some time yet. Obviously, the food can't be served until both of the guests of honor are present, but all this waiting around is going to kill him.
Jensen has resorted to playing the 'teach Jared the name of every noble in the kingdom' game, and Jared is never more regretful of his imposed silence than when it stops him from telling Jensen to shut the hell up.
"That's Count George Clooney," Jensen says, pointing to an older man at the end of the third table on their left. There are still two more tables after that, and then Jensen will start on the right. Jared sighs at his empty plate, but it takes no pity on him. "He wasn't invited. We never invite him to anything, but somehow he shows up anyway. Lovely wife, though!"
He pauses and turns to Jared. "I'm boring you to death, aren't I?"
Jared nods enthusiastically and Jensen laughs. "Excellent! Moving on we have-"
"Prince Jensen Ackles, soon to be a married man. And all the bachelors of Padacktopia weep."
Jared perks up at the sound of a familiar voice, and sure enough…
"Jeffrey Dean Morgan, you get older every time I see you!"
"Funny how that goes both ways," Lord Jeffrey replies, waiting for Jensen to stand and lean over the table before patting him on the back in greeting. He turns his attention toward Jared. "And who's your handsome friend here-Jared?"
"You know him?" Jensen asks excitedly, he turns to look at Jared. "You know him?"
Jared nods and Jeffrey smiles. "Damn, I was wondering what happened to you. We were real worried about you and your folks, you know that? Looks like you've moved onto bigger and better, though." Lord Jeffrey gives him and Jensen both a sly look. "Oh, to be a fly on the wall."
Jensen interrupts him. "You know his family? Where are they? Can I help them?"
"He hasn’t told you?" Jeffrey asks.
"He talked to you?" Jensen replies, looking for all the world like his jaw might hit the floor.
Lord Jeffrey gives Jensen a confused look. "Kid wouldn't shut up half the time. No offense, Jared."
Jared waves him off, and Jensen is the only one with any sense of focus. "Tell me about his family. Tell me everything you know."
"Honestly, I don't know much. He used to work on my farm. His daddy and brother, too. Good people, but, you know. Different circles." Jeffrey frowns. "Him and his whole household up and vanished out of nowhere about a year ago. Right in the middle of the harvest, no less, and you still owe me those 70 seals I paid you in advance."
"I'll get you your money," Jensen promises. "What else?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know much else. He can probably tell you. We all…we all thought you were dead." He smiles at Jared. "For what it's worth, I'm very glad to see you're not."
Lord Jeffrey resumes his seat not long after, and Jensen folds his hands in front of him. "That was interesting."
Jared nods.
"Genevieve offered to have you sit at her table during the feast," Jensen tells him, seemingly out of nowhere.
Jared lifts his head, hurt but not surprised that Jensen is changing his mind about having Jared at his side when the princess arrives.
"She's great. Very beautiful. Good family. She would be a good match." Jensen looks away. "You could have a feast like this with her someday. I can't ever…anyway. I wanted to tell you. If you want to be with her instead of me, I understand. I'm horrible company right now, anyway. I'm wound so tight I can't do anything but recite names and-"
Jared puts his hand on Jensen's thigh under the table and squeezes it, and that surprises Jensen into looking up at him.
He presses his hand against his heart, so Jensen can see who he's choosing, and Jensen smiles at him like there's no one else in this banquet hall full of nobility.
And then, just when he's starting to think he likes feasts after all, the princess arrives, even more beautiful now in her exquisite gown than she had been when she got off her horse. Her hair is laced with an extravagant gold headdress and she smiles at Jensen across the room. When Jared looks at his prince, he sees all his worst fears confirmed. He'd been telling himself, maybe Jensen's gloomy behavior was because he was lying. Maybe he didn't love her at all. But now he knows better.
Danneel takes her place at the table, and she's as funny as she is gorgeous. She goes out of her way to include Jared in conversations, even though she knows he won't respond, and makes Jensen turn as red as her hair by telling Jared stories about the nonsense they got up to as children.
He watches them laugh in unison, all through the night, finishing each other's sentences-freely, out loud. Jared can't even offer that. A simple conversation. It's a torture he can't escape sitting next to them, and it might damn well be the rest of his life.
Jared feels more foolish than he's ever felt. He had actually been beginning to allow himself to believe that Jensen loved him. But Jensen is a prince, and princes marry people like Danneel. She's kind, and she's gorgeous, and worst of all, Jensen loves her dearly. Jared could never compete.
