Could this get published?
So I finishedh the multi-poem. I'd like candid, direct comments on it, as I'm intending to send it in for a poetry magazine:
How does the form work? Do you think I should use different forms for some of the parts (parts split up in roman numbers)? Where does the enjambment seem to hinder the rhythm / work against the overal rhythm? Should I re-arrange some of the parts? Should I expand some of them? Should I shorten the length in anyone?
Do you think there could be better images to show the different kinds to see Sacred as? Do you think I should get rid of some of those I have? Should I include more parts?
Commets will be immensely appreciated. If I find some particularly helpful ones, if it gets published, you might just be included in a "thanks note".
Six Ways to Seem Sacred
I They seem unbroken now,
the broken, the broken,
the broken columns
in a reluctant dawn.
They are
the columns whose crippled corners are anything
but weary in the light
in broad beams,
in scattered beams falling
through the walls’
hole-a mouth to look through-at the top,
large and widening
As the rocks fall apart,
as the rocks fall apart,
fall apart,
fall apart; the hole widening, widening
around the stone's sig-sag
line.
II I notice another form
of flutter today:
the wind that sircles
the sky's empty corners
to which birds, to which
trees listen to too.
III Arcs,
arcs after water against rocks,
creates crescents
in the moonlight;
all left behind to prove it
is the shapelessness
of broken lines
in air.
IV Lilacs,
lilacs in the aftermath of rain.
V How the tip of a wing splits us apart
at sunrise; we are
where reality and illusion
meet, fraught,
but not too fraght,
with light.
VI -and how the light
of a streetlamp spreads as only
itself does;
the man who steps into, then out of
a light we call Sacred,
sacred
star.