Time to start..Maybe?
So, as I sit here reading another LJ user's page, I start to think about my own life. It's so random. That's basically to sum up me. I'm random. As I've said before, and I'll always say; "I'm not the typical gay guy, but, I am."(I contradict, fucking deal with it.) I have a femenine voice, exfoliate, and moisturize my skin, then straighten my hair daily, I wear make-up occasionally(Dior mascara owns my face every day though), swear by lipgloss, and pray to Lindsay Lohan. Typical, typical, typical, maybe a little extra gay.(Rachel said to me once, "Maybe the reason why you don't have a boyfriend is because you're so gay." Hurtftul, yes, that is was coming from my BFF, some time which I've only really given her to cover up that I know longer have a BFF(Don't lie to yourself, Rachel, you know it's the truth, we're not as close as we should be)..And you know what I say to that? If someone isn't going to love me, or want to be with me for one reason, then fuck him. By the way, my ADD just kicked in. )END OF PARANTHESIS, AND PARANTHESIS INSIDE OF PARANTHESIS) ) But then there's the other stuff, I have facial hair, I have the most unusual fashion style ever. You've seen those "In the Scene" girls walk around town, right? Yep, I'm pretty sure I'm one of those in a male form. I'm not pretty, tanned, skinny, or blonde. I look different, I know this. Don't like it? Then admire me from a distance, because that's what you're going to do anyways.
Then there's grey areas. I smoke Misty Menthol Light 120's..The only other people I know that smoke that are mothers/grandmothers, and Alanna and Kylie and Chaz occasionally. Smoking Misty's is not typically gay, or not gay. It's just..wierd.
I'm wierd, I understand this. I think wierd things, and I talk too much, too fast, and I mumble. Words like, "OMG", "Rad", "Awesome", "Totally", and phrases like, "I know, right?", are in my vocabulary every day.
You know what, I should just go ahead, and say while I decided to write this blog/journal/whateverthefuckyouwannacallit today, it's because I want the world to know me before I become famous. Laugh all you want, be a denier, think to yourself, "Yeah, right, he'll never be famous.", because there's always doubters, always people who don't back you up. But, it's going to happen, I'm going to become famous, and that's going to be my life. I may not be the richest famous person, but, I'mma be famous. Think about it though, in this random place called Kentuckiana..Am I not already famous? Out of everyone I know, atleast five people they know know me. Now, I know you can be saying this of anyone, which is true. But, honestly, I'm different. You'll just see when I'm famous.
Now, you may think I'm saying all this to myself so that I can look to a brighter future. No. My life seriousley sucks soooo bad right now, but, I've never been happier, never been happier with myself. I love my life right now, but, it sucks. I have mo job no more, I'm not yet in school, and I'm waiting on my GED scores to come in. But, I have closer friendships than I've ever had with people, besides Faith. In some ways, I honestly think we're soulmates, or something in a way. We were so different, but, she was everything I ever wanted, she was my perfect best friend. Perfect, always there, always, anything. Wait, nevermind, here I go contradicting myself..She wasn't perfect, she was a little ghetto, lived in the projects, had a horrible fashion sense, and wasn't the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I looked passed that for a bit, but then she got knocked up by a 42 year old man, and had a baby. As soon as she told me the words that changed my life forever.."I'm pregnant.", I broke down, and cried, like a little girl. As if I was the father, and not just any father, but the father that's a sophomore in high school, and trying to save up enough money to buy a truck. But, this one didn't have a happy ending. We no longer talk, I'll get random phone calls from here from random numbers when I'm busy, and I have to let her go. It sucks, I wish it wouldn't have turned out that way, but then again, if it would have never have, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Things didn't change until we stopped talking. I'm a completely different person now. In a way, she made me not care about anything. Good thing I'm over that phase.
But, now, I have friends like Kylie and Chaz. We're the Angels, as you've all heard before. We get fucked up, we do drugs, we forget things, we drink, we smoke, yeah, we get fucked up. SOME people like to say that, and image is all we're about. But, they're fucking wrong. We're about so much more, we're about Heart, Body, and Soul, we're about Fame, Glamour, and Perfection. We're Bleeding Sparrows, Egyptians Pheonix's, and our own unigue planets in our universe called the Angel Universe. All so different, but sooo connected.