_______________________________________________________________
Jared is not feeling sorry for himself.
He's staying busy. He's doing important work. He doesn't have time to feel sorry for himself, he has a whole family to save.
For the first time since he arrived at the palace, he has a way to get back to the forest so he can harvest more flax for the second of the six shirts. It's been over three months since he finished the first, and now that he can ride his own horse, it’s only a simple matter of ignoring the blisters.
Jared leaves and is back in the span of a day, and no one even notices he's gone. Jensen, whisked from one end of the castle to the next, taking his princess out on long rides like he used to do with Jared-Jensen certainly doesn't notice. And that's good. That's really for the best.
Jensen would worry if he knew Jared went back to those poisonous plants, and he has more than enough on his shoulders right now without throwing Jared's problems in. The princess is staying a fortnight, with the engagement to be formally announced the night before she leaves, and then he'll have a royal wedding to plan. And after the wedding, Jensen will start a family, he won't have time to spare another thought to where Jared is or what he's doing.
See? Jared is staying focused and not feeling even the slightest bit sorry for himself.
"If you're just going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself, you should go find him."
Jared looks up from his knitting and makes a sour face at Genevieve. He holds up the shirt he's started so she can see that he's working.
She laughs. "Oh, please. If you were sulking any harder, they would hear you in the dungeon. I don't know how you manage to be distracting when you're mute, but your self-pity is deafening."
He shakes his head to say I'm not sulking, and her amusement only grows.
"Look at your little lip sticking out," she teases. "It's not fair that even your pouting is cute."
Jared puts his knitting down and presses a hand against his chest. Her smile drops a little, and she nods. "I know, Jared. You miss him."
He holds up three fingers. Three days, that's how long it's been since he spent any significant amount of time with Jensen. The most contact they've had in the past 24 hours was Jensen pausing as they crossed paths in the hallway, taking his hands and looking at the new wounds for only a few seconds before Jim Beaver was at his side, reminding him he had to make an appearance at some meeting or another. He'd opened his mouth to say something, then allowed himself to be led away, with only a look back in Jared's direction and a pinched expression on his face.
"But Danneel has invited you along every day she's been here," Genevieve points out. "She wants to get to know you. You're the one choosing not to spend any time with them."
He'd thought about it, when the first invitation came. He'd bathed and was halfway through dressing before he realized what it would be like. Danneel thinks he's Jensen's friend, so she wants to be his friend, too. And she's not wrong, either, because that is all he ever was or will be.
But he wants more and, for a while there, he thought he had more. He won't be able to hide it, won't know how to act differently toward Jensen now that he's learned his place. No one wants that when they're newly in love. He's had Jensen all to himself for months, and he doesn’t know how to share. She's the one with a claim.
Jared signs I don't belong and Genevieve tilts her head. "I'm sorry, Jared, I don't understand."
He laughs, because, isn't that just it? The first thought through his head is Jensen would have.
Leaning toward the desk, Jared gestures at the books she has open, making the change of subject clear. Genevieve sighs but doesn't comment on Jared's evasion, just turns her attention back to her own work.
"I was thinking of moving you up to some harder material, so I was sorting through a few possibilities." She pauses for a moment, then gives Jared a sly look, like she already knows how he'll respond to what she's about to say. "That pile on the right corner? Those are Jensen's favorite stories."
He already has a stack of parchment clutched in each hand before he realizes how predictable he is. Genevieve is laughing, and Jared just ducks his head, figuring it's too damn late to play it cool.
"Those are stories, mostly. Epic tales. Mythology. Jensen was always into the grand journeys and quests. Me? I prefer the histories, but they always bored him."
Jared flips through a few sheets, until he finds one that catches his attention. There's an imprint of a man in a forest speaking to a beautiful maiden, and when Jared scans the page to see if he thinks he'll be able to read it, one word he's never seen in writing jumps out at him.
Two-thirds down the page and tucked off to the right-hand side, there it is in black and white: Sammy. It's spelled just the way it sounds when Jensen says it.
Genevieve gives him a confused look in response to his excitement, so he holds the page out to her, pointing to the word. Her eyebrows draw together and finally she looks up at him. "What's all the gesticulating about?"
He stops to take a deep breath and steady himself, and then he points to the page again.
"Sammy?" she finally asks, looking up at him to confirm that's the word he wants her to explain.
Jared nods and nods, and Genevieve seems surprised. "Those were Jensen's favorite types of stories."
