Harry Potter: The Wrong Conclusion
Title: The Wrong Conclusion
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius (Shock! Gasp! Outrage!), James (because he is my schmoop)
Genre: Fllllllllllluuuuuuuuuffffff. Whiny fluff, but fluff nonetheless.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,227
Author’s Note: Written for tamingthemuse for Prompt # 154 - Polysemy. This prompt and I did not agree and I am on a really tight writing schedule this week. So blame that. Also, I’m sorry this is so cheesy and over-the-top. I’ve been in the mood to write Romance novel levels of fluff since all of the other stories I’m working on are such ANGST BOMBS. Thanks to the wife for betaing ♥.
ETA: This fic is now dedicated to the lovely angela_weber for this excellent R/S story she wrote me that you should all go read.
Summary: Once again, Remus Lupin put his keen and penetrating mind to the task and (as usual) came to the wrong conclusion. Ok, I really couldn’t help doing that.
Fanfiction Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5188520/1/
Remus shifted uncomfortably. He forced a cough, and shifted again.
“Are you…going to say something?”
“Right…yeah. Just trying to take it in, I guess.”
“It’s not a problem, is it?”
“What? No, just a shock, that’s all.”
When Sirius pulled him aside earlier in the day and told him he needed to talk, he had really not expected to hear that his best friend, who had snogged his way through half of the female population at Hogwarts, was a poof. Ok, sure, maybe he’d fantasized about it, but that was different than actually expecting to hear it.
“And the other thing?”
“Huh?”
“You said you had two things to tell me. What’s the other?”
Now, Remus decided, was a perfectly decent time to get his hopes up. Not that he had anything to offer Sirius Black even if he was a poof, but after all, he had pulled Remus aside. And said he needed to talk to him alone. And they were by the lake…which could kind of be romantic…couldn’t it?
“Hah, right. Well, forgot the other thing. Couldn’t have been that important, right? Let’s go find James, I’m starved. Aren’t you starved? Because I am! Ravenous, I tell you.”
Before Remus could open his mouth to remind Sirius that they’d had lunch an hour ago, Sirius was bounding towards the castle. Remus was no expert on romance, but that seemed like a pretty obvious response to, say, changing your mind about telling your friend that you have secretly been in gay, gay Love with him for as long as you can remember. Which was fine by Remus. He didn’t care if Sirius made the confession-as long as he knew Sirius felt the same way and he wouldn’t be ruining their friendship by confessing to his own feelings. So he followed Sirius back to the castle at a comfortable pace musing over all of the wonderful ways he could not be rejected by Sirius Black later that night.
“So, you told him?” James pried expectantly.
“Yes. Well, no. I mean, kind of. Define what you mean, exactly.”
“I mean exactly what we both know I mean. Did you tell Remus you fancy him, or didn’t you?”
“No,” Sirius confessed. “But I told him I was a poof.”
“He took it badly then?”
“Not really. He just didn’t…respond how I was hoping he would.”
“Sirius, I’ve told you at least eighty times that Remus wasn’t going to jump on top of you until he was sure you wanted him to. You know how he is.”
“Well, yeah but-“
“But nothing! You’re so used to having birds throw themselves at you that the concept of working for something doesn’t even register.”
“I think someone is jealous.”
“Oh, shut up. She’s just pretending she’s not throwing herself at me. In her head? All the time. You should have seen the way she looked at me at dinner the other night…I have certainly made it through her stony façade.”
“Was that the look she gave you before or after she charmed the spaghetti bowl to dump its contents on you?”
James sighed dreamily. “It was just moments before.”
Sirius snickered unkindly.
“Oh, shove off. At least I have the bollocks to tell her.”
That promptly wiped the shit-eating grin off of Sirius’s face.
“You don’t understand. Remus is just so…unpredictable.”
James cocked an eyebrow.
“You don’t know him like I do. He could feel the same or he could get all awkward around me for the rest of our lives. There’s no telling with him.”