Now, I know their friendship is stronger than all three of ours. After all, they're "best friends for life", of course, I'm jealous, I know we're all best friends, but, they're the best friends. Together their friendshipis the one that I wish I still had, give or take some things. My life basically revolves around then, and I'd like to think that I'd be dead, or even worse, fat, without them.
But, I've got others, Rachel, Alanna, I've still got Amber, probably one of the longest friendships I've kept. Not as close as I'd wish we'd be, but, you give and take. I think those three are the ones that keep me grounded the most. In no particular order. They bring me back into reality, and makes sure I don't make the stupid ass decisions that I make, and right before I do make those decisions, those are the people that I wonder what they'll say. Not in a bad way, but, how will they look at me after that? Will it change? For Alanna, I'm pretty sure no matter what I do, or how I am, I won't change to her, that's good. But, to Rachel and Amber the girls that bring me back to my roots, upper middle class white American family that's fucked up.
Then the random people in my life, like, Christy, Jasmine(She didn't used to be random, but, like with Faith, things change), Katie(Not as close as we should be, but closer than ever) K-Flan, B.Yunk, Khristal, Sandy.
Then the random straight girls that sweat me, like, Sara, and Sarah, and Stephanie, and Christina, and Tamara, and that wish that they had what I have with others with them. Or, atleast, that's what I think. It sounds as conceited as fuck, but, it also sounds truthful, to me.
But, like I've said before I'm happier than ever, and I know, one day, my life will be good, and I will be even HAPPIER. Maybe it will finally happen when I'm settled down in some rich neighborhood, more suburban high class, then anything else, in random Conneticut, or some place. With a white picket fence--Wait, no, fuck that, I hate white picket fences. Maybe a cute little iron fence, short, black, but that's about it. With my children that were born from a women, another person, but that was created in my heart. And my husband, off out in the yard playing with the kids, and my on the porch(In a way, like my mother would do), sitting there smoking a cigarette, taking draws from it when the children weren't looking. Thinking of new fashion designs, and parties, and events I'll be attending, all while planning out the platform and layout for my next runway show. With the family some odd, insanely adorable mix of a miniature dog. Her name will be something cute, but classy..Like, Macy, or Bobbi, or something random. Like, Sugar.
That's what my future is going to be like. And, at that moment, I will be able to die because I will be the happiest ever. But, I won't die, not until I'm old in age, after I see my children graduate from high school, college, maybe even Medical, or Law school. Have children of their own, and maybe even grand children of their own. I won't die because I'll still have so many more fashion ideas, and fashion shows to plan, I'll still have random sex on the dryer(On tumble dry) when the kids are at school, and my husband comes home during lunch, just because we want it that bad. And it wont be making love like we do the nights when we're not exhausted before we fall to sleep. This will be rough, raw, dirty as fuck sex, with hair pulling, and biting, and exchanges of curse words, and dirty talk. Oh, it'll be hot.
My life's going to be perfect, I can't wait.
Then there's grey areas. I smoke Misty Menthol Light 120's..The only other people I know that smoke that are mothers/grandmothers, and Alanna and Kylie and Chaz occasionally. Smoking Misty's is not typically gay, or not gay. It's just..wierd.
I'm wierd, I understand this. I think wierd things, and I talk too much, too fast, and I mumble. Words like, "OMG", "Rad", "Awesome", "Totally", and phrases like, "I know, right?", are in my vocabulary every day.
You know what, I should just go ahead, and say while I decided to write this blog/journal/whateverthefuckyouwannacallit today, it's because I want the world to know me before I become famous. Laugh all you want, be a denier, think to yourself, "Yeah, right, he'll never be famous.", because there's always doubters, always people who don't back you up. But, it's going to happen, I'm going to become famous, and that's going to be my life. I may not be the richest famous person, but, I'mma be famous. Think about it though, in this random place called Kentuckiana..Am I not already famous? Out of everyone I know, atleast five people they know know me. Now, I know you can be saying this of anyone, which is true. But, honestly, I'm different. You'll just see when I'm famous.