Yes, Jared tries to tell her with a frustrated wave of his hands. But what does it mean?
"It's really hard to translate into English," she says, pursing her lips. "At least, not in a way that doesn't sound silly. That's why most translators just left it in the text even though the majority of readers wouldn't know what it meant. After enough times, it starts to make sense in context."
He rolls his eyes. Instead of a definition, Jensen gave him a lesson on the language, and now Genevieve is doing the same. He makes circles with his hands to lead her on, and she nods.
"Okay, literally it's something like 'precious gift.' In old Acklonian, Sam means gift, the suffix -my is added to words to denote that they have great value. In the stories, the Sammy was something a hero was sent, by gods or mystical forces or fate, whatever, changed based on the story."
Jared nods to show he's still paying attention, and Genevieve reaches out, looking through a few pages and then setting down images. "Do you know the story of the king and the sword in the stone? Or the Holy Grail?"
He read about those in some of the books she'd given him months ago, so he nods again.
"Good. That's the Sammy in each of those stories. The king gets the sword, the sword makes him king. The knight finds the grail and that gains him entrance into paradise. The Sammy is what makes it possible."
Jared turns back to the first page he'd found and points to the woman in the forest, asking if it can be a person instead of a thing.
Genevieve smiles. "Yeah, of course. Think of the story of the knight who fell in love with the queen. He was supposed to go after the grail first, but he wasn't pure after he'd committed adultery, right?"
The connection here is failing Jared, but he trusts Genevieve has a point she's coming around to.
"He chose the queen's love over the grail, over paradise. She chose him over the king's power, over a kingdom. She was his Sammy, and he was hers."
Jared sits back, tries to think about that and what it means that Jensen uses that word to refer to him when he is about to marry someone else.
"It's not a prize," Genevieve tells him. "When we were studying this, that's how our teacher taught it to us, but Jensen didn't read it that way, and he convinced me. That's the part that made it so powerful to him. You don't get your Sammy at the end of the story as a reward for completing your quest. The Sammy is what gives you the strength to keep going. The only reason the hero ever makes it to the end."
She waits until Jared looks up at her, and then she gives him a small smile. "He calls you that, doesn't he? That's why you wanted to know what it means."
And Jared suddenly realizes that Jensen never called him Sammy once when they were near Genevieve, or anyone who was likely to understand it. Not after Josh had teased him for it.
He nods, and Genevieve turns back to her own work. "Gosh, I wonder what that could possibly mean," she mutters.
Jared tucks a few of the stories into his waistcoat pockets and excuses himself from the library, heading back to his room with every intention of thinking over everything he just learned.
The only trouble is that Jared's room is down the same hall as Jensen's, and there's no way to reach it without passing by the prince. The door is wide open, and Jared can hear Danneel laughing at something Jensen's just said. He can't go by unnoticed.
He hesitates before stepping into the light, trying to decide if he should try walking extremely fast, or if he should walk slower so as to look like he's perfectly casual. Chances are, they'll both be too wrapped up in each other to even notice him, but still, Jared stands there obsessing over it.
Then he hears Danneel say, "So what's up with Jared?"
"I don't know," Jensen replies. "He's usually so friendly. I thought you two would get along great. Do you think he's mad at me?"
Danneel laughs. "No, I don't. I'm pretty sure I know why he's avoiding you, and it's not that. Anyway, that's not what I meant. You've done nothing but stress about him for two days, but you haven't told me anything about him. What's the story there? Where'd he come from? There wasn't any Jared last time I was here."
Jared doesn't even pretend he can walk by without listening for Jensen's response. He draws as close to the door as he can, puts his hand against the stone wall, and holds his breath.
"There's not much to tell," he hears Jensen say, sounding like he's bored with the conversation already.
It's exactly what Jared deserves for eavesdropping, but he still nearly lets out a cry of anguish. He feels his legs shaking under him. How could Jensen have saved him, have acted like he cared for months, only to brush Jared off like that?
"Oh, please," Danneel replies. "I really hope you're not about to try and tell me you're not in love with him."
Jared frowns, confused by how the princess could be jealous of him after what Jensen just said.
And then Jensen changes everything.
"Of course I'm in love with him," he answers with a scoff. "That's what I meant. What do I have left to tell you, Danni? You know me better than anyone and I…I'm not exactly very good at hiding it, am I?"
"Babe, you never were."