“While I will give you that you know him better and you have whatever weird little puppy psychic connection going on, I think an outsider’s observations would really give you both some much-needed perspective. So I’m just going to say it, ok? You two couldn’t be more obvious if you were loudly shagging on the Gryffindor table in the middle of the Great Hall during a very quiet O.W.L. exam.”
“How do you mean?”
“With the touching, and the whispering little inside jokes, and you turning into Padfoot every time we’re alone as an excuse to cuddle up and him liking it. In the name of Merlin’s left testicle, you sleep on his bed.”
“We’re just close friends is all.”
“Sirius, what happened the first time I lay on Moony’s bed?”
“Fifteen minute long tirade about sharing germs complete with a magical illustration that involved him turning every particle you left behind bright yellow so you couldn’t miss it.”
“Right, and yet he lets you drool on his pillow. How about the time Peter accidentally fell on top of him when we were hiding from Filch?”
“He looked uncomfortable for a week,” Sirius said fondly remembering how adorable Remus’s awkward stance had been.
“And last week when you gave him a half-naked post-quidditch victory hug and instead of looking violated, he hung on for all of twenty seconds?”
“I see your point.”
“Thank you. Now will you tell him so you two can shag and Peter and I can stop being constantly confronted by your unresolved tension?”
“I…I can’t.”
James, who felt like he had been approaching a breakthrough, finally collapsed onto Sirius’s bed, sitting on his hands in an effort to not strangle his best friend to death.
“You. People. Make. No. Sense!”
He let out a frustrated breath slowly in an effort to regain his composure. He really didn’t understand the problem at all. If Lily had been acting the way Remus had been acting for years, they would have been happily wed with three children and a dog by now. But he knew he had to make an effort for Sirius because he was making that weird face Sirius made when he was actually unsure of himself and damnation, this was usually Moony’s area of expertise but he couldn’t exactly call on the other boy to help Sirius because he was the problem.
“James, I can’t express to you how much it means to me.”
James smiled warmly because finally, finally, Sirius was speaking a language he understood. He put a reassuring arm around his friend.
“I know, mate. I feel the same way, you know. But if you don’t at least give it a try, you’ll regret it forever.”
“What if I cock it up, though? I’m kind of an arsehole sometimes.”
“Sirius, you’re not going to cock it up. I won’t let you cock it up. I mean, do you know how long I’ve been putting up with this? It’s been like three years of this now. Please, in the name of all that you care about-just give it a chance so I don’t have to put up with your weeping anymore.”
“Alright. Fine. I’ll give it a shot. I promise.”
“Tonight? I want to hear the magic words from you tonight.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll catch you at quidditch practice. And, James…uhh, thank you.”
“No problem. You know I love you, right?”
“I love you too, berk. And I do not weep.”
James decided not to challenge Sirius’s assertion on the ground that the spaghetti incident the week before had not left him in the manliest of moods. The door closed behind his friend leaving him to get ready for practice in rare silence.
Remus had not meant to eavesdrop. But when he’d reached the room and the door was open, and James had his arm around Sirius…for what it was worth, he wished he could go back to when he’d arrived at the room and decided not to turn back. Wished he hadn’t heard the way James and Sirius were talking to each other. It was a little too obvious now and he wondered how he could have misled himself enough to have missed it. Of course, Sirius had lost his nerve in trying to tell Remus he was in Love with his friend earlier. But the lucky friend wasn’t Remus. He had to admit, a poofy Sirius he could buy but a poofy James came out of nowhere. Still, the way they were huddled together was impossible to deny and if anybody was good enough for Sirius Black it would have to be the nearly-as-gorgeous, equally brilliant James Potter.
“Close save,” Remus thought, willing himself to actually feel relieved and not completely wretched.
