(no subject)
Why is it that nothing can ever be right?
It's always as if when one thing finally comes together something else has to fall apart.
Maybe that's the way my life is supposed to be, where I'll never be totally happy. Because something bad will always happen or is about to happen.
I can feel the depression that according to my sick and twisted mother does not exist. It makes me sit around and thing about how my life is one big fuck up, one big thing I could have changed but didn't and I feel horrible afterward. Like I'll never be happy. I mean I can't, I guess I'm not like most people. Most people take what happens to them and try to figure out how it made them stronger and blah blah fucking blah. That doesn't fucking work for me, I don't see that, I see it for the big fucking mess that it is.
I just wish things were different. If I had different parents, ones that actually even cared a little tiny bit or actually loved me like I really wish mine would. If almost my enite family didn't hate me and didn't act like I don't exist. If I never met Dan and ended up in all that trouble. If I hadn't been hurt by him and met Ryan. If I actually visited my great grandmother before she died and actually said bye to her properly instead of being sad and mad at her for lying there dying. If I never fucked up Pat's life like I have for him now.
It's always as if when one thing finally comes together something else has to fall apart.
Maybe that's the way my life is supposed to be, where I'll never be totally happy. Because something bad will always happen or is about to happen.
I can feel the depression that according to my sick and twisted mother does not exist. It makes me sit around and thing about how my life is one big fuck up, one big thing I could have changed but didn't and I feel horrible afterward. Like I'll never be happy. I mean I can't, I guess I'm not like most people. Most people take what happens to them and try to figure out how it made them stronger and blah blah fucking blah. That doesn't fucking work for me, I don't see that, I see it for the big fucking mess that it is.
I just wish things were different. If I had different parents, ones that actually even cared a little tiny bit or actually loved me like I really wish mine would. If almost my enite family didn't hate me and didn't act like I don't exist. If I never met Dan and ended up in all that trouble. If I hadn't been hurt by him and met Ryan. If I actually visited my great grandmother before she died and actually said bye to her properly instead of being sad and mad at her for lying there dying. If I never fucked up Pat's life like I have for him now.