He hears a scuffle inside, and Danneel starts laughing hysterically as she cries out, "You can't! Tickle me! Anymore! I am! A grown ass woman!"
After a few minutes, the commotion dies down, and finally Jensen picks up the conversation, his voice much softer than it was before. "It's not like the other men," he says. "The way I feel about him. I tried to stop. Every time I wanted someone, it was a humiliation to my family. I've tried not to be this way, but it's impossible with him."
"I know," Danneel replies just as quietly. "I knew the first moment I saw you, when you got off your horse to welcome me. When you introduced us. You looked so happy. You looked like you were handing me a jewel when you told me his name. I've told you a thousand times you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, but that was the first time you truly weren't."
"I'm not ashamed of loving him," Jensen says. "He treats me…my whole life, people have either acted like I'm above them because of my station or like I'm some fragile thing that has to be shielded. Even my brother. There's never been any middle ground, except with you."
There's a pause, and Jared wishes he could see Jensen now, what he looks like, how he stands when he says these things. But he can't, because they're not supposed to be for him to hear.
"Jared treats me like a person. Like an equal. Has since the first time we met." Jensen chuckles. "We found him in the dirt, did you know that? Literally. Covered in dirt, and bleeding, and I'm so fucking hopeless, Danni. Even then, do you know what the first thing I thought was?"
"My, what big shoulders you have?" she guesses. Jensen doesn't respond, but Jared can imagine the arched eyebrow he's aiming at her. "Just me, then. Boy does have some shoulders on him though, someone oughta give him credit."
"I thought he looked like a king," Jensen tells her. "I thought he looked like a king I would gladly follow."
"That's treason," she says with a laugh.
"I know," he replies. "I know, and my brother is the king. And yet."
"And yet," she repeats. "So what now?"
"What do you mean 'what now?'" Jensen asks. "Nothing has changed. You and I will get married and-"
"And what about Jared?"
"I made a promise to you," Jensen says. "I wouldn't break it. I'm going to be a good husband, and your father's kingdom will go right back to you when I inherit it."
Danneel makes a 'hmm' noise. "I want to call it off."
"Because of Jared," says Jensen. "Danni, you always knew I-what I-"
"No, I did. I do. I know." She takes a deep breath. "Jensen, I thought it was a great idea. We would have a lot of fun. I thought I wouldn't mind having a husband who didn't love me that way. But when I see the way you look at Jared…all I can think is that I want a husband who looks at me like that."
"And your father's decree?"
"Eh, fuck it," Danneel replies. "Maybe I'll find someone who meets his expectations. If not, he can go ahead and spite me by making my awful cousin his heir. Dad hates him more than I do. It's a bullshit rule, not passing your crown down to an unmarried woman."
"I agree." Jensen sighs. "You've trained your whole life to be queen. You'd be good at it."
"Would you give Jared up for your brother's kingdom?"
"You know the last thing I want is power," Jensen replies.
"That's not what I meant."
He hears a sad laugh from Jensen. "If I had him, I wouldn't give him up for anything. But I won't ever have him. I might as well help you get your crown. I can't ever tell him how I feel."
"Why not?" she asks.
"I'm a prince," says Jensen. "He's…you know, not."
"You can't actually care about something like that?" Danneel asks, sounding as angry as Jared is hurt.
"No, I don't. Of course I don't. I just worry. If I told him, if he doesn't feel how I feel, I'm terrified he wouldn't tell me. That he'd give me what I want and pretend to want it too, because you're not supposed to say no to a prince. How can I ever know he actually wants me?"
"Well, first of all, there's the whole 'neither of you has any subtlety' thing," Danneel jokes. "You said it yourself, he treats you like an equal. He's been honest with you before, hasn't he?"
"Yes, but never about something like this. I've seen nobles punish their servants for refusing them. I've seen it right here in Padacktopia. We try to stop it, but it happens. He's probably seen more of it. I can't stomach the thought of touching him against his will."
"That's an excuse," Danneel says. "I'm sorry, but you're being a coward. You can trust him to be honest with you, but you're right that you have all the power here. That's exactly the reason you have to be the one to tell him. He can't do it. You're worried he won't want it? If he risked kissing you without knowing you wanted it, he would be risking his life. It's not an equal gamble at all, Jensen. You have to be the one to make the move."
"I can't," Jensen says again. "Danni, I can't. He might think it's disgusting. Most people do-I know what they call me in court. If he hated me, I would…I've sunken so low. There have been times I thought I didn't want to keep going. If I lose him, I think it would be the last thing I could bear."