Because Remus was a masochist (or at least, he seemed to be in all things related to Sirius Black), he decided to go down to the quidditch pitch after years of brushing off Sirius’s pleas that he go watch them practice to observe the happy couple now that he knew the truth. He wanted to see all the obvious signs he’d missed. There were times Remus didn’t even make sense to himself.
After forty heartbreaking minutes of watching James and Sirius’s every movement, Remus couldn’t take anymore. It wasn’t the touching…Sirius was physically affectionate with everyone. But the way they seemed to predict each other’s movements while they were in the air, or the jokes they made that nobody else could even begin to understand-how could Remus Lupin compete with what they had? He knew that, as their friend, he was supposed to be happy for them. And he was, really, it was himself he was mad at. Here were two people who were clearly made for each other and who the hell did he think he was falling in Love with one of them?
In the storm of self-pity that was taking place in his mind, Remus got quite distracted from what was actually going on around him. So it was quite a shock to Remus when he heard a familiar voice repeating his name as if he’d been trying to get his attention for a long time.
“What? Sorry, James. I was a bit distracted. Good practice?”
“Fine, I guess. You alright? You looked a bit down earlier.”
“I’m…yeah, fine. Why shouldn’t I be fine?”
James said nothing but gave Remus that face. That insufferable “I know you’re lying and will continue to pester you until you’ve confessed” face. Remus was not used to being the victim upon whom this face was usually inflicted.
“It’s nothing, alright? It’s stupid.”
“Is it about what Sirius told you today? Because I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d be so bloody upset about it.”
“Well, I am, alright. I mean, I’m not. Not about it exactly. Look, I know you Love Sirius and that’s great, but I don’t want to have anything to do with it.”
“Woooooooooooooooooooooooooow. I really sized this situation up wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought…well, look, don’t take it wrong, mate, but I kind of thought you were a poof, too. At any rate, I had no idea you’d be such a prat about it.”
James stood as if to leave but Remus pulled him back down.
“I am, James. That’s why I’m upset, alright? I’m in Love with Sirius, too.”
“Oh!” James said with a tremendous smile. “But that’s excellent news!”
“I’m sorry, I know that you’re-wait, what? Aren’t you and Sirius?”
“Aren’t me and Sirius what? Secret lovers?”
“Well, yeah. I saw you guys earlier. In the room. I didn’t mean to spy but I did and I heard you talking about how he was afraid to ruin what you had, and you wouldn’t let him, and then you said you Loved each other and…why are you laughing?”
“Remus, you’re the stupidest smart person I have ever met in my life. We were talking about you, you dolt. Sirius has fancied you since fourth year and has been too much of wanker to tell you so.”
“But you’re his best friend. You’re always together. You-“
“I’m his brother, mate. Of course we love each other; I’d sell my limbs for him. But it’s a different love. He’s in Love with you and I still have no idea how you two have failed to recognize the difference all this bloody time.”
“So you mean to tell me that-“
“I mean to tell you that Sirius is in the room moping right now and Peter and I are going to be out of the room studying all night. Now, I need to go shower. All this matchmaking is making me smell like a girl.”
Remus turned and closed the door softly. “Sirius?”
“Hey, Moony, how’s things?”
He was trying to sound casual because he’d seen the angry look on Remus’s face during practice and he was sure his worst fears about telling Remus he was gay had come true. Which made him realize just how lucky he’d been not to have told Remus about how he felt. Which, of course, meant he would have to break his promise to James that he would tell him tonight.
“I’ve just been talking to James,” Remus blushed, he wasn’t used to being this forward about things. “He says you…umm…well, do you? Fancy me?”
“The bastard,” Sirius thought. “He sold me out.”
“Yes.”
Remus took a few steps towards Sirius and Sirius was surprised to see his friend was smiling.
“You don’t…you too?!”
“God, yes.”
It was a race from that point on. They never quite knew if it was Sirius who pulled Remus in or Remus who threw himself into Sirius, but within an instant they landed, lip-locked, on the bed.
[7]
Credit for the precious dividers goes to natyachan Here.