Now, you may think I'm saying all this to myself so that I can look to a brighter future. No. My life seriousley sucks soooo bad right now, but, I've never been happier, never been happier with myself. I love my life right now, but, it sucks. I have mo job no more, I'm not yet in school, and I'm waiting on my GED scores to come in. But, I have closer friendships than I've ever had with people, besides Faith. In some ways, I honestly think we're soulmates, or something in a way. We were so different, but, she was everything I ever wanted, she was my perfect best friend. Perfect, always there, always, anything. Wait, nevermind, here I go contradicting myself..She wasn't perfect, she was a little ghetto, lived in the projects, had a horrible fashion sense, and wasn't the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I looked passed that for a bit, but then she got knocked up by a 42 year old man, and had a baby. As soon as she told me the words that changed my life forever.."I'm pregnant.", I broke down, and cried, like a little girl. As if I was the father, and not just any father, but the father that's a sophomore in high school, and trying to save up enough money to buy a truck. But, this one didn't have a happy ending. We no longer talk, I'll get random phone calls from here from random numbers when I'm busy, and I have to let her go. It sucks, I wish it wouldn't have turned out that way, but then again, if it would have never have, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Things didn't change until we stopped talking. I'm a completely different person now. In a way, she made me not care about anything. Good thing I'm over that phase.
But, now, I have friends like Kylie and Chaz. We're the Angels, as you've all heard before. We get fucked up, we do drugs, we forget things, we drink, we smoke, yeah, we get fucked up. SOME people like to say that, and image is all we're about. But, they're fucking wrong. We're about so much more, we're about Heart, Body, and Soul, we're about Fame, Glamour, and Perfection. We're Bleeding Sparrows, Egyptians Pheonix's, and our own unigue planets in our universe called the Angel Universe. All so different, but sooo connected.
Now, I know their friendship is stronger than all three of ours. After all, they're "best friends for life", of course, I'm jealous, I know we're all best friends, but, they're the best friends. Together their friendshipis the one that I wish I still had, give or take some things. My life basically revolves around then, and I'd like to think that I'd be dead, or even worse, fat, without them.
But, I've got others, Rachel, Alanna, I've still got Amber, probably one of the longest friendships I've kept. Not as close as I'd wish we'd be, but, you give and take. I think those three are the ones that keep me grounded the most. In no particular order. They bring me back into reality, and makes sure I don't make the stupid ass decisions that I make, and right before I do make those decisions, those are the people that I wonder what they'll say. Not in a bad way, but, how will they look at me after that? Will it change? For Alanna, I'm pretty sure no matter what I do, or how I am, I won't change to her, that's good. But, to Rachel and Amber the girls that bring me back to my roots, upper middle class white American family that's fucked up.
Then the random people in my life, like, Christy, Jasmine(She didn't used to be random, but, like with Faith, things change), Katie(Not as close as we should be, but closer than ever) K-Flan, B.Yunk, Khristal, Sandy.
Then the random straight girls that sweat me, like, Sara, and Sarah, and Stephanie, and Christina, and Tamara, and that wish that they had what I have with others with them. Or, atleast, that's what I think. It sounds as conceited as fuck, but, it also sounds truthful, to me.
But, like I've said before I'm happier than ever, and I know, one day, my life will be good, and I will be even HAPPIER. Maybe it will finally happen when I'm settled down in some rich neighborhood, more suburban high class, then anything else, in random Conneticut, or some place. With a white picket fence--Wait, no, fuck that, I hate white picket fences. Maybe a cute little iron fence, short, black, but that's about it. With my children that were born from a women, another person, but that was created in my heart. And my husband, off out in the yard playing with the kids, and my on the porch(In a way, like my mother would do), sitting there smoking a cigarette, taking draws from it when the children weren't looking. Thinking of new fashion designs, and parties, and events I'll be attending, all while planning out the platform and layout for my next runway show. With the family some odd, insanely adorable mix of a miniature dog. Her name will be something cute, but classy..Like, Macy, or Bobbi, or something random. Like, Sugar.
That's what my future is going to be like. And, at that moment, I will be able to die because I will be the happiest ever. But, I won't die, not until I'm old in age, after I see my children graduate from high school, college, maybe even Medical, or Law school. Have children of their own, and maybe even grand children of their own. I won't die because I'll still have so many more fashion ideas, and fashion shows to plan, I'll still have random sex on the dryer(On tumble dry) when the kids are at school, and my husband comes home during lunch, just because we want it that bad. And it wont be making love like we do the nights when we're not exhausted before we fall to sleep. This will be rough, raw, dirty as fuck sex, with hair pulling, and biting, and exchanges of curse words, and dirty talk. Oh, it'll be hot.
My life's going to be perfect, I can't wait.