"That's not true," Danneel says, her tone gentler than Jared's ever heard it. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." Jared hears her cross the room, hears her give Jensen a kiss. "Jared knows that. And he loves you. But he won't tell you. Don't let yourself lose him because you're afraid to lose him, okay?"
Jared doesn't hear anything else for several minutes, and then suddenly the princess is standing in front of him, hand on the knob as she shuts the door behind her, and a wicked look on her face when she meets Jared's eyes.
"Oh, silly me," she says. "Did I leave this open that whole time?"
Jared's jaw drops, and she laughs quietly, then gives him a wink as she begins to walk toward her own quarters, tossing one last remark over her shoulder. "Well, he was never going to tell you."
_______________________________________________________________
He doesn't see Jensen again until the next night, when he's in his room knitting by the fire. The princess and her party left earlier that morning, unannounced to anyone but Jensen and the king. Jared had watched Jensen see them off from the window of his room, but he had stayed at his post, working on his shirt.
Now there's a banquet in full swing in the great hall, and instead of wearing the fine clothes Jensen had made for him, he's hiding out, his stomach grumbling because he hasn't left his room since breakfast.
There was an announcement set to be made at this banquet, one the entire kingdom was already anticipating, and, because of Jared, there's a permeating air of embarrassment tinting the festivities instead. The princess fled without warning, no wedding to be held, and Jim Beaver made sure to announce at breakfast that everyone would know why the prince let her go. He glared at Jared across the table when he said it, and Jared tried his best to sink into the floor.
A knock at his door makes Jared jump up from his seat. He turns to face the threshold just as Jensen sticks his head in.
"I'm sorry to bother you," he says. "But I noticed you weren't out enjoying the celebration, and I wanted to be sure you-listen, Jared, do you have a few minutes? There's something I'd like to speak to you about."
Jared nods only once, setting his knitting down on the chair and walking over to the bed where Jensen is sitting.
Jensen waits until Jared is right beside him, and then he takes Jared hands between his own, his fingers tracing over Jared's sore palms.
"I have to tell you something," he says, his words all directed down at their hands instead of at Jared. "What I'm about to say may be…unusual? I don't know if it's common outside of court, or if it happens at all. It's not-it's rare for nobles, but it happens. Some circles are more accepting than others and." He takes a deep breath. "It's okay if you don't feel the way I do. Just. Please don't hate me."
Jared curls a finger under Jensen's chin, forcing him to look up into Jared's eyes, and Jared sees how terrified the prince is.
"Jared, I-"
Before he can finish, or even really begin, Jared surges forward, brings his lips to Jensen's for a kiss so powerful it feels like magic, even if there isn't any. Jensen's response is immediate, his hands both coming up to grip Jared by the neck, his lips parting to make way for Jared's tongue, and then Jared can feel the corners of Jensen's lips turning up against his own.
When he breaks the kiss, it's with his forehead resting on Jared's, the smile on his face overwhelming, and Jared just wants to dive back in again.
"You're sure?" Jensen asks. "You really want this?"
Jared considers grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him, but instead, he takes Jensen's hand and presses the palm of it flat against his chest, so Jensen can feel the way his heart is beating. Then, he reaches out, resting his own hand over Jensen's heart.
I love you he's saying, and Jensen's face breaks as he whispers, "I love you, too. Jared, I love you, too."
They don't waste time before they're kissing again, and Jared couldn't be happier that he stayed in simple clothes. Jensen immediately begins to tear at the fabric, undressing Jared with a savage kind of desperation. All Jared can do is shove material out of the way. Jensen is wearing thick layer upon layer, but he fights his way to the skin underneath until his hands are groping every inch of bare flesh he can reach.
Jensen lets him go, taking a step back from the bed, and Jared's entire world stops as he holds his breath, waiting to see if Jensen is having second thoughts. If he's about to turn away, or flee.
Instead, he starts to fiddle with the clasps on his vest, mumbling something about how much he hates the damn thing as his fingers fumble.
Jared stands and approaches him, lowering Jensen's hands and replacing them with his own. He thinks of how many times Jensen helped him dress when these clothes were still new to him and he couldn't have done it on his own. Jensen never mocked him for that. He'd dressed Jared like every step was an honor, his hands lingering and correcting anything that was out of place.