And finally, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius (Shock! Gasp! Outrage!), James (because he is my schmoop)
Genre: Fllllllllllluuuuuuuuuffffff. Whiny fluff, but fluff nonetheless.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,227
Author’s Note: Written for tamingthemuse for Prompt # 154 - Polysemy. This prompt and I did not agree and I am on a really tight writing schedule this week. So blame that. Also, I’m sorry this is so cheesy and over-the-top. I’ve been in the mood to write Romance novel levels of fluff since all of the other stories I’m working on are such ANGST BOMBS. Thanks to the wife for betaing ♥.
ETA: This fic is now dedicated to the lovely angela_weber for this excellent R/S story she wrote me that you should all go read.
Summary: Once again, Remus Lupin put his keen and penetrating mind to the task and (as usual) came to the wrong conclusion. Ok, I really couldn’t help doing that.
Fanfiction Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5188520/1/
Remus shifted uncomfortably. He forced a cough, and shifted again.
“Are you…going to say something?”
“Right…yeah. Just trying to take it in, I guess.”
“It’s not a problem, is it?”
“What? No, just a shock, that’s all.”
When Sirius pulled him aside earlier in the day and told him he needed to talk, he had really not expected to hear that his best friend, who had snogged his way through half of the female population at Hogwarts, was a poof. Ok, sure, maybe he’d fantasized about it, but that was different than actually expecting to hear it.
“And the other thing?”
“Huh?”
“You said you had two things to tell me. What’s the other?”
Now, Remus decided, was a perfectly decent time to get his hopes up. Not that he had anything to offer Sirius Black even if he was a poof, but after all, he had pulled Remus aside. And said he needed to talk to him alone. And they were by the lake…which could kind of be romantic…couldn’t it?
“Hah, right. Well, forgot the other thing. Couldn’t have been that important, right? Let’s go find James, I’m starved. Aren’t you starved? Because I am! Ravenous, I tell you.”
Before Remus could open his mouth to remind Sirius that they’d had lunch an hour ago, Sirius was bounding towards the castle. Remus was no expert on romance, but that seemed like a pretty obvious response to, say, changing your mind about telling your friend that you have secretly been in gay, gay Love with him for as long as you can remember. Which was fine by Remus. He didn’t care if Sirius made the confession-as long as he knew Sirius felt the same way and he wouldn’t be ruining their friendship by confessing to his own feelings. So he followed Sirius back to the castle at a comfortable pace musing over all of the wonderful ways he could not be rejected by Sirius Black later that night.
“So, you told him?” James pried expectantly.
“Yes. Well, no. I mean, kind of. Define what you mean, exactly.”
“I mean exactly what we both know I mean. Did you tell Remus you fancy him, or didn’t you?”
“No,” Sirius confessed. “But I told him I was a poof.”
“He took it badly then?”
“Not really. He just didn’t…respond how I was hoping he would.”
“Sirius, I’ve told you at least eighty times that Remus wasn’t going to jump on top of you until he was sure you wanted him to. You know how he is.”
“Well, yeah but-“
“But nothing! You’re so used to having birds throw themselves at you that the concept of working for something doesn’t even register.”
“I think someone is jealous.”
“Oh, shut up. She’s just pretending she’s not throwing herself at me. In her head? All the time. You should have seen the way she looked at me at dinner the other night…I have certainly made it through her stony façade.”
“Was that the look she gave you before or after she charmed the spaghetti bowl to dump its contents on you?”
James sighed dreamily. “It was just moments before.”
Sirius snickered unkindly.
“Oh, shove off. At least I have the bollocks to tell her.”
That promptly wiped the shit-eating grin off of Sirius’s face.
“You don’t understand. Remus is just so…unpredictable.”
James cocked an eyebrow.
“You don’t know him like I do. He could feel the same or he could get all awkward around me for the rest of our lives. There’s no telling with him.”