Now, Jared is going to return the favor. He starts to undo the fastening of Jensen's vest, but he's slow and deliberate about it, taking his time. It's been almost a year and Jared has dreamt of this every day since they met, but the whole thing has taught him patience. He's going to do this right. He's going to give Jensen all the attention he deserves.
Layer by layer, he strips away the prince, lays his Jensen bare beneath all the fine fabric and ornaments. Jensen watches him throughout, his expression heavy and so piercing Jared feels heat running under his skin.
Finally, Jensen's belt falls from Jared's fingers and he's standing in front of Jared with nothing more than a simple black pair of pants on.
"Jared," he says, and he reaches out to shove the thin white shirt Jared has just hardly hanging off his shoulders away. Jared closes his eyes as Jensen's fingers reach out, shaking with desire and hesitation, and begin to trace their way across Jared's chest.
"You can't imagine how hard it's been not to touch you," Jensen tells him, a fascinated look in his eyes as the tips of his fingers map each of Jared's abs. He smiles, laughing at something far away. "The first time I brought you to this room, when I took you to the bath. Do you remember how you stripped? And I couldn't even blink, I…I thought you knew right then and there how much I wanted you."
Jared puts his hands in front of Jensen's eyes and signs, you didn't know either.
"No," Jensen agrees. "I didn't. I didn't think you could want someone like me."
I'm beneath you.
Jensen looks up at him. At first his expression is angry, but after a second, it changes into something playful that Jared's never seen before. "You could be, if you want."
He laughs, then asks what if I want to be on top?
Jensen sheds his pants and hops onto Jared's bed, grinning at him once he's turned to face Jared again. "You can have it any way you want. I've been dreaming of you since the first time I saw you. There isn't a thing in the world you can do to me that I haven't already longed for."
Jared's hands are busy shucking his own pants, so he mouths "I want everything" as clearly as he can, and Jensen groans when Jared is standing in front of him, naked as can be.
He leans across the bed, his hands circling each of Jared's hips, and looks at Jared's cock with obvious hunger. Then he ducks down, pressing a kiss to the base, licking his way to the head, and kissing that too.
Jared would have to be a much stronger man not to harden under that kind of attention. Jensen doesn't rush, he takes Jared between his lips and sucks him slowly, just long enough to get Jared's dick stiff as marble, and then he pulls off, saliva still connecting them in an obscene line.
He tugs Jared forward, onto the bed, and when he has Jared flat on his back, Jensen climbs on top of him, straddling his hips. "Mmm, you may be getting better than me on your horse, but I still can teach you a thing or two about riding."
Jared shakes his head, huffing a laugh at how cheesy Jensen is, and then Jensen distracts him by leaning down for a kiss. "I'll get some oil from the bath."
Before he can climb down, Jared stops him, pointing instead to the drawer by his bed. Jensen raises an eyebrow and Jared smirks, signing I think about you a lot.
Jensen bites his bottom lip as he smiles and reaches over Jared, until he's fished a small, dark blue bottle of oil out of the drawer.
He drizzles some onto his own fingers before giving it to Jared, and Jared slicks his cock up with as much restraint as he can manage while watching Jensen's thighs flex on top of him as he slips a finger into himself.
Over the months since Jared's family was cursed, he's gotten pretty good at resisting the urge to make a sound. Still, it takes effort not to moan at the way Jensen keeps his eyes on Jared, how he doesn't wait before shoving another finger in and then another, as if his body is starving for the contact.
It's only a few minutes before Jensen's hand is gripping the headboard for leverage as he lowers himself onto Jared's cock. His breathing ratchets up with the pleasure, how hot and tight Jensen is around him, how much he's wanted this and how long it's been since he felt anything that could compare to even the first thrust of his dick into Jensen.
Then Jensen starts to move with him, his hips circling with well-practiced ease, his eyes drifting shut as he lets out a long 'oh' sound, and Jared is struck by how beautiful he is with his long eyelashes fanning against his cheeks, his mouth parted in pleasure.
He steadies his hands on Jensen's hips and starts to fuck up into him in earnest, his need for Jensen taking control of him. Jensen is making enough noise for the both of them, and he brings his hands down, places them over Jared's abs so he can grip Jared's skin to hold him in place and drive himself even harder onto Jared's cock.
"So big," Jensen mutters as he takes Jared better than anyone's ever taken him. Jared can see that his breath is becoming short, that his whole body is straining from the effort, sweat coating him everywhere Jared touches, but Jensen doesn't slow down. "So big, so good. Oh, fuck, I knew you’d be so good."
By now, there are tears running off Jared's cheeks just from the effort of keeping himself silent. It takes too much of him, Jensen is too giving, and Jared can't hold on as long as he wants to.
He reaches out to stroke Jensen's dick so that they can finish together, knowing he won't make it much longer, and with no other way to signal that to Jensen. But Jensen takes Jared's hand, lets their fingers tangle, and leans down, his whole body now pressed as close to Jared as possible.
"I love you," he tells Jared, his mouth pressing against Jared's neck and sucking hard on the skin. "Let me feel you come. Give it to me. Please, give it to me."
Jared does, only stopping himself from crying out by pressing his mouth to Jensen's shoulder, letting it rest there as he turns his face, pushing himself into Jensen because he doesn't want this over so soon, doesn’t want to go back to just being Jared after learning what it feels like to be Jensen, too.
Jensen stays on top of him, milking every last drop of Jared's orgasm, until Jared is fully soft, and there's nothing left for him to ride. Then he falls down next to Jared, cupping Jared's face gently as he kisses him.
His own erection presses into Jared's thigh, and Jared submits to Jensen's affections until Jensen is obviously too turned on to focus, until he's grinding against Jared's leg. Jared pulls back, gesturing to his mouth, offering it to Jensen, but Jensen seems to have plans of his own.
"Turn over," he tells Jared.
Jared obeys him easily, pulling a pillow under his head. He's about to grab for the oil so Jensen can ready him, but he stops halfway, so shocked that he only stops himself from making a sound by slapping his hand over his mouth.
Jensen spreads his cheeks and does something Jared has never even imagined before. He buries his tongue deep inside Jared, the cool sensation opening him up better than oil and fingers have ever done. Jared can't help responding like a child with a new toy, arching his back, pushing his ass up into Jensen's face for more.
He laughs as he pulls away, spitting into Jared's hole. "You like that, huh?"
All Jared can do is nod enthusiastically into his pillow, but that's enough. The prince kisses the soft skin around Jared's hole, then slips his tongue in again, a kiss with darker intent.
Jared's still too drained from his orgasm to get hard, but Jensen takes good care of him, until he's sure Jared is open and ready, and then he puts his hand over Jared's mouth.
"Spit," he says. Jared would do anything Jensen asks of him right now.
He hears Jensen jerking himself once he has Jared's slick on his hands, and then Jensen's spreading him again, lining his cock up.
"You ready?" he asks, his lips grazing Jared's shoulder. Jensen is now pressing his entire body against Jared's back, and the weight of him is better than salvation could ever be. He waits for Jared's nod, and then his cock is easing in, much slower, much more patient than Jensen had been taking Jared.
Under different circumstances, Jared might get pushy, might fuck up onto Jensen's dick if Jensen wasn't going to use him right. But now he's exhausted, the pleasure a thrum through him that Jared is content to feel forever.
And that's just what Jensen does. His control is impeccable, slow, steady thrusts that make it last so long that Jared does get hard again. He doesn't know how Jensen hasn't come, is eager to think up ways to put this stamina to good use in the future. For now, he lies under Jensen, with nothing but the sound of his own panting filling the room, until finally they come together.
Jensen rolls off of him quickly, presses two fingers into Jared's raw hole, and then brings his own come up to suck on. Jared opens his mouth, tongue tracing his bottom lip in a way Jensen couldn't misread. He gives Jared a half-smile and rubs his thumb along the well-fucked skin, then feeds it to Jared, who sucks on the digit like Jensen found him in a brothel instead of a forest.
"That's my dirty boy," Jensen says, his voice rough from being the only one between them able to let out all their cries. He watches Jared for a few seconds longer, then cups Jared's face.
Jensen kisses Jared, his thumb still between them, until Jared lets it go so he can accept Jensen's tongue instead. They make out for a long time, until finally Jensen pulls away, and Jared realizes how tired he is.
"It was…" Jensen's cheeks turn pink, and he settles his hand on the bed between them. "It was good for you, right? I mean. I think it was, but. No one's ever been quiet with me before."
Jared gives him the only answer he can think of that will calm Jensen's worries. He reaches out, hand over Jensen's heart, and Jensen looks up at him, a relieved smile on his face.
"Sammy," he says sweetly, tucking a hair behind Jared's ear and then playing with the curl at the end of it. "My Sammy."
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