“While I will give you that you know him better and you have whatever weird little puppy psychic connection going on, I think an outsider’s observations would really give you both some much-needed perspective. So I’m just going to say it, ok? You two couldn’t be more obvious if you were loudly shagging on the Gryffindor table in the middle of the Great Hall during a very quiet O.W.L. exam.”
“How do you mean?”
“With the touching, and the whispering little inside jokes, and you turning into Padfoot every time we’re alone as an excuse to cuddle up and him liking it. In the name of Merlin’s left testicle, you sleep on his bed.”
“We’re just close friends is all.”
“Sirius, what happened the first time I lay on Moony’s bed?”
“Fifteen minute long tirade about sharing germs complete with a magical illustration that involved him turning every particle you left behind bright yellow so you couldn’t miss it.”
“Right, and yet he lets you drool on his pillow. How about the time Peter accidentally fell on top of him when we were hiding from Filch?”
“He looked uncomfortable for a week,” Sirius said fondly remembering how adorable Remus’s awkward stance had been.
“And last week when you gave him a half-naked post-quidditch victory hug and instead of looking violated, he hung on for all of twenty seconds?”
“I see your point.”
“Thank you. Now will you tell him so you two can shag and Peter and I can stop being constantly confronted by your unresolved tension?”
“I…I can’t.”
James, who felt like he had been approaching a breakthrough, finally collapsed onto Sirius’s bed, sitting on his hands in an effort to not strangle his best friend to death.
“You. People. Make. No. Sense!”
He let out a frustrated breath slowly in an effort to regain his composure. He really didn’t understand the problem at all. If Lily had been acting the way Remus had been acting for years, they would have been happily wed with three children and a dog by now. But he knew he had to make an effort for Sirius because he was making that weird face Sirius made when he was actually unsure of himself and damnation, this was usually Moony’s area of expertise but he couldn’t exactly call on the other boy to help Sirius because he was the problem.
“James, I can’t express to you how much it means to me.”
James smiled warmly because finally, finally, Sirius was speaking a language he understood. He put a reassuring arm around his friend.
“I know, mate. I feel the same way, you know. But if you don’t at least give it a try, you’ll regret it forever.”
“What if I cock it up, though? I’m kind of an arsehole sometimes.”
“Sirius, you’re not going to cock it up. I won’t let you cock it up. I mean, do you know how long I’ve been putting up with this? It’s been like three years of this now. Please, in the name of all that you care about-just give it a chance so I don’t have to put up with your weeping anymore.”
“Alright. Fine. I’ll give it a shot. I promise.”
“Tonight? I want to hear the magic words from you tonight.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll catch you at quidditch practice. And, James…uhh, thank you.”
“No problem. You know I love you, right?”
“I love you too, berk. And I do not weep.”
James decided not to challenge Sirius’s assertion on the ground that the spaghetti incident the week before had not left him in the manliest of moods. The door closed behind his friend leaving him to get ready for practice in rare silence.
Remus had not meant to eavesdrop. But when he’d reached the room and the door was open, and James had his arm around Sirius…for what it was worth, he wished he could go back to when he’d arrived at the room and decided not to turn back. Wished he hadn’t heard the way James and Sirius were talking to each other. It was a little too obvious now and he wondered how he could have misled himself enough to have missed it. Of course, Sirius had lost his nerve in trying to tell Remus he was in Love with his friend earlier. But the lucky friend wasn’t Remus. He had to admit, a poofy Sirius he could buy but a poofy James came out of nowhere. Still, the way they were huddled together was impossible to deny and if anybody was good enough for Sirius Black it would have to be the nearly-as-gorgeous, equally brilliant James Potter.
“Close save,” Remus thought, willing himself to actually feel relieved and not completely wretched.
Because Remus was a masochist (or at least, he seemed to be in all things related to Sirius Black), he decided to go down to the quidditch pitch after years of brushing off Sirius’s pleas that he go watch them practice to observe the happy couple now that he knew the truth. He wanted to see all the obvious signs he’d missed. There were times Remus didn’t even make sense to himself.
After forty heartbreaking minutes of watching James and Sirius’s every movement, Remus couldn’t take anymore. It wasn’t the touching…Sirius was physically affectionate with everyone. But the way they seemed to predict each other’s movements while they were in the air, or the jokes they made that nobody else could even begin to understand-how could Remus Lupin compete with what they had? He knew that, as their friend, he was supposed to be happy for them. And he was, really, it was himself he was mad at. Here were two people who were clearly made for each other and who the hell did he think he was falling in Love with one of them?
In the storm of self-pity that was taking place in his mind, Remus got quite distracted from what was actually going on around him. So it was quite a shock to Remus when he heard a familiar voice repeating his name as if he’d been trying to get his attention for a long time.
“What? Sorry, James. I was a bit distracted. Good practice?”
“Fine, I guess. You alright? You looked a bit down earlier.”
“I’m…yeah, fine. Why shouldn’t I be fine?”
James said nothing but gave Remus that face. That insufferable “I know you’re lying and will continue to pester you until you’ve confessed” face. Remus was not used to being the victim upon whom this face was usually inflicted.
“It’s nothing, alright? It’s stupid.”
“Is it about what Sirius told you today? Because I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d be so bloody upset about it.”
“Well, I am, alright. I mean, I’m not. Not about it exactly. Look, I know you Love Sirius and that’s great, but I don’t want to have anything to do with it.”
“Woooooooooooooooooooooooooow. I really sized this situation up wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought…well, look, don’t take it wrong, mate, but I kind of thought you were a poof, too. At any rate, I had no idea you’d be such a prat about it.”
James stood as if to leave but Remus pulled him back down.
“I am, James. That’s why I’m upset, alright? I’m in Love with Sirius, too.”
“Oh!” James said with a tremendous smile. “But that’s excellent news!”
“I’m sorry, I know that you’re-wait, what? Aren’t you and Sirius?”
“Aren’t me and Sirius what? Secret lovers?”
“Well, yeah. I saw you guys earlier. In the room. I didn’t mean to spy but I did and I heard you talking about how he was afraid to ruin what you had, and you wouldn’t let him, and then you said you Loved each other and…why are you laughing?”
“Remus, you’re the stupidest smart person I have ever met in my life. We were talking about you, you dolt. Sirius has fancied you since fourth year and has been too much of wanker to tell you so.”
“But you’re his best friend. You’re always together. You-“
“I’m his brother, mate. Of course we love each other; I’d sell my limbs for him. But it’s a different love. He’s in Love with you and I still have no idea how you two have failed to recognize the difference all this bloody time.”
“So you mean to tell me that-“
“I mean to tell you that Sirius is in the room moping right now and Peter and I are going to be out of the room studying all night. Now, I need to go shower. All this matchmaking is making me smell like a girl.”
Remus turned and closed the door softly. “Sirius?”
“Hey, Moony, how’s things?”
He was trying to sound casual because he’d seen the angry look on Remus’s face during practice and he was sure his worst fears about telling Remus he was gay had come true. Which made him realize just how lucky he’d been not to have told Remus about how he felt. Which, of course, meant he would have to break his promise to James that he would tell him tonight.
“I’ve just been talking to James,” Remus blushed, he wasn’t used to being this forward about things. “He says you…umm…well, do you? Fancy me?”
“The bastard,” Sirius thought. “He sold me out.”
“Yes.”
Remus took a few steps towards Sirius and Sirius was surprised to see his friend was smiling.
“You don’t…you too?!”
“God, yes.”
It was a race from that point on. They never quite knew if it was Sirius who pulled Remus in or Remus who threw himself into Sirius, but within an instant they landed, lip-locked, on the bed.
[7]
Credit for the precious dividers goes to natyachan Here.
And finally, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!